#rumplestilstskin

Let’s talk about Rumplestilskin, like seriously. He tried so hard to take away the label of coward that his father has left him in inheritance, he was ready to go to fight in a war to show everybody that he was brave. Then he met a clairvoyant that told him that his wife is pregnant and he decided to break his foot to return home and to make sure his son grown up with a father, thing that had been denied to him because of the egoism of Peter Pan who preferred being forever young that staying with his son. Returned home his wife is angry and told him she preferred a husband killed in war that a husband that put to the first place the love for his child and labeled as coward. He has always been a man with a golden heart, he remained with Milah that kept on treating him badly because he wanted that their child grew up with a family. Then Milah left him, but above all she abandoned Baelfire, because she wanted a life more exciting than the one she had. Milah run away with a pirate, Killian Jones, and she had her life full of adventures. In the meantime Rumple has had to grow up his child alone. When the turn of Bae has arrived to go to war, Rumple has looked for in all the ways to save his boy. He had to become the dark because it was the only way to keep Bea safe and sound. He did not seek for power because he wanted to be powerful (this became an obsession only later), he seeks for it only to protect his family. In his mind having more power means being able to keep his family, because its priority has always been his family. He let go Bae and that was been his greatest regret. He has spent the following centuries to find a way to rejoin with his son, he manipulated the time itself to reach his purpose and he made it. He tried to be best for him, to make him to understand that everything that he has done was full of the love he had for him The whole first part of the third season shows how much Rumple is prepared to lose for saving his family: he sacrificed himself so Neal could see Henry grown, he died so he wouldn’t leave another boy without his father. He died knowing he made the right thing for his family, for his son and for his grandson. He found his son and then he lost him definitely, and this loss has not been because of an accident, it happen because Neal was manipulated by Zelena, he was tricked by her to bring back to life the Dark One. The Rumple remained trapped in a cage for months under the control of Zelena, the woman that killed his son. This was only a little bit of backstory to make a quick recap of what happen in the previously seasons when Rumple was written decently.

Let’s talk about his relationship with Belle. He loves her, deeply, and I am sure that Belle still loves him. We have seen in the 1x12 how much has destroyed him knowing that she was dead (even if it was a lie said by the Evil Queen), the only thought of losing her again is  something unbearable for him.

At the beginning of the sixth season, during the dream sequence, Rumple tries to recreate the moment in which she fallen in love with him, he had to speed up everything because Morpheus had given him only an hour to succeed in waking up Belle. They fallen in love slowly, months and months of small actions that have brought them to understand the feelings the one for the other, Rumple had to take the short cup because it was the only way to succeed in the little amount of time he had. Their kiss was TLK because Rumple was returning human, so the curse was broken, but it didn’t work  because Belle was not the only one to be under a sleeping curse, was also it their child. Such child ( that what something not bigger than a fetus without not even a developed brain) tells Belle not to believe in Rumple’s lies anymore and he’s there to warn her: “not let him destroy us, like he did his last family”. [My theory is that the false Morpheus has been Belle’s subconscious and that whoever he said was just Belle’s thoughts, it was the Rumbaby but not the his words however] As soon as she wakes up, Belle clearly says that doesn't want Rumple in her life and that she doesn't want to create a home with him. We are talking about the same Rumple that has literally moved a whole world to have the possibility to find again Baelfire. This was the first crack. Belle is pregnant, Rumple has challenged Hades in order to save their child from a contract that he signed centuries before and that he believed it wasn’t a problem anymore. Belle cursed herself into a sleeping curse (thing that has been suggested by Zelena) and she doesn't know everything that Rumple has done for waking her up, she doesn't know that he had to use the Morpheous’ sand because Belle’s father preferred to have her daughter asleep rather than living with the man that loves her and she loves. Belle doesn't know all this and she decided to walk away from Rumple. 

