#saltvanilla

"Ah, Silent Salt!"

Oh, great.

He looked up as the campus's golden boy sat down at his table, clearly ignoring the aura of distaste seeping off him. It was one of those things about Pure Vanilla that was annoying- he would leave you alone if you told him to, but he chose to ignore unspoken things. Silent Salt couldn't count the number of times Pure Vanilla had dragged him into conversation.

Like now.

"What?" he said, choosing to just get it over with.

One of Pure Vanilla's good qualities, thankfully, was that he usually got right to the point when he needed to. "I need you to be my boyfriend for an event next weekend."

…what.

"What?"

"My uncle, Custard," Pure Vanilla started. His soft smile darkened with a furrow of his brows, creating a rare look of annoyance. Considering he seemed to radiate an aura of joy, Silent Salt was intrigued. "Has been getting on my case about getting married in the near future."

"…you're only twenty-one."

"That isn't the issue." Pure Vanilla spread out his hands. "While I do like the idea of starting a family, he has been an asshole to most of the family, including Clotted Cream's mother and Custard III, for years."

Silent Salt nodded, gears turning. "So you don't want to do anything he wants you to do."

Pure Vanilla nodded. "Custard III mentioned in our last phone call that he overheard Custard talking to some people that he knows about me. So, my theory is that he intends to try and matchmake me at the charity gala. One of those people was my ex, Dark Enchantress."

Where had he heard that name? "…White Lily's twin?"

"Yes. And, while I do wish to maybe repair our friendship, I would rather not be in a relationship with her," Pure Vanilla shook his head and focused back on him. "So, I was hoping you could attend the gala with me as my boyfriend. It may not stop Custard's plotting, but it would give people pause."

"…Okay. Why me?" Silent Salt glanced around the cafeteria. Plenty of people here would happily help Pure Vanilla. "Surely one of your friends would help?"

Pure Vanilla held up his hands. "Custard knows Hollyberry, Dark Cacao, and Golden Cheese's families and knows they're dating Eternal Sugar, Mystic Flour, and Burning Spice. White Lily is terrified of Dark Enchantress. Shadow Milk refuses to answer any of my calls. Black Raisin and Elder Faerie both have things that day. I have a restraining order on Doughael." Each point was marked with his finger coming down. "And I don't want to drag anyone I don't know well into my family drama."

Silent Salt could see the problem. "I see. And why me?"

"Well, I would like to get to know you," Pure Vanilla said with a smile. He would forever deny the rush of warmth to his face. "And, to be blunt, you are rather intimidating."

That he was. He knew that. Embraced it, honestly.

"…will there be food?"

"There will be food. Also a silent auction. And a petting zoo!" Pure Vanilla's eyes sparkled brightly at the latter.

"…with horses?"

"Yes."

Well, that sealed it. "For the petting zoo horses, I'll do it." Black Nox would probably smell other horses on him, but it would be worth it.

Pure Vanilla's grin could've blinded him. "Oh, thank you!" And then his arms were filled with warmth as the blonde, for some reason, stood up, walked around the table, and hugged him.

He smelled like vanilla. He wasn't sure why he was surprised.

His new fake boyfriend pulled away and beamed. "I'll text you a time we can meet up and get all the details together!" He took a step and then paused. Before Silent Salt could wonder what he was doing, Pure Vanilla turned back to him and leaned close.

His lips were warm as they pressed against his brow.

He pulled back, and Silent Salt faintly realized he was trembling.

This is literally playing hot potato with Pure Vanilla. So many different partners to chose from.

I can see Silent Salt being a silent mysterious roommate who thinks Pure Vanilla is too sweet but admires him secretly.

White Lily being in the science field studying and realizing she may have feelings for him after so long.

Doughael wants Pure Vanilla because he looks like an angel, and they see it as a sign from the gods.

O' great warrior heed these words, no battles must be had. You are not needed, nor used anymore by these lands craving blood and swordshed.

I have a hope of a far kinder world, who welcomes likes of you with open arms.

Come into my palace, and rest, weary soul, you will find your peace there (and now I'm a Silent Salt/Pure Vanilla shipper. well fuck)

I think over Golden Cheese cookie chillin' in Eternal Sugar's paradise, and offering her understanding.

I think of Golden Cheese looking up to Eternal Sugar, as in these wild, dangerous lands she managed to create paradise, one Golden Cheese cookie wishes she had made for her followers...too.....

I think over Mystic Flour cookie, giving up on this cruel world, wanting to wipe it all away, to watch it peacefully die, and flow away with the wind

And the cookie who fell to despair, who reemerged, who knows too much, have bore too much knowledge on her shoulders, White Lily, tell her that there's still beauty, hope, however fleeting in here. In carrying on, until we can't anymore, that we can find our own purpose.

I think of Hollyberry cookie BAMF and Bullshit Spice cookie having an epic showdown fight CRASH CRASH shield protect, BUURRRNNN

I think of............ ah fuck.

The last switcheroo is Shadow Milk cookie and Dark Cacao cookie.

Fuck if I know "I've heard a liar's tale before, as he lead about my Kingdom. You're not welcome in my castle, Shadow Milk"

There is no putting them mandibles back.

Them suckers GONE

Black Sapphire does end up with some pretty nasty scars from them.

(Clotted Cream likes to press his thumb and forefinger to the scars because they're just so perfectly space that he can make Black Sapphire pucker his lips when he does)

Poor Pure Vanilla is stuck in a hard place.

His best friend offering involves nostalgia and care, she wants to make up for all the time they lost together. She wants to have their paths connect.

Silent Salt’s bearings include ones of rare fine, a gift for the compassionate one full of hope and whom he deeply cares for just as he does for Lily.

Fount brings incredibly mystical gifts, he is set on Pure Vanilla longing to have some one who could be with him, purely together.

Everyone takes in the kids i love this!!! Favorite adult cookies taking in or having my fav child cookies (though Matcha is an adult i think still counts)

Doughael doesn’t get any kids cause they would sacrifice them because of some religious vision.

Honestly i lowkey adore Silent Salt and Strawberry having some sort of relationship. like i know they never interact but that Silent Salt reacts to memes. I kinda like the idea of them forming a mentor relationship. i know people like to use gingerbrave i can see tha— i just find Silent salt and strawberry funny.

I made a Saltvanilla/Silentvanilla fankid-

Pure Vanilla in the distance tending to Salt's people like they were his own children.

Silent Salt: I need him

Silent Salt, upon seeing the most beautiful, kind, and caring cookie on Earthbread treating everyone equally but also taking no shit from anyone: Marry me? Don't marry Shadow Milk, marry me?? 🥺🙏