#samdalton

I walked through the quiet penthouse, a box of Mickey and Mason’s completed school work, science projects, and tests weighing down the plastic box in my arms. Balancing the box on my hip, I opened the hall closet door, and it was packed full of things. Memories. I smiled softly with a shake of my head, kicking the door closed with my foot. With a sigh, I walked towards Sam’s home office. There has to be room in here. I set the box on the hardwood floor, tucking a loose piece of hair back into the bun sitting on the top of my head.

I walked from cabinet to cabinet, my eyes scanning the labels of paperwork, ledgers, and books, until a white box that was tucked neatly into a corner caught my attention. I kneel down to get a closer look and reach out to trace over the delicate and flowing cursive writing, Wedding and Memories. I closed my eyes as my breath quickly left my lungs in surprise, Eva. I look over my shoulder at the open office door, then to the watch on my wrist. I have time before anyone gets home… Chewing on my bottom lip, I sank down to my knees, pulling the box out of the cabinet and onto the office floor. I held my breath, listening carefully for any sounds in the quiet penthouse before I slid my fingertips underneath the lid and slowly lifted it, ignoring every single warning sign that was flashing through my determined mind.

I can handle this… right?

When I take another shallow, shaking breath, my senses are hit with the faint, delicate smell of jasmine. The first thing my eyes fall on is a wedding photo, and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I slowly reach into the box, carefully picking up a stack of old photographs. I run my thumb over Eva’s perfect smile, as my eyes admire a very youthful Sam, who is looking at her like she just hung the moon. Eva’s beautiful almond hair hung long down her back. Her blue eyes are the color of the sea… I don’t realize that I am crying until a single tear falls and blurs the blissful couple's faces. I pinch my eyes closed and quickly wipe at them with the back of my shirt sleeve. I flip through the top few photos, all of them portraying a life filled with happiness and love. My fingers trace the broad smile that Sam bears in each one. Photo after photo of effortless kisses, easy smiles, and candid laughter. A simpler time, when love was young and free. Uncomplicated.

I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears silently trail brazen paths down my cheeks. When all of his firsts were just that… firsts. When I reopen them, I set the photographs down softly on the wooden floor beside me, the images shaking in my unsteady grasp.

I push the heels of my hands into my eyes. Maybe you should just leave this alone… put all of this away and be done with it… but I knew… I knew I would be back. When I lower my hands, a folded piece of paper catches my attention, Eva is written across the front, in Sam’s handwriting.

My mind races, once you cross this line, there is no going back… A sense of resolve settles over me as I reach for the folded letter, slowly opening it to expose the words written inside. And I read.

My loveliest Eva,

You always told me you loved love letters. Well here is my first love letter to you. The woman of my dreams, the woman that holds my entire heart. You are what dreams are made of and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our souls were made for each other. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I am thankful everyday that you chose me. —

I tear my eyes away. Closing the letter in my shaking hands. My breathing is shallow and quick as panic blooms in my stomach. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my senses telling me I am no longer alone. I turn towards the open door, and a somber looking Sam rests his shoulder on the door frame, his strong arms crossed tightly across his chest. The air is thick with tension as his eyes scan my face than the open box sitting on the floor beside me. His eyes finally settle on mine, the silence stretching on as he waits for me to speak first. I watch his jaw clench, and his Adam’s Apple rise and fall.

I look down at the folded love letter in my hand, my grip wrinkling the paper. My gaze lifts back to his dark eyes and his brows are lowered.

“Hi.” My voice sounds small as I search his face.

“Hi.” He responds as he slowly steps into the office.

“You kept all of this.” I look down at the box before lifting my gaze back to his.

He shrugs his shoulders slightly as his eyes scan my face. “You know how much she meant to me… and the boys.” He says quietly.

“Well, I thought I did. But I’m starting to get a better idea now.” I look down at the letter in my hand. “You were so happy.”

He kneels down at my side, taking my free hand in his. “Ana, I’m happy now.”

When I meet his eyes again, I can tell he believes his words, but is it actually true? He hasn’t experienced all of these firsts the same way I have, his first engagement, his first marriage… his first wedding night. I search his eyes before pulling my hand from his grasp, looking down at the photographs.

“Our love is nothing like this. It’s complicated… tainted.” I whisper the last word as shame fogs my mind.

“Ana-“ his voice is a warning.

I hold my hand up to stop him. “Sam… I believe you are happy. But… not like this.” I reach out and pick up one of their vacation photos, the look in his eyes makes my heart ache. The love, the devotion, the ease, is written across every laugh line on his face. Laugh lines that I didn’t give you.

I drop the letter in the box and reach out to grab the photos, setting them neatly back inside the box. I can feel Sam's gaze on me as I place the lid back on the box, pushing it carefully back into its hidden spot in the cabinet. His silence is speaking volumes as the beat of my heart pounds in my ears.

I reach up and swipe at the moisture on my cheeks. “It's movie night. I am going to see my dad.” I brush past him avoiding his gaze. He grabs my wrist bringing me to a stop. “Don’t Sam.” My voice cracks.

He drops his hold and I walk out of the room. Silence.

I tap my toe to alleviate my toiling anxiety while I play with my wedding rings on my finger. I open my compact mirror noticing how red and puffy my eyes are from tears. I close my eyes but I find little relief, as the photos of Eva and Sam flash across the blackness. The elevator dings open on my parents floor and I walk quickly to their apartment, the click of my heels echoing on the marble tile. I pause outside of their door, taking a deep breath. Just try to forget about it.

“Hi, honey.” My mom calls from the kitchen as I unlock and open the door.

I clear my throat. “Hi. How is he?” I ask, as I set my bag on the counter and slip out of my pumps.

She looks up from the New York Times with a sigh. “He will be glad to see you.” She studies my face for a moment. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” I manage a half smile to try and alleviate her worry.

Her brown eyes linger on me. Please don’t ask. Her face falls as her lips settle into a thin line. I purse my lips and turn away from her, taking deliberate steps towards my father’s room. He is laying down with his eyes closed, his gaunt frame barely recognizable from the tall, strong man that lives now only in my memories and in photographs. My eyes dart over to Emily who is looking at her charts intently.

“Hi.” I say softly, pausing and leaning on the door frame.

Emily’s head snaps up and her face softens in a smile. “Ana. Movie night tonight, right? I was just about to take this off.” She gestures towards his oxygen mask.

“Movie night.” I give her a smile. “And, I’ll do it, Emily. Thank you.”

