#samblackblog

“Hello” you answer, half expecting your mother’s voice to be checking up on you.

“How are you today?” Sarah’s voice hits your eardrum like music, relief it’s not your mother washes over you.

“I’m good,” You yank the leggings on while you hold the phone between your shoulder and jaw “Just struggling to get dressed” you laugh.

“Oh good! You’re up.” Sarah exclaimed excitedly down the phone, instantly causing an anxious feeling to rise in you.

“Why do I not like your tone?” You question as she lets out a squeal, “Sarah?”

“Don’t be mad-”

“Don’t give me a reason to be.”

“Lighten up” she jokes, “I thought you could do with a day out, I could drive us to Port Angeles-”

“No” you cut her off. Sarah stays silent, “Sorry that was rude, I just don’t like shopping” you offer in explanation “Besides, I have no money” which was the truth, payday wasn’t for another week or two.

“Ah, I forgot you’ve only been at the job for two weeks...”she trails off, disappointment present in her tone.

“We could go for a hike? Make the most of living on the edge of a national park” You ask, giving her an alternative which is met by a disapproving sound of disgust.

“Not only is it cold and wet and miserable but…well, I told some other friends they could come shopping. So, I kinda have to go now...” You could go and spend no money, but where was the fun in traipsing around a city watching everyone else shop. Your heart sinks when you realise your only friend here has other friends, ultimately meaning you will be alone all day.

“No, no, that’s cool. I’d have loved to, maybe we could do it again after pay day?” You tried to hide the disappointment, not wanting to put a damper on Sarah’s day.

“Promise me you won’t go out hiking alone, the forests are big and-”

“Okay, okay. I won’t. Besides, the rain just got heavier” you point out as you watch it come down thick and heavy against your bedroom window as you plonk yourself into the bay seat. “I might have a reading day, we both know I am in need of a restful day.” you muse, hoping to satisfy her. You aren’t one for lying but you feel restless and don’t know how long you can just sit here for.

“Okay,” she isn’t convinced, you can tell, but leaves it at that “call if you need anything”

“Yeah, will do.” You both hang up.

Curiosity gets the best of you as you sit for a few minutes staring at the exact spot where something had been last night. Without properly thinking it through you rush downstairs to the backdoor, you shove a pair of boots on and pull a raincoat over yourself before beelining for the trees, fueled by intrigue. The rain feels heavy and hot as it hits your face. It causes the grass to squelch and turn to mud beneath your feet, making the journey treacherous as it threatens to pull you over every step of the way.  Carefully you make your way to the spot, your eyes flitting from the trees to the forest floor, to the grass for any sign of something being here. But the rain has erased all traces of the animal from the night. You push forward into the trees. The rain, although heavy, hasn't penetrated the thick canopy and therefore the ground is more or less intact. However it does feel damp underfoot, with the odd drop splattering here and there. The pine needles no longer have the same satisfying crunch as usual. Again your eyes traverse the landscape, searching for a sign. Nothing. Again. You would feel defeated if it wasn’t for the other feeling, or was it a thought? Telling you, urging you further into the forest to find answers. For some reason the thought of the big empty forest didn’t scare you like it once had. The promise you’d made Sarah lurks in your brain. You’d agreed not to go hiking alone, technically though this was an exploratory mission and you weren’t far from the house. Besides, you’d been in with Frank and your Mother. You shrug to yourself and set off further into the unknown with renewed determination.

There were signs of broken foliage, but that could have been from the last time you and Frank had been through, or some other hikers. Only when your thighs felt the burn did you stop, noticing the slight incline in your journey. You don’t remember going uphill with Frank, are you lost? Continuing the uphill climb, you soon heard the sound of running water. Knowing no source of water ran near the house, you realised you must have been miles off course. Only when thinking about how long you’d been out did you notice the hunger in your stomach having not had breakfast or lunch before leaving the house. Would you be able to retrace your footsteps? We’ll go in a straight line, walk for an hour, you’ll be in town. Frank’s voice echoes around your head from the last walk. If that had been a straight line from the house, your journey today certainly hadn’t been. It is too risky trying to navigate your way back. Instead you head for the water, following your ears, which was probably the smartest thing you could do in this situation. If they end up looking for you, they’ll look near water or any other big landmarks, hopefully it won’t get to that. Hopefully you’ll stumble across one of the Olympic hiking trails and find a sign, if you follow the water.

