#ryan ross.

  Forever

“And all of the mother’s raise their babies, to stay away from me.”

We spun under the twinkle lights pretending that they were beautiful burning stars millions of miles away. We pretended that everyone was a million miles away. It was simpler that way. No one was here to criticize us or mock us or give us horribly ugly looks. It was just me and him, spinning under these makeshift orbs of light.

Round and round I took him, our feet never clashed, his hand was hanging loosely against mine propped up against his frail cheekbone, and my other hand was stuck firmly on his hip. He was so thin and light; I could lift him onto my feet so we could dance like a little child and her father to oldies, without ever missing a beat. Every once in a while I’d pull Ryan closer to me just to watch him giggle and blush as I’d gyrate against him to a sad song.

 I’d watch closely to see his effortlessly swooped hair flutter down onto his deep, dark eyelashes. My hand would sneak away from against his cheek and out sprung a finger to lightly drag the hair away from his face, I’d do this every time it happened because I refused to have any kind of barrier between us. Not now, everything was too perfect for a little thing to separate us.

 His eyes sparkled like two moons quickly changing from full to waning to new right before me. Under the makeshift star light hung above us, we’d spin and sway and fall. Fall more in love with every dip he’d land in.  Strands of stars ran across and around and through tree branches swaying above in the bitter breeze, leaving effortless beauty on Ryan’s sweet lips and cheek.

The other couples left hours ago, but I tipped off the janitor to leave the courtyard open for us. He did me one better by just giving me the keys. So here we were. It was prom night, and while all of our class mates were christening now freshly dampened linens, I was here with Ryan spinning and twirling and twisting in slow motion to a playlist of slow songs on repeat.

This was probably the 18th time I’ve heard Patrick Stump say “and all of the mothers with their babies-” but I didn’t mind, and judging by Ryan’s lightly blushed lips, he didn’t care either. Spin. Twist. Twirl. Sway… my iPod finally ran out of battery, but we continued dancing. Swaying, actually. We were simply, swaying. Under these stars made of graduation dreams and upcoming college dreams and bursting bright lights of broken friendships due to change dreams, we swayed softly to nothing playing. The heavy future was wearing me down and, from the faint shade of deep violet under Ryan’s eyes, it was wearing him down too. Simply swaying to the sweet sounds of his faint breathing and the wind whispering through the trees and our feet softly stepping onto the fob marble, nothing could be more perfect. Ryan’s head of perfectly swooped hair and frail cheekbones and bright moons have been rested on my chest for a while, like- 14 minutes awhile.

I could hear that he was humming.  “Where is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman,”

~~~

Speakers thumping and beer guzzled, a garage party was in full swing. I had just dropped by, you know, to see if it was any good of a party. It obviously was, or maybe it was just the beer talking, because upon entering the garage I’d noticed several pieces of underwear and two bras, plenty of spilt beer to let the mice have a rager, and some cool music. Inside was just as bad of a shit hole, but could you really expect it not to be? I mean, it was a High school party…

Out of the whole sea of people swarming in the room and around me, I noticed one boy. He had soft pale looking skin that was wrapped in tight fitting jeans and a Tee. He wore ruined converse sneakers, due to Sharpie-d attacks and wear and tear over the years, and medium sized black plugs in his ears.

His cinnamon swoopy hair and bright eyes could make any girl swoon, but the rest of his get up turned them off before they were even on. No cheerleader went for an “emo”, but clearly-this boy wasn’t. He looked very bored and sober. Not sad, depressed, or cut-ty.

His skinny body was propped up against a wall leading to two hallways. I was making my way for him. Then time absolutely stopped when I opened my mouth to speak to him. His smile returned and his bright eyes couldn’t have burned any brighter. Just my presence and acknowledging of him perked him up. We conversed during the whole party about bands, music, food, concerts, school, and great albums. (We clearly had A LOT in common ;) )

 Finally when everyone left and the naked ones retrieved their strewn clothing, he kissed me. I didn’t think anything of being gay or ever kissing a boy, but his personality and stunning looks warmed to the whole idea the second my tongue danced across his lower lip, begging for entrance. We slowly grabbed at each other for dear life, because being close wasn’t close enough.

Just at that moment when things were getting hot and intense and we gained a yaoi fangirl, “Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy” began to play… well, it was playing, I just didn’t notice. “Maybe he won’t find out what I know, you were the last good thing about this part of town.” Ryan pulled away from the kiss and gave me a very confused look. His head swished left, then right, the back at me and then he began to laugh. Hard. That was a bit weird, a sexy boy with his arms around my next and my spit in his mouth was laughing like a madman at an empty party. Then I started to laugh too, because right before he kissed me, we were talking about our favorite F.O.B songs, and I said “Where Is Your Boy” was Top 5 Material, and this kiss just became Top 5 Material… Irony was always my favorite in Lit. class. Then we were kissing to the song, again.