“You got it. Let me know if there is anything I can do, I will give you guys a moment.” She makes her way towards me, giving my forearm a light squeeze before she walks out of the room.

The steady tick of the machine is the only sound in the room as I make my way over to where my father is resting. I place my hand on his shoulder and his emerald eyes flutter open. The wrinkles that frame them from countless happy memories, immediately deepen as I gently remove his mask and his lips turn up into his signature toothy smile.

“Apple.” He takes a shallow breath.

My chest tightens. “I just can’t seem to stay away from you, dad.” I smile, a genuine one, I think. “Ready for movie night? I was thinking we could watch the first Rocky movie tonight, what do you think?”

“Yes.” Breath. “That sounds.” Shaky breath. “Good.”

I lay down next to him, curling into his side and cuing up the movie. I gently rest my head on his shoulder and I let out a shaking breath.

“There is.” Breath. “Something wrong.” Breath. “I can tell.” His voice is quiet.

I lift my head from his shoulder and meet his eyes, which are filled with so much sadness. Do my eyes look the same way? My heart yearns to shoulder it all for him, but I wonder if I have the strength to carry it all. “Dad, it’s nothing worth talking about, or worrying about. Now hush, this is one of my favorites too.”

I put my head down and close my eyes as tears begin to gently fall down my cheeks. I hear my phone vibrate on the nightstand but I ignore it. This is where I need to be right now... I think.

I attempt to knead the knots out of the back of my neck as I take the elevator ride up to the penthouse floor. My pumps are dangling from my fingertips. I glance at my phone for the time and ignore the 9 unread texts from Sam, midnight.

I sigh as the doors open to the foyer. The cold travertine floors greet my stockinged feet with a shock, and I silently curse this goddamn penthouse. As I round the corner into the living room I notice a lone floor lamp on, illuminating Sam as he sits quietly on the couch nursing a glass of scotch.

“Hi.” He murmurs.

I come to a stop in the entry to the large room, my mind running through all the things I should say to him. I feel like you loved her more than you love me. Am I second best? Did she make your days brighter than I do? Did your family love her more?  Instead I wrap my arms tightly around myself, trying to calm my racing heart while our eyes dare the other to speak first. An involuntary shiver travels up my spine, this time of year it always feels so cold in here, the chilled New York fall air breaking the glass barrier of the windows.

“You shouldn’t have left like that earlier.” He looks down as he swirls the golden liquid around in his glass, watching his liquid courage before he brings it up to his lips, tossing back what was left in the crystal tumbler.

My blood heats at his words. “I don’t think you are in a position to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.” I curl my hands into fists at my side.

He clenches his jaw, his stormy brown eyes rising to mine. “What do you want from me, Ana?”

“Trust me, I wish I knew.” I spit with venom. I can feel my heart racing as my feet stay firmly rooted.

“I can’t change my past. I can’t change that I had a life before you.” His tone is even and measured. His strong chest rising and falling underneath his worn Henley t-shirt.

“I know that.” I pinch the bridge of my nose in irritation as I realize this is going absolutely nowhere. “But, Sam, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You don’t look at me the same way. We don’t have the same pure origin love story. Our love story is tainted and complicated.” I take a breath as my voice breaks.

He stands up in one fluid movement and takes long strides until he stands right before me. I look up, my eyes scanning his broad chest, his lips, finally settling on his chocolate brown eyes. “Ana, baby, that is all in your head.” He reaches out and cups my cheek, running his thumb across my bottom lip. I instinctively lean into the intimate gesture, my eyes fluttering closed as an illicit spark flows between us, even though every fiber in me is telling me to pull away. “I love you. You are my entire life now.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. Maybe it is all in my head… I open my eyes and he is watching me closely. “I’m sorry.” I whisper, but I know the apology doesn’t reach my eyes, and I wonder if he notices. Judging by the lopsided grin that spreads across his face, I’m guessing not.

He pulls me tight against his chest, and I can hear his heart beating in the dark and silent room. I take a deep breath, inhaling the pure smell of Sam as he runs his hands up and down my spine. I open my eyes as my cheek is still pressed to the flat planes of his chest. This fire sprung inside of me, as an ember of recognition grows. There is a word for this feeling… jealousy. I pinch my eyes closed. The weight and reality of this emotion hitting me hard. I am jealous of Eva and I have no idea what to do about it.

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I walk towards the curtained window that is the only thing that separates us from our loved ones that mingle on the other side. I pull back the sheer white fabric and peek out, everyone has been seated, the St. Patrick's Cathedral standing tall over the garden that is adorned with greenery and white roses. The ivory spires a stark contrast against the blue of the sky.  I hold my breath as Sam, Mason, and Mickey emerge from a side door, Sam’s eyes find mine through the window with a lopsided grin. I turn back towards the sound of Justin’s voice as he claps his hands.

“It’s time, ladies. Bridesmaids, follow me.”

Jenny ghosts a kiss across my cheek. “See you out there.” She turns and follows Justin out of the room.

“Don’t lock your knees, a dear friend told me on my wedding day, it makes you faint.” Penny gives me a quick hug. “You look beautiful, Ana.”

“Thanks for the advice.” I laugh as she steps away, following Jenny. I turn to Monica, who is dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

“Don’t you dare start crying, Monica.”

She gives me a rueful smile. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy for you. I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through together, that I am standing here as your maid of honor on your wedding day.” She walks up to me grabbing both of my hands. “I love you so much.”

“Now, Ms. Maid of Honor.” Justin chimes.

“I love you, Moni.”

She wraps me in a quick hug before she walks out of the room. I peak out of the window again, watching as Monica takes Robin’s arm and they make their way down the aisle, a blush on Monica’s cheeks. I internally roll my eyes before I hear a soft knock on the door behind me.

I turn and I see my father.

“I was told to come get you.” His face lights up in a smile. “You look so beautiful, Apple.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I walk over to him and gently take his offered arm. My eyes linger on the lace detail of my dress, until I feel his eyes on me.  I lift my gaze until our matching emerald eyes meet.

“My dear, sweet, Anastasia.” He pauses as he dabs at the tears that are welling in his eyes, his voice soft. “I am the luckiest man alive to have you as my daughter. I am so unbelievably proud of you. You will have everything you want in this world. I knew it from when I first held you in my arms. I knew you would take it all, and hold it tight. You are one of the strongest people I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

I felt the tears in my eyes. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, Ana.”

“It’s time.” Justin says as he pops his head into the room with a smile.

“Well, shall we?” My dad asks with a grin.

