#sasukepov

I didn’t go into the combini closest to me, instead I decided to take a walk through the village. I had a lot of time on my hands now anyway. There were new shops selling kuraama paintings and merchandise. Man, had the times changed. I wondered what my official title or job description was to the people of Konoha, or if they were even aware of my existence. I’d prefer it if my name faded away into history, that was a good end for me.  There was a gloominess settling over me that seemed to fill the street as I ambled along, my hand in my pocket. Before I knew it, I found myself circling around the hospital entrance. Clenching my teeth, I had to fight the impulse to walk away and put it off till later. Sakura was a medical kunoichi now. She had a busy day. The last thing I wanted was to interrupt something important like a surgery by declaring my sudden arrival. 

I eyed the clock on the wall in the waiting room, it was almost 5. She should be getting off about now, right? The receptionist was looking at me funny. She probably knew who I was, or worse, she thought I needed medical attention because of my arm. “Ano..”, I heard her mumble. I looked at her and spoke, “I’m not a patient. I’m waiting for someone-”  “Sasuke san, Sakura san is just getting done with her last patient of the day.”  I nodded awkwardly. Sasuke san. What would I say to her? I’d have to prepare myself. I could start with the usual- How are you, how’s work- Is Tsunade working you harder than usual? Should I call you sensei now?  I smirked at that last thought. She had always been smart, probably smarter than I was in school. But this was a whole new level- Doctor Sakura. I ought to congratulate her on her profession. What would I say next? I could tell her I’ll count on her for any medical emergencies I might have..  “Sasuke-kun??”  My face froze. I stood up to see the pink haired Haruno Sakura standing across the hall, sling bag and all. Her doctor’s apron was peeking out of the bag. She still had white shoes on. 

“Tadaima”, I said sheepishly. I don’t know why I chose to say that to her, but it seemed appropriate somehow. She’d been waiting for me to come home, her more than anyone. 

She crossed the space between us, smiling at me as she did, her gaze not leaving my eyes. She looked like she would cry any minute. I really did not want her to cry. “Should we go?”, I said, ushering her to the door, watching the receptionist from the corner of my eye- she seemed to be paying close attention to our drama at the moment. I hated that. Why couldn’t people just mind their own business.  Sakura was turning redder and redder by the minute. I can’t figure out why, for the life of me. I let go of her arm and slowed my pace to match her’s. Glancing at her from time to time was all I could do, as we walked side by side. She was tearing up, but not saying anything. I couldn’t bear her crying like that, but I had no clue what to say to her. I didn’t know where to start.  “How’s work at the hospital? Tsunade working you hard?”, I said to the air in front of me. Sakura looked down at her feet and murmured, “Yeah- it’s great..”  I grabbed the inside of my pocket furiously. This was going horribly. I was terrible at this after all. I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve let Naruto handle it.. 

“She’s driving me just hard enough! It’s a big deal to be head of the hospital you know? I can’t be allowed to take it lightly!” 

I looked at her face. She was chirpy and bright faced all of a sudden. There was a big, proud smile plastered across her little face. A small, unimpressive smile in comparison was spreading across mine, when Sakura looked at me and said, “Okairinasai..”  This time, my everything froze. How much confidence and emotional endurance could she possibly have. I found myself getting flustered, so I tore my gaze away from her’s just in time to see the tsukemen shop on our right. “Do you want some? You like this right?”  I didn’t know if I was right. This was a memory from our genin years together.  “Yes I do! You remember Sasuke-kun..”, she was blushing again. It wasn’t a big deal to remember something like that. I held her wrist and tugged her towards the shop just so we’d get there faster, immediately regretting the gesture. Every time I touched her, she turned beet red and looked like she was choking on a fish bone. It made me feel uncomfortable.  “I don’t know what’s good here- get one for me?”, I said. Sakura ordered for us both like she had done it a million times before. We sat at the counter silently, just feeling the intensity of each other’s presence.  I looked at her sideways, wanting to apologize to her for all the times I had let her down, wanting to tell her she doesn’t have to forgive me or be this happy to be eating with me. She didn’t have to be this loving and caring of someone like me. Sakura turned to me, her green eyes solid and unwavering, she said, “You’re going to ask me for anything you need help with. Even if you’re just bored, you’re going to tell me. Right?”  I didn’t make eye contact with her, but instead looked at the poster behind her, taking in the color and composition. She smelled of cherry blossom, like her name suggests. “I don’t want to bother you Sakura. You have a lot on your plate. You just take care of yourself- I’ll be fine..”  She looked annoyed suddenly. There was definitely a hint of annoyance in her face as the tsukemen arrived. Maybe it was too spicy? I slurped up my noodles, pleasantly surprised at how good my bowl was. “Is yours as good as this?”  She looked at me, still annoyed, “There you go again. Sasuke-kun. You’re not bothering me.. I want to help. Please don’t hold back.”  I turned back to my bowl, scared of that look on her face. “Hai..”, I answered. I saw her smile coming back. I was defeated. I mean, maybe she could get me soap when I wanted, that’s not a lot to ask. I didn’t have to refuse her help entirely, I just would stay out of her way overall. Sakura really could be overbearing sometimes. I paid for our food when we were done. 

