#sam killermann

"We can be feminine and masculine. We can embody male-ness and female-ness. Being, possessing, or identifying with one aspect does not cancel out the other."

"Gender identity is the way we, as individuals, make sense of how our bodies, personality characteristics, and predispositions align or don't align with established gender roles and norms."

"Feminism is a multi-faceted, deeply-segmented movement. If you ask five feminists 'What is feminism?' there is a good chance you'll get five different responses. If you ask ten random people, that good chance moves up to a guarantee."

Book: A Guide To Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook Author: Sam Killermann Published: Impetus Books (2017)

My Review: I skimmed through this book briefly awhile back after purchasing it at a conference on sexuality, but I recently re-discovered it in a pile of books at work and thought it deserved a more thorough read. I use Sam Killermann’s ‘Genderbread Person’ a lot in my work (it’s a brilliant way to help explain-- and highlight the differences between-- gender identity, expression, romantic attraction, and biological sex), and it turns out his writing is just as useful. 

There are three things I really love about Sam Killermann’s work that deserve mention here. First, he writes in an incredibly accessible way. Whether you’re new to social justice and gender issues or a seasoned advocate, there’s something to be learned from Killermann and it’s all written and explained in a way that nearly anyone could understand and digest. 

The second thing I really love is that Sam Killermann leaves his work uncopyrighted. A lot of it can be found online and printed for free. He does this for a couple of reasons. It seems that he wants others to have full access to print, download, and utilize the models he’s put together in efforts to educate about these social justice issues. But not only does he want others to use his work, he wants them to build on it. Killermann encourages progress in this area, no matter what it takes, and his humility allows him space to recognize that we work better and accomplish more when we come together. 

Which leads me to the last thing I really love. I love that Sam Killermann seems to be incredibly open-minded and eager to learn in a way that most humans aren’t. He fully understands that there’s no way to be an infallible ‘expert’ in any of this, and he seems to genuinely welcome feedback, even (and especially) if it’s critical. He talks candidly about the many times he’s been called out and re-educated in relation to mistakes he made unintentionally and how that learning has led to many drafts and editions of his work. 

Authentic openness to new information and a genuine sense of compassion for others is one of the most rare and respectable qualities these days. In the drama of today’s world, we have become so unproductively polarized and desensitized to the feelings and needs of others. It’s easy to dismiss other people’s concerns and attempts to educate by throwing around derogatory labels or mistakenly equating kind and inclusive intentions with political correctness and censorship (different things, by the way). 

TOO SMALL FOR BOTH AN US AND A THEM

This is a quote I am wrestling and resting with today, wondering what it is we can do to move closer together towards a resounding WE, transforming our tomorrows into playgrounds where differences (mini, midi and maxi!), ideas, points of views and standpoints are celebrated rather than attacked!  

What are the fears that are still keeping you separate?

This is for all the white, straight, cisgender men out there who’re sick of having your privilege checked. Who are sick of being “discriminated against.” Who are — and let’s just say it — sick of being identified as white, straight, cisgender, and man, because that’s not what you identify as.

Wasn’t it awesome back before we were seen as white, straight, cisgender, and man? “I don’t see race,” you might have said. “I’m colorblind. I have tons of gay friends. I’ve been to gay bars. And I wasn’t even freaked out then. I got into Yale solely on my own merit,” you kid.

We don’t see ourselves as white, straight, cisgender, and man. “I’m Sam,” you know. “Just Sam. So don’t you dare try and assume you know who I am.”

We don’t see ourselves in the protagonists of Worlds Not So Greatest Hits, from the Crusades to the Slave Trade. “The Holocaust was us, but that wasn’t me. It was just a bunch of horrible people who happen to share almost all the same identities. Why are you all trying to make me feel so guilty?”

I get it. It bites. We used to just be people, then suffrage made us men and civil rights made us white and Harvey Milk made us straight and now “Janet Mock, what is this, you’re telling me I’m cis? I’m more than just a bunch of checked off boxes.”

It’s a bummer to get called out for getting something you didn’t ask for.

But being bummed out doesn’t mean you aren’t privileged. Having a rough day, or a rough life, doesn’t mean you aren’t privileged. Only you can truly know your narrative, and I can’t tell you what it is, but “my great grand parents” this, or “my dad worked so hard” that, and all this “I had a tough childhood” shit doesn’t mean you aren’t privileged.

Because of who you were born to be — because of who we were born to be — we are handed a lot of things. Among them, we can live openly, in safety, be employed and be ourselves and nobody can ever legally tell us not to be. There are a few ways we can react to this. We can feel guilty. We can feel lucky. We can ignore it all and and pretend it’s a liberal conspiracy and continue living blissfully.

Or we can engage with our identities.

We can have conversations that will expose us and make us vulnerable, make us question ourselves and find answers, help us better understand ourselves and others. You have a race, you have a gender, you have a sexuality. Stop thinking of yourself as the default, an unmarked canvas, and start thinking about what these things mean to you critically. Learn, challenge, grow. Develop empathy.

And hopefully, once you do, you’ll realize your role in all this stuff isn’t to be taken lightly. I know you didn’t make the mess. It’s wrong to blame you for what other people did throughout history. Adding shame to the conversation doesn’t lead to productivity. But allowing yourself to continue uncritically experiencing unearned privileges in your life is perpetuating oppression complicitly. A decision to do nothing is action in support of bigotry.

If you don’t want that, change it. If you don’t know how, ask. And if you’re feeling freaked out, worried, nervous, scared, dazed, or confused, welcome to a new normal: that of a conscious life.

And to all of my social justice warriors, kings, queens, quings, keens, and everything else and in between: I got your back.