“Let’s do it.” I smile up at him as we walk out of the door arm in arm. I could feel the small tremors in my fathers arm as the aisle and all of our guests came into view. Everything fades away when I see him though, standing at the end of the aisle under a white rose covered arch, his smile wider than I have ever seen it.

At this moment, I know that this is love. I can feel it in every single fiber of my being. Sam’s smile grounds me, as my father and I walk down the aisle together. We come to a stop and my dad turns me towards him.

“Anastasia, I love you.” He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my cheek.

“I love you, Dad.”

He squeezes my hand one last time before I turn around and I take Sam’s outstretched hand, that all too familiar electricity arced between us, the instinctive recognition that we had been made to fit together perfectly. I look down at the twins that are standing on either side of him and they flash me a big smile and a thumbs up. My gaze draws back to Sam’s dark eyes as I step up and he squeezes both of my hands in his.

I do not hear a word the pastor says as I get lost in his eyes, noticing how the sun reflects the specks of gold. My eyes drift down to his lips as the corners lift up in a small smile. He turns away from me for a moment and I see Robin hand him something. When he turns back towards me, his face has softened.

“Anastasia,” he says as he slides my wedding band onto my finger. He pauses for a second and I watch his Adam's apple rise and fall. "You once asked me if I was a believer in fate. I wasn't. But I am now because of you. When you walked into my office I had no idea that my life was about to change forever. Your persistence and stubbornness and brilliance and beauty brought me to my knees after only knowing you for a few months. And now here we are. I know that we can get through anything together, I know that we're strong enough together.

"I'm crazy about you and I can't wait for our future. I can't wait for our lives together with you as my wife. You make me want to be a better man for you. You are the air I breathe. You are the dreams I dream. You are the light of my life. I'm consumed by your brilliance and beauty, inside and out. I'm the lucky one. And I don't know why you picked me. But I'm grateful every day. When I wake up every morning and see your face, I'm reminded that I am the luckiest man alive. All that is mine is now yours. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this moment on as long as we both shall live.”

I try and fail to blink back tears.

“Don’t cry, my love.”  He reaches up and runs his thumb softly across my cheek. “I hate seeing you cry.”

“They are happy tears.” I laugh softly. I take a deep breath before I turn around and Monica hands me Sam’s wedding band. I tuck it into my palm before I reach out for his hands, our fingers intertwined again in front of us. His thumb rubs the back of my hand and a sense of calm rushes over me. I get lost in his magnetic brown eyes before I speak the truest words I have ever spoken.

“I will spend my whole life loving you, Samuel.” I pause as I slide his wedding band onto his finger, goosebumps rising on my skin. I take a deep breath and my eyes lock on his. “There is no me without you. You have been my rock, my safe place, since the moment we first met. I knew, in that moment, that my heart was yours and yours was mine. Sam, I love you with everything that I am. When I look at you, I still get stars in my eyes. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I love you more and more each day. You have brought more joy into my life than I ever thought was possible, between you and your incredibly loving boys, my arms are full, but my heart is fuller.

“You have consumed my every thought, my every dream. You have pierced my soul. I want to wake up beside you every morning. I want to spend every evening looking at you at the dinner table. I want to fall asleep next to you every night. You are the source of my joy, the center of my world, and the whole of my heart. I love you, Sam and every fiber of me I give to you for as long as we both shall live.”

Sam takes his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes shine with unshed tears. He shakes his head slightly, whispering a silent, ‘god, I love you’.

“Samuel, do you take Anastasia to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold until death do you part?” The pastor says.

Sam smiles down at me. “I do.”

“Anastasia, do you take Samuel as your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold until death do you part?”

“I do.” I can barely contain the excitement in my voice.

“Then by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

“Finally, you’re mine.” He smiles and pulls me into his arms pressing a heated kiss to my lips as our guests erupt in cheers. To hell with etiquette. I grab his lapels and deepen the kiss as his hands slide down my body pulling me against his chest. Whistles sounded from where our bridal party was standing, but I didn’t care. When we finally pull away from each other I can feel the blush that has creeped up my cheeks. I reach up and touch my lips as Sam looks down at me. My chest tightens at the look he is giving me and in this moment, I am absolutely, irrevocably, happy.

“We’re married.”

“Yes, we are.” He bends down and scoops me up in his arms, carrying me down the aisle as I laugh. I caught my mom's eye as tears fell down her face. Mickey and Mason run up besides Sam, and together as a family we walk into the groom suite. He sets me down on my feet and I take a step back, allowing me to kneel down and pull Mason and Mickey into my sides for a hug.

“Mom, that was so pretty.” Mason’s smile was wide.

“Yeah, it was perfect.” Mickey nodded with a matching smile.

“Oh boys, thank you.” I looked back and forth between their handsome, smiling, faces and pulled them back into a hug. “I love you boys, so much.”

“We love you, too.”

A soft knock interrupts the moment and I look over to see Robin standing in the door with a smile. “I was told to come and get you for photos.”

I look back and forth between the twins, “Are you boys ready to go take some pictures?”

“Only if we get to do one goofy one.” Mickey chimes.

“I would expect nothing less.” I say standing up.

They turn and run out the door and I take Sam’s hand, twisting our fingers together. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Let’s do this, Mrs. Dalton.”

“I really like the sound of that.”

“Me too, baby.”

***

“Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Dalton!”

I scrunch my face up with a smile, feeling giddy at the fact that I am officially his and he is officially mine. Sam grabs my hand and holds it in the air as we walk back out to the garden together to the raucous applause and cheers from our guests. The space that once held our ceremony had been transformed for our reception, and I made a mental note to thank Justin, because it was spectacular.

Sam gives me a twirl before guiding me over to our sweetheart table. He pulls out my chair and I flash him a grateful smile when he sits down next to me. I hear the clinking of silverware on a glass and I look over to see Monica giving me a coy smile. I lean in and press my lips to Sams, our eyes lingering on each other as we slowly break away.

I hear someone clear their throat over the speaker and Sam and I turn to see Robin holding a mic and grinning at us. I cast a nervous glance over at Sam.

“He better not say anything embarrassing.” I whisper.

“Knowing him he is definitely going to say something embarrassing, and I’m probably going to have to apologize.” He sets his lips in a thin line as Robin begins his speech.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” He pauses for effect with a lopsided grin. “You know, Sam isn’t my brother by blood, but him and I grew up inseparable until his parents were gracious enough to take me in. Him and I have been through a lot together and for the longest time, no one knew Sam like I did. Now? It’s a different story. The lovely Ana is probably the only person at this point that knows Sam better than I do. She’s the only person to really get him to break down his walls. It’s probably the fact that she is so damn beautiful.”

