9914
12:14am What a crap day. I learned that my darling Lux needs a 4000 dollar surgery to remove a polyp from his ear after we already did a procedure for 1000. I'm just stressed and overwhelmed and tired and lost and so many things. My heart has been and is fluttering all over the place lately. I guess from the stress. And then of course he's still haunting me. It's really bad tonight, the worse it's been in awhile. Our conversations feel super vivid right now. I think it's the approaching cold weather and how that always seems to bring us closer. Not to mention everything I've been seeing about riot fest. I know you'll be there and how much you love it. But it can't, not this year. Tonight, I don't feel a longing for you or even missing you, I just feel hurt. Pure pain. Maybe that's good though yknow, maybe I'll hurt and heal and move on. God, I just want you in my life so bad. I'm sorry and I miss you. <3