What had been the sound of trickling water has grown into a burbling as you emerge on the moss covered banks of the small river. The water cascades by rocks and under a fallen tree, all of which is covered in the same vibrant green moss as the banks. It is breathtakingly beautiful. If it wasn’t so calming, panic would have grown at the sight of the untouched location, at the realisation that you could still be miles from anywhere with people and lost. You sit down on the moss covered tree, looking as the water winds its way downhill. Reaching into your back pocket you retrieve your phone. Of course there is no signal, that’s to be expected, thankfully you were more interested in the time.

“Holy shit.” you gape at the phone, seeing the device display the time as sixteen hundred hours. “I really have been out here for hours…” you tell the surroundings, not sure as to why you voiced the thought allowed. You really did need to head back, and fast, if you didn’t want to cause more panic and terror for your family. Would it be quicker to find the source of the water and hope for a road and hitch a lift or try and retrace your steps? You study the river, which barely qualifies as a river, the banks couldn’t be more than a meter apart which meant the source was close by. Abruptly you stand and decide upon crossing the water, using the rocks as stepping stones. Carefully you make it across the water to the other bank. Your boot hits the damp moss and slips, plunging your foot into the cold water which fills your boot.

The silence of the forest breaks with the sound of footfalls and tree branches in the distance, your cold wet foot was the least of your worries. Was the animal you’d spent all day looking for suddenly tracking you? Quickly you push yourself off the ground, as you think you hear someone call out your name. Your head snaps around to face the side of the river you’d been on not a minute ago as it sounds again, this time you were certain it was your name. The reply catches in your throat as the feeling of giddiness engulfs you, your cheeks blush at the realisation of who it is. He doesn’t need your reply to find you because he emerges on the other bank quick enough.

“What are you doing?” You smile, meeting his worried expression. He crosses the river using the same stepping stones but at a faster pace than you had used making you think this wasn’t his first time here. He moves confidently as if he knows the forest like the back of his hand. He cups your face with his big hands, turning your chin to see every angle and then turns his attention to your hands. You didn't realise your fall had left your palms grazed. Only now focusing on the pain your hand reaches for your left cheek seeking out the graze there.

“Why are you out here?” He asks, a gruffness to his voice you had yet to hear. The question takes you back, confused by the nature of it.

“Why are you out here?” You repeat, as he ignored your question the first time. He gives you a glance if to say don’t be childish, before breathing a sigh of relief.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He ignores the question again as he pulls you into his arms holding you tightly against him, as he places a kiss on the top of your damp head and takes a deep breath in, savouring your scent. You were happy to let the obvious avoidance of your question go, for the time being, knowing the conversation was probably better suited elsewhere. “Let me take you home” he says softly, his voice deep and hypnotising.

You pull away from his body to look up at his face, “please” you laugh “I’m lost.”

Paul rolls his eyes. “I know.”

“How?” you pout, not liking how he seems to know your business.

“Did you mean to be here?” He looks around to prove his point while stepping aside to allow you to cross back over the water.

“No.” You state as you gingerly place a foot on the first stepping stone, feeling Paul’s eyes watch your feet. “But all the best places are found when lost.” You tease as you cross to another rock.

“Is that so?” He tries to joke back but his thoughts seem far away as his concentration is on making sure you don’t slip again as he follows behind.

“Well, all the great explorers were lost before they discovered places and things.” You point out, comfortable to babble nonsensically as you reach the other bank and place two feet firmly on the ground. “Anyway, I think it’s rather beautiful here” You turn to look at the surroundings again as Paul joins you on the banks.

“I’ve seen prettier,” he states. You notice from your peripherals that his eyes are trained on you, not the location. A blush creeps onto your cheeks as you try to ignore the growing tension but eventually you turn to meet his gaze.

