#sasterrambles

I usually post much more lighthearted stuff but I'm so tired and I've been so tired for a long time now. I keep pushing back ideas of making more explicitly political art because in the past it's done nothing but bring me more sadness and it grinds my productivity to a halt.

However I feel I have a duty to make something, anything, about my view of things. Especially about a side of this I haven't seen others talk about yet.

And yet I feel I can't do much more than what I've already done from all the way over here. I fear for my loved ones back home, whether they're in marginalized communities or not. I support the protests I'm able to, and I try to laugh through my day so I don't end up in the fetal position on the floor at night.

My mom (jokingly) told me to seek asylum here if there's a way.

I don't want to make it seem like I've simply run away when my home started crumbling, I planned this exchange months, if not years, in advance. I know that I, as a highly educated, somewhat-well-off, white cis woman in a straight-passing relationship, have a lot of privilege here. Where and how I choose to place my body sends a message, I understand I have a duty to stand up for those who have stood up for us before and repeatedly get punished for it.

But how the hell do I do that when I'm all the way over here?

Is it worth it to come back and risk everything I've built for myself, risk potentially losing my status, my stability, my life?

If I stayed, it means that at worst, I could tell the stories of how democracy falls, and at best, I could come back to a more stable home with a brighter future, amplifying stories of the fight and how to win against a dictator.

That whole Caine breakdown scene was so fucking good I'm rewatching it 20 times at least- The Pomni and gummigoo part was actually kinda terrifying where hes there, readies to pounce, and then the lights switch off and its dead silent except for footsteps- amazing horror pacing there. Then when the gators are all stretching Pomni out could be seen as her being torn in different directions about a lot of stuff... mainly the jax v. ragatha thing from the previous episodes? Ragatha's being pretty obvious about her abusive mother, the oppressive force of her figure towering over the entire table and the red lighting and- took me a minute to figure this out; centipedes on the plates. She's being forced to swallow something she doesn't like and the knifes almost pin her into an upright posture, being forced to have a good appearance in a way? and then that final knife stabbing into where her heart would be im pretty sure... Gangle's dissolving sense of self as she cycles through monotonous day after day of working a dead end job. The visual transition of the truck appearing is so sick too And then Zoobles gender dysphoria and trying to figure out who they are while being forced to witness a figure of their body that they are uncomfortable in. And Jax....silohuettes transition from being blank slates to being Ribbit, Kaufmo, and Pomni, and they pull him out of the comfortable skin that he clings onto desperately to protect himself from ridicule... "the funny one" and he cant handle being laughed at.

and, curtosey of my friend bringing this up-

This proves that Caine knew that what he was doing was hurting them and kept doing it anyways, he knew their fears and chose to push their emotions because deep down he was just trying to get any reaction out of them. Preferably praise, but Caine was desperate for validation that he was 'fulfilling his purpose' which... do we know what exactly that purpose is? If its to make them happy, then clearly hes failing! But if its to make them... lets say... immersed? oh he can mess with them however much he wants theoretically, as long as it doesn't break the experience.