Belle decides to move on the Jelly Roger, Hook’s ship, same man that has tried to kill her twice in different occasions. This was the second crack: Rumple has seen her wife giving her trust to the same pirate that centuries ago separated his family. There was also Hyde’s issue and his threat to hurt Belle. The spell he made to the ship was planned to be only momentary, until he fixed the problem: Hyde could not go on the ship and it was not able to kidnap Belle since she could not leave the Jelly Roger. If Hyde had really been the bad one, this could have been a good solution. But as no one could imagine the plot twist of the switched role between Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jeckyl, same Rumple (and everybody else) had no idea that the real enemy was doctor Jeckyl, the doctor was the assassin looking for revenge and Rumple was not been able to lift the spell because it was under Hyde’s control. So an action driven by the love for protecting the woman he loves backfired because there was a plot twist (brilliant, to my opinion, I didn't see that comin') and what was made to protect became another means in the hand of the villian.

In the next scene in which Rumple and Belle are together it’s in the shop after Zelena revealed to Belle Rumple’s plans and the affair with the Queen. She told him she knows about the shears and that it won't allow Rumple to use them on their child, Rumple doesn't answer her, but I’m sure that he had the shears as plan B, as the last resource in case he doesn't succeed in fixing the situation, the shears would be the last thing to use to be sure he will have a relationship with his child because despite everything he already loves him. Belle tells him that if he wants their child to love him, he must not take it but to be worthy it (and I agree with this), when Rumple - with tears in his eyes - tells her that he is afraid to fail [THREE SEASON OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTE] she answer that it’s always the same thing with him, he is afraid to fail and that is worse to be 100% bad. 

Belle: You want your son's love. Don't take it. Be worthy of it. Rumple: And what if I fail? Belle: Listen to yourself. That's just you all over, isn't it? Afraid of failing. That's worse than being evil. That's - That's just being too weak to be good.

Again for the people in the back: this is the same Rumple that had spent three hundred years of his life finding a way to get to see his son again only to lose him because of the moldy bitch. Its fear is real: he already lost a son, he felt the heartbreak of looking in his eyes and seeing hate and disappoint, and when Neal finally get to love him again like before the curse, he died in Rumple’s arms. [I don't exactly know why Belle doesn't remember how much Rumple was destroyed at the end of season 2, but it looks like the writers have given her some problem with long-term memory.] Second crack.

Then Belle went to Zelena - killed Neal, imprisoned Rumple, threatened of killing 95% of the people to Storybrooke – for helping her to escape in the Enchanted Forest and prevent Rumple to see their child. This is the script of the scene: 

Belle: Can we, uh can we hurry a bit? I really want to be safe in the Enchanted Forest before Rumple discovers it's gone. Rumple: Too late. I knew that street rat wasn't digging around my shop for himself. And I cannot let you take our child away from me. So now, no matter where you go, I'll find you. Belle: You really are a beast. Rumple: Call me what you will, but it comes from love - my love for our child and you. Belle: You - you call this love? You're scared, Rumple. I-I almost won today. And next time, I will run so fast and so far that you will never even set eyes on this child. The bracelet that he puts to Belle’s wrist is a sort of super GPS so that anywhere she goes, he knows where to find her: "no matter where you go, I'll find you." That bracelet doesn't prevent Belle to leave Storybrooke, she can go anywhere she desire. That bracelet is for Rumple a way to know if his wife and unborn child will be fine and if something happen to them he will get to them and help. It’s his way to be certain of staying in his child’s life, thing that Balle (“I will run so fast and so far that you will never even set eyes on this child.”) is traying to awoyd… and this is something really really wrong especially said from Belle, because Rumple is the father and she should know how much he cares about hisson and how much he would do to keep him in his life. The sentence Belle said destroys three whole seasons of Rumple’s storyline, everything is started because he was looking for Baelfire, and it seems as if Belle had forgotten everything that that her husband has done in the years before. And this was the third crack.