“You’ll have to show me this prettier place sometime” you tease, earning a chuckle from him. He extends his arm out offering his hand to you, hesitantly you take it realising Paul is the first guy to hold your hand. Embarrassment creeps into your body language causing him to ask if you’re okay. “Mhmm” you respond, not knowing how to act natural anymore.He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before being playful and calling you out.

“I can let go if you’d like” he says quietly, feigning a sulk as you walk side by side. “Guess you don’t want boy germs” his eyebrows raise to emphasise the point. You don’t bother answering, finally comfortable. Twenty minutes go by in silence as you both walk, both of you comfortable, Paul more so as he’s never been a big speaker. He'd be happy if you wanted to fill the silence but you seem content which makes him content. However, he ends up being the first to talk. “I think we’ll have to go single file, it gets steeper.” A fact you already knew, having felt the burn on your thighs on the journey up - at least it would be your calves going down. He takes the lead, giving you help down the particularly bad bits leaving you to wonder how on earth you’d made it up without any incidents. At one point Paul puts his hands on your hips to support you down a slight drop, your hands had been clamped to his shoulder as he lowered you. His pulse was so ferocious you could feel it through your hands. It comforted you endlessly to know he may also be in new territory, so to speak.

“I don’t know if I came this way.” You inform him, glad he was with you as the feeling of being lost hadn’t subsided.

“You didn’t but this way is quicker.”

“And how do you know that?” you question, “Don’t tell me, you’re an expert tracker, and followed what would be a non existent track to the normal human eye” you mock, looking for a reaction.

“Something like that.” is all he gives, so you take a mental note and add that to the list of weird things and questions that need explaining. Sure you hadn’t been successful in finding the animal tracks and had never tried tracking before, but the weather conditions were terrible for it even if you had. So, how had he?

Pulling your phone from your pocket to check the time you see another two hours had passed. Your mother would soon be returning from work and Frank shortly after. “How far away are we?”

“So eager to be rid of my company?” he teases, pulling a pout, mocking the one you had pulled by the river.

“No.” You deliver a shove to his arm, one that catches him off guard. He stumbles once and then shoots you a playful warning look.

“Look who’s grown too big for her boots.” You glance down at your feet and pull a face.

“No, they still fit.” You joke back, earning a chuckle from him. “Guess you’re not used to a girl pushing you around.” You raise your arms in an open invitation. “Guess I’m too strong for you.” You continue teasing as his eyes darken, the animal inside coming alive. You take a few steps back as you feel the tension building. Paul tests the water by putting a foot forward, to which you take several more away. He wants you close and you know it. You can sense the primal side and it elicits something inside you, the desire to run. The prospect of being caught starts to excite you. He can smell it on you, knows your next move is to run, knows he’ll be able to catch you before you know it, but he doesn’t know what direction. It’s driving him crazy, how playful you’re being as he’s trying to contain it and go slow for you. Do you know the effect you have on him?

He says your name softly, as a warning, his eyes pleading with you not to push his limits. There are boundaries that you can’t uncross and he’s not sure you’re ready to see the animalistic side of him that enjoys the thrill of the hunt and wants to possess you. You’ve gone too far and you know it, but you carry on. You turn and run, weaving through the trees before changing direction and running to your left. Zigzagging will keep him at bay longer. Your heart skips a beat at the thought of him away from you, you have to fight the urge to stop and let him catch you. But you do stop and you turn to find him still standing in the same spot, barely holding it together. You feel guilty, knowing you can only be sending mixed signals. After all, you were the one wanting to take things slow and let it take it’s natural course, because you were unsure. You can’t help but feel bad as you ignore that. He’s being good, in case you change your mind, but maybe, just maybe you need to see the real him.

“Guess I’m faster too”You have no filter. What has overcome you to act this way and tease this man, who has been nothing more than accommodating “you’ll never catch me” you provoke. It’s the final straw, Paul gives in to the chase and pursues you at an unnatural speed. You let out a small squeak and start running all over the place, stopping behind a big tree to catch your breath and listen. You hear his pants coming from in front as you poke your head out. He lunges into a sprint to chase you in circles around the tree. “Do I out smart you too?” You call out, taunting him further. Suddenly you crash into him after he changes directions, his arms wrap around you hositing you up into the air. He spins the two of you around before putting you gently back on your feet.

