Part 1 here

Warnings | Unedited (I will edit later), mentions the death of a child, angst.

Aelin pressed her cheek to the bar, the warmth leeching from her skin, trying to stop her head spinning. The world around her blurred in and out of focus and the longer she lay there the less inclined she felt to move. The taste of salt lingered along the seam of her lips from the tequila shots she had thrown back earlier in the night, sickness twisting her stomach.

The sudden press of cool fingertips against her temple had her shooting up in her seat, “Aelin,” Rowan said gently, easing her to her feet.

Aelin found herself transfixed by the spot between his shoulder and neck as he looped an arm around her waist, the urge to press her lips to the sensitive skin there was stifling.

She knew how he would react, Rowan would bow his head allowing her more skin and twine his fingers through the soft strands of hair at the nape of her neck and whisper softly into her ear, almost purring. Aelin sighed drunkly, snuggling against his chest.

“Are you Rowan?” The bartender asked, the ice in his cocktail shaker rattling obnoxiously loud. Rowan nodded, taking Aelins phone from him, “she’s been asking for you.” Rowan smiled halfheartedly, slipping the strap of her bag round his neck.

“Let’s go home baby,” Aelin murmured into his shirt, inhaling the familiar scent of his detergent, oh how she missed this.

Rowan was quick to lead her from the bar, keeping a modest hand on her back until they reached where he had parked his car. He helped her into the front and crossed round to the drivers seat.

“What the hell are you doing?” He growled once he was in the car.

Aelin shrugged turning to face him with heavy lidded eyes, her hand coming to rest on his thigh, Rowan made no move to start driving, his hands wrapped in a white knuckled grip around the steering wheel, the gold wedding band still decorating his hand.

Aelin glanced down at her bare finger and clenched her fist. “You didn’t have to pick me up,” her words slurred slightly and Rowans head slumped back against the head rest, eyes squeezing shut.

“Of course I did.”

“I didn’t mean to take you away from your family,” Rowan let out a tired breath and his hand sought out hers, fingers wrapping delicately around her own.

“You are my family Aelin.”

She choked on a sob, wrenching her hand back from Rowan, “I’m not.” He let out another sighed breath, started the car and began to pull out of the parking lot. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home,” panic started to bubble up in her chest, she couldn’t go back to that empty house, she couldn’t be alone there not with all the memories.

“Can I stay at yours tonight Ro?” She paused to steady her voice, “please I can’t go back there.” He agreed without taking his eyes off the road.

Aelin studied his side profile as they drove, the slope and bump of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, unfairly long lashes and the dark shadows under his bloodshot eyes. She longed to reach out a brush the hair off his forehead, to run her fingers through it, to trace the shape of his lips with her index finger like she used too. But she wouldn’t, even drunk she knew she would only be further torturing herself.

Eventually they pulled into the parking lot of Rowans apartment complex, from there it was a short walk to the elevator.

The ride up to his floor was silent, Aelin kept to the farthest corner and pretended not to notice Rowan watching her like a hawk.

Beginning now to sober up, she stood awkwardly to one side while he unlocked his flat.

He glanced sideways at her and swung the door open, gesturing for her to head in first. Once they were both inside he locked the door and turned back to her. “I’ll get you a glass of water, wait in the living room.”

Aelin headed into the living room and perched on the edge of his sofa, surveying the room. It was simply decorated, a box of children’s toys pushed into one corner was the most colourful thing in the room. Aelin had to close her eyes, bile rising in her throat, the room suddenly too warm.

“Aelin are you alright?” Rowan asked, rushing to her side, placing the glass of water down on the coffee table. Unable to speak she made a whimper like sound and pushed away from the sofa.

“Aelin what’s wrong?”

“This is what’s wrong!” she screamed, whirling on him, gesturing to their surroundings, “it’s like nothings happened, like he never happened.” Understanding dawned on his face, followed closely by anger.

“How dare you drag me out in the middle of the night and then come into my house and insult how I’m dealing with our sons death.” He stepped closer, leaning down to get in her face, “Just because I’m not out poisoning myself every night doesn’t mean I’m not grieving.”