The mainl problem of couple is their amazing ability of miscommunication, things are held hidden between them (the list of Rumple’s is long, but also Belle has lied on different things) and sometimes the situation could be resolve in less than ten minutes just with sitting and to talking with their hearts on the chest. I can understand that Belle is tired to believe in Rumplle’s lies, but I don't understand as a person like her that has yelled to the Evil Queen "I will always fight for him!” has decided to abandon all her hopes in turning Rumple in a better version of him. This thing goes against the true essence of Belle and piss me off like nothing else. Rumple is the Dark One again, but he doesn't have only the power of one Dark One, he has the power of all the Dark Ones that have ever existed and the Darkness inside of him has never been more powerful, all the cracks, created from this situation with Belle, are making the Darkness getting more deep in his soul. He needs someone who take his hand and guide him out of the Darkness, something similar of what happen when Emma was the Dark Swan, she had an entire squad backing her, supporting her in her fight against the power of the Darkness. My question is why no one realize that Rumple needs someone by his side to help him. Rumple and Belle made mistaken for different aspects, but these particular mistakes have the purpose of making Rumplestilstkin be seeing as the monster of this season when the only thing that he is trying to do is trying of keeping his family together.

He is not the bad guy of this season, the main villian is the Evil Queen that - in less than eight episodes - had cursed the Charmings with a sleeping curse using the shared heart (I adore the new twist), imprisoned Regina and Emma in the mirror’s world, threatened different times to want to destroy Snow and her family and tried to darkener Henry’s heart. But no, it’s Rumple the BAD GUY of this season. 

They were being piled in front of her, one by one, every last page, and the torches were on standby. She shook her head, hard, only being supported by the guard’s hold on her.

“They don’t have to do this, they don’t have to burn them, they could give them away, they don’t have to hurt them, please, please, PLEASE, PAPA DON’T BURN THEM TOO!”

She was allowed to save one. Just one. As if she would ever survive this ordeal. As if the pain and torture would ever stop.

The first book her mother gave her survived, and it was safe clutched to her chest. Safe from this hell.

The pyre was lit and the innocent girl wept as her worlds were destroyed. Her solace, her safety, her love...destroyed. Her kind heart broke again and some of the light in her eyes left.

Ash was all that remained of her cherished books, books she treated like her children, that she cared for, cooed to, cried against, hugged and loved and they were gone. What’s more, so was Rumplestiltskin.

She ached for him every day. She yearned for just one more moment, for the chance to turn around at the door and tell him she wasn’t leaving, not for anything in the world. Then everything would be alright.

Oh how she dreamed of him. Of soft words, of his gentle looks and that one kiss, that one perfect kiss over and over again, she wanted it so dearly. He held her once, and he was warm, gentle. She would do anything to feel such tenderness again.

Now her eyes burned with smoke, her body was close to giving up and her soul was so wounded. The guard who held her finally took her away. She didn’t need to see every book turn to ash, she didn’t need to be traumatized anymore.

This was wrong. He knew it was wrong. The buckets of blood she’d had spilled, the screams that had came from her lips, the tears and agony she’d endured all for the sake of some twisted brainwashing her father was attempting. Casting out her evil when there was none.  He knew damn well there was absolutely none.

He’d seen that.

No matter what she went through, no matter how she hurt, she still said thank you when he gave her water. She still tried to smile at him. And she didn’t blame him for it. Not even a little and she had every right to.

“I’m so sorry, my lady.”

He took his post outside her door again, loathing himself. .

Belle collapsed on the bloody mattress of the bed and wept, mourned, grieved. She prayed hard, hard hard for relief. For mercy… Any mercy…

She wouldn’t renounce her love for Rumplestiltskin. Nothing could ever make her do that. Not this torture, not burning her books, not...anything. She loved him. And it was true love, she’d seen it for what it was, she’d seen. She truly believed that she needed to fight for true love, and this was the hardest battle she might ever fight, but she would win, or she would die. That was all.

Gaston’s whereabouts where unknown to her, completely. She didn’t know if Rumple had done something or not she had no idea but he wouldn’t believe her…

“Rumple,” she breathed, not knowing how much more of this she could take. She closed her eyes. “I love you. I miss you.” She hoped he was happy. More than anything she just wanted him to be happy.

