One of the things we're having to learn growing up into adults (a process that’s relentlessly ongoing) is how to recognize the difference between the things we want... and the things we need.
Now here’s what I’m not talking about: buying stuff. As in impulsive, frivolous purchases versus actual necessity.
That’s a whole other deal.
And not.
What I’m talking about.
No. What I’m talking about... well, lemme color it in a little.
For example, children learn in different ways... so not every educational environment will allow them to flourish.
For example, teens come differently equipped, emotionally and physically... so not every experience will lead to success.
For example, adults shoulder a variable array of challenges and responsibilities... so not every opportunity can work for them.
And so on.
And I’m not even trying that hard here. The examples I just laid out are simplistic and broad as hell. They hardly acknowledge the full complexity of who we are and what we’re capable and not capable of. Think of them as a nod to the infinite combinations of strengths and weaknesses, personality types, medical and psychological challenges, living environments, family histories, personal experiences, educational achievement, life skills, and a host of further details that shape the specifics of who we are as individuals.
Not... DNA. But everything else. Everything else that produces individuals with great specificity. Such specificity, in fact, that we are each suited to a subset of situations and circumstances that allow us to flourish, to grow, and to succeed.
In short, not everything, not everyone, is right for us. For you. Or for me.
And while roadblocks do exist to opportunity outside of what I’m focused on here... here I’m focused on what’s in our immediate, non-negotiable control. Here I’m focused on people who aren’t safe or healthy or right for us. I’m focused on how to recognize the individuals who can and will enable us... as opposed to those who are simply wasting our time. I’m focused on knowing ourselves and using that knowledge to navigate both our futures and our day-to-day.
Here’s a quick thing to put more meat on what I’m saying. It’s from the 2004 film “The Alamo”.
The line that resonates for me is this one:
“Wellington chooses the setting for victory before it exists for him, before he lays eyes on it.”
It’s a full acknowledgement of the reality that he can’t win under just any circumstance. He can only win under one specific subset of those circumstances and he knows what that one subset looks like.
Similarly in our own lives there are conditions under which we can prevail, circumstances that allow us to thrive, and opportunities that foster our best, our very best selves.
Again, I’m focused on the control we can exert in both our personal and professional lives. Because even on a good day not everyone out there can build us up. Or will build us up. Even on a good day we have strengths and weaknesses, personality types, medical and psychological challenges, living environments, family histories, personal experiences, educational achievement, life skills, and a host of other details that shape the specifics of who we are as individuals.
And yes. Sometimes we’ve gotta eat it. Sometimes immediate needs lead to compromises that, in the long-term aren’t ideal for who we are. More importantly, though, they’re not sustainable.
Here’s my point.
Never give up on what you need. Never settle for less than what you need. Fight for it if you have to. But don’t give up. If it’s a long game you’ve gotta play... then that’s the gig. Because you’ll feel it every moment of every hour of every day when you accept less than what you need.
You’ll feel it in your bones.
And you won’t.
Feel like.
You.
