#s113

GG: karkat!!!!! CG: WHOA FUCK CG: YOU ANSWERED ME, I DONT BELIEVE IT

It’s been a long time coming, but we’ve finally made it to the conversation Karkat prophesied thousands of pages ago.

We know this conversation is 'important', but we've never been told why. Perhaps it's time for Jade to come up with her version of the Scratch plan before Doc shows up to corrupt it.

GG: i never thought id say this, but im actually almost relieved to talk to you […] GG: or really ANYBODY besides that lunatic GG: SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!! […] CG: HOW SO, EVERYTHING HERE APPEARS TO BE PROCEEDING RATIONALLY.

“I MEAN, YOU’RE JUST YELLING AT YOUR PAST SELF, RIGHT? I LITERALLY DO THAT SHIT ON THE DAILY.”

GG: […] im trying to be strong about all that so we can keep moving forward GG: and if i can then why cant she? […] CG: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. GG: I SAID STOP SAYING FUCKING HMM CG: o:B GG: what does THAT mean????? GG: is that supposed to be someone with a halo and goofy teeth? GG: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME? […] CG: THOSE ARE MY HORNS

I love that Karkat’s experimenting with personalized emoticons.

He picked it up from Aradia, and nothing can convince me otherwise. Lowblood solidarity never dies 👊🩸

CG: IF I RECALL, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO FROM EITHER OF OUR PERSPECTIVES THAT YOU WERE RIPPING ON ME AND MY SMUG WINDBAG FUTURE SELF FOR ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER […] GG: this is NOTHING like that! […] GG: she's ACTUALLY INSANE CG: OH I SEE, AND ALL THOSE IDIOT PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS WEREN'T??? […] GG: those are you GG: im not her!

Sorry, Jade, but Karkat’s got you bang to rights here.

The sources of your rage are a little different, though. Karkat hates his alt-selves because they act exactly like he does, and he can't stand the way he acts. He's trapped in an endless cycle of yelling at Future Karkat, becoming Future Karkat, and getting so mad at Past Karkat that he takes it out on Double-Future Karkat.

Meanwhile, Jade hates Jadesprite because she openly expresses the terror and hopelessness that she's desperately been trying to hide. Jadesprite may be a 'blubbering goddamn pansy', but she's also processing emotions that need to be processed, which is something Jade isn't quite ready to face. She just wants to be cheerful - but for a second, Jadesprite forced her to be honest.

The Fourth Wall again?

So far, it's really only been relevant to the non-canonical Hussie interludes, but maybe it’s dangerous for Watsonian reasons, too. Gamzee certainly seems interested in it...

It did belong to Jack originally. Maybe Derse can still make use of it, so it needs to be disabled before someone like DD gets any clever ideas.

CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT. CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH. […] CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

Oh, I get it. Karkat’s taking a little break from canon himself, and explaining to the audience that too many meta shenanigans would eventually ruin the story.

I’m absolutely in agreement with this. A fourth-wall break in the wrong place could completely ruin the comic’s dramatic stakes. This is a goofy comic, and we have fun here, but going full Deadpool would tear the plot to shreds.

CG: […] MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF CG: TO HELP ALONG THE PROCESS OF MAKING THESE PLANS CG: WHILE YOUR FUTURE SELF IS DELIBERATELY VAGUE ABOUT SOME STUFF SO AS NOT TO "JINX" THE CONCEPTION OF THE IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE I GUESS?

I like this idea. It allows Future Jade to guide her past self’s actions, but filters her guidance through a layer of indirection. Present Jade will be getting some help, but she'll still be able to come up with her own original ideas.

Jade really doesn’t want her plans to be stable-looped into existence, and I can get behind that sentiment, too.

CG: MEANWHILE TIME IS KIND OF RUNNING OUT HERE, WHERE I AM CG: WE'RE COUNTING DOWN TO SOMETHING CG: SOMETHING LOOMING ON THE TROLLIAN TIMELINE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS CG: AND MY TEAM IS KIND OF FALLING APART CG: I'M COMPLETELY LOSING TRACK OF EVERYONE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

It's been a while since we've done a Veil roll call, actually. Let's give it a whirl.

Karkat is coordinating with Jade on what may or may not become the Scratch plan, and trying to keep tabs on his deteriorating team.

Vriska and Terezi are fighting a proxy war using John and Dave respectively.

Aradia has exploded, and the status of her ghost is currently unknown.

Kanaya is trying in vain to dissuade Rose from the trajectory that Scratch and the Gods have set her on.

Gamzee has recently developed a hatecrush on Dave. He also has some huge hidden importance to the comic, and he’s going to be attacked close to the end of the countdown.

