#sadgaymonkey

Oooh what a great question!

Okay let me break it down in some ways. Not excusing this behavior at all, just weighing in on what I think applies to it.

1. Home life. From what we can gauge, Van has a troubled relationship with her mom. One that she has no problem with being physically violent. That tells me that she was very likely hit or physically abused by her own mother.

It also safe to assume that her dad is not in the picture, since she only talks about her mom raising her.

This isolation coupled with a physically abusive parent with a drinking problem leads to poor conflict resolution skills (obviously).

2. Van and Misty. I feel that Van has some definite signs of being neurodivergent. Misty reflects a lot of traits around this that I think remind Van of herself. The infodumping, the over earnestness, the inability to read social cues. Van has all of those traits!!

She is just better at masking them! And I think she deeply tries to remind everyone, ESPECIALLY Misty, that she is not the same.

3. Social hierarchy. Van’s visible gayness, lack of dressing in name brands (i know they don’t show brand names but I can kind of guess that Van doesn’t buy the latest and greatest fashion), nerdiness, and messed up home life (people would bully others about that shit in the 90s 😭) means she was absolutely bullied in school.

As someone also bullied for similar things+growing up in a messed up home life, I developed being mean back as a defense mechanism. I think Van started bullying other bullies. And then it seeps into other interactions because it’s hard to get out of that aggressive headspace.

I imagine Van being pathetically easy to arouse around Tai, involuntarily getting wet at the slightest sight of her doing something ordinary. In the wilderness, she’d avoid staring when her girlfriend was cutting logs, ‘cause her arms, her hands, her moves—everything turned her on so deeply. And it wasn’t exactly something she could take care of easily out there. But it’s always been like that, even pre-crash. The day Tai wore a skirt… ooof. Someone went home, locked the bedroom door, and immediately got off thinking about Tai’s legs in that skirt, her skin, her hair.

And Tai loves loves loves to use this against her sometimes

Fuck, why does she always look so good doing that? Van wondered as she watched Taissa swiftly split a log.

Van would routinely become distracted at the flex of Taissa’s arms, the way her legs flexed as she planted her boots for the next swing, the way stray bands of sweat crept out of her hair scarf and spilled into her chest.

Her chest. The way it heaved with her heavy breaths. Van was stuck thinking about how it had heaved two nights ago, after Taissa had fucked herself on Van’s fingers to her third orgasm in a row.

…

“Van!”

Taissa’s voice snapped Van back to the present.

“Huh?” Van said.

“I said, ‘would you like some water?’” Taissa took a languid drink out of the bowl she had carried to the wood pile. Van zeroed in on how her chin glistened with what she didn’t catch in her mouth.

She looks perfect with her chin glistening. Van heard Taissa slosh the bowl and regained her focus. “Uh, nah. I’m- I’m good.”

A sparkle twinkled in Taissa’s gaze. She set the water bowl down and made a small grimace.

“What’s wrong?” Van asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Taissa said. “Just a pesky little splinter.”

Before Van could reply, Taissa stuck the tip of her middle finger into her mouth and sucked at it. Her eyes were fixed onto Van’s as her lips worked around her finger tip.

Holy fuck.

Van looked around. There were a fair amount of people in the village doing chores. “Uh Tai?” Van gulped.

“Mmm?” Taissa purred.

“I think I spotted a nice fir a little ways out east. Uh, we should go take a look at it.”

not sure if you were talking about Van having a literal dick or if you’re thinking about a strap, but!

Something that crossed my mind more than once is how Van would gather the courage to tenderly ask Tai if she’s up for role-playing something that involves Van already wearing the strap under her clothes. Like, a scenario where Van comes home and Tai is waiting for her, thirsty for that cookie. She’d slowly work at Van’s belt, kneeling and taking her in her mouth.

Or whatever other scene they’d set up, just so Van doesn’t have to stop in the middle to put the strap on. it’s already there, like part of her, and that just makes it even hotter. Turns them on very much so, I think Tai would enjoy it too. Idk, thoughts?

