#safehavenblogs

Pride season is here!!!! Check out these awesome tips from our VP of Digital Marketing!

•stay hydrated!

•wear sunscreen (reapply often)

•watch your drinks and food (date rape drug tastes salty, if your drink tastes too salty stop drinking immediately. never leave your drink alone, and keep an eye out on your drink in crowds. never accept an already open drink)

•watch out for your friends (you’d want them to do the same for you)

•be nice (but not TOO NICE it could come off as creepy or give some people the wrong idea)

•don’t judge “straight” couples (pride is inclusive of bisexuals, asexuals, aromantics, polysexuals, polyamorous folks, trans couples can look straight, some with non binary couples, etc. don’t forget straight allies are welcome. you never know)

•don’t judge others for what they’re wearing

•don’t assume anyone’s gender or sexual orientation

•be prepared for the weather (pack an umbrella if it’s supposed to rain, or a jacket if it’s supposed to be chilly, etc)

•be welcoming

•ask questions (pride is a great place to learn more)

•don’t go alone

•don’t let the homophobes and protesters get to you

•have fun!

By Katie Sullivan

If you have not heard the GREAT news yet, then here you go:

INDIA DECLARES HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS

This isn’t just a huge success for the community but for the country as well! The news broke yesterday on Facebook when the President of the Indian Psychiatric Society (IPS), Dr. Ajit Bhide, by posting a video & explaining why homosexuality should not be treated as an illness.

The battle now is to inform all practicing conversion therapies that homosexuality is no longer a term of therapy for homosexuality. Yes, this should have been done many years ago, but it is done now, so lets celebrate.

Congratulations to India & their continued progress! You can find the full video & more on our Facebook Page.

2017 was the deadliest year for the LGBT community. There was an 86% increase from 2016 – 2017. Hell, Mr. Trump didn’t even recognize Pride month & he was the first President to do is for many years. Are we moving forward or backwards?

At what point is it no longer violence in the community but a war on the community instead?

According to the FBI, here are the violence statistics for 2016:

Of 7,227 single bias hate crimes, 16.9% were sexual orientation based & 1.8% were gender identity.

Hate crimes are underreported for the fear of outing themselves.

Sexual assault is high within the community.

44% of lesbians experience rape

26% of gay men experience rape

61% of bi-women experience rape

37% of bi-men experience rape

How can we as individuals work towards lowering these numbers? Here are some ways:

If you are witnessing someone being harassed in any way, call 911. NEVER OUT SOMEONE. Simply say you are witnessing a form of harassment, labeling never helps anything.

Watch out for your friends when at the club or bar. Don’t accept drinks from strangers.

Speak up. If you hear someone talking bad, correct them. Explain that using gay in a negative connotation only makes it worse. A lot of people are just simply unaware.

Always educate. In any way you can.

Carry a Taser. Take defensive classes. Learn to protect yourself.

If you don’t feel safe, bartenders & managers are always up for walking you to your vehicle

Share this blog post for those who need educated

Why aren’t issues like this being discussed in the news? We should be educating everyone on what to do in situations like these to work towards prevention. Don’t turn your head because you don’t want to get involved. Do you know how many times I hear that phrase? Someone is being harmed and feels unsafe and you don’t want to be involved, so you let it happen? That makes you a part of it. You could have done something to help stop & you chose to let it continue. Don’t be that person. EVER.

By Katie Sullivan

A question that I receive many times within a weeks period is, “What does the + stand for in LGBT+?”. That is a simple question enough to answer.

When people think of LGBT+, they think of Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual & Transgender.

Here is what the + represents:

A = Asexual – Someone who normally has little to no sex drive and is attracted to someone for more emotional reasons.

P = Pansexual – A fluid term to cover those who are attracted phsyically, emotionally & sexually to more than one gender identity. You often hear pansexuals refer to themselves as “gender-blind”.

I = Intersex – Making up a small percentage of the population, they are born with variations of their sex characteristics. These characteristics include, chromosomes, sex hormones, or genitals that don’t match either male or female.

GF = Gender Fluid – Someone who can move between identifying as either male or female or somewhere in between.

C = Cisgender – Someone who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.

A = ALSO stands for Allies – Anyone who is a supporter of the LGBT+ community, normally referred to as “Straight Allies”. They are instrumental in helping bring political change.

N = Non-Binary – Someone who has a gender identity that is not exclusively male or female.

A= ALSO Agender – Someone who doesn’t identify as male, female, or otherwise.

A= ALSO Aromantic – Someone who experiences little to no romantic connection to other people – DIFFERENT than asexual.

B= ALSO Bigender – A person for identifies as two genders, they can be expressed simultaneously or not.

12,000 teens aged 13-17 feel depressed or down at school, while only 1/4 of those say they feel safe at school.

95% report trouble sleeping due to depression

Only 31% of trans teens are able to express themselves at school.

Just sit there for a moment & let these facts sink in..

If you are a parent of a 13-17 year old, take the time to research how you can help them without seeming like invading their privacy. There is a GREAT website, reachout.orgit is a parents version of Safe Haven. Anon peer to peer chat for parents to ask for advice with their children.

People get caught up in life & forget that it is okay if you are unaware of how to handle a matter with your child. No one is a perfect parent, always ask for help. Ages 13-17 are hard for people & they are quick to think that parents are against them, when in reality parents are all for their children. They just don’t know how to approach certain topics, I think. * I am not a parent, I am speaking from a daughter perspective when I had trouble talking to my parents* When you are 13-17 years old, you usually end up doing things that your parents frown upon, I promise you, that if you are responsible about it, your parents will be okay. Its okay if you are having sex & experimenting & learning about yourself, that is what you are supposed to be doing at those ages. Parents know this because they were there once too. I think my parents were just sad that I was growing up & didn’t need them as much.