~*~

“I’m doing this for your own good, Belle,” her father stated, standing at the foot of the bed while she was tied down. “You have to see what that beast has done to you.”

“Not this,” Belle whimpered. “Nothing like this he never HURT ME!” One of the clerics slapped her for her tone and she shrunk into herself, crying.

“Just take it back, Belle. Cleanse yourself of that monster and take it back,” he urged, pleading.

“No,” she said firmly, staring at the ceiling with tears on her face. “No, I won’t. He’s not a monster, Papa. But you are.”

She was beaten for that too, more severely, and by his own hand. She never pleaded with him to stop, only looked at him and cried.

“You’re going to kill me doing this,” she whispered, lips shaking. “And then, then you’ll have lost mother and me. And you’ll have to live with that.”

Her screams echoed through the kingdom itself and no one wanted to save her. They heard about the girl who let The Dark One slaughter her fiance and ran away with an evil man who twisted her into someone she wasn’t. Infected her with darkness and she needed to be cleansed of it. But she was unrelenting. That’s what they all thought of her.

Her father accused her of so much. Including handing over her virtue to him, as if it was some personal offense to him, as if he had any business dictating what she did with her own body, what she desired, what she wanted. Of course, all her and Rumplestiltskin had ever done was kiss, but that was-

“None of your business!” She spat, jerking in her binds, hanging from the ceiling while she was flogged again. She screamed when the whip came down again. “It’s not!” Another. And still she refused and again and again she shrieked. Pain overwhelmed her, dragged her into the dark he was trying to pull her out of.

“NO!” She finally shrieked, out of tears and out of voice. “No, I didn’t! I didn’t... I didn’t sleep with him, I didn’t…” Her jaw clenched, her raw, dark eyes looking up at him. “But I wanted to.”

Her father stopped, his momentary victory gone. “What did you say?”

“I said, I fucking wanted to!” She snarled, jerking against the ropes, her breath tight and straining. “I thought about it so many times, I thought about letting him have me, pleading for him to take me right there on the dining table! I LOVE HIM! And nothing, nothing you do is ever going to take that away!”

~*~

The night was merciless, as were the nights to follow, nearly a week of more severe punishment.

There came a morning where she opened her eyes and she could hardly move when the sun came up. It was blood red, the sky deep and spattered with it, echoing her agony. No more. No more…

With the book clutched to her chest, she staggered to the door to the balcony and pushed it open, barely able to stand. She sobbed roughly, fighting to breathe properly. She fell against the rail, shuddering with tears on her face.

No more. No more. She couldn’t stand the pain, the loneliness, loathing herself, her body everything about the pathetic little girl that couldn’t get away from here. There was no other way out. Maybe the reason Rumplestiltskin wasn’t here, why her dreams hadn’t come true and he saved her was because he didn’t want to. Or maybe it was just easier to think that way.

She pulled herself onto the rail, standing on top of it and holding her book, shaking. She closed her eyes. She’d see her mother again, once she fell. Once her pain stopped she could be with her mother again. She smiled a little, tears slipping down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and started to lean-

“BELLE!”

She stopped, her eyes flying open and she slowly looked over her shoulder. Belle sobbed once, her chest hitching, pieces of her heart throbbing violently. “Rumple?”

He looked about as desolate and overwrought as she did. His eyes were red, his body drooped and tired. There was gray in his hair and his clothes were almost plain. It worried her, but she wasn’t sure…

The Dark One was reaching for her, his hand carefully outstretched to her, desperation in his big dark eyes. “I’m here,” he breathed, and Belle caught a glimpse of the bloody sword on the ground, but she couldn’t be bothered to wonder who had died on it. She looked back at him, still unsure. “Belle, sweetheart, I’m here, I am. Please. Please, get off the ledge. Don’t do this, Belle, please.”

Belle blinked, trembling and staring at his hand. “You’re real?” She choked. He nodded, taking another step toward her.

