Bucky poked his head out, breathing shakily as he stepped out into the cold night air. If he noticed your wet eyes or mussed makeup, he didn’t mention it.

For a moment it’s silent – he clasps his hands awkwardly behind him and rocks slightly on his heels. You try to calm your speeding heart and blink away the moisture in your eyes.

“That wasn’t the whole toast.” His voice was quiet, almost lost in the night air, still nervous as he pushes the door shut behind him and wrings his hands together.

Your brows pulled together in confusion. “What?”

“I didn’t finish the toast.”

“What do you mean?”

The words hang in the air for a moment as Bucky tried to collect his thoughts. He stepped out onto the balcony beside you, and you both turned to face the railing.

“There was another piece of advice – a piece of advice that Steve told me, that I didn’t listen to. That I should’ve listened to.” The words were desperate, regretful. Bucky watches your profile, your brows still furrowed and he wishes you would just look at him like you used to.

“What, when we were in college or something?” You weren’t sure why you were whispering, you weren’t sure you could talk.

“No,” he insisted, “no, at the start of this week. Monday – before everything went crazy. I- Steve, he told me not to hurt you.”

His voice softened as the last sentence left his lips. His fingers were soft around your bicep, pulling you to face him. You let him.

It’s as if when you finally are face-to-face, Bucky can’t handle it. He glances down at his shoes, wets his lips and takes another breath, hoping to inhale some courage.

“He- he told to just admit it to myself.”

The brush of his warm fingertips across your wrist. Goosebumps shoot up your spine. Your words escape amidst a breath. “Admit what?”

Bucky’s eyes close and he wishes silently, the same thing he’d been wishing for days, the same thing he’s been subconsciously begging for, for years. His eyes lift, blue as ever and full of hope as they find yours.

You feel like you’re buzzing.

“Admit that I’m in love with you.”

The balcony falls silent, par the low bass from the music inside. It seems as though all the air has escaped your lungs, like he’d thrown a punch and winded you. Your mind stutters over the words, stumbles through your memories of the last few days and your left breathless and wordless as he waits for a response.

He thinks he’s too late – he thinks he missed his chance.

His fingers drop from your skin, and you find yourself cold without his touch.

He takes a step back, mouth open with the word he can’t find but your arm shoots out and you tangle your fingers between his, keeping him close as you gather your thoughts.

“I – I thought…” you’re shaking your head, attempting to stutter out some sort of response, “I didn’t think you…”

“I do,” he interrupts, voice dripping with heartache, with hope as he steps back in front of you, “I love you, I swear to god I–“

“I love you too.” Your hands shake, fumble from his hands to his chest, slide up his shoulders until you’re cupping his face. All your breath comes back in a rush, filling your lungs shakily as more tears well in your eyes. “I really- god, I really love you, Buck.”

“Well that’s a relief,” he laughs, hands wrapping around your wrists as his head tilts forwards to rest against your own.

His breath mingles with yours, his thumbs run gently along the insides of your wrists and you let out a relieved chuckle.

“you’re amazing, you– Christ, you look gorgeous tonight,” he murmurs, relief lacing the words, “I’ve barely been able to keep my hands off you all day, all week, Jesus.”

Your buzzing from your fingertips to your toes when the tip of his nose nudges against yours, his lips so close you can practically taste him. You know you’ve kissed before, but the memory of his lips on yours had faded, and you were desperate to feel it again, for real this time.

His lips touch yours, just barely, and–

It’s at that exact moment that a drunk Sam Wilson bursts through the balcony doors, shouting something about how people are asking where you are. A curse slips from Bucky’s lips in a whisper, and he looks at Sam like he could kill him.

He doesn’t have to though, as a very angry red-head is right behind Sam – “I swear to god Wilson,” fast fingers pinch the intoxicated man’s ear as he stumbles over the skirt of her white dress,  “I told you to give them one minute – one more goddamn minute, you dumbass-“

“It’s okay Nat,” you laugh, pulling away from Bucky, “it’s okay, we-“ you glance over at Bucky, ending him a gentle nod and a smile, “we should come inside. We’ll have all the time in the world, later.” It pains you to say, having been so close, but you were the best man and the maid-of-honor, and you had responsibilities.

With a quick look back at Bucky, you promise to pick up where you left off. He sends you bashful smile, waiting until he thinks you’re out of view before pulling Sam into a headlock.

