#saeun

POPO IS BORN!!!

CONGRATULATIONS MING AND SAEUN

Eunji couldn’t help the mounting anxiety as she shuffled awkwardly at her girlfriend's doorstep. When she was young, she would just walk right in. Her parents and her girlfriend's parents were close enough that they wouldn’t mind Eunji just bursting into their house if they were home. Saki and Eunji had been best friends since they were babies, no one even blinked an eye at her wandering over to Saki’s house or Saki being at her’s. Of course, they did usually have to ask their parents, but they were spoiled with the success rate they had when they asked their parents. Now half a year into dating, things were different. She wasn’t sure if it was okay to just burst into the people who she once used to consider her Aunt’s house and go up to Saki’s room. There were lines now, rules that weren’t there before. Daehyung had been right when he told her everything changed. Kihyun had mentioned something similar to Ai once when Eunji was playing games, that dating within their parent’s “friend’s family” was harder than he thought it would be. Now that Eunji was dating Saki, she completely understood.

Of course their parents were always supportive, but it was harder to engage in a relationship when they had grown up as close as they had. Eunji couldn’t remember exactly when her feelings for Saki changed from platonic to romantic, but she liked to imagine it was a natural evolution. When they were kids, it wasn’t there. She and Saki were best friends, and they did almost everything together. They had always joked about getting married, but it was dripping with childhood innocence and naïveté. Things were different when Saki presented. Eunji presenting hadn’t changed much. Saki was a few months younger and everyone around them was convinced Saki would be a Beta anyway, so she was around for a lot of the post-presenting exhaustion Eunji experienced. She brought her favorite snacks and laid in bed with her while Eunji gained her energy back and just stayed with her until she was better, talking to her the whole time to make sure she was comfortable. Eunji had expected to be a Beta, presenting as an omega had been a rude and unexpected awakening. As a kid, people always told her parents she wasn’t going to be an omega. She was too controlling, that leadership suited her too well for that. Of course her parents would always talk to her about how omegas were just as good as alphas, and just as well suited for leadership and being in charge, it didn’t stop the little seed from being implanted in Eunji’s brain. Eunji had always hated those passing thoughts she would get about omegas sometimes, and presenting as one had caused a full panic mode in her brain. Her parents knew something was wrong, but Saki was the only one Eunji ever told any of that too. And Saki would just listen to her, and wrap her up in a hug and tell her that so long as she knew her thoughts were wrong and understood why they were wrong, it was already a start. She was so sweet to her, listening to her fully and not judging her. Eunji was just mad that no one would let her return the favor when Saki presented. The adults all told her it wouldn’t be safe for either of them if Eunji was around when Saki was transitioning. She was a newly presented omega, and her being around a newly presented alpha was a bad idea. Eunji still hated the fact she wasn’t able to be there for Saki like Saki was there for her.

“Eunji sweetie?” Eunji was pulled out of her thoughts when the door opened. “Hey. Saki isn’t feeling well today.” Eunji hated Sana’s forced smile. Her Aunt was good at that, Eunji had noticed. Ever since she was young, she remembers her Aunt Sana always giving her a smile, even when Eunji knew she wasn’t happy. She had overheard many conversations of her parents from her room. It was the closest to the living room, and while her parents usually did their best, they weren’t always the best at being quiet. 

“I know.” Eunji nodded. “We talked earlier. She said it was okay if I came over.” Sana’s smile dropped as she looked surprised. “Really?” Sana asked. “Okay. If that’s what she wants.” Sana stepped to the side and Eunji quickly took her shoes off. “Can you bring her some food? She doesn’t want any of us to come in.” “Of course.” Eunji nodded. “Are the others out?” “Tzuyu and Mina took Sae to do some shopping, Saya is at practice, Sai’s out with some friends, and Nico should be in her room.” Sana nodded. “Do you want a snack or something?” “No, I’m okay.” Eunji nodded, quickly grabbing the food Sana had set out. A bottle of tea and three wrapped onigiri from the restaurant Saki had always loved since she was little. Eunji wasn’t shocked, but it did confirm some things for her. “Hey, um Aunt Sana?” “Hm?” “I don’t know how much Saki tells you, but you know none of this is your fault right?” Eunji asked. “She loves you guys a lot. I think that’s why it can be hard for her to be around you guys sometimes.” Eunji watched as her Aunt teared up.