“Apparently not.” He smiles, happy in his catch. You stare up at his face, admiring how stunning he is with the smile lighting up his features. “I got you.” He leans in to whisper, his breath grazing your ear.

“I was close” you whisper back.

“Really?” sarcasm laces his tone as his fingers weave through yours. Your body heats up, not from running but from the look on his face, the one he has quite often when he studies you, especially your lips. Your breath hitches as you free one hand to snake around his neck and pull him closer. His forehead is hot against yours and his breath comes in hot waves as he nudges your nose with his, your lips inches from each other.

“I want to kiss you.” You blurt out, consumed by the moment. He’d waited to hear you say it but hesitates as he mulls over what you said. You want to kiss him. You weren’t asking him to bridge the gap, god knows he’s willing.

Paul swallows and asks in a breathy whisper “So why don’t you?” His free hand pulls you closer at the waist so he can feel your hip bone against his leg. You’d admitted what you wanted to do, the last ten minutes were proof and one hell of a build up to it but you felt nervous. Why didn’t you ask him to? That would have been easier. Because you knew if you did, he still wouldn’t, he wants you to make the first move to ensure it's what you want. Paul wasn’t just the first guy to hold your hand, he’d be your first in everything. It is a massive insecurity of yours, as you feel you have no clue what to do half the time.

Oh god, what if I’m a terrible kisser.

Sensing something was off, he moves his hand to caress your face, pushing back strands of hair. It is comforting but still the nerves run deep. To make things worse, you’re positive you weren’t Paul’s first in anything apart from you do believe you’re the first he’s felt strongly about in a short time frame, which doesn’t count. He’s still experienced.

God I’m in my head too much, how long has it been? He’s waiting. Do something!

“Boy germs.” You hate yourself and instantly regret saying the joke. Thankfully Paul takes it lightly, laughing it off. He can smell the change in your emotions and is comforted by the knowledge that you truly do want him but just need time. He realises, its nerves and quite possibly something new for you. “I’m sorry.” His heart breaks hearing how defeated you sound as your head hits his chest.

“Don’t be.” He strokes your head soothingly. “I should get you back though.” You want to go back to the moment, kiss him and kiss him again. Let him know that you need him like you need oxygen, but it’s gone. He’s already leading you along a trail that you start to recognise as the one Frank took you on, you’re not far from home. You’re not ready to say goodbye yet. “I was calling on you earlier”

“Huh?” Is he a mind reader? “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I came over to see you” he reiterates.

“That’s how you ended up in the forest?” you ask, wondering how he got from a to b.

“Yup.” He glances down at you and gives your hand a squeeze before smiling “There wasn’t an answer when I knocked but the back door was open and I saw your tracks. They looked fresh but not newly fresh and so I wondered if you were okay and…” He gestures to you and kisses your grazed palm. “Anyway, my point is I was looking for you.”

“Why?” Honestly you need to get a filter, or a better grip on the one you usually have. Is it not obvious why? “I mean, was there a reason or…” Is there a reason? Fuck, why am I like this, the reason is you dumbass!

“It’s cute” Paul's tone sounds irritated, the opposite of what his words would suggest.

“What is?” you ask confused.

“How flustered you get and how humble you are.” he points out, making you blush in embarrassment.

“I don’t like to assume-” he stops in his tracks causing you to shut up, you can sense his mood. Is he angry? Or was it disappointment?

“Well start assuming.” he looks sad as he stares into your eyes, “Everything I do is for you.” You’re taken aback and left unsure what to say as he starts his pace back up.