I spit the champagne that I was sipping back into the glass. What in the actual fuck, Rob. A few people laughed nervously, my eyes flicked to Mason and Mickey who were talking between each other and fortunately didn’t hear it.

“Or maybe it was the whole boss/hot nanny thing, I mean sneaking around, the forbidden aspect of it. It’s hot, who could resist? I know we can joke about it now-“

Sam clears his throat and I know I am blushing furiously.

Robin laughs. “Sorry, Sam, but honestly, anyone who knows these two can tell it’s a deeper connection than anything physical. I’ve never seen a couple that cares so unconditionally for each other. I knew when these two met, that it was going to be impossible to tear them apart. Ana, I love you like a sister and Sam, I love you man. I look up to you and I am so happy that you finally found someone that makes you as happy as you deserve to be. You two are adored by all and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Cheers.”

Sam smiles and shakes his head as we clink our glasses together. “I’m so sorry.” He leans down and  whispers in my ear.

“Well that’s going to be hard to follow.” Monica steps up and takes the mic from Robin who flashes her a wink and she blushes. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Monica. I have been Ana’s best friend since we were… hmm 3?” She pauses as there is a small laugh. “We were inseparable until our passions took us to different grad schools, and then she moved to New York. I still remember the day that Ana first told me about Sam, I also remember the obstacles that faced these two if he really was as special as she said he was.

“These two have faced insurmountable obstacles, but have come out on top. Ana. You are my best friend, the sister that I never had, and you deserve the absolute best. I know without a doubt that Sam is that for you. You each bring out the best parts of each other. And I am so lucky to be a witness to your love story. Sam, you have proven to be worthy of my best friend, treating her with the love and respect that she deserves, make sure that never changes. With that, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple, cheers to Ana and Sam.”

I give Monica a grateful smile as she raises her glass at me. The rest of dinner passes by in a blur of joyful laughs and tears. Mason Senior's speech brings smiles to everyone’s face as he recalls an embarrassing story about Sam, and after my fathers speech, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. Sam's hand remained firmly in my lap as his fingers toyed with the rings on my finger. Our occasional stolen glances were only outnumbered by the delicate kisses we shared. Just when I didn’t feel like my heart could get any fuller, he would look at me like that, and my chest would tighten.

When the live band signals the start of the dances, a tinge of sadness hits me as I realize this perfect night is inching closer to its conclusion. I look over at Sam, taking his offered hand with a grateful smile. He leads me onto the dance floor, lifting his arm and twirling me gracefully into his strong chest as the live band begins to play our song. The smell of his cologne, the warmth from his body, and the ethereal atmosphere, make me feel like I am living in a dream.

The band's singer croons out the lyrics to Can’t Help Falling In Love and my heart feels like it's about to burst. I lean back slightly so I can look up into his eyes. “Today is perfect.” I reach up and cup his cheek.

“Today is the best day of my life.” He responds as he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead.

I rest my cheek against his chest, as he softly sings the lyrics.

“Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes somethings are meant to be...”

He lifts his hand and twirls me around again before dipping me and bringing me tight to his chest again.

“So take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you.” He sings against my lips, our swaying long since forgotten as everything else fades away.

As the sweet melody fades away, everyone erupts in cheers and whistles, but my gaze lingers on his deep brown eyes.

“I love you, Sam.” I whisper.

“I love you, Ana.” He whispers back.

Mason and Mickey are at our sides a moment later, and the band starts an upbeat version of ‘You’ll Be in My Heart’. I grab Mason’s hand and spin him around. The sound of his laughter rings out over the music as we dance as a family of four.

***

I close my eyes and focus on the steady beat of his heart. The sounds of the city far below us, as we slowly sway to a rhythm only in our minds.

“Well, I think today could not have been any more perfect.” His voice was low.

I look up into his dark eyes as a gentle smile plays on his lips, his fingers trace delicate circles across the back of my neck.

“It was absolutely perfect.” I smile and rest my cheek back on his chest.

I look around the now-empty rooftop garden, clinging to the final moments of my wedding day, as sweet memories flash through my mind.

“You are the most sensational woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I cannot believe that you are finally all mine.”

I sigh. “Mrs. Dalton has a great ring to it.”

He wraps his arms around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze.

Movement at the edge of the garden catches my attention and I see Mickey stepping out onto the rooftop.

“Mickey.” Robin and Monica appear behind him and he ushers Mickey back inside. “Not tonight, buddy.” I hear Robin murmur as he puts his arm around Mickey’s shoulder. I flash Robin a grateful smile and he winks, disappearing behind the curtained window.

“So what’s next Mr. Dalton?” I ask as I lean away from him and look up into his deep brown eyes.

His hands drop down to the small of my back, pulling my hips into his.

“Forever.”

“Yes, definitely. But I can’t seem to help myself. Besides, it was Sofia’s idea.”

She perks up at this information, her mouth setting into a thin line as she raises one sculpted eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“She said you’d know what to do, since you helped her prepare. And it was ‘uncouth’ for Dalton Enterprises to have an empty seat at the table.”

I watch hope flash through her emerald eyes as the corners of her lips teased up in a small smile.

“What about the boys? We can’t leave Mason and Mickey by themselves.”

Ah, yes, but that is why I have Carter.

“Carter already said he can keep an eye on them.”

“Okay, but…” She looks around her room, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth, until I see a sense of resolve settle over her. “Sam, I’d love to be your date tonight.”

“Really?” My smile widens, things just keep getting better and better...

“Hell yeah! Or something more appropriate for a fancy gala… most delightedly?”

“Honestly, I don’t care if you’re appropriate or not. I’m just glad you’ll be there.”

“So… what exactly does one wear to a fancy event like this?”

“Funny you should ask… I thought it’d be nice if we matched tonight.”

I bring the dress from behind my back and the gold sends flashes of light across her face. Her lips spread into a genuine smile.... So beautiful…

“It’s beautiful…” She whispers as she lightly runs her fingers across the delicate fabric.

“You’re beautiful.” I say without hesitation. “Doesn’t matter what you wear. But I do think you’d look particularly stunning in this. I am going to step out and give you a moment to change.”

She looks up at me as she takes the dress, whispering a quiet okay.

