#ruftula

you’ve taken cover in one of the forest-y dream bubbles. the familiarity of blue bark and pink leaves reminds you of the parks you used to hang at that were closeby your hive. shreddin it on them pipes and-wait-fuck nonononono don’t think bout it!

don’t think about your skating, don’t think about everyone’s reactions to you, all those eyes, all those comments of disbelief and bewilderment, the twinge of fear at a mediocre response to your rad moves, how disappointed they’d be if you flopped making yourself look like a damn phoney-

okay so this is NOT helping your think pan get off the panic coaster 2000, with wild reviews of going fifty miles a second and 9/10 liklyhood to hurl your cotton candy out on the first out of five runs on it.

this would be the time you pop your medication down your throat but somehow these bullshit bubbles had ya run out! which is bullshit what kinda afterlife where ya imagine wha the hell ever has ya run outta anxiety meds!? hell why does it let ya keep the anxiety!? and for that record how does anxiety medicine even work when your DEAD like is it some mind game to make ya THINK your not anxietic anymore? talk about major irony if that’s the case.

your hiding your face in your knees as you sit in a ball, it’s quiet in the bubble but it feels like there’s more noise then wind and leaves falling. screams, static, footsteps...wait no that’s not your mind trying to give ya a damn migraine of fake noises that’s actual noise in your presence.

damn it you really didn’t wanna have to meet anyone in here. your begging it’s maybe porrim at least she gets ya. you hear a small clanking that you know too well is a plastic pill bottle. your looking up fast not expecting those rad familiar wings and spooked face from the rufioh nitram.

...well..fuck there goes your rad girl cred from the rad-est dude of your entire team (well, second rad-est your tuna is the most radical of bro’s). you look between him and the bottle as he looks...weirdly awkward. probably cause you look so lame pyrope.

he bends down enough and at the right height you snag it, pop the cap off and swallow two pills from it. your used to dry swallowing them sometimes and take a breath as you calm down letting the weird magical pills take over. you hear him situate and sit beside you, as best as he can with those hefty wings and horns.

“doin aight?” he asks as if he’s got no idea what to do as you nod. “yeah...yeah thanks its uh...it’s just nothin one of those days yknow?” you try bullshitting out trying to keep your radgirl persona up even though it’s obvious to the most pan-dead of trolls that that cover is blown to high hell.

“yeah. totally just, a wipeout right?” he asks and you perk up a bit...surprised how well he took that...too well you may add. you lay back on the tree and hum. “yeah, just, a wicked mess earlier. it’s cool though.”

“cool.”

“cool.”

......

okay this is weird. your feeling something’s rounding the bend of twists. like why is he here? why does he have anxiety meds right on him? how did he know you needed em? why is he not flipping his shit over how not cool and okay you were acting!?

atleast 75% of it starts collecting though as you think it further. kinda. you had to take a moment to remember if zahhak actually had anxiety or was just that awkward and if you could get high off those meds which, yeah probably could you’d be in for a gnarly trip if you didn’t care about yourself a little bit.

so you both sit there, letting leaves fall, wind blowing, normal shit for two abnormally radical rebels like yourselves who your slowly realizing aren’t all like that. you decide to break the ice first asking “you...gonna tell anyone?”

he rubs the back of his head like he always does that you’ve noticed. “uhh, mean, long as ya don’t tell anyone, i won’t.” you get it. on the same halfpipe your both grinding on. you put your fist up halfway, he takes a minute but moves to fist bump you.

“pretty rad nitram.”

“rad yourself haha.”

“we...should do this more often.”

“uhh heh i dunno, don’t think multiple panic attacks are good for ya.”

you elbow him with a fake ‘har har’ as he rubs the area. whoops, teal strength, you navigate around that real quick. “i mean hangin out dude.” he stops rubbing it to look at you curiously. “really? dunno mean, skating looks cool but-” you sigh. “no no dude just like this. one on one shit yknow?”

he looks a bit surprised at that and...agitated? did ya think this was too fast of a moment? maybe dude just wanted to help and here you are thinking this means your all buddy buddies now. “i mean...” he starts and you listen in. “...i dunno like, after the whole horrus thing i-”

“WOAH WOAH WOAH slow your tinkerbulls!” your blushing teal as you exclaim scooting back a bit. “dude not like that, i’m with mituna remember? i just meant like y’know, bonding over our anxiety complexities and shit. i don’t like, do that with alotta people like, porrim sometimes but her quad’s are always open so it’s like, temporary shit y’know?”

“oh.” he replies shocked almost as he looks away nervously. “mmm...dunno still mean. everyone assumes y’know, after the whole thing that, mean...y’know.” you huff, it’s not like your BLIND to past events but he’s really thinking too hard on it. “yeah well, obviously i wouldn’t do that.”

“mean...yeah but like, yknow some would still...uhm...” he shrinks a bit and how he acts has you boiling a bit inside, not at him though. “...who...would assume i would?” you ask your tone cold as he grits his teeth. “nitram.”

“look i dunno doll it’s just how everyone’s like these days.” that’s not answering your question but then again you really should’ve seen this kinda thought process pop up before. it still piss’s you off the idea that their all assuming you’d flip on a drop of a hat quadrant wise.

“yeah...well i’ll be the most bluntest of diamonds you could ask for.” you state gripping his shoulder. “gonna be loud and proud if your down for it i mean. like ‘ey me and my MOIRAIL are having the most pale of times now so shove it!’ kinda thing. again if you like, wanna i dunno.”

you let go and he rubs his shoulder with a shy smile, damn teal strength. “that...would be kinda cool but i mean...i dunno i’m fine just bein, chill y’know? just this is fine.” you raise a brow. “so...is it like...a yeah or a hell yeah?”