#sad driver

I really wish i had loads of free time and a place to go, so i could spend long weeks or months alone. With no pressures from life and people. No people, no phone, no socials. Read the books i promised myself to read, write some poetry, meditate in isolated places. Make some art again, listen to music and get emotional without people noticing. Learn to play the guitar, record some bluesy shit, make ambient noise with proper analogic setups. No need to take the car, drink freely, walk paths with no people in sight. Escape from reality without the same routine starting over again when i wake up in the morning, hungover. I wanna lose sense of time in a good way for once. I've never really been alone with myself for more than a few days straight, i realize. Never had the chance to really get rid of all my masks and breathe free. One day, maybe...

Spent my whole youth in a wrong body. Now it's too late, i'll never live those years again, even if i could get my real shape.

So i'm planning the road trip for this winter when i'll go full motörhermit for a night. This time i hope i can actually go from my city to the mountains and then to the sea, if it's a super clear night (after a storm) then it should be seriously stunning. Last winter i could even see a bright shooting star. There's a spot that should allow me to see my city and the sea from the mountains, and i always wanted to drive and walk through a ghost town like an off-season sea town. Actually, it's not just "any" sea town, there are some memories there. It's gonna take half a tank of Diesel fuel to do the whole thing but you know what? Fuck it, a car is meant to be driven and not just used to go from point A to point B like i do everyday. There are places to see, roads to travel and fuel to burn. People go around and spend a lot of money every year just to consume their holidays, i'm gonna drive to find some peace. Just me, the car and the asphalt under my wheels. I might borrow my brother's camera 'cause if the sight is as good as i think it will be, then i must take some decent photos (i'll show ya, i promise). I'm tired of the same thoughts, the same stress, the same people and the same booze. Can't wait for temperatures to drop and for snow to fall, then i'll be ready to go ♠️

Wondering why those cute people never interact w/ me at gigs, then i remember it's me who's hiding, avoiding talk, and being genuinely uninterested in any conversation. It's just the way it's meant to go, who i am vs how the real world works.

It's a wonderful night, fresh, and the sky is clear enough to spot some meteors. I was sitting on the ground, leaning against my car, looking up. I thought to myself: "y'know what is missing right now? A chilled bottle of beer" but i knew it wasn't the only thing i'd have wanted near me. "Yeah, and her, too". I knew she would have loved it, the sky and the space are some of her favorite things, she's truly passionate about them. She could have been there with me, talking about the stars, about her plans to study physics and discover the magic of the Cosmos. Instead, i guess she was sleeping in her bed, 600 miles away from me, after going home from a job she hates, too tired to look up. Or maybe, she briefely did, sad she couldn't do that for longer. I don't know. I wish i could do something for her, take her away from that reality and give her a better one, like i did in one of my dreams. Yet i can barely do something for myself. "Alright, it's 5 am, time to go to bed" got up, locked the car, walked to my home's door. "It's really a wonderful night", i thought to myself.

Why the FUCK do we have to live literally at the opposite sides of this shithole of a Country?