The door clicks behind me as I step out. My eyes look over to Mason and Mickey who are whispering something between themselves at the end of the hall. When they catch me staring, they run into the living room. I shake my head with a smile, trouble makers.

Eager to see Ana in that gown I turn around and knock softly on her door. She calls out ‘come in’ and I open the door slowly.

“You ready?” I ask before my eyes land on her.

“You tell me.” She turns to face me, squaring her shoulders with a confident smile.

I stop in my tracks, letting out a sharp exhale… fucking breathtaking. My eyes scan her body, starting at the stilettos strapped to her feet curving her long legs up, the slit in the dress showcasing her toned leg. My eyes continue up to the deep V in the front, showcasing the soft curves of her breasts and the delicate skin between them. Then finally they settle on her face.

“I was right. You’re stunning.” I take two long strides until I am standing right in front of her, resting my hands on her waist and slowly trailing them down the curves of her hips. “Fit’s like a glove.”

Her breath catches as our eyes meet. “Sam…” She whispers as a blush spreads across her cheeks.

I reach up and run my thumb across the velvet skin of her cheek, losing myself in her eyes as my chest tightens… this is way more than just infatuation…

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as a text comes in, bringing me back into the moment. I clear my throat taking a step back, and I watch her let out a breath.

“We should head out.”

“Right. Don’t want to be late.” She grabs her clutch off of her dresser.

I give her a rueful smile as I intertwine our fingers together. “That, and if we stay here a moment longer, I don’t think I will ever be able to bring myself to leave.” And I want to show you off tonight.

“… Oh.” Her blush spreads further across her cheeks. That delicious blush is going to be the death of me, it’s like a key to your true feelings.

“Come. The limo’s writing for us.” I pull her out of the room, leaning into the feeling of being elated for the evening ahead.

***

We trade glances as the limo drives us through the city streets. I fight every urge in my body to run my hand up the length of her dress to her most private place, keeping my hands firmly placed in my lap.

When the limo pulls to a stop outside of the gala, my eyes dart outside, noticing the throngs of reporters. I take a steadying breath before our driver opens the limo door. I step out first, turning back and offering a steadying hand to Ana as she gracefully exits the limo.

That's when the lights started flashing, these snakes expected me to show up with someone else… I hope she can handle this.

I place my hand on the small of Ana’s back as she leans into me.

“Whoa. The press is even crazier than at your engagement party.” She says just loud enough for me to hear.

“Just smile and nod. That’s what I always do.”

She leans back and I look down at her with a warm smile. I offer her my arm, and she links hers through mine.

“Sam! Sam Dalton! Who’s your date? Where’s Sofia Russo?”

I feel Ana tense on my side and I pull her closer.

“She’s got such style! Look at that gown…”

I glance down at Ana and she has a smile on her face that could drop any man to his knees.

“Give us a quote, sweetie! What’re you doing here? What happened to Sofia?”

“No comment. Now, if you’d please excuse us…” I guide Ana confidently through the paparazzi, looking down at her and mouthing a silent ‘sorry’ as we step away from the mob together.

“I can see why Sofia prepared so much for tonight… I didn’t realize this party was such a big deal!” The confident smile that played on her lips is now replaced with a look of worry.

I stop, pulling her into my chest. “Ana, I’ve thought about taking you out on a night like this for a long time. Now that we’re finally here, I’d really like to focus on us, not Sofia. Because you…” I lean back and scan my eyes down her delicious body. “…are all I can think about. Deal?”

That lovely smile returns to her luscious lips. “Deal. No more Sofia talk. Let’s head inside and enjoy the evening.”

She takes my hand and we walk side by side into the ballroom. This feels so incredibly natural…We make our way to our table and my stomach drops when I see my parents already seated. My mothers eyes widen as she looks over to my father. I see a flash of disappointment on his face.

“Ana? What a… delight to see you here. You look wonderful in that gown.” Her gaze softens.

“Thank you.” Ana responds confidently.

“Where’s Sofia?” My father asks gruffly. Great manners dad…

“She wasn’t feeling well, so she stayed home. Luckily, Ana was free to help us fill the table.”

“Lucky, indeed. You know how it looks to have an empty seat.” He manages to give Ana a smile before turning his attention back to the room.

“Are we expecting someone else?” Ana looks up at me.

“Unfortunately, Robin couldn’t make it at the last minute either. But never fear, Mason’s old secretary should be along soon to take his place.” My mother waves it off with her hand… Robin not showing up to a party?

“You weren’t kidding about this empty seat thing.” Ana leans in and whispers in my ear.

“Yeah, if you buy a table at an event like this, you’re expected to fill every seat or you might get frozen out next time.” I whisper as my eyes fall on hers. I lift my gaze to scan the guests that have begun to fill the room and my eyes land on Miles Houston.

“That’s Miles Houston. I recognize him from Sofia’s flashcards… Why are we staring at him though?”

Intuitive, god you are impressive.

“I’ve been trying to convince him to collaborate with us on a new project, but he’s notoriously un-schmoozable. Care to help me change that?”

“It’d be my honor.”

She takes my arm and we make our way across the room.

“Samuel. You’re looking well.” Miles extends a hand, which I shake firmly before turning to Ana.

“You too, Miles. Ana, I’d like you to meet Miles Houston, a fellow technophile and unrepentant geek. I’m hoping he might brainstorm with me someday.”

I watch his eyes scan up Ana’s body and I bite the inside of my cheek.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Do you work at Dalton Enterprises as well?”

“I… freelance alongside the company in a limited capacity, but I’m inches away from committing full time.” Clever girl…

“Oh? Why do you say that?”

“I love how the waste and energy efficiency are top notch.” She pauses, pushing her shoulders back. “It’s important to be conscious of your environmental impact, even on a small scale. Like how after a company event, Sam himself stayed behind to recycle every last can.” Her eyes flick to mine, and I wonder if she can tell how proud I am of her at this moment.

I turn my gaze back to Miles as she catches him by surprise. “It’s hard to find a CEO willing to do the work instead of cutting corners. “

“We do what we can. It’s our responsibility to set the standard.”

“It is helpful to see Dalton Enterprises from a different point of view… and the way you describe it seems rather idyllic.” Miles tips his glass of champagne at Ana as his brows raise.

Gotcha.

“As you know, we’d love to bring you onboard. You could be instrumental in making sure we hit our environmental goals with the latest Nightingale update.”

“I admit, I’ve been on the fence, but after tonight… I’ll be in touch.” He looks at me with a nod.

I reach out my hand, trying to hide the grin that is spreading across my face. He shakes it, and as he walks away, I turn to Ana.

