#scarybxnes

My @tolkiensecretsanta gift for @scarybxnes / @scarybxnesart  💖

Vampire: Am I afraid of death? Well, besides not wanting to experience a slow, drawn out death (like how my grandma did with her form of dementia, being hospital bound like that wracked with pain and no intelligent sense of awareness to one's surroundings is fucking awful and seared into my mind. If I ever become brain dead, affected with dementia, something awful that'd be out of my own control, I'd want someone to do me the mercy of killing me because that's a state worse than death, imo.) 

But I'm more afraid of how my death would affect the ones around me. How my death would still be an indirect responsibility to seeing them get hurt. I'm more worried of how they would struggle to live without me, my "soul" wouldn't be able to rest easily without knowing if and when they'd ever be okay.

Full Moon: Do I believe in reincarnation? Well, my spiritual views are nuanced and I've never been able to find a denomination that fits with my views of the afterlife. But I believe that the human soul is imbued with the capacity of free will and that the religion that we align ourselves with play a part in determining where we go. I believe in multiple dimensions, and I believe that human consciousness transcends into metaphysical realms that we could only understand better if we were to go there ourselves. But then again, most have never come back to be able to say what it's like besides some of those near-death experiences people had. I mean, once it's confirmed, you can't just simply come back to talk about it. I believe that human consciousness has the ability to change forms and some choose to come back as another form. If I have a choice, though, I would not want to be reincarnated (unless it's under different circumstances of how I died. Like, if I left children behind, I would want to still somehow be connected to them by being there for them and with them. Like, an animal companion or projecting my subconscious with them to be able to steady their minds when they needed my guidance.)

But in those other definitions of reincarnation, I believe that my life and my soul is my own and that I wouldn't want to be born again in this world by living through another person. My actions are my own, I will live and accept responsibility of those consequences, no one else should have to pay for it in my place; it sounds selfish and unfair to make them suffer over something that they had no say in.

Cauldron: Strangest dream or nightmare I've had? Pfft, too many to count. The most prominent ones are the ones I've had is now what I consider a subconscious figment that manifests when I deal with great stress and a sense of losing control in my life. I've had recurring dreams of a figure since I was 4 years d and very rarely have I dreamt about it now. I did a few months ago (about 4-7, actually). I used to think it was a demon back when I was more susceptible in believing in ghosts but now this is the answer I choose to accept. It makes an interesting concept for a monster in a story, though. Dreams in general are just weird, yo. You can interpret messages out of it but a lot were just subconscious thoughts playing themselves out in an absurd, seemingly nonsensical kind of way.

Tagged by @scarybxnes

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Ahh... I will not right now yes ;w;. Shy bun.

Disclaimer: You don’t have to do this tag if you don’t want to.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo  - I have at least one piercing - I have blond hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE:

I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smartphone - I own at least 15 CDs -I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS:

I am in a relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity- I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been a relationship- I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: