#samanthacooper

Luis: What time is it? Samantha: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out Samantha: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune* Mason: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING Samantha: It’s 2 am

Samantha: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Luis: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Mason: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Samantha, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Luis: You did WHAT– Mason: William Snakepeare

*The squad is having dinner together* Samantha: Cassidy, can you pass the salt? Cassidy: *Throws Dylan across the table*

Samantha: Hey Cassidy, Cassidy: Yes? Samantha: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Cassidy: Cassidy: Where’s Dylan?

Samantha: We need a distraction. Cassidy: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Dylan, whispering: My time has come

Samantha: Dylan, can I talk to you for a second? Dylan: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Luis are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Samantha: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Samantha: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Cassidy does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff? Dylan: If Cassidy were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done due to her diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Cassidy jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Samantha: You jump off a cliff! Dylan: Gladly. Provided Cassidy did first.