She laughed, placing her hands on his chest and shoving, “No Rowan the reason you aren’t grieving is because you’ve already got the replacement, it’s easy to move on when you already have another kid to fill his space with.”

He stepped back and shook his head as if in disbelief, “You know that’s not true,” his breath ragged, “you can’t believe that Aelin.”

Aelin did, she knew that Rowan had loved Rudy just as much as she did but it wasn’t the same, he wasn’t alone in his grief like her. He still had Grace, his daughter and maybe even Lyria and Aelin had no one. No one who had lost everything as she had.

“I don’t know what to believe, all I know is that my son is dead and I’m alone.” She clapped her hand over her mouth to try and quieten the loud sobs that tore from her chest, “My baby’s dead and I can’t go home because I don’t have one anymore, not without him and not without you.” Her legs crumpled beneath her and she dropped to the floor, sobbing into her hands.

Rowan approached slowly and knelt beside her, wrapped both his arms around Aelins shaking shoulders and pulled her into his lap. She felt his own tears begin dampen her hair. “Aelin I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling this way but I loved our son and I would never try to replace him.”

Aelin hiccuped and pulled a little out of his arms so she could look him in the eye. “I know.”

He cupped her cheeks, drying her tears with his shirt sleeve, “And for the record you are never without me.”

She snorted, wiping her nose on the back of her arm unattractively, Rowan gave her a watery smile, “I mean it Aelin I’m always here, whenever you need someone to talk to about Rudy or anything else, always.”

Aelin stared into his eyes, tired, green and bloodshot, but looking at her with such emotion it made her want to curl in on herself.

Instead she leaned in and pressed her mouth against his, her fingers resting on the pulse at his throat.

For a moment he made no movement to kiss her back but as she went to pull away his hand slid into her hair pulled her back.

His lips were soft and needy, little groans escaping him as she settled into a straddling position. Aelin opened her mouth to him, his tongue sweeping languidly in, their teeth scraping as she leaned closer, pressing herself fully against him.

Closer still wasn’t close enough, she wanted to sink into him, to crawl under his skin and never leave.

If the way that Rowans hands pulled and gripped at her hips were any tell, he felt the same.

As she reached to unzip his jeans, her mouth open and panting directly into Rowans, he pulled away, a tendril of spit still connecting them. His hands moved hers away from his zipper. “Not now baby, not after all this time while you’re drunk and not on the floor.”

Aelin huffed disappointedly but agreed, disentangling from him, Rowan held onto her gently by the wrist and drew her towards his room, past the locked blue door marked Rudy and the lilac one next to it.

Aelins breath stuttered and Rowan as if sensing her discomfort tucked her under his arm and hurried into his bedroom.

Together they sank onto the matress and Rowan reached with one arm over to his beside table and brought a framed photograph of her, Rudy and him in front of them.

It was around three years old and was taken on Rudy’s third birthday. In it Aelin was sat between Rowans legs with Rudy on her lap, Rowans chin was resting on Aelins shoulder and Rudy was looking up at the two of them with a toothy smile, cake smeared around his mouth, his blond hair in a tiny braid.

Aelins traced over him, tears welling up again in her eyes, “I miss him so much that it hurts and it feels like I’ll never be okay again.”

Rowan kissed her temple, placed the photo on chest and curled his body around Aelin. “It won’t ever be ok and it won’t ever stop hurting,” he whispered against her neck, his breath tickling her skin, “but eventually it won’t hurt as much, and you’ll be able to think about him without crying and you’ll be able to smile instead.”

Aelin didn’t respond but she hugged the photo to her chest even as the wooden corners dug painfully into her skin.

“And I can promise you Aelin that I will always be here, that you will never be alone.”

Aelin turned onto her side and nuzzled into Rowans chest, her tears wetting his shirt, he circled both his arms around her and pressed a wet kiss to her forehead. “Always,” he whispered into the dark.

Once he had fallen asleep and she could hear the steady rythym of his breathing and the drum of his heart against her hand, she whispered back.

“Always.”