Eunji had always wondered when Saki’s depression started. There were some signs that seemed way too obvious to her now when they were young, little comments here and there that were played off as jokes and mood swings that would end with Saki crying and telling her she was sorry, little things like that. No one had seemed to think much of them at the time, her Aunts included. As Saki got older, the comments became more frequent, and Saki’s mood swings got more unpredictable. No one seemed worried though, and so Eunji never really worried either.To be fair, it was hard to tell if Saki was serious or if she was just being a teenager. It all shifted a couple months ago. The triplets had just turned seventeen, and to celebrate Saya had invited Saki, Eunji, and Yujin to a party at a local college. Apparently, one of the old players on Saya’s soccer team went there and hooked them up. College parties were different from high school parties. High school parties were something they went to occasionally, as much as they could without getting caught, but college parties were something else. There was more alcohol, most of the people in attendance could go home and not worry about their parents finding them drunk, and while Eunji was a little nervous, she agreed. Eunji hadn’t drank much before, and she knew Saki hadn’t either. But maybe it was Saya’s obsessive talks about how they needed to cut loose for their birthday or the atmosphere of the party, but by the end of the night, Saki was absolutely hammered. And while Eunji had seen Saki drunk before, this was something different.

Drunk Saki was just normal Saki but more giggly. Drunk Saki found almost everything funny. She would have a stupid smile glued to her face as she danced around Eunji and the conversation with just about the same about of charm if not more than sober Saki. But this time, it was different. Right after finishing some shots with Saya towards the end of the night, Saki had pressed herself against Eunji. Eunji thought she was just clinging to her because her balance was off, and that she needed to get the slightly younger girl some water, but not long after Saki started bawling.Eunji thought she was joking around or something, but when she turned, she found Saki staring at her with tears dripping down her face.

xx

“What’s wrong?” Eunji remembered placing a hand on Saki’s cheek. She had always hated seeing her cry. 

“I-Eunji can we leave?” Saki choked out.

“Of course.” Eunji answered immediately. She guided the two of them outside, sitting on the curb while she texted Daehyung. He had agreed to drive them as a birthday present to Saya, and while she knew Saya and Yujin were still inside, Eunji knew she could go get them in a minute when their ride arrived. “What’s wrong?” Saki stayed quiet at the question, pushing her face into Eunji’s side as she cried. Eunji felt panic surge through her the more Saki cried. Saki was not a big crier, Eunji could count on one hand the number of times she had seen her cry, and they had known each other since they were born. Saki wouldn’t just be drunk crying. There was definitely more to it. “Hey, what’s wrong?” “I just- feel like I don’t know what I want anymore.” Saki whispered. “It hurts so much Eunji.” “What hurts?” Eunji immediately panicked, worried Saki had hurt herself. “Inside.” Saki muttered. “I-I hate feeling like this. I hate the stupid horrible thoughts. I just want it to all stop, Eunji.” “I’m- I’m sorry baby.” Eunji swallowed. Saki got that from her mom, she was terrible at telling people when something was wrong, and just as good at acting like everything was fine. Saki had her mom’s “everything is fine smile” down perfectly and while Eunji could see through it sometimes, it slipped past her more times than she would like. 

“I just- I have no reason to be sad. I have an amazing girlfriend, the perfect parents, and I get along with my sisters. But- goddamn it it just hurts so much sometimes. I have everything. I should be happy. I should be like Saya or Sai and just be happy.” “You don’t have to be happy, love.” Eunji rubbed Saki’s side. “It’s okay to be sad sometimes, even if there isn't a reason.” 

“Eunji you don’t get it.” Eunji had never hated Saki’s laugh, but the one she let out came close. “I’m always sad.” xx

The next morning, Eunji woke up to Saki crying. She had spent the night in the younger girl's bed, and despite her own nasty hangover, her first thought was to help Saki. She wasn’t expecting her girlfriend to get worse. Saki snapped at her, saying she was fine and it was just her hangover and Eunji could go home now. Eunji didn’t want to push, so she kissed Saki’s forehead and told her she loved her. That night, she hears her moms terribly try to whisper about Saki. Something had happened, Eunji knew it had. Her girlfriend hadn’t texted her all day, despite Eunji asking if she was okay. Her parents mentioned something about Saki having a breakdown, and Eunji’s heart broke at the thought. She only hoped Saki wasn’t alone. 