“I can’t believe you just schmoozed the un-schmoozable.”

“Turns out, it’s pretty easy when you study everyone’s life story for a full day. Speaking of…” Ana gestures over my shoulder and I turn to see Selene d’Torte standing at our table, having what appears to be a heated discussion with my parents.

“We’d better rescue them.” My eyes flick down to Ana and we make our way back to our table.

My father is visibly upset as we approach. . “Selene, you can’t just back out like this out of the blue. It’ll make the other shareholders panic!”

“That’s not my responsibility. I just want to sell my shares and be done with the whole market.” I can tell Selene is uncomfortable.

“Pardon the intrusion. It’s good to see you again, Selene. May I introduce Ana Schuyler? This is her first gala, and I’m trying to show her a good time.”

Selene turns towards Ana and her face softens slightly into a smile.

“I couldn’t help but overhear… Are you really going to sell, Ms. d’Torte? Dalton stock has been so stable recently, even trending up.” Oh, Ana, I hope you know what you are doing…

“I just don’t trust the game anymore, I wouldn’t expect you to understand…” She trails off as fear flashes across her face.

“I understand, and it reminds me of something Kierkegaard said.” Ana smiles. “‘Life must be understood backwards, but lived forwards.’ If you dump all your investments now, you’ll just be living ‘backward’.”

“I did feel like I had a talent for investing, but I was so wrong with MediShade…” Selene takes a small step back.

“Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, but life is about observation and adaptation. That’s all philosophy is, right? Distilling education from experience?” Damn you’re good.

I clench my jaw to keep it from dropping to the floor.

“Jonathan Swift did encourage us all to live every day of our lives, and I think he meant to take risks.”

“Exactly. I’d hate to see you lose confidence in your judgment of one mistake.”

I can see the moment that Selene’s mind has been changed because of the smile she gives Ana.

“I suppose it would be hasty to make a decision right now. Sam, let’s meet next week to discuss this further.”

We shake hands and after a polite goodbye, she retreats back to her table.

“That was…” My father is at a loss for words.

“Impressive.” My mother finishes for him.

“That was Ana in action.” And I am more impressed than I ever believed I could be…

I heard the music change and against my better judgment, all I want to do is have her in my arms.  I look over at her and extend my hand.

“Dance with me, Ana? You’ve more than earned a break from all the shoptalk.”

“I’d love to.” She places her hand in mine and I lead her out onto the dance floor. I pull her to my chest and we sway together, the rest of the room and all the guests fade away.

“I don’t really know how to waltz… or whatever this is.” She whispers softly.

“Just follow my lead. Or I could follow yours, if you’d prefer.”

“Meaning what? If I twerk, you will too?” She laughs softly.

“Something like that.” I squeeze her hand in mine and lean closer to whisper in her ear. “This is our night, Ana. Not theirs.”

“In that case, I’ll follow your lead.” She murmurs in response.

I intertwine our fingers together with my right hand while placing my left hand on the small of her back, drawing her closer to me. The smell of jasmine and Ana overtaking my senses, as I feel her body melt into mine.

“Just relax. As long as you stay loose and let me take control, it’ll be easy.”

“You say that like letting you take control is easy for me.”  Her melodic voice ringing through my ears.

“Do you prefer to be in control?” Arousal stirs through me.

“Mmm… I like when we take turns.” She says as she squeezes my hand.

“... Duly noted.”

I pull her even closer to me as we dance in time to the music, I can feel her body tensing up as she steps on my foot.

“Whoops! Was that your foot?” I see a blush rising on her neck.

“I’ll survive. Don’t worry about the steps, Ana. Just look at me.” I encourage her. She leans back slightly and her emerald eyes meet mine. She is looking at me like I hung the moon and my chest tightens. She starts to loosen up and I take the opportunity to spin her around the dance floor. The intense feelings I am having for this woman grow exponentially in this moment, as I watch her dance and her face light up.

“Wow. I didn't think I had it in me.” She looks up at me with a grin but I can’t return it as the war of emotions rages on inside of my head. “What is it?” She whispers as worry flashes through her eyes.

“Walk with me?” I say quickly.  I need to get her alone before I change my mind…

I hold her hand and lead her outside onto a secluded balcony, as soon as the door closes all the noise from the gala disappears.

“Something on your mind?” She asks quietly as we walk towards the railing.

“Honestly? I just wanted you to myself for a while. Ever since we got here, the other guests have been swarming around you, drawn to you…” My voice fades as I turn to her, so beautiful in the moonlight. The gold of her gown highlights every single curve that I dream about every night. “Not that I can blame them, especially in that gown.”

“It’s not that special…” She blushes.

“You are what makes it special. You’ve made this whole night special by just being here. It’s like you’ve grown up surrounded by all this. You’re in your element, and you shine.” I shake my head.

“You may think I belong here, and you’re right.” She hesitates for a moment before her emerald eyes shine bright into mine. “I feel like this is where I’m meant to be. By your side. Nowhere else.”

I reach up and rest my hand on her cheek. “I can’t help but wonder if you’re right… like everything that’s happened between us since your interview was fate. And I don’t even believe in fate.” I lean towards her, drawn to her magnetic pull, our lips only a breath away from each other. The smell of champagne is lingering in the air between us and my eyes scan her face, and linger on her pink lips.

“What if someone sees-“ She says breathlessly, her gaze shifting down to the floor.

“I don’t care.”  I place my index finger softly under her chin and lift her eyes to mine. “Right now, all I care about… is you.”

I ignore the alarms going off in my head, warning me to stay away from this beautiful woman, the duty and responsibility mantra that has ruled my life for far too long… I can’t resist her anymore… I don’t want to resist her anymore… she whispers my name, and the sound coming from her lips is all I need to close the gap and press my lips to hers. I part her lips with my tongue and the familiar taste of Ana fills my senses as our kiss builds in intensity.

Her body melts into mine as I pull her tight against me. My lips leave hers as I trail kisses down her neck and my hands find her hips as I pull her even tighter into me.

“Sam…” She moans as her head falls back.

I have completely lost control, as every single part of my body craves every single part of hers. I guide her backwards until she is pressed between my body and the railing, her breathing growing quicker.

I slide my hands down her waist until I feel the slit of her dress on her thigh. I trail my fingers across the soft skin of her inner thigh, her breath hitching in her throat.

