CAMP UNUS ANNUS SAFETY RULES!
Rule #1 - Always remember the BS (Buddy System).
Rule #2 - When confronted by a bear (depending on the type of bear), confront it back and make lots of noises. But keep in mind, only do that for Black Bears.
Rule #3 - Bears can't get through the polyurethane of a tent. Plastic repels nature, since it's not of this world.
Rule #4 - The forest doesn't give a damn about you. Arrogance will get you nowhere.
Rule #5 - If you're stuck in a tree alone and two people happen to come across you, they are buddies. Don't just assume because another human life is nearby that they're obligated to help you.
Rule #6 - You help those in need though.
Rule #7 - Communication is key.
Rule #8 - Look, scan, observe, react, run.
How to survive a bear attack:
Rule #9 / Step Number 1 - Evaluate, determine which type of bear it is that it's attacking you.
Rule #10 - If the bear grunts twice it's a Grizzly, if it grunts three times then it's a Polar Bear.
Rule #11 - When dealing with Polar Bears, the biggest thing you want to do is make sure that you're covered head to doe, with as much armor as possible (sleeping bags work just fine).
Rule #12 / Step Number 2 - Try to maintain silence, maybe it'll go away on it's own.
Rule #13 / Step Number 3 - If step 2 fails, abandon all coverage plans, because clearly it's not going to work. However, you don't need to worry, because your tent is safe as long as the bear doesn't claim it as it's own by attracting other bears as competition.
Rule #14 - It is very important that when you go shopping for your tent (or you're finding your tent), you get one that's strong, triple layer made of the highest quality material.
Rule #15 - If the bear attacks with a gun, make sure you cover all of the important parts of your body. The smaller the target the harder it is for a bear to get you.
Rule #16 / Step Number 4 - This is an emergency step, you would never do this unless you were in a extremely dangerous situation... just run. With the help of your buddy (don't forget the buddy system!) you will roll the tent from the inside away from the bear.
Rule #17 - It's important to remember where your tent was when you pitched it.
Rule #18 - At this point the bear should be very intimidated by your skill and athleticism. It may think you and your buddy are now one large creature.
Rule #??? - RAGE, rage against the dying of the light...
Rule #19 - After all that escaping protocol, the bear should be gone by now. But in the case that it's not, just keep going rolling away in the tent.
Rule #20 - Bears are afraid of the sunlight, they can't handle it's intense heat.
Rule #21 / Step Number 5 - And finally, to escape the tent, you have to find it's weakest point and destroy it.
Rule #22 - Nature it's a dangerous place filled with evil, horrible monstrosities that are beautiful in their own way.
How to safely bury your friend:
Rule #23 - Carcasses can attract bears and other wildlife that are opportunistic scavenges.
Rule #24 - For this process you're going to need a shovel and a buddy.
Rule #25 - Don't forget the Buddy System (B.S) or you will DIE.
Rule #26 - The first thing you're going to do is search the area for a proper place for a burial. You want a place with some soft dirt, plenty of open space, and not too near to the campsite.
Rule #27 - Dig six feet down (at the least), so you can put their feet first, then head at the top.
Rule #28 - Your dead body will grow into the environment.
Author's Note: ... I don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan.
Rule #29 - B.D.S.B (Bearing Doesn't Stop Bears)
Rule #30 - You are also going to need a quality shovel that can break through. You want a sharpen blade and a good foot rest.
Rule #31 - Do not, under ANY circumstances, mention the Tactical Shovel to counselor Mark.
Rule #32 - When you're digging a grave you should bring water, remember to stay hydrated!
Rule #33 - You can only absorbe so much sweat you produce. After a while it gets unhealthy, because your body can't filter out the bad water that you produce.
Rule #34 - You piss out of your skin when you can't piss out of anywhere else. So if you drink that, but then you piss it out again, then it becomes Super Piss (and that's not good to consume). But if you drink that then it turns into Ultra Piss, which is very valuable but bad to ingest. It's also incredible dangerous because, while bees can smell fear, they can also see the vapors from the Ultra Piss. So, although rare and easy to sell to a high price, it would attract thousands of bees.
Rule #35 - B.E.C.W.U.B (Be Extra Careful With [the] Ultra B[P]iss)
Rule #36 - The forest is one of the most polluted places, you can't get a breath of fresh air.
Rule #37 - Your buddy is always a breath of fresh air. (Hey, please don't do what Mark and Ethan did on the video, COVID-19 is still a very, very real thing.)
Rule #38 - Once you are done digging the grave, lay the body on a fetal position. Remember to really support the spine.
Rule #39 - If you can, get a standing grave, it's great for the spine.
Rule #40 - You can feel more productive when you are standing.
Author's Note: ... I really, REALLY don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan. I knew that bacon tasted kinda odd-
Rule #41 - Now all that's left to do is lay your friend to rest.
Rule #42 - Now you can go ahead and say words of rememberness, a testament to their life.
Rule #43 - The truth is the nicest gift you can give anybody.
Rule #44 - If you listen closely when your friend is later rest, you can hear their soul whisper their final thoughts.
Rule #45 - Remember to hit counselor Mark with a stick for waking us up at 6 am using a pan.
Rule #46 - Team building is the most important part of being on a camp. Because you may have your buddy, but we are all a team.
Rule #47 - Trust is the very foundation of any team.