“They’ll be fine – tell me everything.” Nat latches onto your arm, pulling you out onto the dance floor.

So, for a while you dance with the bride, filling her in on your conversation with Bucky. She almost stalks off the dance floor to find Sam when you tell her what was happening before he interrupted, but you manage to hold her back, and eventually, your dad asks her to dance.

You’re just about to turn around and go find Bucky when a hand pulls you back, and you spin to find Steve.

“Well, hey there Mr. Romanoff,” you drawl, smiling as he rolls his eyes.

“Did Nat tell you to say that?”

“Of course, she did,” you laugh, fingers squeezing his shoulder gently. His subdued smile breaks into a full grin, unable to hold it back.

A beat passes, his hand finds your waist and you place yours on his shoulder, swaying gently, before you ask, “Did you have a good day, Stevie?”

“‘Course I did,” he’s still grinning, his cheeks red with elation and adoration, “married the love of my life.”

It’s your turn to grin now and pride rushes through your veins like a drug, unequivocally happy for two of your favourite people in the world.

“Pretty good best man speech if I say so myself,” he says, eyebrows raising, smile turning cheeky as he spins you under his arm, always keeping in time with the music.

A laugh leaves your lips in a breath, and you shake your head a little, eyes falling to your feet, “You should’ve heard the rest of it.”

“Oh I did – about 50 times in my hotel room before the wedding.”

“Sorry we’re both such idiots Stevie.”

He just smiled, a smile that said ‘I’m used to it,’ and shook his head.

“So I gather you two kissed and made-up?”

“Yeah,” you laughed, “something like that.”

It’s quiet for a second, Steve pulls you a little closer and continues to sway.

“Y’know I’ll kill him if he hurts you,” he mumbles.

You chuckle in response, look up at your brother’s face to find a smirk, “He’s your best friend”

Steve shrugs simply, “All the more reason to beat some sense into him.”

“Nat’s the luckiest girl I know, big bro,”

“I don’t know – I’d say you’re pretty lucky judging by the guy waiting to cut in.” His chin tilts up to gesture behind you and you glance over your shoulder to find Bucky standing at the edge of the dance floor, a smile on his lips that could only be described as content.

“Well, you better save your bride from the dad jokes,” you mumble, patting Steve on the shoulder. “Go have fun, Stevie.”

He shoots you a grin and steps back, leaving to find his wife, whilst you turn to look at Bucky. He’s already weaving through the other guests, making a beeline straight to you.

“Didn’t think I’d ever get a chance to cut in,”

“What can I say? People love me,” you joke. Your hands reach forward and entangle your fingers in his, standing chest to chest.

“Y’know Nat dragged me out of bed this morning an almost threw me off a balcony for being such an idiot.” He lifted one hand to your waist, and you instinctively placed yours on his shoulder, beginning to sway to the music.

“No, she didn’t,” you laughed, shaking your head.

“You’re right. I almost threw myself off the balcony when I heard you might be leaving. When I heard it was my fault.” His eyes find yours, earnest and pained.

“Buck...” you sigh, and your eyes drop to his chest, “I didn’t know–“

“I was in love with you?” His fingers found your chin, lifting your face so his eyes could find yours. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered.

“It takes two to tango, baby,” both of your arms moved to wrap around his neck and a regretful smile finds its way to your lips. “we’re both just as oblivious as each other.”

This feels right. His hands are firm on your waist, your fingers move absently, scratching gently at the base of his scalp and his eyes are on you. You can feel the heat in the air, the tension in the miniscule space between the two of you – things unsaid and pushed down for so long. It feels like the room is vibrating with it, and it all feels right. “But we figured it out – well, Steve and Nat helped a bit.”

“Just a little,” he chuckled, and his forehead fell against yours because you’re wrapped around each other, but he still feels the need to be closer.

“Now,” you whispered, a smile tugging at your lips, “where were we?”

The only warning his gets is the gentle pull of your arms on his shoulders before your lips are on his in a searing, passionate, long-awaited kiss.

Bucky’s chest does something hot and cold all at once, a lurching, speeding, flipping sensation and he almost loses his balance, almost falls right on his ass in the middle of the dance floor. He holds tighter, fingers grip at your waist, pull you closer and he isn’t against the idea of never letting go.

His tongue brushes at the seam of your lips and the kiss becomes something else, something filled with desire and force and you can’t help but arch into him. Something of a constant shiver runs down your spine, across your arms. You tangle your fingers in his hair, grounding yourself as it feels like you might just float away.