~~~

I looked down at the boy resting on my chest, snuggled into my neck, still swaying to his musical hums. I laid my temple down onto his soft, coffee scented, sweet hair.

“Brendon?”

“Yeah Ryan.”

“You wanna- I dunno… get OUT of here?”

My head rose to let his up. I gave him a very confused look but his warm and sexy smile gave me a clue on what he meant.

“Uh, Ry…”

There’s that smile again. All sexy and inviting. It’s possibly the best smile I’ve ever seen. The best combination of smile qualities to make this top notch smile: thin but plush and soft blushed lips, award winning teeth rarely shown due to lack of happiness (due to everyday shit), and when shown, it can warm a Grinch’s cool heart, and the perfect creases and corners that make every inch of his mouth, well… beautifully unique.

“Brendon?”

“Uh Ryan…” I was so cold and clammy with a faintly receding warmth that once was from his head on my chest “You know what. Ryan Ross-”

I got down on one knee and watched as his eyes grew really big, as big as diamonds, and his hand began to squirm and twitch in my hand clasped around his long, thin fingers.

“Ryan Ross. My love. My hero. My purpose- Will you go sex up a bedroom with me?” I said this with such seriousness and business in my voice, but with an extremely contradictory smile to go with. His eyes shrunk down to normal size and his hand calmed into mine. I watched as that priceless smile grew onto his lips and I swooned as I heard the giddiness in his voice as he accepted my offer.

I hopped up onto my feet and picked him up into a hug-spin he practically jumped into! We spun as he leaned down and kissed me, soft and slowly. I moved my tight grip from the middle of his back to the small of it. He wrapped his leg round to hook onto my hip and we were off. Twinkle lights still on, ipod in pocket, and enough memories to last Forever, we walked away as one, kissing soft and sweetly into the night.

We got to my car and he practically had to be clawed away from me so I can get to closing his door and opening mine. He gave me one last hungry kiss and slid his hand down my tie before I could close the door.

This was going to be our first time, this was our best night ever, and this wasn’t over yet. With victory and joy, I stood in front of my car and flung a fist in the air and I wolf cried into the dream filled sky. I looked over to see Ryan kicking the dashboard and crying like a wolf too!

We pulled out of the school gate with windows down and Fall Out Boy blasting. We screamed as we turned the corner doing 60mph, our fists out flipping off all the stupid shit that school had to offer us over the years. To the bullies and hypocrites. The liars and fakes. To the teachers who didn’t give a damn when we came into class bloody with our peer’s bruises. To all of hell and back. We were going to fuck and we couldn’t care less about your past with us.

~~~

Forever. Forever is what I said to him before we entered the hotel’s clear view doors. Forever is what he said back to me. Forever is what we will always be. Forever is what that school will remember about us, and what we’ll remember about it. We will always look up at stars and remember that one night when two boys danced to no music and had the time of their lives, together, then later on went and made it better.

I will remember this moment… Forever.