Rule #48 - At any moment your buddy can need you. You'll never know when a bear is going to strike, when a chipmunk is going to go rabid, when a raccoon is going to be sneaky. You've got to be prepared for anything. And above all, you need to be prepared to catch your buddy if they fall.
Rule #49 - When you're in the nature, you are going to be climbing on a lot of things. They may be slippery surfaces, you may be not sure of your footing. You've got to be prepared at any time to catch your buddy.
Rule #50 - The higher the fall the greater the trust. Anyone from your team could be falling at any moment, make sure to catch them.
Rule #51 - Trust counselors Mark and Ethan...?
Rule #52 - Your buddy can fall in any direction, you've got to be ready.
Rule #53 - With a trust fall you've got to trust your buddy, but you gotta trust yourself too.
Rule #54 - No better way to exhibit a team than to show your strength together (by making a human pyramid).
Rule #55 - Tug of War, classic team building from earliest man. Get a rope and you pull, but you've got to make two teams so you can compete and defeat their respective enemy (and they need to die).
Rule #56 - Don't forget, it's hot outside, so make sure you wear your sunscreen and drink plenty of water.
Rule #57 - Start in the middle (the knot needs to be in the middle), and whoever gets it to the point where the winner is obvious.... well, wins precisely.
Author's Note: UNUS! UNUS! UNUS! UN- oh, nevermind.
Rule #58 - The next most important part of team-building is sharing. Sharing with eachother is basically bonding. You learn from eachother, you have openness with eachother, and so on.
Rule #59 - The clue to win Three Legged Pace is coordination.
Rule #60 - It's always important when you go out outside to be prepared, and of course, bring water.
Rule #61 - Make sure to keep cool when you're in the wilderness, it is important for survival. And when you're done drinking water, you can play a little football with your friend using the leftover bottle.
Rule #62 - While playing Three Legged Egg Balance, remember to keep a steady "one-two" rhythm.
Rule #63 - FIRE IS NO JOKE. Don't play around with it.
Rule #64 - Knowing how to built a fire is one of the most important skills at Camp Unus Annus. With it you can cook your food, disinfect your water, clean your clothes, stay warm and call grandma.
Rule #65 - And if your grandparents are death, stare deeply into the fire until you see their face swim out of the flames.
Rule #66 - Fire is spelled F-I-R-T. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
Author's Note: Wait a second, are they not Camp Counselors?-
How to built a fire:
Rule #67 / Step Number 1 - Be aware of the current threat level for forest fires. Right now it's midnight. That's B, for Be aware.
Rule #68 / Step Number 2 - Kindling. Be aware, get kindling, find perfect stick (B.A.G.K.F.P.S)
Rule #69 (nice) - Remember, if you want to start a fire get your bag of piss.
Rule #70 / Last Step - Friction. The friction of the stick (zooming around in circles) against the friction of a wooden piece creates smoke signals. The smoke signals will travel to your candling and say "Hey, catch on fire." And in response it will sometimes go "Okay" in an umberwear farm. The umbers are what leads to the fire in an it case of a FIRE. Very important.
Rule #71 - Always have a fire extinguisher (preferably water) just in case something goes wrong.
Rule #72 - Put your prefect stick on your wood base and start rubbing said stick against it.
Rule #73 - Gently blow the base after rubbing the stick, fire needs oxygen to grow.
Rule #74 - If you manage to make a hole through the base, leave the stick there and start spinning it. With the power of insertion, if you get it going fast enough, flames should ignite.
Rule #75 - Fire needs to be seduced.
Rule #76 - To produce the flames you need to sin.
Rule #77 - Satan knows.
Rule #78 - For the love of God, keep counselor Mark away from sharp objects.
Author's Note: ... Does anyone else see the weird man dressed in a black suit outside or it's just me...?
Rule #79 - No matter what goals you may have in life, a little bit of hard work, a little bit of determination, a bit of luck gets you anywhere.
Author's note: Yay escape room! I love those!
Rule #80 - Beware of counselor Evan throwing things at the tents.
Rule #81 - On daytime the bats are squirrels, but on nighttime they are vampires. For this reason you shouldn't be around bats, or they will suck your blood.
Rule #82 - Counselor Mark really loves riddles.
Rule #83 - Stay six feet away from the trees to avoid being attacked by a squirrel.
Rule #84 - The most dangerous things about the deers are their antlers and hooves.
Rule #85 - To survive the snakes you need to: Look, Observe, Scan, React, Run (L.O.S.R.R)
Author's Note: Counselor Ethan is fucking smart, fight me. Also, shout out to counselor Amy because not once have I mentioned her and she's amazing.
Rule #86 - Run away from Mark. JUST RUN.
Rule #87 - Tragically, counselor Mark has turned into the beast called Neanderthalensis Marconius, also known as HeeHoo.
Rule #88 - HeeHoo feeds himself with wild Takis, roaming around the woods butt naked and in solitude...
Rule #89 - If you wish to communicate with the HeeHoo, there are sounds he will react to: Unus Annus.
(And here it is, after nights of work I present to you the -not so official- Unus Annus Rule Manual! This has been a blast, I am so glad I could finally finish it. Camp Unus Annus was absolutely amazing in every sense of the word, thanks Mark, Ethan, Amy and Evan for the experience!)
@tiny-crecher (I am SO sorry-)
@markiplier @crankgameplays