The two of you get lost in the kiss, right there in the middle of the dance floor, you feel unstoppable, weightless and all you can think is finally, finally, finally.

He manages to pull away despite himself, but doesn’t protest when you press another chaste kiss to his lips.

“Christ,” he breathes, a grin splitting across his face, “how were we not doing this sooner?”

You can’t seem to find the words to form a response, so you laugh instead. Your arms slide around his waist and you let your head fall against his chest, and the two of you begin swaying to the music, neither one of you planning to separate any time soon.

You have a lot of time to make up for.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, I really really really hope you loved it (I’m open to doing an epilogue but only if someone gives me a good idea for what could be in that lmao I’m not good at epilogues).

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Steve sighs, pries his eyes open and looks down at his fiancée, worry clear in his eyes. “She’s thinking about moving to San Francisco.”

“What?” Nat’s fingers stopped in their tracks, eyes wide as she looked up at Steve. That can’t be possible – she would know if her best friend was planning on leaving the city. “She wants to leave New York?”

“She was upset.” Steve shrugs, rough fingers finding their way to slender ones and twisting them together on his chest. “Said somethin’ about ‘needing space’ – already had a job lined up.”

Nat shook her head slightly, frown still evident on her face. “A job? Why wouldn’t she tell us?”

“Well, I don’t think she was gonna go,” Steve’s voice is calm as he explains, but Nat’s watching his face and she knows when he’s upset. He hides it well. Sure, Nat would be upset if you left, but Steve would be devastated. “it’s not a huge promotion or anything, just an... escape, I guess.”

Nat untangles herself from Steve, sits up and reaches down beside the bed for a hoodie. Her face hardens, and Steve watches as she turns completely serious – investigation mode, she’s on a mission to fix this now. “What made her upset?”

“She heard Buck tellin’ me that he doesn’t like her,” Steve mumbles with a sigh, rubbing his face and leaning up on his elbows. “He said he just ‘got caught up’ in the act. He’s in denial and I don’t know how to get him to admit it.”

Nat was away from Steve in an instant, up and out of the bed, pulling on some sweatpants with a determination in her steely eyes. Steve groaned as if he didn’t already know this was going to happen.

“What’re you doing, Nat? We’re getting married in less than 6 hours.”

“And kicking some sense into Barnes will only take 5 minutes,” she huffed, words muffled through the hoodie she was already pulling over her head.

“Please don’t beat up my best man.”

“I won’t.” she leans down and pulls on some sneakers before adding, “Physically.”

“Great.” Steve chuckles lightly, falls back onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling. “I’ll see you later, y’know for that thing we have on today? No big deal.”

Before the door could close, she stepped back into the room and raced towards the bed, jumping right on top of Steve. He let out a quiet grunt, but then her hands were on his face and her lips were on his and he was filled with a certain giddiness that only came with the knowledge that you’re marrying the love of your life later. He smiled into the kiss.

When she pulls way, she’s grinning, and he knows she’s as excited as he is.

“I love you, Steven Romanoff.”

With that, she was out the door again, quick and graceful and stunning as always.

Steve was still grinning as he shouted after her, “It’s Romanoff-Rogers!”

-----------------------------------------

Bucky was dreaming again, except this time all he could see was you – right in front of him, repeatedly poking his face. Considerably less-sexy than his last dream featuring you.

He groaned, swatted at his face and you stepped back into a shadowy background.

The next thing Bucky new, he was shooting up out of the bed with a (frankly embarrassing) yelp, drenched in cold water and confronted with Nat’s smiling face.

She pressed her finger to her lips, shooshing Bucky and gesturing to you as he opened his mouth to question her.

“Come with me – we need to talk.”

“It’s 6am!” Bucky hissed, “and you’re getting married later! Why do you need to talk to me?”

“Come with me and you’ll find out.” Bucky was still staring blankly at her, pulling the damp material of his shirt away from his skin.

Nat hit him with a pillow. “Come on.”

“Okay, okay,” he surrendered, pulling off the sheets.

Bucky pulls on a hoodie and some sweatpants then walks with Nat through the resort. She stays silent and he tries to rub the remnants of sleep from his eyes. She lets out a frustrated huff every few steps and he tries to pretend he’s not terrified of the redhead.

Finally, she pulls him out onto a balcony – somewhere private, a few floors up, and Bucky begins to wonder if she’s gonna push him off the edge.

