#sajaa

━━━━━━━ SAJAA Al-HIZAR // PROTAGONIST

There has never been anything that Sajaa has wanted more in her life than to get out of her tiny desert village. The last thing she wants to do is to get married to Altair, who is thirty years older than her, has five other wives and countless children. 

The only problem is, she’s too afraid to leave. What lies beyond her home village of Resvahar? She’s been told time and time again by everyone in her family that she’s lucky to be married to Altair, and that she should be grateful for how he’s giving a small amount of money to her family for her, how she should be quiet and give Altair the sons he wants. 

But her best friend Khadija has other plans for her. Khadija has already married Altair and is five months pregnant with his child, but she can’t stand the thought of Sajaa staying here. 

Sajaa refuses to leave until, one day, Khadija gets beaten to death in front of the whole village by Altair himself. And no one makes a move to stop him. 

And so, Sajaa makes up her mind. She steals the meagre amount of food her family had in store for hard times, packs up her things and sneaks onto a passing caravan. She never looks back. 

::excerpt:: 

“No, Khadija. How could I hate you? It wasn’t your fault.” Sajaa held out an arm, and Khadija leaned into her again, blinking away tears. She settled her chin on top of Khadija’s head, staring out into the crowd of laughing people around her. “I’ll be in the same position as you anyway, in a few months.”

In her haste to pull away from Sajaa, Khadija dropped her pudding. Neither girl paid the spilled cup any attention as they stared at each other. Khadija’s bruised, tired eyes were open wide; Sajaa could not remember seeing her so…so awake, in the last few months.

“Sajaa,” Khadija whispered, her voice alight with something that seemed dangerously close to hope. Sajaa swallowed, not taking her eyes off of her best friend. “Sajaa, you still have time. You can leave. You can still get out of this god-forsaken place.”

Sajaa took a step back, her head reeling. Khadija was out of her mind. There was no way she could leave. She was destined to spend her whole life in this place; on Altair’s arm, two wailing infants on each hip and two more howling children tugging at her skirts. She was destined to end up like Mirna and Selma and Hayat and Yamina and…and like Khadija. Even as these thoughts ran their well-worn track around and around Sajaa’s head, a traitorous thought wormed its way inside. What if she did? What if she hitched a ride out with Dhaki, to…to wherever he went? Anywhere would be okay, as long as it wasn’t Resvahar.

“N-no, Khadija, I can’t do that. I can’t just run away.” She shook her head, her mind roiling with possibilities - ones that she knew she couldn’t do. Khadija’s lips thinned, and her eyes shone with desperation.

“You can’t just stay here! It’s too late for me, I-I’ll live here for the rest of my life, which probably won’t even be that much longer.” Khadija’s hand drifted to her forearm. It was covered by cloth, but Sajaa knew that she was touching one of her bruises.

“Khadija -”

“I can’t! I can’t, Sajaa, I can’t. I don’t - I’m not going to sit by and watch you become like the rest of them, okay? You have to go! Run away, to wherever! Anywhere, as long as it isn’t here.” At the last word, Khadija’s voice broke - and so did Sajaa’s heart.

The world around Sajaa felt muted, dulled. Her tongue didn’t seem to work, and so she could only shake her head silently. She watched as Khadija drew in a shaky breath, obviously trying to get herself under control. A choked sob, and Khadija turned on her heel, striding away. Sajaa was left by herself, staring after Khadija as she disappeared into the crowd.