#sam app

Anxiety is pretty common, from what I understand.  Although I suppose it's possible that the doctors have been lying to me to make me feel better.  Oh, I Googled it, and apparently it's the most common illness in the U.S.  Anyway.

As people who have read my tumblr over a longer period probably know, I have a bit of an anxiety problem.  I have always been shy and introverted but it reached it's peak as a disorder in my first year of college, at which point I dropped out and resigned myself to living in the peace and quiet of my bedroom, with many a CD for company.  I occasionally credit it with the loss of all friendships from that period of my life, but I mostly assume that what I was doing at the time wasn't really working, and that I needed a change of lifestyle entirely.

I have had considerable amounts of help from medication and/or counselling over the years, and my biggest breakthrough came in 2010-ish when I started being able to leave the house and such without a massive panic attack, but truth be told I still do struggle with panic attacks right now, and I just wanted to talk a bit about what it's like living a normal, functional life while dealing with anxiety.  I say normal...

One of the things which I never expected to be doable was having a job.  The entire process is a complete nightmare for me - applying, getting ready for interviews, meeting strangers and having to bare your soul to them in an attempt to get hired.  Sort of.  Frankly, in those circumstances, I fall to pieces.  That said, there are a few shiny, useful, wonderful techniques that seem to work, without fail, for me. 

One frighteningly obvious one is to focus on breath.  Which, when first suggested to me, I scoffed at.  Because one of the things I struggle with most during a panic attack is breathing - it feels as though my lungs are pretty much non existent, and there's no way for air to actually get into my body, so I begin to gag and gulp for air, only managing to gasp a breath or two about once every 40 seconds.  Focusing on breath in this situation, sounds shit.  However! If you manage to catch yourself before you're in that state - just as your body begins to tense and you realise that you're uncomfortable, focusing on the breath, the way it feels as you breathe in and out through your nose, the way your chest rises and falls with each one, etc., can put you in a much calmer place, in which you're in control of your breathing and it doesn't get the chance to get away from you.  Slow, controlled breathing also keeps your heartbeat regular and slow, which stops adrenaline from bursting around your body, causing most symptoms of a panic attack.

Another great one that I use is to describe the symptoms I'm experiencing, instead of describing the problem.  So, if I'm going to a scary job interview, and I tell the person nearest me "I'M SCARED BECAUSE JOB INTERVIEW ARGEH I SUCK THEY'RE HORRIBLE I CAN'T MEET NEW PEOPLE", this tends to just perpetuate the bad stuff.  However, I do sort of crave letting people know how I feel in an attempt to gain comfort from them, so I've taken to describing my symptoms.  I do also sound a bit crazy with this, but if I just say them out loud, shout them, even, as I experience them, I gain the ability to disassociate with them and understand them as a symptom of a panic attack, rather than a sign that I am going to die soon.  "My throat is dry, and my chest is hurting, and I'm becoming out of breath.  This is because I'm panicking.  This will pass."  It sounds a bit full on, and I can only do it at people I trust/don't feel like a prat in front of, but it's great.  Recognising the symptoms one by one like this also stops me from feeling overwhelmed by all the different sensations in my body at once.

The key thing that I have found is that sharing problems with those around me is a gigantic life saver.  I was always very ashamed of myself and determined to keep my anxiety a secret, as I honestly didn't feel that I could maintain friendships, or a job, or even a relationship if any of the people around me knew what was happening.  But the truth is that being able to text a friend "I'm going to be late, had a panic attack", is actually a lot easier to do than to lie, or to just not show up out of fear of having to tell them what happened.  Being able to tell my boyfriend that I need to have some time to sit on my own and be quiet because I'm starting to freak out is something that I need, and have a right to, whereas without an explanation of what is going on, telling him to get out with no good reason is unfair, and causes more problems than it solves.  Having understanding friends and family around isn't always an option, but explaining things to them as clearly as you can could help them to help you.

I still battle with problems with this most days, and it's my ambition to be more or less rid of panic attacks, though I know it might not ever happen.  I am getting there, and the more I practice being in situations that scare me, the better I get at coping with them, even enjoying them. It's a journey, not a destination, and all that, but, anyway, if you have problems like this, I wish you lots of luck in dealing with it.

Does anyone want to give me a few words on the SAM (Self-help and Anxiety Management) app?

All that's left is the testimonials part of our board, and while people's public reviews from the iTunes and Android market and sites like appPicker.com are all serviceable, there's a slight problem: These people aren't students.

Because this is an assistive technologies presentation and the class it is for is managing students' individual differences, it would be much more useful to have current students' perspectives on anxiety and how this app may be useful for teachers to know about.

I would love any words you have on being students with anxiety, how it has affected you in school, and how the app mayb have helped. My inbox is open, and if you would prefer I am willing to make my email address available as well. It doesn't have to be long--I don't need sprawling paragraphs, just a few sentences.

What?!