#s shops

Gladly! In my opinion, the key separates you need for formal dressing are:

A silky / slouchy pant in navy / black, some of kind of shiny or drapey fabric (my current ones are crinkley black silk, high waisted, wide leg)

A midi skirt in a more casual fabric, neutral color (the most commonly seen one here would be a satin slip skirt)

A longer (tea or full) length skirt in a quite dressy fabric (something with some shine, my current one is a big volume skirt in a heavy satin)

At least two blouses, one black and one white, two different necklines, at least one drapey, both in formal fabrics (I have a few but my key two are both silk, one a classic black silk tank, one a high necked white drapey tank).

A black heel (classic stiletto style is most versatile), a pop of color heel (can be a more unusual shape). If you don't wear heels (1) you should find one comfortable enough black pair, I promise it exists and it will make your life easier, (2) a velvet or silk sculptural slipper can be a good option.

A range of accessories. Personally I'd go for: at least one chunky metal bangle / cuff, at least one delicate tennis-style bracelet or something else shiny, at least one set of beautiful long beads, at least one belt with personality, maybe some brooches, a few pairs of earnings including something dangly in gold or silver, diamond (or fake diamond) studs, something pearl, and something unusual, at least two clutches, one neutral and one funky.

With these combinations, you can make a whole range of formal to semi formal outfits. Long black skirt + black tank top + tennis bracelet + black stilettos is very formal, black tie event ready with the right hair and lipstick. Silky drapey pants + white tank + quirky earrings + slippers is perfect for a gallery opening. Friend's 30th: midi skirt + black tank + strong belt + colorful heels. You can even get a funeral out of black midi skirt + black heels + black tank if you add a conservative black cardigan.

Obviously adding onto this creates more variations, more opportunities for nuance. I personally would say jackets are my next favorite layer, I have everything from a formal white dinner jacket style blazer to my handwoven Bhutanese toego. Sweaters as well, I have a cropped white mohair jumper that gets a lot of wear for these kind of events. Also never underestimate the power of no bra + backwards cardigan, unexpectedly sexy and fun.

Great question! So for something important, something black tie, something last minute, I have to admit: I go straight to Harrods. After very frustrating days trying to buy a black tie dress at literally every other department store in London, I can say with extreme confidence that you don't need to waste your time; go straight to Harrods (if you're in Chicago: Bloomingdales on Michigan Ave).

But if you're not shopping in person and have more time / flexibility, here are a few of my favorite options.

Rixo for fun and flirty. They really are the queens of party dresses, and you can shop by occasion. I have a green wrap dress from there that's over 10 years old and still gets good use every year. My personal fav of their current offering is this lacy number which is giving sort of 1940s Mexico city vampire to me.

For summer or a hot weather destination, it's hard to beat Brazilian brand Farm Rio. Their offerings are sort of slim at the moment because they really don't do cold weather well (although I love this red rose one) but trust me, as soon as the spring collections start coming out, they'll be back on form. They're perfect for someone looking to make a bold statement with color and pattern, and they also do great jumpsuits.

Farm Rio's more expensive counterpoint: La Double J. Where Farm Rio is your sexy, effortless cousin, La Double J is your insane, kaftan wearing, yacht hopping older aunt. They're both united in a commitment to being bold, but La Double J isn't afraid to be weird about it. My forever favorites are these two piece sets that they do in jacquard but I do desperately want to swan around a wedding in lake Como in this number (ideally with a vintage turban on top).

No one does pleats, particularly metallic pleats, like Georgia. I wore a silver dress of hers for my 30th and they're so comfortable and fun. There's a style for every body shape in there, no matter what you want to highlight, and I think the metallics give it a cool twist. I got one of her floor length gowns and had it shortened to tea length because my party was more casual and it worked a treat.

Can't forget the Badge. No one is doing like them in terms of just off the wall, batshit stuff (in a good way). But amongst the insanity: some really beautiful, elegant, and unique pieces. They allow you to filter by specific event (office party, NYE) and by material (seuqins, velvet), which I particularly love. They also have the dress of my dreams, which i think about legitimately once a month but have not bought because even I think it is an insane price. An unusual suggestion: I have this top and it has genuinely proven to be one of the most useful and versatile things I own. The flower is a pin that can be used on other tops and adjusted to where you want it on the body - I generally wear it in the center of my chest but I've also had it on the shoulder and hip. The petals are wire so the flower can be made bigger or smaller. Just a genuinely really useful piece to have around that I always get compliments on.

And of course, if you need something specific there's net a porter. There's more here than people think and prices can get really reasonable, particularly in the sale. The range is unbeatable.

Hello! Honored to be asked for help here. Okay so bare with me, I have a few thoughts...