Really, she should have seen the signs sooner. Saki’s mood swings had been a little more frequent lately, and she was a lot more quiet than she used to be. Eunji knew there was something going on, but she hadn’t realized what it was. 

It made sense that if she was going to break down anytime, now would be it. Saki was under a lot of pressure being the ace for their volleyball team this year as well as the team captain. On top of that, Saki had opted to take all advanced classes this year. Saki was smart, but Eunji was sure there were other influences pushing her into those. Eunji had taken a non-advanced English class with Saki their first year of high school, and not two weeks in the teacher was already pulling Saki aside, telling her to move up to the advanced one because she was too smart. From what Eunji understood, Saki got that a lot. People told her she was too smart to be in regular classes, that advanced was the better fit. Eunji could understand why those classes were even more frustrating for Saki, someone who was smart, but not the best at hard work. Eunji knew that it had started when they were in middle school, Saki’s habit of not working as hard as she should. She knew it started as a way to level the playing field with Sae, even though Saki’s sister never asked, she knew Saki always felt uncomfortable with how much her achievements upset Sae. It was a careful balance, and as good of parents as her Aunt’s were, it wasn’t easy to make both Saki and Sae happy at the same time. So Saki had been the one to give up her work ethic almost entirely. She turned in her homework, but never studied or did any extra credit, just the absolute bare minimum. She still performed well, but every year her grades took a small chip as classes got harder. Of course, Saki was still ranked in the top twenty people in their grade, but everyone knew she could be number one if she tried harder. Eunji supposed it motivated some of the other top ranked people to be better, knowing that if Saki magically decided to work harder she could move above them, but Saki never intended on doing that. Eunji knew this, but had never realized how damaging that would be for Saki’s mental state, to be in that position for so many years. To constantly be told “if you worked a little harder, you would be perfect” knowing that if you worked harder, you would make someone else sad. Eunji felt bad for girlfriend, being put in that position for so long. 

Her mama comes to talk to her the next day. “Hey buddy.” Jihyo knocked on her open door, finding Eunji laying in bed. “You’ve been in your room all day.” “I’ve been thinking.” Eunji answered.

“About Saki?” Jihyo asked, Eunji only nodded in response. “Yeah, that’s what I’m here to talk about.” Jihyo went and sat on the corner of Eunji’s bed. “I know you… You have been trying your best to be supportive for Saki. And that’s great, I’m really proud of you for trying to help her. But I just want to talk to you about knowing your own limits. It’s easy to take on too much when trying to help out someone you care about, but you need to think about your own needs. We all love that you're there for Saki, but you still need to take care of yourself.” 

“I know mama.” Eunji rolled her eyes. 

“Eunji, it’s easy to think that you do, but it’s hard. I know you love Saki and you want to be with her, but you're not always going to be what’s best for her and she’s not always going to be what’s best for you. And that’s okay. You can’t just rely on each other. Not when there’s so many other people here to support both of you.” Jihyo reached out and took one of Eunji’s hands. “I want you to know you can talk to me or your mom about anything. No matter what time it is, or if you think it might get someone in trouble, it doesn’t matter. We want to support you and Saki, but you both need to let us support you.” “Thanks mama.” Eunji squeezed Jihyo’s hand back. “Of course.”

“Mama?” “Hm?” “Do you, think any of this is my fault?” Eunji asked. “I mean, I think part of what Saki is struggling with is- is school. And I don’t mean like her grades are bad or anything- but everyone just tells her that she is so smart all the time, me included, and maybe- maybe it’s better for her if we didn’t. If we didn’t… Put that pressure on her.” 

“Yeah, I understand where you are coming from.” Jihyo paused. “But, I know that you aren't the only problem.You, and probably Saki too, just want to figure out the root of the problem, what caused it. And it's easy to think it's you, I mean you're so important to Saki and she's hurting. But baby, I know it's not your fault. None of this is. It’s no one’s fault. Saki can't control how she feels, and it's not your responsibility to carry all of her emotions. You haven't done anything wrong, I promise. You’re doing better than you think you are.” Jihyo leaned over and kissed Eunji’s hair. Jihyo wasn’t one for physical affection, it was only reserved for quiet moments like this or when one of them was upset. Eunji had always accepted it, and liked that her mama wasn’t clingy to her especially as she grew up. “I love you.”