All of a sudden, she hisses out, “you’re an asshole.”

He gapes at her for a brief moment before collecting his thoughts. “Okay, I know you said this is important but if we’ve just come out here so you can insult me, I think it can wait.”

“It can’t wait!” she growls, “It’s been waiting for years – I can’t stand it anymore!”

“Oh, you mean me and-“ Bucky was beginning to catch on to what Natasha was talking about. “Did Steve tell you?”

“No. Steve didn’t tell me – it’s blatantly fucking obvious!” she throws her arms up in exasperation and Bucky almost flinches.

“Calm down, Nat, I-“

“She’s in love with you!”

Bucky’s heart might’ve actually done a flip in his chest. His eyes widen and he steps back as if he’d been punched. Nat’s staring at him expectantly and he doesn’t know what to say – his lips are dry and he briefly wonders if she’s lying to him but Nat doesn’t lie, not to her friends.

“w-“ he clears his throat, “what?”

“She loves you, you big dumb pain-in-my-ass, I shouldn’t be telling you that but seeing as you’re both completely hopeless – she loves you and she heard you telling Steve you don’t love her.”

If he felt like he was getting punched before, it now feels like a bullet punctured his heart and he’s bleeding out on the balcony. His mouth suddenly feels very dry. He wishes Nat would throw him off the edge.

“I– I do,” he mumbles, scratches his fingers through the stubble on his jaw and avoids eye contact with Nat, “I do love her.”

“Well, I know that!” Natasha runs her fingers through her hair violently, “we need her to know that!”

Bucky is still trying to process all of this when Nat steps closer to him, pokes him in the chest and says, more earnest than he might’ve ever seen her, “you need to fix this, Barnes.”

“I– I’ll talk to her when we get back, after the wedding, when everything is calm when I’m not–“

“She’s giving up,” Nat interrupts, her tone matter-of-fact and urgent.

“Giving up?” Bucky’s still stuttering over his words. “What does that mean?”

“It means she’s moving out of New York!”

Silence falls across the balcony, thick and dark and Bucky swears his breath is turning to ice in front of him.

“What?” it’s a whisper, a breath filled with fear and confusion, “Sh- she wouldn’t. She loves New York – Brooklyn is her home.”

“She got offered a job in San Francisco. She told Steve last night. Said she needed an escape.”

Bucky rests, almost falls, back against the railing, letting it hold his weight as he tries to pull his thoughts together – he’s just received so much new information, and his heart is beating a million miles an hour.

“Barnes, you need to fix this. Before the end of the day.”

He nods numbly at her, then pries open his dry lips to ask one more question. “how?”

---------------------------------------------

From the outside looking in, everything was normal. You and Bucky were a couple – smiling and touching and making appearances.

From the inside, everything was a little bit off.

Your eyes never quite met his, your touch never lingered like it used to, and you stepped out of his arms faster than before. He missed having you in his arms, missed your fingers on his waist, missed the way you used to look at him.

He wants to cry, wants to scream that he’s sorry and that he loves you. But he can’t yet, he has a plan.

So, he plays his part, holds your hand until you want to let go, stays by your side until you walk away.

Even when you’re beside him he feels like you’re 10 feet away, and more than anything he wants to close that gap.

Steve and Nat allow themselves to become fully engrossed in each other, in the big day. They let themselves forget your’s and Bucky’s issues for a while.

There’s one moment, when Steve see’s Bucky watching you, that he claps a hand on his best mate’s shoulder, a sympathetic look in his eye, one that Bucky perceives as disappointment.

“I’m gonna fix this Steve. I’ll fix this.”

“Yeah, Buck, I know.”

Despite the mild tension, the day passes quite pleasantly. Yours and Steve’s parents enjoy themselves, as do the other guests, and Nat and Steve end the day impossibly more in love.

“Buck, it’s time for the best man’s speech,” Nat whispers into Bucky’s ear, brushing past him to find her seat at the table. When she gets there she sends him a smile and a thumbs up. Good luck. Don’t fuck it up.

So, Bucky stands up. He clenches the paper in his hand, feels a rush of nervous heat spread over his cheeks and neck before awkwardly coughing into the microphone.

“Hi everyone, I’m Bucky, the best man.” It’s an awkward beginning, but with a nervous little smile, he continues, raising his glass to the still-silencing room.