Eridan is planning to confront Jack with his 'awesome' new Science Wand.

Tavros is on his way to confront Vriska and there's like a 98% chance she's going to paralyze him again.

Feferi is consorting with monsters in her dreams. She's also destined to be killed, but her assailant is currently unknown.

Sometimes I really do forget these kids are thirteen.

CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES. CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER. […] CG: CONGRATULATIONS, IN ADDITION TO, JUST MAYBE, AN APOLOGY. […] GG: no forget it, im not apologizing that is BULLSHIT […] CG: […] I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SPECIFY TO WHOM AN APOLOGY WAS IN ORDER. [...] GG: are you saying you want to apologize CG: I GUESS

We’ve never seen Karkat sincerely apologize for his shit before.

Jade might not be in a position to appreciate it, but this is a moment of genuine personal growth for him, and I'm honestly kind of proud of the little goober.

CG: I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T COTTON TO MY PCG/FCG STUPIDITY. CG: BUT SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET. CG: OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET. CG: SO I'M KIND OF PULLING A FAST ONE HERE.

Wait, this is a little confusing. So he's saying that Jade is going to be annoyed by the Past Karkat nonsense, but she hasn't been annoyed by it yet.

Specifically, she's not yet aware that Karkat knows it annoys her.

However, she made her feelings on the matter abundantly clear in their previous conversation. She's fully aware that Karkat's aware that she hates this Trollian shit.

Maybe I'm misinterpreting it? The phrasing is deliberately confusing, so I'm only 90% sure I've got the right end of the stick here.

CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I TROLLED YOU LIKE THAT SO PERSISTENTLY CG: FOR SOME REASON DEEP DOWN I JUST KNEW THAT I HAD TO CG: EVEN IF IT MEANT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A HUGE HOLE WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE HARD TO CLIMB OUT OF […] CG: I, PRESENT KARKAT, IN THE CURRENT MOMENT, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID PAST SELF, WHO IS ACTUALLY ME. CG: THE GUY TALKING RIGHT NOW. CG: LIKE, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE GUYS, OK? […] GG: ok karkat, that sounds pretty sincere to me

And that, I believe, is a wrap on Project Trolling.

There's no more antagonism left in any of the trolls - or at least, they're no longer antagonizing the kids specifically because of the Mistake. Instead, they simply treat them with the same belligerence as their Alternian compatriots - and if that's not camaraderie, I don't know what is.

Project Trolling is dead. It's finally transitioned, truly and completely, into Project Friendship - my favourite emotion of all.

pumayag naman sya then nagusap kami ng nagusap i named my self as “anon the anon” ang saya nya kausap medyo walang sense pero masaya ko. masaya ko at ayaw kong matapos to. until one day nagFM sya sakin asking kung ako daw ba yun. dahil natatakot padin ako hindi ko nalang sinagot. nag usap padin kami as anon ako and oo tinatago ko padin lahat tho parang gusto ko na sya, i mean oo gusto ko na sya oo. kaso mas ok yata to sana.  

tapos isang araw may nag aamok na anon nag aamok na sya lang daw nag aanon sa sarili nya. naainis ako kasi alam ko yung totoo hindi ako nag isip nag TA ata or FM ako sakanya na ako yung anon nya. ayaw ko kasing magdala ng trouble and im wishing na walang magbago samin na hindi sya lalayo kasi gusto ko na sya. hayy punong puno nanaman ako ng takot at naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ako sanay na ganito ako ang weak ko. 

yun luckily walang nagbago nag anon pa ko asking kung may nagbago wala naman daw. at ang saya ko kasi hindi sya lalayo hindi sya mawawala. im no longer an anon kasi alam na nya at gusto ko sya.

medyo matagal-tagal na kaming naguusap at masaya naman so akala ko ok na. nitong gabi kasi ang saya, komportable masaya kaming nagusap tungkol sa mga bagay. kaso paggising ko akala ko nanaginip lang ako nung gabi na ayaw kong maniwalang hindi pala ganun na mali ako na wala palang ok.nawalan kami ng net tanginuuu nung unang gabi palang halos mabaliw na ko kaya kinabukasan nag pumilit na ko pumunta ng comp. shop. para makapagtumblr, or mag iwan manlang ng TA or Fm kaso sana pala hindi nalang sana.. nag FM sya masaya kaso nung unang sentence palang ayaw ko ng magbasa. kaso kung hindi ko babasahin hindi ko malalaman at oo ang sakit sakin. nakalimutan ko na nasa comp.shop ako basta nakita ko nalang sarili ko na nakayuko at hindi natigil yung luha ko. kaya nag out na ko agad nakakahiya e. umuwi ako sa bahay naambon kaya di nila napansin na may nagbago, pumasok ako sa kwarto ko. later lumabas ako ng bahay kailangan kong lumabas naiisip ko lang na magmakaawa sa twing ganito ako ayaw ko syang mawala kaya kailangan kong maglibang. sabi sakin ng kapatid ko naninibago lang ako coz i’ve never been rejected, nakasanayan ko daw na ako ang hinahabol. nag isip ako lahat then i got this 3 hell days, nasapak ako ng bf ng bestfriend ko, naligo sa ulan at nagjoyride sa kawalan kaso wala padin. nagFM ako na kung pwede ko ba syang maging kaibigan ulit.