“I love you too mama.” Eunji didn't even bother to hold back tears. 

xx

“Nico?” Eunji was confused when she saw her girlfriend’s little sister sitting in front of her bedroom door. Her legs were folded beneath her as she sat on the floor. “What are you doing?” 

“Saki Unnie doesn't want any of us to come in.” Nico answered. “So I’m guarding the door. Until she feels better.” 

“Nico…” Eunji trailed off. “That's very sweet. But Saki gave me a pass.” 

“Did she?” Nico narrowed her eyes at Eunji. “Well, you do make Saki Unnie happy. So you can come in.” 

“Thank you.” Eunji couldn't help but giggle at the way Nico scooted over. “You're a good little sister.” Eunji ruffled Nico’s hair with her free hand. On the other hand, she carefully balanced a plate Sana had made for Saki. Eunji gently closed the door behind her, quickly finding her girlfriend. Saki was in bed, her covers as much of a mess as her hair. “Hi.” Eunji made sure to keep her tone even as she set Saki’s food down on her nightstand. “I brought you some food.”

“Not hungry.” Saki pouted, rolling away from Eunji.

“Your mom said you haven't eaten all day. Just a few bites, for your girlfriend whom you love more than anything?”

“Fine.” Saki sighed dramatically, sitting up and turning towards Eunji. 

“Here.” Eunji grabbed the chopsticks on the edge of the plate and picked up a piece of a rolled omelet. “Say ah.”

“M’ not a baby.” Saki pouted. 

“I know, but you're just as cute as one.” Normally, Saki would protest with a blush on her face, but Eunji understood her lack of response. “It's just a little bit of food.”

“Okay.” Saki sighed, eating the pieces of food offered to her. Once the plate was mostly empty, Eunji set it to the side and moved to hand Saki her water. Saki accepted without a fuss, drinking her water and then laying down. 

“Laying down after eating is bad for you.” Eunji mindlessly replied. 

“It's fine. Coach works us hard enough at practice.” Saki rolled her eyes. Eunji could tell she was already feeling a little better, it probably had to do with the food she just ate. 

“You do have a point about that one.” Eunji laid down next to Saki. “Do you want to talk?”

“Want to? No.” Saki responded, taking a deep breath. “Have to? Probably yes.”

“You don't have to do anything.” Eunji kissed Saki’s shoulder. “I can wait for you.”

“I mean, eventually you have to go home.”

“I can text my mom.” Eunji shrugged. “She’ll let me stay.”

“I don't think my parents would be as cool with it.” 

“Well then, they will have to drag me out of here.” Eunji nodded. 

“You're cute.” Saki patted Eunji’s head. 

“I would hope you think so. We’ve been dating for a while.” Eunji giggled, just happy Saki was willing to carry a conversation with her. She thanked the magic of food. “But I’m serious. Your mom will have to carry me out.”

“I-yeah…” Saki trailed off. “Look okay, it's going to sound really stupid…”

“Nothing you say is stupid Saki.” Eunji put one hand on her girlfriend’s cheek. “Your feelings are especially not stupid.”

“These ones are.”

“None of them are.” Eunji nodded. “I promise. I won't judge you.”

“They released the class rankings last week.” Saki started.

