#saying stop

That evening I ended up speaking with my fellow queer-bud, and told them what was on my mind. I was told that if I want someone to stop doing something, the only thing to do is to tell them to stop. I still don't know where that leaves me feeling about my little moral dilemma. I guess that if I tell someone to stop, I'm making them measure the need to make me comfortable against the need to do the thing that makes me uncomfortable. Both of which I imagine to have very low values. If they stop, then start again, I can ask them to measure their needs again by saying stop again. And again and again and again. If they repeatedly continue, I know what they value more and there is nothing more I can do.

I feel bad about giving an ultimatum, though. Even as weak as it is. I guess I feel bad about imposing my will on others in general. Maybe I'm only scared about that because I know the nuances of rethorics, and think the only way not to manipulate others is to not have an opinion, and stay as neutral and logical as possible... which probably isn't healthy, I should allow myself opinions and to voice them. But now that I think that, I don't know what opinions to have. I don't want to manipulate others, I know how horrible it can be to be manipulated. I think I do. I can't tell if I was manipulating myself or manipulated into thinking I was manipulating, to more easily be manipulated. Maybe we were just two human beings interacting? Maybe I can't tell what was the reality of the situation, but I'm starting to see the scars of it... Regardless, it's probably within my rights, and doesn't make me a hypocrite to ask someone to stop. To say the word stop... Probably...

In other news, I had a chat with the friend who was calling me "the man" and explained how I felt about it, and he agreed to stop, and didn't think any less of me for it. It's important I remind myself of that last part. Furthermore, he is working on a book, and while reading what he has thus far, I noticed a reference to that discussion we had and gender-fluidity. It made me happy to see him taking this to heart, and I told him as much. However, it didn't make sense in the context of the book, and I said that as well and suggested a slight edit. I was surprised to see how good he was at writing.

- Rune