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I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my boyfriend and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood poured out of it like a fountain.- Floria Tosca
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You're a Mean One, Signor Scrinch
To be sung to this old familiar holiday tune... bonus points if Scarpia's Leitmotiv gets worked into the accompaniment somehow.
You're a mean one, Signor Scrinch You're quite the scheming man You've got all of Rome a-trembling You're dissembling with a fan Signor Scrinch You're a bad, bad baron with a greasy, black plan
You're a monster, Signor Scrinch You're nasty as a boss Make Sciarrone and Roberti Mash your dirty applesauce Signor Scrinch And if you're not happy with things, just give Spoletta a toss!
You're a vile one, Signor Scrinch Your ego needs a shrink Though your act is all repenting Non-consenting is your kink Signor Scrinch Abusing women this way is something you might want to rethink
You're a foul one, Signor Scrinch You delight in loathsome vice In pursuing Angelotti You play naughty and not nice Signor Scrinch The thing that you deserve most for Christmas Is getting stabbed Once, twice, thrice!
You're a rotter, Signor Scrinch And you ring a sinful knell To please the Queen of Naples Now the Papal States are Hell Signor Scrinch It's enough to make any self-respecting Former Consul of the Repubblica Romana Newly escaped from the Castel Sant'Angelo Hide deep inside of a well
You nauseate me, Signor Scrinch You thrive on squelching life But this diva's brought a scorcher To your torture and your strife Signor Scrinch Better not piss her off too much, now, or she'll give you the knife!
@rayatii and I were cackling over the incredibly ridiculous idea of Scarpia's heart growing three sizes larger through the power of Christmas, and once she lobbed this song title my way, I couldn't resist writing a few verses to go with. Hope you're all having an equally unhinged winter holiday season!
By tonight, Baron Scarpia will have been dead for 224 slutty, slutty years!!
Top 3 arias in Puccini's Tosca (according to me):
n.1 "Tre sbirri, una carrozza...Va Tosca (Te Deum)"
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
My French translation of @itsa-me-cavaradossiâs shorter Scarpia fic!
Va, Tosca! Nel tuo cor s'annida Scarpia!
Sherrill Milnes as Scarpia.
Design exploration sketches from screenshots under the cut.
Puccini's Te Deum is one of the villain songs ever
this might come as a shock to you all, coming from me, but i truly believe opera is the media ever