“Ana, I want you… but I can’t keep stopping myself. You have to be the strong one here. If this isn’t what you want, tell me to stop now.” My voice husky as my lips graze the shell of her ear. I can feel the desire pulsing through my veins.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” She presses soft kisses along my jaw until she’s right below my ear.

“Fuck…” I whisper. I pull back as our eyes meet, her eyes burning with desire and I can feel the heat that is coursing through her veins.

“Sam… don’t stop.” Her voice pleading, and any sliver of hope that I might have had as to control myself, is gone.

My lips are on hers again and I wrap my arms around her slender body, relishing in the feel of her. Our kisses deepen. The heady combination of Ana and champagne lingering on her tongue.

“God, you’re perfect…” I whisper against her lips. My hands travel down to the curve of her ass and I pick her up. She takes the clue, and wraps her legs around my hips as I trail kisses down her neck. “Tell me what you imagine when you touch yourself at night, Ana. Do you think of me?”

I grind my hardness against her and her breathing intensifies as her head lulls back.

“I imagine you being my hard, strict boss.” Her eyes are dark as she focuses on me. Oh you naughty little thing…

“I told you that I wanted your panties on my desk by midnight.” I narrow my eyes at her and her breath hitches. I bring my hand up to her hair, threading my fingers through the long brown strands, before I clutch a fistful of it. I pull her head back just enough to expose her neck. “Care to explain why they aren’t there, Miss Ana?”

I bring my mouth to her neck, nipping and licking as she moans against me. With my hand still in her hair, I bring my other hand to the bare skin of her thigh, trailing my fingertips across the sensitive skin. “Or should I skip straight to punishing you?” I growl.

“I’m… sorry…” She says between breaths.

My fingers find her center and I can feel the wetness pooling through her panties. She is completely at my mercy as my fingers dip beneath the delicate lace fabric, stroking her wetness. God, she is soaked for me. “I’m going to have to discipline you for disobeying.”

I remove my hand, giving her peachy ass a quick, sharp slap. She gasps at the contact.

“I can… still get them for you.” She moans.

“It’s too late now. I need the real thing, not just the little piece of fabric you rubbed against all day.” Moans escape her lips as I suck on her throat, desperate to mark her and claim her as mine.

“I dreamed about this, before we met… the night before our interview…” She says breathlessly.

“About us?” I lean back from her slightly and my eyes widen at her admittance.

I watch a smile play on her lips as she snakes her hand down and grabs my cock that is uncomfortably hard in my dress pants.

“This, right here.” She says coyly.

I close my eyes and groan as she strokes her hand up and down my arousal. Fuck, that feels so fucking good.

“Sam, let me touch you.” She whispers in my ear.

“You don’t have to-“

“I want to. I want to feel how much you want me.” Her lips curve up in a smile. Where have you been my whole life?

I set her down on her heels, leaving my hands settled on her waist. She reaches for my belt, and I watch her delicate hands as she unbuckles it quickly and unzips my pants, easing some of the pressure on my cock. She slips her hand inside and my breath hitches in my throat.

“Ana…” I moan. Fuck.

She wraps her hand around my hardness and pumps her hand up and down.

“Is all this for me?” She purrs.

Fuck, yes, beautiful, it’s all for you. “Yes… only for you.”

The soft skin of her hand continues to work up and down and I fight back every urge I have to come right in my pants. This woman is going to unman me.

“Ana, if you don’t stop soon… I’m going to…” I say between breaths.

“Would that be so bad?” Her voice drips with desire as she watches me unravel.

I tighten my grip on her waist as she continues stroking me, her thumb circling around the tip and spreading the moisture around the head.

“Ana…” I warn.

“Sam, I need you. Now.” Her emerald eyes find mine.

My eyes search hers for a moment before I lower myself between her legs, pushing the skirt of her dress up and pushing her panties to the side.

“Finally…” I whisper as her perfect cunt is finally bare before me. I lean in and press my tongue to her warm, bare skin. And her taste is just as sweet as I imagined. She moans as I flick my tongue against her clit. I reach up and press my thumb and her body writhes under my touch. Her hands grab onto my hair and I feel her body tense as she nears the edge.

“Sam, I need…” Her moans fill the silence. Her hands find my shoulders as she urges me closer.

“I need you too.” I lean back and look up, her lips are open as she breathes frantically, her head tipped back. I stand up, reaching behind her to find the zipper to her dress. I pull it down and her dress pools at her feet.

“Hurry.” She whispers. Her fingers push my jacket from my shoulders. Then with shaking fingers she unbuttons and pushes my shirt off.

“So demanding.” I smile as I pull her near naked body into mine. Her eyes roam my chest and my abs and her eyes darken even more. “See something you like?”

“You have no idea.” She smirks. She reaches for my cock again, pumping me. A moan escapes my lips as the pleasure courses through my body.

“Ana… Ana… Ana…” I warn her, you are too damn good with that hand. She lets go and moves my boxers all the way down to my feet. When her eyes finally land on my bare cock, her breath hitches in her throat.

“I had no idea that was the situation we were dealing with. I…” She hesitates.

Oh beautiful girl, you have never been with a real man before, have you?

I reach up and run my thumb across her plump bottom lip and her gaze shifts to mine.

“Trust me, it’s the perfect size.” She takes her bottom lip between her teeth. My fingers travel down to the apex of her thighs as she grinds her hips into my touch.

“Sam… let me serve you.” Her throaty moan escaped her lips as she dropped down to her knees in front of me. Oh my god…

“Ana, you don’t have to-“ But fuck I want you to.

“Don’t you dare try to take this away from me, Sam Dalton.” She looks up at me through her long lashes. My eyes never leave hers as she darts her tongue out and licks the length of my cock. My hands tangle into her hair as she opens her mouth and wraps her pretty pink lips around me.

An instinctual growl escapes my lips as my head falls back. Fuck, your mouth feelsso fucking good. I moan her name and lightly pump her head up and down my length. I can feel myself nearing the edge, and there is no way I am finishing in her mouth. I give her hair a small tug and bring her lips to mine, pinning her against the railing.

“That felt… but I need to be inside you.” My lips brush hers.

I stare into her eyes as she nods her head, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. I lift her into my arms and she wraps her legs around my hips. I can feel the tip of my cock teasing her entrance.

“Ana, are you sure?” My eyes search hers.

“Yes.” She smiles as she pulls our bodies closer together.

I bring my lips to hers and thrust my hips forward, surging into her. Fuck, she is so fucking tight, god I have dreamt of this moment for so goddamn long.