“No one’s ever said that before.” you call from behind him. “I…” You stare into his eyes with a thousand words swimming in your head. “I’ve known you for a day but...:” you search for the next part of the sentence “I’m not the best with er… with emotion or um, with people in general, so I don’t know how to respond. But I’m grateful and to be honest, overwhelmed. Not with that, just everything… I can’t stop thinking about you, all the time, even before yesterday, just from having seen you at the dinner… sounds stupid but…” You breathe shakily as you process the rush of different emotions flooding your system. “I’m awkward and weird, I’m new to this… I have all these thoughts, but don’t know how to act on-”

“What thoughts?” he interrupts your babbling, making you stop to think. Now is your chance to explain yourself, make him understand your situation.

“Well, like back there” you point behind you “I wanted to kiss you but I’m too awkward to just do that, I should have just done it without thinking… I overthink... a lot. It’s an actual problem” you drift off on the last sentence as you see his expression soften. “What?” you question as he walks back to you with a boyish charm. “What if I’m a bad kisser?” you panic ask, as you sense the change in tension for the millionth time today. He chuckles.

“What if you’re not.”

“Be easier if you just kiss me.” you point out as you move into his embrace. You could get used to his arms around your waist. They fit so perfectly like you were made for him.

“Gotta be sure you want these boy germs” he whispers next to your ear as he brings his face to fit into the crook of your neck and inhales deeply. His arms tighten around you so you bring your arms to his shoulders so as not to pin them awkwardly between the two of you.

“Can you stop being a gent?” He shakes his head in answer.

“No, but I can help you out.” His breath hits your neck and sends shivers down your spine, goosebumps appear on your arms at the sensation. His lips touch the sensitive skin of your throat as he gently brushes kisses along your collarbone. It ignites a heat inside your core, something you’ve never felt before and don’t want to end. It’s not enough to bring a moan to your lips but as his face comes to yours you breathe his name aloud. Your hands snake around his neck and into his hair as you brush your lips tantalisingly slow alog his jaw and then to his mouth. Electric shoots from the connection down every nerve in your body. Suddenly you're hungry for him, craving more as your lips press harder against his, moving in synchronization. He strokes hair away from your face as you push up on your toes, urgency in your actions. He breaks away so you can breathe, your blood feels on fire as it pumps around your body. A pulsating hammers in your ears at the rush of blood and the pound of your heart and you suck in deep breaths. He places a chaste kiss on your lips before kissing your forehead, his thumb rubs over your cheek before he kisses both of them too. He takes in your beautiful appearance, from your flushed cheeks and plumped lips to your doe eyes currently staring into his. “Yeah that was terrible.” He teases. You move to take a swipe at him for joking at a time like this but he catches your hand mid air, not once breaking eye contact with you. “I should get you back.”

“You should” you whisper in a barely audible voice

“I don’t want to relinquish you just yet” sadness overwhelms him at the thought of saying goodbye. A sadness you also feel.

“Then stay for dinner”

---

Taglist:

“You betrayed me” you spat, the venomous remark sinking in deep. There’s little in life that Nick cares about, but that hurts. You turn to meet his gaze, your eyes welling with tears in your fury. “You never cared about me-”

“Of course I do. I don’t want to see you in here” He hits the bars with his hands before starting to pace.

“It’s not your job to care.” You cross your arms and just stand there staring into his soul. Your blessing is important to him and this issue causes problems for his plan. “I get it, your job first. Exactly why it wouldn’t work.”

“You don’t know that-”

“She hates you.” There it was, the blow you’d been keeping back because hurting him wasn’t an option before. “When she finds out you’ve been doing all this to get close… to… Well…” You fumble for words, not exactly sure where you’re going with this.

“I don’t want to see her hurt by this, but I’ll have to call her.”  He walks off to do just that, leaving you alone to regret what you’d done. Maybe you shouldn’t have set that Sunnyvaler’s gazebo on fire after all. It wasn’t long before you could hear your mother’s voice in the building, she sounds weary and tired.

“What did she do now?” Hopelessness evident in her voice as it wavers while talking.

“She set fire to some old man's gazebo.” Officer Kapinsky’s voice fills her in. Relief floods over you at the thought that Sheriff Goode isn’t with her.