“Yes, Belle, yes, I swear. Come here and I’ll show you,” he urged gently. He didn’t want to rush her or grab her, in case she slipped, in case she screamed and lurched away. He needed her to make the decision.

Against the rising sun she looked so fragile, so small. She looked afraid and broken. He should have known sooner, he should have checked on her, he shouldn’t have hidden away from her so bitterly… But there was time to hate himself later.

“Belle, I promise, you can get down, and no pain will come to you. No more pain. I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone lay a hand on you ever again. I won’t let that happen,” he begged. He just wanted to hold her and soothe her. She was so hurt and her body was so battered how was she still standing?

Belle stared, and hoped with whatever she had left that this was true. Belle slowly touched his hand, fingers delicately touching his palm, shaking before fully grabbing his hand. She sobbed once, finding he was solid, and staggered off the railing into his arms.

She pressed her wounded face into his chest and his neck, his warmth so comforting. Belle cried, her legs buckling underneath her and she clung to him as tight as her small hands could manage.

Rumplestiltskin held her, engulfed her in his arms and smoothed back her mussed hair from her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Belle,” he whispered, tears seeping into her hair. “I was a coward. A horrible, selfish coward. I...I was a monster and this is my fault. It’s all my fault-”

“It’s not your fault,” she promised, blinking up at him. “You didn’t...put me here. You didn’t do this to me, you didn’t-” She broke down again, her legs giving out entirely. He held her easily, lifting her into his arms. She cried out in pain and he cursed himself, holding the back of her head.

“Your pain will stop soon,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of you, Belle. I’ll keep you safe. No more harm will come to you.”

She looked up at him, her small, shaking hand touching his cheek. “I love you.” He let out a breath, something of a laugh and a sob and pressed into her palm.

“I love you too,” he said so softly. “Oh, I love you so much. I should have told you that before. I shouldn’t have sent you away I should have… I should have just said it- I’m so sorry.”

“Shh. I know you love me. I know you do. It’s...it’s true love, remember?” She smiled. This sweet, tortured girl who moments ago had nearly hurtled herself off the tower was smiling up at him. Because she loved him.

He smiled back, in complete disbelief of her, and rocked her a little in his arms. He turned toward the door.

“I swear, I will slaughter anyone who touched you, anyone who harmed you or just stood by. They’ll all pay-”

“No,” she whispered, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “Please, Rumple. Please, just...take me away from here. No revenge, please.” Her voice broke. “Please, take me home, and we can be together.”

Home. She called it home. He shut his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers. “As you wish.”

In a large cloud of red smoke they disappeared from the tower and reappeared in the hall of the Dark Castle.

Belle sobbed in relief, going limp in his arms.

His dreams were riddled with her face. Her gentle smile, her incredible voice. And her anger. Her tears, her harsh words that bit and tore into his skin and ripped it apart.  Words that clung to his heart, that he’d never forget. Black and cold as the asphalt he’d collapsed against, bitter as the violent pain that bit into his leg. Her voice hurt so much.

He woke with tears on his face, movement outside the elevator doors causing his stir. The book cart, he guessed, the soft thump of heels on carpet telling him precisely who was on the other side pushing it.

Belle…

She was humming. Her soft, warm song slipped through doors in a gentle melody and he closed his eyes, listening.

He knew that song. It was the one he’d played at the manor, that they’d danced to together. Oh how warm it was, how soft her eyes were, how lovingly she looked at him. She asked him to play it over and over, not wanting to stop until her feet hurt. He obliged her, of course, making sure it started over seamlessly.

They’d spun across the floor for hours, laughing, smiling. He dipped her, kissed her, lifted her into the air and when they finally stopped Belle rested her head against his chest and just...stayed there awhile. Their clothes changed back and she looked up at him, cupping his cheek and whispered, “You’re my husband.” It was the first time she’d said it, and oh how beautiful it sounded.

He’d smiled and carried her to the large master bedroom, showed her how dearly and desperately he loved her. How much he needed her.