“Those of you who know Steve will know me – you’re probably shocked that it’s not us getting married.” His joke lands and a quiet chuckle trickles through the room, a whoop of agreement from a scattered few (Tony, maybe, definitely Sam.)

“We’ve been inseparable since before we could walk which means this is probably gonna be a pretty long speech. Sorry.” He shrugs carelessly, already more relaxed. “In the last 28 years, We’ve given each other a lot of advice. Now, I like to think I’m pretty good at advice–“

He stops, turns to look at Steve and asks him “–do you remember what I told you when you were refusing to ask Nat out at that party?”

Steve leaned forward, cleared his throat with a chuckle “Something along the lines of ‘sack up and spit it out’?” Steve questions, loud enough for the crowd to hear.

They laughed at that, and you watch as Bucky tries to hold back a proud grin as he gestured between Steve and his bride. “See? Look at where that advice got you.”

Bucky turns back to the audience then, diving back into his speech. “I never thought Steve was good at advice. He suggested reckless endangerment and unnecessary rule-breaking far too often for me to listen to any of his advisory comments.”

Your mother lets out a chuckle, thinking back to all the troublemaking Steve had taken part in throughout High School and you can’t help but grin, knowing your brother would always be a little reckless at heart.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, eyes searching the room until they landed on you.

“I have to admit, there were a few times when I should’ve listened. Like when we were 8,” behind him, a big photo of the two young boys appeared on a projector, drawing some ‘aww’s’ from the crowd. “It was the first time I was meeting Steve’s sister and he said something to me as we walked into the house.”

The picture changed. It was now the three of you laying flat on the grass in your backyard.

“He said ‘you should fall in love with her – maybe one day we can be actual brothers.’ At the time, I punched him in the shoulder and I did not take his advice.”

Bucky kept looking back at you, and even as your eyes began to water, you didn’t dare look away.

“The second time I should’ve listened was our senior prom – I didn’t know who to take and Steve, knowing (Y/n) didn’t have a date, told me to take her.” You both glance back at Steve at the same time, a smile on his lips and confusion in your eyes. “If I recall correctly, he told me that we would fall in love and in turn live out his life-long dream of becoming brothers”

Another laugh ran through the room.

“I didn’t listen that time either. I went to prom with a girl named Gemma and she ditched me for a guy named Brad and this is how I ended up spending prom night.”

He glanced back at the screen as a silent video played behind him – the two of you, 18 years old and giggling like children as you threw mnms into each other’s mouths.

A few coos are heard throughout the crowd, some laughter scattered through the room.

“Anyway – you’ve probably all seen me around, arm-in-arm with that beautiful girl.” Now, a picture of the two of you – a recent one, where you’re squeezing his waist and he’s making a face. You feel a tear slip down your face.

With a shake of his head, Bucky manages to pry his eyes off you and look back at Natasha and Steve, as if just remembering that there are other people in the room. “What I’m trying to say is that Steve doesn’t get a lot of things right, but when it comes to love, he really knows what he’s talkin’ about. Stevie, Nat; you guys have shown me what a genuinely wonderful nightmare relationships can be. I hope that one day I have even a fraction of what you guys do. Steve, You’ll always be my brother, no matter what, and unfortunately for you, Nat, that means you’re about to join the family.”

An applause swims through the room and Bucky bowed his head, mouthed the words ‘love you, guys,’ and then found his seat.

Your father stood up then, beginning his speech and the sudden silence of the crowd snapped you out of the trance Bucky’s speech had put you in. You hurriedly wiped the tears from under your eyes, glancing across at Bucky to see if he had noticed.

Your brain was swimming with thoughts – you and Bucky had fought, but you had to keep up this fake-dating charade until after the wedding. Maybe that’s what he wrote at the start of the week and hasn’t had time to re-write. Maybe that speech was just part of the lie.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest as you thought about the way he was looking at you.

Maybe it wasn’t.

“I need... I need some fresh air,” you mumbled, brushing your hand across your mother’s as you slipped out of your seat, heading for the closest terrace.

--------------------------------------------------

DID YA LIKE IT?

(Sorry I haven't updated the tags if you asked to be tagged since I last posted! tbh I haven’t been in the mental state to go through my asks!)

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He wanders into the kitchenette; yanks open the fridge to discover some fresh fruit with a torn piece of paper on top.

‘Mum and Nat got way too much fruit at the market – Stevie’.