“A Sunnyvaler’s Gazebo” Nick’s voice adds to the conversation which puts a stop to your relief. “I’ll go get her.” With that you hear him come back down the corridor towards the cell. His footfalls stop, alerting you to his presence. “Time to go.” You look up at him as he puts the key in the lock and the click of the mechanism sounds loudly in the quiet chamber and echoes. The barred door swings open but he stops to catch it before you could get out. “Promise me you’re not going to do this again.” He looks at you patronisingly, “Do better with your life.” Anger rises in your chest as you shove against the door which gives way, barging past him.

“You’re not my dad, don’t act like you are!” You shout at him as you storm out, running away from the station and the people inside. Only when a safe distance away, do you let the tears fall. Despite what you’d said, Nick had been there for you when others hadn’t and when you couldn’t go to your mother. He had, despite all the resentment you harbour now, been like a father these past weeks. Those illusions shattered a few hours ago when you’d gone to speak to him at the station and overheard Kapinksy and him talking.

Your feet continue to take you faster and further away until you come to the woods that separate Shadyside from Sunnyvale. You only stop once inside the comfort of the dark forest. Your breath comes in sharp as you suck in the damp air, dark setting in quick around you. With haste you head through the trees as a shortcut home. The sun sets and the woods become darker so you start running again, your chest burning from the prolonged pace. At some point considerably later you emerge from the trees in the usual spot on the Shadyside border and you contemplate going back into the treeline, but it’s too late he’s spotted you. On the road ahead Nick gets out of the police cruiser and leans against the car as he waits. His radio makes noise on his shoulder before he speaks into it. “It’s okay, let her mother know I’ve got her.”

“What do you want?” You call out not getting too close. You watch Nick raise his hands in surrender, a show of peace. Ignoring him, you head for the road further down earning an exasperated sigh from him.

“Get in the car.” He yells over the distance, his tone changing to one unamused and frustrated. To his annoyance you continue on your path of avoiding him. The road is in your sights, just a few meters away but he’s started towards you, his pace that of a man on a mission. You know it’s probably not a good idea to mess with him but the douchebag deserves it. Would he go as far as to shoot you? He wouldn’t seem so perfect if he did. You force your feet to run, the blisters that formed from today protesting in pain. You're across the road and into a field, heading towards a rundown, graffitied play park. The escape is short lived as an iron grip locks around your arm and yanks you backwards. He twists you around so your face is level with his. “Get in the damn car.” He snarls, obviously tired of the scenario. You stomp your foot down on his, to which he swears but his grip on you does not falter. “I fucking hate kids, why do I bother?” He chuckles as you thrash and start to scream.

“Because you want to fuck my Mother!” You yell as you both stop fighting. He stares back at you, working out his next move. “I’m not stupid!” You fill the silence “You’ll use me to fuck her and then run off like every man, I heard you and Kapinsky-” He cuts you off as he grabs you and throws you over his shoulder. You scream and hit his back, trying anything to get a reaction from him, but he’s silent and dead to the world as he carries you back to the car and opens the back door before dropping you sharply to your feet.

“Get in.” His cool gaze bores into you as you stand motionless. His left arm shoots to the side of the car, stopping you from escaping, trapping you between the vehicle and his body. “Get in the car.”

“It won’t work-” He shoves you inside the back seat, trying not to listen to your words as he slams the car door closed. Despite that, he can still hear your shouts “I’ll tell her everything.” Nick lets out a long drawn out breath as he heads to the drivers side, the same thought going over and over in his mind. All he has to do is offer up your name and the problem will go away. No more pretending to like you. It would fit your story, already being troubled and would leave your mother wide open to be comforted in the face of tragedy and grief. He slides into the driver seat and starts the car. After sometime, you wonder where he was taking you as you miss the exit home and then the exit to the station. “Where are you taking me?”

He bites back the guilt building inside him as he hears the panic in your voice, why did you have to be such a problem? His knuckles turn white around the steering wheel and then he looks into the mirror and straight into your eyes for the briefest of seconds. An internal battle rages inside him, one which you can sense in the quietness of the vehicle making your hand reach for the door handle, but it’s locked.