Don’t apologize, I enjoy your asks!

Van having a dick is open to interpretation of the asker. I wanna talk about all of it!

That’s a great scenario

—

“Um, Tai. I wanna. Erm. Try something.”

“Oh?” Taissa cocks an eyebrow.

Van clams up. “Yeah. Uh just. You’ll know when it happens. Just go with it. If it’s something you like.”

Taissa’s eyes gleam as she nods sincerely.

—

About a week later Taissa is in the kitchen making a smoothie. Van comes in the front door in a huff.

“Hey baby, how was the store?”

Van looks up and down at Taissa’s workout clothes. A flash crosses Van’s eyes.

“Uh, you want a smoothie?”

Van nods. As Taissa turns back to the blender, Van quickly closes the gap.

Tai purrs as Van nuzzles into her neck. Van’s hands grope Tai’s ass.

Taissa feels something push into her. “Happy to see me, I see.”

“Do you like it?” Van whispers. “It’s for you.”

Taissa feels a thrill rush through her chest as Van hungrily nips at her shoulder. Van digs the bulge firmly against Taissa’s ass, eliciting a sigh. “I like it, Van. Mmm.” She grasps a handful of Van’s hair behind her.

Van continues her slow grind as she palms Tai’s tits.

“Van. Can I show you how much I like this?” Taissa groans.

Van hesitates slightly to consider the question, to which Taissa swiftly turns around and kneels in front of her.

“Oh, Tai.” Van moans as Taissa’s fingers make quick work of Van’s belt and zipper.

As the dildo pokes through Van’s boxers, Taissa asks. “You were this hard at the store thinking about me?” She licks down the length of the shaft. “Poor boy.”

“Fuuuuck,” Van moans as Taissa takes the length into her mouth.

AAAH! I love this question. I love any 90s related question.

So Van probably loved all sorts of video games but consoles were really damn expensive! So I imagine Van only had one console and I think it was a Sega Genesis

But also had a gameboy. Not a gameboy Color, and not a gameboy pocket, but the big honker.

And then adult Van would have loved when the Wii first came out. I don’t see Van as much of an X-box person but I could see Van liking some PlayStation games but not really concerned about getting the latest and greatest. Probably got a DS and an n64

I feel chatty and have been struggling to write recently, so I thought chatting about could help 🤪

I've heard about two tips for when you get stuck on something like this. 1 is to write either way, good or bad, but just start writing and it will get you somewhere. 2 is to actually don't write, and go do something else so you don't burn yourself out, then try again another time.

But I go beyond that! Because now I get stuck on whether I should force writing or leave it for a while.

So, I think I saw a post of yours saying you got the writer's curse, and I wonder if you have any tips or just recommendations on what you do to get through this. Because I also try to write something else when I feel stuck, and that just results in me having 4 unfinished fics that, each time I go back to them, I feel like I’ve lost the line I was going with

Hi! Good to hear from you!!

I am a big fan of the ‘leave it’ approach because when I wait until I feel inspired , I can really go to town on it.

But I do not force myself to write something start to finish. I will write snippets (no matter how small) of whatever is on my mind and assemble the loose parts. Then when there’s not much filler left between all the snippets I’ll set a day or two aside to just write the rest.

Then what I do when I’m not really feeling any inspo is that I still think of the chapter/piece. I create mood boards, I look at tarot cards, I make playlists, I make art, I write little metas of dynamics, I go on research tangents, I watch thematic movies (this is why I love Van centered fanfic). I still am creating something relevant to what I’m trying to write, but going easy on myself for not knowing what to write all the time.

If found that if I have a creative block of any kind, it’s because I need to take in more.

@sadgaymonkey your ask went wonky so have to answer this way.

Hi!

20 is already answered:

28. what's your Weird Thing? like a specific bowl you like or a way you do something or a ridiculous food combination or insane sleep set up or something.