By CJ McGauley

LGBTQ+ students face discrimination and harassment at school, a place to learn and feel safe, all too often. Unfortunately, many school officials know very little about how the law requires them to protect these students or just don’t care about protecting them based on their own beliefs. They believe that these students will not question their actions, but I believe it’s time we do some education off our own.    

Anti-LGBT harassment is one of the most damaging threats to the LGBT community including students in public schools. The good news is if you are being bullied, called names, threatened, or physically harmed at your school because of your sexual or gender orientation you don’t have to take it! Under the U.S Constitution public schools have to address any harassment against LGBT students the same way they would another type of harassment and federal education law Title IX bars public schools from ignoring harassment based on gender stereotyping. What this means is public schools can’t ignore harassment based on appearance or behavior that doesn’t “match” your gender such as boys who wear makeup, girls who dress “like a boy”, or any student that is transgender. Also school officials can’t tell you that you have to change who you are or that the harassment is your own fault based on how you dress or act. Now, if anyone at school is harassing you it’s crucial to report it then the school have been put on notice and can be held responsible if nothing is done in the court of law. If your school has done nothing or very little to stop it then contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Pro.    

Your school does not have the right to “out” you without your permission even if you are out to others at your school. Doing this to a young person can have tragic consequences such as example when police officers in the 1997 told a young man in Pennsylvania that they were going to tell his family of his sexual orientation. He committed suicide rather than to face the possibility of rejection from his family. His mother sued, and the courts ruled that it is unconstitutional to disclose private information that might violate the teenagers right to privacy. This applies to schools as well! If a teacher or other member of the school staff threatens to tell your parents or anyone else that you are LGBTQ and you clearly state you don’t want them too. If they do or still threaten too then you should contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project.       

In schools you have the freedom of speech! In Tinker v. Des Moines, the Supreme Court ruled that students don’t “Shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech at the schoolhouse gate.” The only time a school can legally restrict a student’s speech is when it cause significant disruption or panic in the classroom such as screaming “I’m gay” in the middle of math class, but taking about it outside of class or at appropriate times is in every sense okay. And while schools often use disruption as an excuse to censor student speech there are clear legal guidelines and not just whatever a school official says. Also your speech is not disruptive if someone else might not like it and if your school allows other students to wear t-shirts about their beliefs it is illegal for them to ask you to take off your t-shirt just because it has something LGBT on it. If your school is trying to keep you from talking about your sexual orientation of expressing your beliefs you should contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project.  Everyone has the right to be themselves in school! Your gender expression is protected by the U.S. Constitution, Title IX, and any state or local law that bans discrimination based on gender identity. You have the  right to free expression your choice of clothes and as long as what you want to wear would be appropriate if worn by other students like a skirt, for example, or a tuxedo, then you should be able to wear that clothing even if it isn’t stereo-typically associated with your gender. Your right to be yourself in school includes the right to be transgender or to transition your gender in school. Unfortunately, there aren’t yet clear rules in most places about how schools should accommodate students when they transition, but hopefully this will be fixed soon! There are often many obstacles to deal with, including restroom and locker room accessibility, your name and what pronouns to use when talking about you, and how official records classify you. Call your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project if you want help making sure your school treats you with respect and keeps you safe.     

When I came out they thought it was a joke

I’m serious my parent’s didn’t believe me In their defence I caught them off guard But don’t worry they love and support me completely

When C came out it wasn’t funny In fact she wasn’t even ready Her friends were cruel and told her parents And they weren’t as supportive as mine

M hasn’t come out to her family But she is very open about it with her friends She’s not ready to tell her parents But I’m happy she has a support network

When CJ came out her mother didn’t understand Her father doesn’t support her either It took time for them to adjust Now they’re more understanding but not supportive

A told her mom and she said it was a phase She found comfort in her friends They still all love and support her Even though she completely took them by surprise

T met a girl and felt comfortable to tell her mom She wrote her a letter and had religion shoved in her face Took time but she’s finally accepting of her daughter And she’s looking forward to having a daughter-in-law

My friend Q didn’t have the heart to tell his mom he wasn’t a girl He still wears dresses and heels when they go out He cut his hair short, his mom said “my daughter looks beautiful with short hair” He now binds his chest when he goes to school, because his parents leave early for work

B was super uncomfortable with herself growing up She felt she was different and wrong She left home at sixteen, her mom called worried, she had to come out over the phone Her mom was not comfortable with it, but her dad makes up for it in leaps and bounds

G isn’t out to anyone yet Except for a few friends she met online She said she’d come out when she’s ready But now just isn’t the time

By CJ McGauley

Hello, she, he, and theys, how are you this fine day! Good I hope anyway this month is pride month and I’m super excited if you can’t tell! At this time last year I was honestly scared to celebrate even the smallest bit, but I’m more open with myself and the people around me this year. Sadly I’m not going to a pride march or other event, but I’m celebrating online and in other ways.     

Pride month is awesome because we have all fought at one point to be welcomed and this month we all banned together to celebrate! In case you didn’t know I’m a pansexual gender-fluid and I’m proud of myself! I’m proud of all of you guys whether your out or not! Some of you guys had it rough and some had it easy, but still we are banned together with an amazing community! Some of you guys are teenagers like myself, others are  military personal, you could be people working day jobs or anything in between. Us all being in this big wonderful community is pride.