She gasps and her body trembles around me. I pause for a moment before I start moving in and out of her. Her hips start to move with mine and our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

“Yes… don’t stop…” She moans, her forehead resting on my shoulder as her breathing increases. Every logical thought goes out of my mind as my body starts to move harder and faster against hers. I feel her fingernails digging into my back as she tightens around me.

“Ana, I’m going to…” I say breathlessly, as my body nears the edge.

“I’m close… so close…” Suddenly, I feel her explode in my arms, her head flying back as a cry escapes her lips. She clenches around me and suddenly I am diving over the cliff with her. I lose myself in her perfect little cunt as she calls out my name and I call out hers.

I hold her close as my heart rate slows. I feel her breath on my neck, and her arms are still wrapped around my shoulders. She picks her head up off of my shoulder and I take that as my cue to softly place her back on her heels.

Wordlessly we both hurry to slip back into our clothes, all of those warnings come rushing back.

What the fuck did you just do…

Damn it, Dalton.

My thoughts are a jumbled mess as I button my shirt and tuck it neatly back into my dress pants.

“So… now what?” Ana breaks the silence as I see her glance over at me.

“I… guess we slip back into the gala?” I have no idea what will happen next...

She smiles softly… “Is that a question?”

“I don’t exactly have a protocol in place for something like this.” I force a smile.

“I hope no one notices.” She bites her lip in uncertainty as she glances at the balcony doors. “We’ve been gone a long time…”

My head starts to spin as the sound of her moans echo in my ear.

Have I completely lost control? This is all just a pipe dream… fantasy…

“Yeah, we should get back in there… back to the real world.” I clear my throat. “I’ll, uh, go in first? We probably shouldn’t walk back in there at the same time.”

“Makes sense… I’ll wait a few minutes.” Her tone is disappointed, but I can’t handle that right now.

I glance at her one last time, giving her a curt nod. I move towards the door, before turning to her one last time. Say something to her, ass hole.

“Ana, I…”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine. We can talk later.” She turns her back to me and fixes her gaze on the city.

“…Okay. If you’re sure.”

I unlock and open the balcony door, slipping back into the gala. No one spares me a second glance as I make my way back to the table. My head spins as I take a seat.

“Is everything alright, Sam? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I look up and see my mother giving me a worried look.

I clear my throat. “Yes, yes. I’m fine.” I reach up and straighten my tie, shifting my gaze to my plate.

“Hey, dad. I heard someone got their appetite back.” I swung the bag of ice cream onto the counter with a thud.

“Chunky monkey?” My father smiles, and I vow in that moment to make my dad smile every chance I could.

“As if I would dare to get anything else.” I gave him a crooked grin as my mother walked back into the kitchen. “So, who was that?” I asked, reaching into the cupboard and removing three bowls, lining them up in front of me.

“Oh, just a guy here to help us with some paperwork.” My mom answered quickly.

I scrunch up my face with a dry laugh. “‘Paperwork’? Could you be any more vague?” The room settles into a long silence as I grab spoons out of the drawer. “Are we talking insurance?” Silence. I turn to look at my parents, who were looking everywhere but at me. “What’s going on?”

“Apple. Breath. “I signed a DNR.” My father admitted quietly as his eyes met mine.

“Thomas…” My mom warns.

“Wait, I’m sorry, what?” Panic fills my veins.

“I signed a-“

“Don’t. Don't say it again.” I interrupted him, putting my hands up as if his words were a weapon I was trying to defend myself against.

I put my hands on the counter to support my weakening knees. Everything started spinning and the walls felt like they were closing in on me. I looked up into my dad's matching emerald eyes and they were glistening with unshed tears.

“Why?” I finally managed to ask.

“Ana, it’s not a decision that has been taken lightly.” The defensiveness in my mother’s tone catches me off guard.

“So, I wasn’t included in this conversation?” I take an involuntary step back.

“Ultimately it was up to your father.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” I look between them.

My parents share a look.

“You were seriously going to keep this from me?” My voice cracks as my lungs struggle to take a breath.

“Apple.” My father’s tone is sad as silent tears slowly fall down his cheeks. “I’m so tired.”

“But what happens if I’m not here? What if I don’t get a chance to say goodbye?” My words are rushed.

“Ana-” My mom tries to interject.

“No, mom.” My voice hitches as tears start to build. “You are always here, what happens if I’m not? He just dies and I am left with the fact that I didn’t get to say goodbye to my father?” I turned my attention to my dad. “Don’t you want to say goodbye to me?”

My father looks down at the floor.

“Unbelievable.” I murmur. I turn around and walk away, and neither of them try to stop me.

There is a cold, biting, fall wind that whips at my tear stained, exposed cheeks when I step out onto the sidewalk. I take a deep breath, letting the cold air fill my lungs. I turn and walk, with no destination in mind, to try and clear my head in the fresh air.

When I unlock and open the door, the apartment is quiet. My father is sitting at the window looking out at the view of the city.

“Hi.” I say quietly, placing my hand softly on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He sighs as his eyes find mine and I sit down on the sofa next to him.

“I know you are upset, Apple.” My father says slowly as he takes breaths between each word.

“Dad, you don’t have to-”

He holds a finger up to silence me. “Let me tell you a story.”

I nod as he turns his wheelchair to face me.

“You have always been fierce.” He laughs softly.” When you were a baby...” He closes his eyes and smiles for a moment before his eyes meet mine again. “You gave us a hell of a time. You wouldn’t sleep, unless one of us was holding you. I insisted on taking the night shift, so your mother could rest. All night, I would hold you. Sometimes I would go for a walk, the fresh air would always calm you down if nothing else worked.

“Eventually you grew out of it, but I had gotten so used to watching you sleep, that I would stay in your room for hours, just in case you needed me again.”

His story is punctuated with shallow, shaking breaths every few words. He looked down and took a big gulp of air as the tears started falling from his eyes.

“I’m dying, Apple.” His voice catches. “But that doesn’t mean I will ever leave you. Whether you get to say goodbye or not, I will always be with you.”

I reached over and grabbed his hand as my tears fell.

“Dad, I don’t want to say goodbye.”

His lips turn down. “I know.”

I put my forehead on his knee as the silent tears turn to sobs.

“Apple.” He says softly.

I lift my head to meet his burning emerald eyes.

“I am tired.” Breath. “Of suffering.”

I nod my head slowly in understanding as I wipe at my tear stained cheeks. “No more secrets, okay?”

“Deal.” He says quietly.

“I love you, dad.”

“I love you more, Anastasia.” He smiles.

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