That night a violent nightmare of cages and cackling in the dark jerked him awake, and rather than wake her and seek his comfort there, he went to tinker with the hat instead. So many nights had ill dreams woken him and he’d left her to her peace for the comfort of magic. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that either.

Coward…

The hat meant freedom, the hat meant no imprisonment and torture ever again, it meant that no matter what happened he would never be forced into the bed of-

He cringed, steeling himself, and focusing on Belle’s song.

But it choked off rather suddenly.

She’d realized what she’d been singing. “Oh…” She whispered, voice wavering with tears.

He shut his eyes, pained.

It was silent awhile, just the hum of the lights and Belle’s fumbled attempts to place books on shelves.

After the fifth one toppled to the ground -he’d counted- and she crooned to it and apologized, the silence was broken by soft, gentle sobbing. “I miss you,” she said, and he jumped, terrified a moment that she’d seen him but no. No, she was talking to the air, and it sounded as if she’d done this before.

“Every day I miss you. I thought it would get better, but it...it didn’t. If anything it’s worse. Not knowing where you are. If you’re okay… Oh, Rumple, I hope you’re okay.” He heard her walk closer, just a step or two needed and her back was pressed against the doors. She sniffed. “That ache I told you about? That hollow feeling? I think I know why it’s there. I’ve felt it before. When Regina took me. When you went to Neverland, when you died, when Zelena had you? I felt it then too. All of those times I felt it just like now. But it’s worse this time.”

She slid down to the floor, just beyond his reach. “It’s worse because I did it. I forced you away. And now you’re gone forever, you’re just gone, Rumple. I’m never going to get you back. And I can’t go get you to talk to you, there’s no way they’d let me take the scroll to go and fetch you.

“But...but what if you’re cold?” She whimpered. He winced again. So close, she was so near. He could swear he smelled her perfume. “What if you’re hungry and cold and alone? What if you’re dead?!” She started to sob again. “Oh, Rumple, what if I killed you? What if I killed you…”

He shook his head, wishing he had the bravery to speak. To tell her he was right there waiting, just on the other side and if she really wanted to see him there he was. But he didn’t. He didn’t. His throat closed and went dry and left him mute.

Coward…

“I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate being thanked for sending you off, I hate the pitying looks I get from people and all the apologies they give me when they call me Mrs. Gold. As if it were something horrible. Some blackened name. I’ll bet that’s what Milah did, hm? She probably got mad when people referred to her as your wife. Well not...not me. You broke my heart, but I will not deny that I married you!”

She struck the door and he jumped. She sobbed awhile.

Oh, in another life he would appear right in front of her, kneel down, cup her wet face and thumb those tears away, whisper to her that she was safe, and it was alright. No need for tears, little Belle, everything’s going to be alright now, and he would kiss her so softly and just hold her. She could beat on his chest and his back, curse his name but she would still hold onto him. Letting go again would mean he might disappear again, he knew her too well. She would curse and yell and maybe shove him before she dissolved against his chest and wept and begged him not to toy with her like this…

But that would do more harm than good right now. He needed to get the witches sated before he went to her. Before he even tried for his happy ending.

That didn’t make this any harder.

Coward... 

She cried that broken, unbridled sound usually saved for her worst nightmares and he reached toward the closed doors, pressing his hand against it where her back would be, crying himself. Sweet Belle… Such pain he’d caused her. Such horrific agony. He loathed himself for it. How could she ever want him?

“Rumple,” she shuddered. “Come home. No matter what happens, whatever I do to dull this pain, please…” She choked off. “Please, come home.”

His forehead rested against the door, shoulders shaking in silent cries. “I will, Belle,” he said in the softest whisper.

Belle gasped and sat up, moving away from it. He stared at it with wide eyes, shaking his head and hoping she left it shut.

She sniffed, dismissing herself and what she might have heard and pushed the cart to another part of the library.

Her footsteps were gone and he covered his mouth, sobbing into it and his knees, just as broken, but not because he was so far from her, but because he was so close.