#sasterdoodles

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I usually post much more lighthearted stuff but I'm so tired and I've been so tired for a long time now. I keep pushing back ideas of making more explicitly political art because in the past it's done nothing but bring me more sadness and it grinds my productivity to a halt.

However I feel I have a duty to make something, anything, about my view of things. Especially about a side of this I haven't seen others talk about yet.

And yet I feel I can't do much more than what I've already done from all the way over here. I fear for my loved ones back home, whether they're in marginalized communities or not. I support the protests I'm able to, and I try to laugh through my day so I don't end up in the fetal position on the floor at night.

My mom (jokingly) told me to seek asylum here if there's a way.

I don't want to make it seem like I've simply run away when my home started crumbling, I planned this exchange months, if not years, in advance. I know that I, as a highly educated, somewhat-well-off, white cis woman in a straight-passing relationship, have a lot of privilege here. Where and how I choose to place my body sends a message, I understand I have a duty to stand up for those who have stood up for us before and repeatedly get punished for it.

But how the hell do I do that when I'm all the way over here?

Is it worth it to come back and risk everything I've built for myself, risk potentially losing my status, my stability, my life?

If I stayed, it means that at worst, I could tell the stories of how democracy falls, and at best, I could come back to a more stable home with a brighter future, amplifying stories of the fight and how to win against a dictator.