 inisip ko nung mga oras na nagTA ako sabi ko ok na kahit kalimutan ko lahat i mean isantabi yung lahat. gusto ko lang maging ok kami, yung hindi sya iiwas hindi lalayo kasi kaibigan nya ko. ayun hanggang sa naging ok na kami ulit nagkukulitan masaya, yung sweet-sweetan effect na parang kami pero hindi. kaya minsan magulo magulo ang utak ko :D. minsan magulo din naman sya yes and no sya. so ayun sabi ko i’ll give her time to think kung ano ba talaga. kasi minsan oo close kami tas maya maya itutulak ka nya palayo tas lalapit uli ganun unstable. i thought it was over this time wala ng mangyayari since magulo at ako yung magulo ngayon babalik naman talaga ko nagisip lang para din makapag isip sya. lagi nya kasing napagduduhan yung feelings ko wherein i stated everything naman under the sun and sincere like i committed a crime. sobra ko na syang mahal kaya masakit na di nya alam na ganun, na mahal na mahal ko sya at ayaw nyang maniwala.

sakto kaskype ko yung isang friend ko na blogger tapos biglang nagtanong hanggang sa kumakanta ko pero naiyak na pala ako ang weak ko talaga. hindi na ko nakapagtago nakita na nila e ang sabi ko nalang sana wag nalang ipagkalat nakakahiya ang cool ko kaya tas iiyak lang.  nakakahiya talaga parang naubos lahat ng kaastigan ko sa katawan.

hindi naman nagtagal yon naging ok din kami ulit. nung una ang dami nyang tanong kung ok na ba talaga ok na talaga :) normal na ulit masaya na ko ulit. since alam kong mahal nya ko :). tas naiisip ko na ayusin ang lahat to make it official kasi mahirap yung ganito. nagtanong muna ko sa mga kakilala ko kung pano manligaw kasi hindi ko pa natatatry. wala namang nakakaalam so gagawin ko nalang yung mga bagay na kaya ko sa ganitong distansya. ang mahalaga lang don maiparamdam ko na mahal ko talaga sya. 

at ayun i asked her ay not asked kasi naman kahit oo o hindi may pagasa o wala liligawan ko padin sya.

valentines day i made a video para sakanya at pinost ko din dito sa tumblr. sinabi ko lang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sakanya then after i post something na nagtatanong kung pwede ko syang ligawan. ok lang naman yung sagot nya so panibagong challenge pano ko manliligaw kung oras at distansya ang kalaban. kaya ayun nag isip nalang ako ng paraan, after valentines nagsend ako ng letters araw-araw. may kasamang rose picture lang tas message na ang requirement lang ay maging sincere. tas nung maubusan na ko ng kulay ng roses iba naman kung ano lang maisip ko. tapos pag natawag sya kakanta ko or dadaldal hanggang magsawa sya and lagi ko padin sinasabing mahal na mahal ko sya. nakalimutan ko kung ilang days basta hindi umabot ng 20 naging kami. but then di natapos yun dun ganun padin ligawan ng araw-araw sinusulatan ko padin sya at kinakantahan may kasama ng sayaw at tula minsan rap ngayon. kahit ano mapasaya lang sya hindi natatapos yan sa isang YES lang YES araw araw.

naging mabilis man ang lahat, magulo basta madami kaming pinagdaanan. di man ideal yung relationship namin hanggang ngayon may issue padin. hindi nasusukat ng kung gaano kabilis o kabagal ang lahat. kahit hanggang ngayon madaming nagdududa, kung ano ba talaga. kung ano man to basta mahal ko sya, mahal na mahal :) ilang beses ko man ikwento to ganun padin yun mahal ko padin yung kinukwento ko. at hindi ako mapapagod na patunayan na tunay tong nararamdaman ko, na mahal ko sya sa bawat segundo at hindi ko na kailangan pa ng iba. all in one na yan e bestfriend, tropa, ate/kuya, nanay/tatay at girlfriend sa sarili nyang paraan.