The note had been left for you, but Bucky plucked it off the plate and rummaged around for a chopping board, cutting up a few of the fruits – oranges, apples, watermelon and strawberries. He ate his share as he prepared it, and then placed the rest on your bedside table with a little pot of yogurt.

He told himself it was because you got him breakfast yesterday – to repay you – and then he grabbed his jacket and head out the door, sparing your sleeping form one last glance before going to find the groom.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

You woke up with a start, your heart beating heavy in your chest and your eyes flinging over to find what had scared you. Nat was sitting on the edge of the bed, the pillow she’d just hit you with still clenched tightly in one hand, the other reaching towards your bedside table.

“Jesus Christ,” you hissed, still squinting from the sudden daylight that filled the room “What are you doing here?”

“Well, we were going to get breakfast, but it looks like your boyfriend’s already taken care of that.” She tuts, eyebrow raised delicately as she waves the little piece of paper at you.

“What?” You reach over, tired fingers clumsily plucking the note from her fingers.

Good morning! Enjoy breakfast :) – Buck

Your eyes trailed back to your bedside table and discover a plate full of fresh fruit and yogurt. You look back at the note, and your chest tightens, full with fondness for the man pretending to be your boyfriend.

“I honestly don’t know how the two of you haven’t fucked yet.”

“Nat!” You yelled, before burying your face into the pillow.

“What? By the looks of it you’re sleeping in the same bed, and don’t even try to tell me there’s been no cuddling because I know there has been, also you’re completely head over heels for him and he–“

“If you don’t stop talking I’m gonna get drunk and ruin your wedding tomorrow,” you mumble through the pillow.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She glares jokingly at you, pokes your shoulder roughly.

Your only response was to lift your head and poke your tongue out at her, and she lifted her arm to wack you with the pillow again.

“I’m getting up! I’m getting up.” You held your hands up in surrender. “Help yourself to fruit, I’m gonna freshen up.”

You end up only getting a few strawberries and a slice of apple before Nat is dragging you out the door, excited to spend the day with her bridesmaids. You meet Wanda at the beach, 3 colourful cocktails already sitting precariously in the sand. She squeals happily at the sight of the two of you and pulls you both into a tight hug.

“I’ve found us the best spot on the beach, and we aren’t moving all day unless it’s to get more drinks. Did you know you can get massages on the beach? I booked them in already.”

You and Nat laugh lightly at her enthusiasm before reaching for your drinks.

For the next few hours the three of you do nothing but lounge in the sun, occasionally dip into the ocean and sip cocktails. You catch up with Wanda and pamper Nat as you’re supposed to the day before her wedding. You almost stop thinking about Bucky.

That is, until, Wanda pulls a few bottles of nail polish.

“So… How are things going with Bucky?” she asks, a sly smile on her lips “I always knew you two would be good together.”

You laugh, a nervous smile tugs at your lips as you try to form an answer. Just a mere question and it’s like your mind is overflowing with him. Suddenly, you remember how it felt when you woke up in his arms, and how his hand felt in yours when he was comforting you, how he looked from the opposite side of the couch laughing like a maniac because you keep throwing mnm’s in his face because you can’t aim for shit.

You don’t want to lie to Wanda, so you tell the truth.

“He’s great.” It’s as simple as that, really.  

Your eyes flicker over to Nat, having felt her staring at you as you say the next few words. A sharp exhale, almost-laughter, and you shake your head at Nat or maybe at yourself, and with a smile, it comes out. The truth.

“I love him.”

Nat’s grin is blinding, slightly from her win but mostly because she’s proud of her best friend.

Wanda is smiling too – it’s a look you might call knowing, if you really thought about it.

“Oh, I can tell,” she drawls, lifting her drink to you, “and the way he looks at you? God, it’s like you’re the only person in the room.”

You smile down at the sand and Nat reaches over to squeeze your shoulder gently.

“We’re out of drinks,” Wanda realises – or maybe she sees that the two of you need a moment, and she’s on her feet in an instant, “I’ll grab some more!”

It’s quiet until she’s out of ear-shot.

“So...” Nat starts, eyebrows raised and long fingers playing idly with the edge of her towel, “what was that?”

You roll your eyes at her attempt at subtly, huff out a sigh of defeat and mumble, “I don’t want to hear ‘I told you so,’ but it was the truth”

“And what’re you planning on doing with the truth?”

Your eyes flitter between her and the ocean in front of you.

“Are you gonna tell him?” The words are quiet, like she’s scared they’ll be carried away in the crashing waves.