“Yes, I remember.” Eunji had never cared much for her rank in her grade. She wasn’t anywhere near the top, but she wasn’t close to the bottom either. She liked being in the middle. Her parents didn’t ask her to get perfect grades or be ranked first, and she was okay with it too. “Is this about Sae?” “No.” Saki nodded. “Well, I mean my sister being all pouty that she’s below me didn’t help. But, my parents are working with her. Trying to work with her.” “Oh? Well that’s good.” Eunji nodded. “What is it?” “It’s just… My math teacher called me aside after class. She told me that she was, disappointed in my rank. She said that I should be higher, considering how I am as a student. She told me that if I just turned in more homework, or studied a little harder, I would be first. I don’t know, I know it’s not important. I mean she barely knows me. But, I don’t know. People say that shit to me all the time. And even if they don’t say it, my parents definitely are thinking it.” Saki sighed. “I’ve heard this all a million times. But isn’t it okay to not want to be number one? I know it’s Sae’s life aspiration or whatever, but I just, I don’t care about things like that.” “That’s okay.” Eunji reassured. “You don’t have to be first. In fact, I like the way things are now.” “Hm? “Babe, you are a starter on the volleyball team, you babysit your sister, you are in science club, you take almost all AP classes, you have enough on your plate. You do so much already, and I don’t want you to take anymore. And I know you don’t want to either.” Eunji tightened her hold on Saki. “It’s okay to not want to be first love.” Tears rushed to Saki’s eyes. Eunji moved Saki’s face to her shoulder and held her girlfriend as she cried, gently rubbing her back as she let her girlfriend cry. “I’m proud of you Saki.” “Huh?” “I’m serious. I’m proud of you the way you are.” Eunji kissed Saki’s forehead after she withdrew her face. “I love you so much.” “I love you too.” “And for the record, I don’t think your parents care as much as you think, you should talk to them about it.” “I’ll talk to my mom about it.” “That’s a start.” Eunji smiled. 

“For now…” Saki trailed off. “Can we just cuddle? Until my brain decides to be a little quieter and believe my very smart girlfriend.” “Sure.” Eunji wrapped Saki up in her arms, taking them down into a spooning position. “Why do you always get to be the big spoon?” Saki pouted.

“Are we really having this argument again?” Eunji giggled as she twined their fingers together. “Because you are a baby when you're all upset about things.” “I’m only three months younger than you.” “Baby.” Eunji giggled. “Besides, do you really think your big spoon material?” Saki blushed as Eunji kissed her cheek. “Thought so.” “I hate you.” “I love you too.”

That’s how he ended up out here, on his much loved unicycle, with a small crowd gathering around him. It was almost nostalgic, this being the very way he’d been scouted by KMG in the first place, performing and busking in Seoul. It seemed like a distant memory, back when he had to take his cycle on the train with him into the city. If one thing remained the same, it was the weird looks that he often received from strangers, but the memory of those were long gone when he actually put on a show, replaced by wide eyes and amazed gasps from the gatherings of people that came to watch him.

“I can juggle too, if you wanna see!” The blonde offered to the few people who were watching him, met with small cheers as he hopped off for just a moment, dismounting the unicycle to rummage through his backpack for some of his other circus tricks that he’d prepared. @vldsaeun​

Maybe, he could help to give her a nudge in the right direction.

One thing his parents hadn’t been very good at showing while he was growing up was positive reinforcement, only focusing on punishing the negative. As of late Kyuu had been noticing more and more the similarities between him and them, most notably, his mother. So, perhaps it was something he should try, rewarding the woman for pursuing one of her own goals, even if it meant taking time away from the group. 

There were meetings being held in the building today for Iota, so he knew the leader would be around. He waited in the lobby until he noticed some of their staff exiting the building, scrolling through his phone mindlessly until it was safe for him to take the elevator, paying no mind to those he walked past until he found the woman he’d been looking for.

“Saeun, hello~” The idol greeted as she came into view, bouquet of small yet expensive flowers held in his hand. “I had been intending on sending these to you weeks ago, but with our tour I wasn’t able to find the time. They’re a gift, you know. Congratulations on your acting role.” @vldsaeun​

Even if he was the only person in his group who wasn’t allowed to cover up, showing off more skin than the rest of the group combined. Granted, it was only his arms, but it was still something he’d noticed. Especially since Hyunsik wasn’t the best at noticing much of anything, a lot of the time.

Finding out they were promoting at the same time as Iota had been a nice surprise. They were a group Hyunsik was pretty familiar with, having met a few of the members over the years simply due to them all being active for so long. It was kind of hard to avoid them, that was if he’d even wanted to. So, when there was an opportunity to say hello after they had all finished filming, he couldn’t help himself. They were all talented, and very pretty. “Hello, anyone home?” The older man knocked gingerly on the waiting room door as he slowly poked his head inside, unsure if any of the members would still be around after filming. @vldsaeun​