You're a Mean One, Signor Scrinch
To be sung to this old familiar holiday tune... bonus points if Scarpia's Leitmotiv gets worked into the accompaniment somehow.
You're a mean one, Signor Scrinch
You're quite the scheming man
You've got all of Rome a-trembling
You're dissembling with a fan
Signor Scrinch
You're a bad, bad baron with a greasy, black plan
You're a monster, Signor Scrinch
You're nasty as a boss
Make Sciarrone and Roberti
Mash your dirty applesauce
Signor Scrinch
And if you're not happy with things, just give Spoletta a toss!
You're a vile one, Signor Scrinch
Your ego needs a shrink
Though your act is all repenting
Non-consenting is your kink
Signor Scrinch
Abusing women this way is something you might want to rethink
You're a foul one, Signor Scrinch
You delight in loathsome vice
In pursuing Angelotti
You play naughty and not nice
Signor Scrinch
The thing that you deserve most for Christmas
Is getting stabbed
Once, twice, thrice!
You're a rotter, Signor Scrinch
And you ring a sinful knell
To please the Queen of Naples
Now the Papal States are Hell
Signor Scrinch
It's enough to make any self-respecting
Former Consul of the Repubblica Romana
Newly escaped from the Castel Sant'Angelo
Hide deep inside of a well
You nauseate me, Signor Scrinch
You thrive on squelching life
But this diva's brought a scorcher
To your torture and your strife
Signor Scrinch
Better not piss her off too much, now, or she'll give you the knife!
@rayatii and I were cackling over the incredibly ridiculous idea of Scarpia's heart growing three sizes larger through the power of Christmas, and once she lobbed this song title my way, I couldn't resist writing a few verses to go with. Hope you're all having an equally unhinged winter holiday season!