You sigh again, gulp down the last of your drink and stare out at the falling sun.

“Yeah.” You feel the corner of your mouth twitching up into a smile, something akin to certainty filling the words. “Yeah, I think I am.”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

It’s late when you arrive back at the resort – later than you had planned – but, you head towards your room with nerves alight under your skin. Nat had run off at the beach, shouting something about Steve and romance. Wanda got off the elevator a few floors ago, off to find Vision and a place to recover from how much she had to drink.

You’re trying not to throw up from the thought of what you’re about to do.

In the elevator, you go over what you want to say – I like you, I think I’m in love with you, this is real to me – but it all sounds wrong. Your stomach’s churning and any confidence you’d felt before must’ve washed away with the sand.

You chew your bottom lip as the elevator doors open. Your steps are slow and careful, you have to convince yourself to take each one until finally – the end of the hallway.

You stand outside the room, intending to take a few breaths before stepping inside and dropping your revelation on him, but you freeze when you hear voices from inside.

“–you gonna do?” Steve – you’d know that voice anywhere.

“nothing.” Bucky. You can’t quite figure out the tone but he certainly doesn’t sound happy.

“What?” Steve sounds confused now, the word is almost a gasp.

“I don’t like her Steve – I cant.”

Your heart freezes.

“Are we seriously back to this?”

It can’t be.

“I just… I’m just getting caught up in this act, okay?”

Getting caught up in this act. You almost laugh at yourself.

“No, not okay.” It’s almost angry, fed-up and frustrated, you can picture Steve with his hands on his hips.

It’s quiet behind the door for a moment.

The two men stare each other down. Bucky sighs.

“She’s… she’s a great fake girlfriend and it’s messing with my mind, but, she’s your sister! She’s my best friend!”

“So?”

The hallway is spinning around you as it all comes crashing down, you might actually feel your heart tearing itself apart.

“So, I can’t. I can’t be in love with her.”

It’s quiet again and take the chance to wipe the tears from under your eyes and take a deep breath. You weren’t sure when you had started crying, but you knew you had to stop. You stand there for a few more moments, trying to decide what to do now. Do you just walk in? Do you find Nat and tell her what happened? Do you run for the hills and never return?

Your shaking fingers find their way around the door handle and you build up the courage to push it open, pulling your lips into something that would at least resemble a smile and step inside.

“Hey, guys,” you greet, avoiding their eyes as you walk across the room towards your suitcase.

“Hey! Steve was just leaving – have you eaten?” Bucky––once again proving his fantastic acting abilities––grinned across at you and clapped Steve on the shoulder. If you hadn’t been standing right outside the door, you might’ve actually told him.

Steve gives you a wave as he walks out of the room, but you’re too busy ruffling through your suitcase and miss the concerned look in his eyes.

“uh yeah, I grabbed something with Nat,” you mumbled back to Bucky, pulling a hoodie out of your suitcase and slipping it on. You dropped your beach bag beside the bed and began to change into some sneakers. “I think I’m just going to go for a walk – it’s a nice night.”

You need to get out of here. You quickly realise it was a mistake to come inside in the first place and as you look at Bucky, you know you won’t get through another night without telling him. It felt like as soon as Steve left, you started to suffocate. You needed to leave before something happened and you completely embarrassed yourself.

“Oh alright – you- you want company? It’s pretty dark out there.”

“No!” Too quick. Calm down. “No, I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, um, I’ll see you when you’re back then?”

He could tell something was up, of course he could, but he knew of he asked you wouldn’t tell him.

“Yeah, Buck,” you could feel more tears welling up as you found yourself back at the door. “See you later.”

The door shuts behind you and you take a deep, shaky breath, trying to recollect your thoughts. It’s only a few minutes into your walk that you realise you don’t have anywhere to go.

So, you walk.

The first place your feet take you is downstairs, past the restaurant where you had dinner with your parents and where Bucky made it feel like you could breathe. Past the lobby where he held your hand and pulled you to safety. Down the stairs you had stumbled down to get to the beach just before you realised this might be real.

You sit down on the sand, run your fingers through the now-cold grains and press your head ot your knees.

For a while you just sit and try to remember when exactly you had started drowning. When, exactly, you had lost your balance and fallen into him.

You weren’t used to falling.

“Hey.” A voice pulls you out of it, water rushing from your ears as Steve pulled you to the surface like he always does. He’s standing there, bare feet in the sand and a familiar look in his eye.

