#ryan yaps

pronouns and gender be confusing me, because I have so much conflicting sides going on in my brain

between being raised a "man", coming from a family and area where gender roles were enforced, but also feeling most myself when I am doing so gender fuckery, but also what if I'm actually a poser

so I'm always in a constant flux of how non-binary vs man I actually am, and it's all just a chaotic soup of thoughts in my head

and there's the constant thought of how much would I be holding onto "manhood" if I wasn't raised the circumstances I was, or wasn't often terrified of how people may perceive me, even though most times the people who's opinions I'd care about on some sort of level literally do not care

I do think the "he" in my pronouns is likely holding on for dear life but I'm never sure if I want it gone fr or just toned down

so I have come to what I believe to be an obvious conclusion