As we walked out into the street again, I struggled to think of something to say to her without making things upsetting or serious. My eyes brightened as I thought of the perfect thing. “Hey- Naruto and Hinata getting married was pretty nice right. She always had a thing for him-”, I looked at her and continued, “How was the wedding, since I couldn’t make it..”  Sakura looked sullen now, though the words that came out of her mouth didn’t match her vibe, “It was so beautiful. They’re really cute together..”  I swallowed to get rid of the lump in my throat. This was getting more and more awkward. We were walking towards her apartment complex. She had moved here from her parent’s place it seemed. She turned towards me as we approached her block and smiled widely.  Then she said the most surprising thing, “Sasuke-kun. I know you feel indebted to me or that you need to be nice to me. You don’t have to do that.” Her eyes were clear, her voice firm. “You don’t have to hang out with me to keep me happy. I won’t bother you anymore. You just.. try to have a good life here in Konoha, please.”  I stared at her, dumbfounded. That’s exactly what I was going to say to her.  She looked down at her shoes and then back up again at me, her pink hair getting in her eyes. I really wanted to touch it. But that would make her uncomfortable and flustered so I didn’t. Sakura turned around to climb up the stairs.  “Wait-”, I pleaded.  She turned back around, looking severely taken aback. Did she think I’d stay silent through all of that? Probably. I had been no less than a revenge seeking machine before. The emotions struggled to be processed and leak out, even now.  “I- Sakura, you don’t bother me.. I-”, the words started to form. “I don’t want you to waste your time on me-” 

I wanted to beg her to stay away from me, to not depress herself further, to find somebody else to care for like she did me. But my eyes just took in her face, so earnest and small. She was such an amazing woman. Her cute, pink exterior wouldn’t give away how strong or talented she was at all. She didn’t deserve to be running around after me like this, even if she did love me.  I saw her give me a small smile, a resignatory one. This was it. She’d stop calling me or leaving messages with anyone for me. I would stop meeting her too. She’d find a way to move on from this mess. My eyes just wouldn’t leave her’s now. I don’t know why.  She seemed confused. I was confused too, I understand. I felt a sudden urge to ask her to stay. I felt ashamed for feeling that, and looked down to my feet.  My heart was pounding, as I tried to get the words out. I was scared. It was strange to be following my last sentence with this.  “If it’s not too much trouble- do you- would you like to help me..” I looked up at her, flustered at my own words, searching for the end of my sentence, “-set up my place. It’s all empty right now.. and um- I need to stock up on the kitchen-”  Yes, people did that. I needed to stock up on my kitchen.  She looked at me disbelievingly. She just stood there with a disgusted, sarcastic look on her face. But then she said, “Do you need me to cook for you? I’ll bring you a week’s worth of food if you want..”  I shrugged and grasped at words again. Her eyes were really boring into me now, for the truth it seemed. “No-I can cook. I just- you know- I can make food for us-” 

Why am I saying this. 

“Um.. sasuke-kun..”  Don’t call me that. This is the worst time to be saying that kun thing. 

I was blushing now, I could feel it. My cheeks were hot. “Why don’t you bring me something for the flat- It really needs some help right now. I’ll get started on dinner for us before you come- Saturday. You’re off early on Saturday?”  “Sasuke-kun! You really don’t have to-”  “I want to.”  We looked at each other for a few minutes, her searching, me trying my best to build a wall in front of my face that she could not penetrate. I think I did a pretty good job, she still looked confused. I was certain that she’d seen me blushing but that hadn’t thrown her off at least.  Sakura still looked like she didn’t really believe me, but she said, “Okay- I’ll bring some things for you. You like cats don’t you?” She smirked at me, knowingly. My mouth opened slightly in a laugh as my body relaxed. “Yes I do..” 

“Alright, I’ll see you Saturday- at 8..9..?”  “9 is good. I’ll have something cooked by then”, I smiled slightly, confidently. “Bye then. Sleep well- you earned it, sensei-” She laughed hearing that, a brilliant clear laugh and began climbing up the stairs. 

I walked away from the block, steering towards my shitty little apartment. Good, she’d bring me little cat posters then. And she’d be coming home for dinner at 9 pm this Saturday, what had I done. 

I was sweating when I reached my flat. This was the worst way to end the conversation. I asked her to my home, and I said I’d cook for her. What have I done. I looked around the flat, at the depressing blank walls and the dusty kitchen. That at least, the Sasuke Welcoming Team hadn’t wasted their time with. Probably a bunch of genins after all, no big deal.  I lied in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Sakura would be coming over. I have to cook her something really nice. I want to do something nice for her. 

I smiled a little to myself in the dark. I said out loud, “I’ll cook her your roast, Itachi. Forgive me if I fuck it up and order in from Wagamama.” I had distinct memories of Itachi going crazy in our kitchen with 4 course meals. If I was anything like my brother, and I knew I was, I could pull off this dinner for us too.  I had cooked for myself before, but it was hardly a meal worth sharing. Orochimaru’s hole had been my home for most of my life. I would have to adapt to the luxury of having a proper kitchen with an oven and other amenities. Well, I was a fast learner. 

I felt some excitement creeping up on me. I’d do something nice for Sakura. I’d make her happy, for a change. I hope it would make her happy.