You manage to pull yourself together.

“Oh, Stevie – what’re you doing here? it’s almost midnight.”

“Was lookin’ for you.” he said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants “I could tell something was up.”

You chuckled dryly, looking back out at the ocean. “You’re getting married tomorrow, surely you have bigger things on your mind than my relationship issues in a relationship that isn’t even real.”

He’s silent for a moment and the waves continue to crash, water drawing up closer to your bare feet.

“It is real, though, isn’t it?” he says gently. There’s a comforting smile on his lips as he drops down into the sand beside you.

You sigh. “Did Nat tell you?”

“No, I have eyes. And I hang out with you and Barnes far too much.”

Another dry chuckle leaves your lips.

After a moment Steve nudges you with his elbow, “talk to me, Y/n.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth, try to figure out where to start. Looking out across the beach, a shaky breath fills your lungs.

“Y’know, I was gonna tell him. How I feel.” You trace aimless lines in the sand beside you, pull your bottom lip between your teeth. “Nat and I, we talked about it today and I– I don’t know I guess I was finally comfortable with my own goddamn feelings.”

You look over at him now, a sad smile on your lips. Steve’s brows are pulled together in that way that means he’s listening, and in that moment you’re unbelievably thankful that he’s your big brother.

“So, I was gonna walk into our room and just say it. But then, when I got to the door I could hear you guys talking.”

Steve’s eyes meet yours, already apologetic, but you don’t give him a chance to speak.

“I know it’s dumb, because he was never mine to begin with, but it feels like I lost him.” Finally, the tears well up in your eyes, so you take a deep breath and try to dismiss them. Your voice still breaks as you continue to speak, “And I don’t know if I can go back to pretending everything’s okay.”

“It’s not dumb.” Steve mumbles. He wraps his arm over your shoulders in an attempt at comfort and you lean into his chest. “Bucky’s an idiot. He can’t interpret his own emotions – he doesn’t understand what he’s feeling and–“

“it’s okay, Steve. You don’t have to try and comfort me.”

There’s another beat of silence before Steve opens his mouth again, “You have to know he loves you, Y/n.”

You pull yourself out of his arms and use the palms of your hands to wipe away any trace of tears. “I know he loves me, Stevie. Just not in the way that I love him.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say – doesn’t know how to make you open your eyes and see what he and Nat had been seeing for years. He doesn’t get a chance to come up with anything before you speak again.

“Maybe I just need a break.”

“What does that mean?”

A beat of ominous silence.

“I’ve been offered a job in San Francisco.”

Steve almost gasps, looks at you, incredulous. “You’re gonna leave New York?”

“I wasn’t going to – my boss emailed me at the start of the week and I just kind of brushed it off but… but maybe it’s exactly what I need. Some time away.”

“From Bucky.”

You don’t say anything. You don’t have to.

“You can’t,” Steve protests, like you knew he would, like he knows he must, “Brooklyn is our home.”

You pull yourself up off the the sand, pick up your shoes and pour the sand out of them.

“Nothing’s confirmed yet – and I wouldn’t be gone forever.” You look down at where he’s still sitting and shrug, “the trial period is 12 months long and they’ll rent a place for me.”

“You’re really thinking about this,” he says.

“Steve, for the last week I thought I was pretending to be in love with my best friend. Turns out I was just pretending not to be for god knows how long.” You throw your arms up lazily in defeat. “I can’t keep pretending.”

“I can’t say I support it but I– I guess I understand.” He’s shaking his head, to busy with disbelief to form any kind of coherent rebuttal. “Just– just don’t decide anything yet. Think about for a few days, okay?”

“I will, Steve.” You smile at him, then glance at your phone. “Oh my god, it’s almost 1am and you’re getting married tomorrow – you need your beauty sleep if you’re gonna look any good in your wedding photos.”

You break the tension successfully, and despite Steve’s shock he manages a smile.

He chuckles lightly and pulls himself up off the sand, brushing the sand off his pants, “You’re a dork.”

You end up back at the door to yours and Bucky’s shared room just after 1. He’s asleep in his jeans, phone on the pillow beside him and you name at the top of the screen. There’s a text typed out but not sent, a simple ‘are you okay? Will you be back soon?’. He must’ve fallen asleep waiting for you.

You pull the blankets up over him and plug his phone into charge.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

I HOPE YOU LIKED IT OML

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