Love that you want something not too classic bridal, my only consideration is that I want to make sure you feel special enough - even if it's low key, it's still your wedding day and I want you to feel like you're wearing something special, something a little more than you'd wear to a black tie dinner. So the key to that, (i) is to find something great and (ii) to be thoughtful with accessories. A short, tulle veil in a fun color can help make the outfit more special and more 'once in a lifetime.' Ditto a little pillbox hat or birdcage veil or vintage lace (my personal fav). And adding white shoes and a white clutch to a colored dress can help differentiate between wearing that dress to your wedding and wearing it as a guest to someone else's. So I'll suggest a few little things throughout but just keep accessories in mind while we're going through this.

Okay! You want fun, you want organza, you want a waist: immediately I'm thinking Zimmerman. This one honestly seems so up your alley. And it's on sale! That with a white shoe and bag and a short little veil! I'm obsessed. Other good Zimmerman options: this floral one (you could have a tailor put a panel in to cover that cut out if you don't like it) and this more column shaped one. Honestly you should just look for Zimmerman generally, there's likely more options on their own site.

Okay moving away from them: she's stunning, she's blue, she's got a waist but she's not in the sheer/organza zone (she would be so cool with a birdcage veil hat). Or, moving to the other side of the spectrum, very sexy blue: it's alaia. And this Tom Ford is lacking a defined waist but is cut close to the body and is definitely not a sack tunic and has that ephemeral thing going on (imagine with a lace veil). Pleated blue, great length, very modern to me. If you want something a little more out there, this ODLR is very cool girl and I suspect that drape will be very flattering on us girls with waists (with just like a bit of birdcage netting pinned into your hair? Too cool).

Moving away from blue but definitely staying in fun: we have this really cool, buttery cream number. It's like if a 50s dress got put through the scifi machine. Or if you want to be effortless and also wear your dress on your honeymoon to a Greek island: gold lurex. Or do you want to be hauntingly elegant? Or fun, fresh, organza-y in green? Okay this one isn't organza-y but it is so much fun - imagine it with little short gloves and a birdcage veil (and maybe a few inches shorter). Or just commit to sparkle and have a dress you can wear for a million things in the future (I'd style this with little white kitten heels + little white bouquet + something white on the head to read wedding for the big day)

Next is a selection that's definitely more bridal but I still think very modern and very cool for a courthouse/pub wedding. All of these can be bridal-ed up with white accessories/veils or chilled out with funky shoes and bags. So: this minimalist dream (I'm picturing with a really 80s, aggressively pointy high gloss royal blue heel, and I'd personally have my tailor take it up a few inches), somehow modern and super classic, probably very flattering if you're a waist girl (I'd take it up to just above mid calf to chill it out a bit), and this that will probably never work if you're a waist girl but is so cool I had to include it.

My second cousin is having a cowboy themed wedding in September, baffling on several levels as she's expressed no prior interest in cowboys, T Swift etc, and it's in Gloucestershire, perhaps the least Western-adjacent setting.

i don't want to go costume-y, but I do want to look fun and family-appropriate but also smoking, what on earth do I wear?

Absolutely obsessed with both this event and this ask. An out of the blue cowboy wedding. In Gloucestershire!

Okay so the most obvious approach is to wear a normal formal dress with cowboy boots. Southern girls do this all the time, although typically with a shorter dress, so you can achieve the look while still being wedding appropriate with a high/low ruffle number. But real cowboy boots are a serious investment and if you aren't going to wear them again, I'd consider option two...

Accessories. When I think cowboy/western, I think fringe, turquoise jewelry, and big belt buckles. Add a nod to the theme while still buying something you can use again with a beaded fringey jacket (or even this fringey cape, which I'm obsessed with). Another good, reusable option is to go the Chloe route: wear a neutral / pale color diaphanous column dress and add a big ass belt (or buckle).

Another idea: go denim, the ultimate cowboy fabric. Naturally, the badge has you covered in a big way - go big, go narrow, go dark, go light, go 90s, go classic, go prairie. Or take inspo from the classic bandana, but elevate it in silk - wear this as a top, either strapless and backless by just folding it in half to a triangle and tying up top to make a triangle shaped boob tube or make it into a halter top by tying two ends around your neck and two around your waist. Either way, pair with a silk slip skirt or a ruffle number and call it a day.

Ooh how fun! Okay well must mention the classic: Reformation, the go to for a reason. My favorite kooky starting point: Wolf & Badger (not sure the time of year of this wedding but how pretty would this be for a winter wedding?). Want to be fun and fabulous? La Double J (with feathers!). Committed to being the coolest person at the wedding? It has to be Tibi (this or this with a slip). Ready to invest in some amazing embroidery? Yulia. Is it time for organza? It might be time for organza (on sale!). Or instead do you want to be the most romantic guest there? Zimmerman. Do you have great legs and want to sparkle the night away? I've got you. Is it time for a bold hue that works across seasons? Tada.

Honestly though, with formal wear I find trying it on in person helps so much, so if you've got the option to go to a department store, do go! For Chicago, the Bloomingdale's dress section is the best. In London, save yourself time and go straight to Harrods.