‘ winters have always been the loneliest days ’ ( from Kaneki )
Poetry Starters : Accepting!
“Oh, what is winter like?”
The question slips out absentmindedly as she immediately opened her lilac eyes back up in alarm. Did she just say that aloud? Homura can feel her cheeks starting to burn up in embarrassment. Did anyone else hear her in this peaceful little cafe? Wait, no— Did HE just hear what she said? She was normally so careful with what she said aloud to practically everyone. All in all, she was worried that Kaneki heard her. He was sitting right across from her and this made her panic. Luckily, she was not holding her cup of tea right now. She knew she would have dropped it in an instance. “Um… I mean…” She struggles to come up with a believable excuse.
Truth be told, she has not seen snowfall in what felt like years. Has it been years? Yes, it has. But Homura has lost count. She has forgotten what winter has felt like. When was the last time that she was caught in the middle of a blizzard? Due to being alone and sickly, she did not have any fond memories of winter. Then again, the same could be said about some other seasons. Spring is a perfect example. A bittersweet example. Stuck in this endless cycle of time, the ravenette had just gotten used to the beauty of spring. But it was not always beautiful. It started off like a familiar dream and she will be hopeful that maybe this time will be the last time—
Then Walpurgisnacht would arrive with her colorful circus and dangerous storm. As if to tell her that this brand new timeline should never be considered a dream. It will always be a tragic comedy with Homura playing the role of the fool and Walpurgisnacht the laughing audience. With the storm clouds and rain will come the oh so familiar flooding… In her embarrassed state, she wonders if he would laugh at her stupid behavior. Even in her current state right now, she can still recall the laughter of the Walpurgisnacht. Remember how that witch will always arrive at the end of each month and certainly in her dreams. Even in her sleep, Walpurgisnacht has found a way to torment her. At least she could avoid Walpurgisnacht in her sleep due to her lack of proper sleeping. But she could never avoid Walpurgisnacht in reality. Only prolong her failure and repeat it like a broken record. Even when she was awake, she was always bothered and thinking about Walpurgisnacht. Over and over and—
“I’m s-sorry… I did not mean to, um, say that…” She fumbles over her words and fails to come up with an excuse. If he would not laugh, she could think of plenty of other reactions in her head and dwell on this for ages. Clearing her throat, Homura would start to speak and avoid picking up her teacup. She feared she would start to tremble a little bit with something in her hand. She drops her gaze and avoids eye contact. It takes her what feels like forever to speak again. She refuses to hold her tongue for too long and so she speaks again in a solemn tone:
“I understand lonely winters. I have felt lonely winters as well. No amount of books can cure that loneliness in my experience. I’m sorry that winters are so lonely for you. You deserve to enjoy winter and life…” Her words are sincere. Seasons like winter do not exist for her in so, so, so long. “But at least its just winter that brings you loneliness— At least it is not all of the seasons…” She is silent for a few seconds and plans to not raise her gaze due to her stupid mistake. Too ashamed in her accident and yet not that surprised. However, the aching in her heart begs her to look up and she gives in. She looks up directly at him and tries to reassure him as if her words held such power. Her words, like her efforts, do not hold any power truly. She knows better. But she says what she has to say in a weak attempt. “I hope that not all the seasons bring you such loneliness. I hope that winter will eventually bring you comfort instead of such pain… Maybe something will change winter for you this year?”