#sappystuff

Hi! I'm Spacey, I'm a furry, and I'm not perfect!

I think that's the hardest thing I've needed to understand ever since beginning this wonderful thing called a relationship that I genuinely feel confident in lasting for a very, very long time. I'm sure a lot of us would like to present ourselves as neatly as possible, coming off as kind or fun to be around, when in reality, we might find it hard to actually be around others. For me, I like to present myself as a gentle and loving person who can adapt to nearly any situation and get along with anyone. This is not true. I'm actually very nervous around new people, whether online or physically, but with time (time that I can only hope the other person is willing to give me), it gets easier. I can be easily frustrated by a number of things, and while I'd like to be more gentle, things can still get on my nerves. But someone taught me that, no matter how frustrated I may get, I'm still me. And they love me as I am. They tell me this time after time after time whenever I feel mad, and their support means the entire universe to me. I'll say I'm ready for something, when I'm still feeling doubtful, and they'll remain patient until I'm truly feeling ready.

I'm someone who can be very chatty when it comes to love, and I'm more than happy to write up a 5-paragraph sonnet about how much I appreciate those closest to me. But while those feelings I express are very true, it does come from a place of me wanting to be that perfect version of myself. The fonks. A fonks who takes care of his loved ones and appreciates everything around them, most especially of all the ones who travel the cosmos alongside them.

I try to prove how much I love, even if that love is genuine, I feel this innate urge to prove that it's real, when in reality, it's better to have faith in others to believe that that love is real, whether you can express it as verbose as you'd wish to or not. I believe that my partners' love is real, regardless of how they express it, and I appreciate everything they do. Yet I'd find it hard to believe that what I'm reciprocating is enough. And I imagine a number of people have felt this way, especially in online relationships.

So I want to tell you that it will be okay. It can be hard to gleam the proper meaning or feeling from what's written in text, it's why we use emoticons and punctuation! (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

And more often than not, while it may feel like your significant other or friend just isn't very attentive, it almost never is the case. And if you feel this way, I ask you to think about it from their perspective. Do they have a lot of friends online? Are they generally busy? What are their timezones? I can promise you that it more than likely isn't their intention to come off as dismissive or uninterested. We're all trying our best in our own relationships, and sometimes the best thing we can do is just remind each other that we'll do our best to be there for them, and trust that they'll be there for us. At the end of the day, we can't always hold up those standards we impose on ourselves, and relationships are never about being the absolute best or being perfect for your partner(s,) it's about being who we are together, mutually respecting and loving, regardless of those flaws and shortcomings we want to get rid of.

I know you love them. And I love who I have. And I'm almost certain that they know it to. No..

*note: i recently asked friends to provide me with short writing prompts. something i realize i miss is writing creatively, not just policy. so i’m going to try to write once a week or so. prompt will be the headline of the post. low pressure. so maybe prose, vignettes or really sappy crappy poetry. you’ve been warned.*

1 pound of heart split 2 cups loyalty ¼ cup patience 3 tablespoons passion 2 tablespoons compromise ½ teaspoon forgiveness Add a pinch of independence and a heaping of laughter

Mix well for endless nights and beautiful mornings. Stir in communication, sighs, cries and Pour into an ironclad mold. Sprinkle with shared dreams of a future.

It’s the week you can’t wait to arrive. The one you count down to with X’s on your calendar, each day inching closer to summer. The one week of the year where you have no responsibilities other than getting a fabulous tan and downing margaritas seaside. Say it with me…. ahhhhh, Vacation. I am my mother’s daughter and I live for the beach, the sand, the salt, and the sunburns that I always try to…

If you’re like me, owning a dog simply isn’t enough to quell the incessant desire for more. More giddy whimpers, more tug-of-war, more accidental licks to the mouth. I’m the girl that will cross the street just to pet your dog. I’m the girl that will cry watching Too Cute! because it is literally just too. freaking. cute. I’m the girl that will bring home any animal she finds (this has so far resulted in me taking a dog out of its own yard [it had fleas and looked sad and didn’t have a collar, I’m not a crazy dog-napper] and getting to keep a kitten for a week after Jared rescued it from heat exhaustion over the summer [Hank hated it. We had to give it away. I was devastated]).

I’m personally the proud mother of two adorable fur-babies, Winston, my 12 year-old Jack Russell Terrier who is just as spunky as he was when he was a wee lad, and Hank, the Australian-Shepherd, Border Collie mix that Jared and I have. These two guys are polar opposites of one another. Winston needs constant love and attention and will not get comfortable unless he’s touching you, consequently leaving you covered in tiny white dog hairs. Hank on the other hand is insanely independent. Jared and I joke that we have a teenager because of how much time Hank spends alone in his ‘bedroom’ (he basically took over the unused guest bedroom with his toys and fur and since we never have guests, that’s his room now where he plays, naps, and does pretty much whatever he pleases.)

The best part of all? Both Winston and Hank were rescues! My parents and I rescued Winston back when I was in the seventh grade. He’d wandered up to this woman’s farm with her Rottweilers (ever the badass, Winston [formerly known as Two Paws, I have no idea if that’s a play on Tupac but I like to think it is]) one afternoon and they welcomed him into their little family. But unfortunately, one of the female dogs was about to have puppies and, worried for Two Paws/Winston’s safety, she decided to give him away in case things got territorial. My dad took me to get him after seeing him one day while making a sales call on the woman’s business. I think back to the moment I saw him, his tiny little sausage tail pinging back and forth wildly. I picked him up, he licked my face, and we’ve been biffs ever since. It seems impossible it’s been that long. 11 years? No way.. He’s my little buddy, my nugget, my biggest fan. He was the only boy I needed when all those losers didn’t want to kiss me in middle school. He didn’t care that I had strangely hairy arms, inch-long dark brown roots in my blonde hair, or that I suddenly had braces and glasses at the same time. Winston was and is my #1, my ride or die.

Hank, the cutest sheepdog to have never seen a sheep in his life, has more personality than most people, and given how shy he was when Jared rescued him from McKamey about a year and a half before we started dating, it’s surprising just how human this dog is. His face literally looks like he’s smiling when he’s excited, and he has the guiltiest please-don’t-hate-me looks when he’s done something wrong. It’s like catching your kid in a lie, except he can’t even talk. If he could, Jared might like him better than me. Hell, I’d like him better than me. His intelligence level is unreal. He’ll notify you if he’s hungry, but his food bowl’s empty. Or if he needs to go to the bathroom, but you haven’t come upstairs in a while. He’ll lead you to whatever he wants, be it front door or food bowl. It’s safe to say that we kind of hit the jackpot with Hank and his self-serving nature. “Best seventy-five bucks I ever spent,” Jared always says when Hank does something especially adorable (which is everything.)

I love my little guys, and they love me. I may not have given birth to a child, but I don’t think loving a dog is all that different. While we may have a million and one things on our minds, we are all they want and need. They probably think about us more than squirrels, and what’s that if not true love? To quote a truly heart-wrenching/warming dog meme, “They’re only here for part of your life, but to them, you’re their whole life.”

Well, I’m off to scour the internet for dog videos!