#rvp 17

Here we go! Time to be controversial (my best gowns are more controversial but that doesn’t matter) @claireofluxembourg​ @lizisbackbackagain​ @anna8910​ @queensonjas​

15. Beulah London Juliet Dress (2016)

I actually quite like this dress but it’s just not quite there. I think it’s the weird part under the boobs and above the waist that makes it bad? Maybe it’s the neckline? Maybe it’s just the worst version of this type of dress she has.

14. Amanda Wakeley Gown (2011)

I want to like it but the weird boob harness makes it really hard. The fact this was a last minute stand in makes me want to know what this dress was for. Did Kate already have it? Was it for the military awards and brought forward? Did she buy this for personal use? Also, the skirt goes into strange pleats at the bottom and I’m not a fan.

13. Sequinned Jenny Packham Gown (2013)

I like the sparkles. A lot. Kate should do gold and sparkles more often. However, this dress comes with those little underarm patches, which ruins it. It’s like Jenny Packham was making the dress and ran out of time to finish it off.

12.  Erdem Stephanie Gown in Winterbourne Print (2018)

It’s a curtain. It’s not the worst curtain she’s ever worn but it’s bad. I oddly like the colour but not with the arm ruffles and the ruffle at the bottom and the neck ruffles and the ruffle between the boobs. There’s a ribbon belt which I’ve never noticed before but makes the dress even worse. Imagine what we could have had here. An Ida Sjöstedt dress. Imagine.

11. Alexander McQueen Hibiscus-motif Gown (2012/2020)

Remember when I was obsessed with this back in 2012? When I saw it at the BAFTAs, little 15/6 year old Grace was LIVING. Looking with fresh eyes, however, really put a dampner on that. It’s culturally appropriative. It has another strange boob harness. It has another strange piping thing down the middle of the skirt. I will accept that the sleeves are better this time.

10. Alexander McQueen Velvet Gown (2011)

I’m going to be exiled for this choice. I just don’t like velvet that much. I hate the neckline. I don’t like the jewel choice. If you look from the waist down, it looks like Kate’s hiding behind a curtain. I just don’t get the love for this monstrosity.

9. Alexander McQueen Lace Gown (2019)

It’s daring. It’s sort of different. It didn’t work. She looks naked. It looks like she found some lace and just threw it on over her naked body. The underskirt blends in with her skin too much and makes the lace stand out. The fact the lace comes together in the middle keeps dragging my attention back to areas I should not be looking at on a lady. As soon as I saw it, I just knew what people would say.

8. Jenny Packham Gown (2014)

I can see why people like it. But I don’t. It’s like Jenny Packham had made a dress and Kate bought it and then someone told her it was too short so they had to sew some more fabris on it. It’s like a wrap dress with another dress underneath it. I also always forget this dress exists.

7. Temperley London Black Lace Gown (2012/2013)

This is the boring version of the McQueen dress from above. She also wore this more than once really close together and I want to see new dresses please and thanks KMiddy. This is the dress with the infamous “crotch arrow” and I can’t see it but I can’t unhear it.

6. Jenny Packham Beaded Gown (2017)

Kate has like 8 versions of the gown and yet this is the worst one and it’s the one she wore last. Rewear a good one next time. It’s shapeless and dull and there are too many beads but the beads aren’t good. I hate the sleeves. I have the translucent overlay that is longer than the blue slip.

5. Jenny Packham Green Lace Gown (2017)

I have never been more disappointed when she walked out in this dress. It was lace. Again. It was green, which should have been good but nope. If she hadn’t worn a lace dress every other day since her wedding day, this would have been a good dress, but it has to cope under the weight of all my expectations and it couldn’t carry them.

4. Erdem Christina Blue Velvet Bell Sleeve Dress (2018)

This is worse than the yellow Erdem. It’s so much worse. I hate velvet and this dress is velvet dialled up to the max. It’s shiny and I just know it would feel awful to touch. Why is there a blue velvet ruffle at the base? Why are there bell sleeves? Bell sleeves and ruffles is not a good mix. Kate went to Sweden and wore ugly gowns. Nothing redeems this dress.

3. Green Jenny Packham Gown (2018)

Kate has almost this exact same dress in inky blue. She could have worn that. She’d already worn it while pregnant. But no, she thought, let’s buy that dress in a bad shade of green. This was also the infamous “wear black” year and I might have hated the theme but she literally wore black in 2017. She has an inky blue version of this dress. Inky blue is closer to black than green is. If she was going to wear green, she should have stuck to her guns and not including the black belt. Is she about to give us a karate demonstration? No one knows.

2. Blue Beaded Jenny Packham “Saree” Dress (2016/2020)

This dress is ugly and also culturally appropriative. I wondered if the appropriation was the reason I didn’t like it but it didn’t get any better the second time she wore it. Also, the earrings she wore with this dress are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen and need to be destroyed, immediately.

1. Hideous Prom-Dress Inspired Alexander McQueen Gown (2018)

Killiam PDA in 2017 ♡♡♡

William Arthur Philip Louis & Catherine Elizabeth // the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

My name is whatever you decide