running a 10k every day until i run into my future wife

I don't know why I'm thinking about you tonight. What we had meant nothing in the long run since it lasted so little. I think I'm still grieving on what could of been rather than what we actually had and that's a dangerous game to play.

What am I doing with my life? I feel like I'm wasting away. I'm too consumed with social media, food and sleeping away my life. I feel depression creeping in. I have strong urges to self-harm. I thought I let this go already. Fuck. A boy I loved saw my scars and when he knew I was still hurting myself I could see he no longer wanted me. He didn't want to have to deal with that . . . with me. No one wants to love someone like that. I stopped for several months because I thought if I relapsed I was unlovable. Now I know I have no chance with him so what's the use? I can't stop for any love interest. I have to stop for myself. I am the most important.

when i heard there was an active gun man my first thought was to call and check on you, when i realized no matter if you were okay or not you wouldn't answer my call