Hope y’all like it! This is the prequel to “I love you maño”. Hope y’all like it!
¡¡¡¡TW/ mention of self harm, cussing, talk of past suicidal thoughts!!!!
“Don’t you dare fucking walk away when I’m talking to you!” Oscar’s voice boomed throughout the quiet neighborhood as Cesar marched past him, up the stairs to the house, ignoring the fuming Santo while also trying to blink away the tears. “Don’t you ignore me either!” Oscar followed behind him as Cesar nearly wanted to slam the door in Oscar’s face but Oscar was too fast, gripping his arm, turning him, “What the hell did she mean by that huh?” If Cesar looked up at Oscar, he would have seen how Oscar’s eyes were watery, how even if he had an angry voice, his face was soft. “Let me go!” Instead Cesar tried to fight out of Oscar’s grip which Oscar only tightened, “Cesar,” Oscar tried to reason, “let me go!” Cesar pushed him back as Oscar released him, Cesar immediately running out of the house and down the street, ignoring Oscar’s yells as he replayed the last hour in his head as he just ran into the night.
“Can we all just stop arguing for once and actually enjoy the evening?” Jamal asked impatiently as Ruby groaned
“We aren’t even the ones fighting! It’s Monse, again!”
“I just love how everything always gets blamed on me.”
“Cause it’s true!” Everyone (Jasmine, Jamal, Ruby) yell back. Cesar doesn’t do anything as he stares at the ground.
“I swear Monse. If you tell him, it’s all over.” Cesar says as Monse scoffs.
“It’s been over a year Cesar. He needs to know that’s how you feel.”
“And what is he gonna do? Hm. Give me a lecture, tell me I shouldn’t think like that?”
“Look while I agree that he does deserve to know, it’s not YOUR place to tell him. It’s Cesar’s place.” Ruby interjects
“Cesar will never tell him.” Monse snaps back
“Okay but how would you telling him exactly fix the problem?” Jasmine asks and Monse doesn’t respond.
“Look he already feels bad after what happened with our dad, let’s not make it worse.” Cesar ends the conversation by walking away as the gang follows him, Monse staying close behind. The group mingles for a bit before heading to the chip and dip table. It’s when Ruby sees Monse not with them and instead talking to Oscar.
“Shit.” Ruby says as Cesar turns and sees the two before his face going pale. A second later he is practically booking it. The only problem, he had to go past Oscar to get out the backyard. He tried to walk past Oscar but Oscar ended up grabbing him by the collar.
Oscar had already called Ruby and told him what happened. Ruby had said that he will go looking and the group minus Monse agreed, with Monse leaving to go home. Ruby gave Geny Oscar’s number, incase Cesar showed up when they were gone. The group left and after maybe 15 minutes, Geny went to go turn on the porch light since it was getting partially dark when she noticed a crouched figure down the street near the stop sign. Immediately recognizing the figure she made her way towards it, sighing as she got closer.
“¿Mijo?” She asked as she heard sniffling as Cesar looks up at her.
“May I join you?” Cesar softly nods as Geny softly sits down beside Cesar as he wipes his eyes.
“Your brother called Ruby. They’re trying to look for you.” Cesar sniffles as he looks down. “Wanna talk on what happened?”
“He found a secret out.” Cesar sniffles, “One that only the group knew and I didn’t want him to know.” Cesar wipes his eyes. “When I first was kicked out, and I didn’t have anywhere to go, I was on the streets. I got it in my head, that I had no one left. I was just a waste of space. Everyone would be better off without me. Hell it was my fault Ruby got shot, Olivia died, the Prophets wanted me dead, the Santos didn’t want me, probably wanted me dead. And I wanted to die.” He begins to cry again as Geny couldn’t help but let a few tears slip. “I wanted to do it. End it all. Was going to use Chivo’s gun one night but stopped cause Ruby showed up. So I started looking at other methods.” He unconsciously rubbed his two wrists.
“Oh mijo,” she brings Cesar into a sideways tight hug as he placed his head on her shoulder and cried. He cried for maybe a few minutes before sighing, “Cesar, I probably won’t be the first person and I definitely will not be the last person to say this. But you matter mijo. You matter to everyone. To us, to your friends, and definitely your brother. Now regardless of what happened, I don’t hate you. In fact, I’ve come to think of you as another son.” Geny says as Cesar begins to cry again, “come on, let’s get you inside.” Cesar got up with Geny as they headed inside, Cesar plopping down on the table as Abuelita fixed him a plate of chips and queso. Geny grabbed her phone and excused herself to the front porch. After she closed the door, she immediately dialed the number.
Oscar was driving down the street trying to see if he spotted Cesar when he phone rang. Not recognizing the number, he contemplated ignoring it. But then remembered he only had Ruby’s number saved so it could have been anyone of the group. “Hello?” He answered, “Is this Oscar?” A female’s vice responded, “Yes?” “This is Geny, Ruby’s mom.” “Oh yes. Sorry.” “It’s okay. Ruby gave me your number. Cesar is here at the house.” Oscar did an immediate U-Turn and headed to Ruby’s house. “Is he okay?” “He’s crying and upset. He talked to me about it and now he is eating a little something.” “Okay, I’m about five minutes away.” “Okay, I’ll be outside waiting.” Geny hangs up as she texts Ruby saying Cesar was at the house and Oscar already knew. Ruby responded they were heading home.
Five minutes later, Oscar’s car pulls up to the house as he gets out. “He’s still eating.” Geny says as Oscar sighs, “Oscar, I won’t tell you what to do. But I will tell you on what not to do, and that is to lecture or drag him.” Oscar sighs as he leans against the house, “Why wouldn’t he tell me?” “Well for starters, he probably didn’t want to make you feel horrible after kicking him out and everything that happened afterwards. Then everything with your dad happened and he probably felt bad after talking smack to you.” Oscar sighed and nodded, “I’m gonna tell you what I told him. I’ve come to think of you as another son. Both of you.” Oscar looks up at her, “I would hate for y’all to hurt each other, whether intentional or not. Talk to him, but don’t be overbearing.” Geny softly smiles as Oscar slowly nods. “Thank you.” He smiles softly as the two hug each other. “Now, he’s inside eating queso.” Oscar chuckles as they go inside. Cesar stoping mid chew as he sees Oscar come inside. He shares a look with Geny who smiles softly. “Cesar,” Oscar starts as Cesar looks at him, “let’s go home.” Oscar smiles as Cesar slowly nods. “But not before you take this.” Abuelita comes out of the kitchen with two Rubbermaids. Both filled with queso, “just so you won’t fight.” Oscar takes the Rubbermaids with a smile as he thanks her and Cesar throws the plastic plate away and goes to Geny. “Thank you.” She smiles as she hugs him tightly, “Of course.” He sighs as he follows Oscar out as Oscar moves quicker than him and is putting the Rubbermaids in the car when Cesar is taking his time.
“Cesar!” He turns to see Ruby and the group walking. Cesar smiles as he goes and hugs Ruby tightly, Jamal immediately joining in along with Jasmine. “I love you compa.” Ruby says in the hug as Cesar smiles as he feels more tears falling. “I love you guys.” He says as they hug for a minute before separating, Cesar going to the car and getting in, not saying a word to Oscar. Oscar starts the car as he drives off towards their house.
Oscar pulls in and before he can even put the car in park, Cesar is out of the car heading into the house. Oscar sighs as he turns the car off and gets out, not forgetting the queso. He gets in the house to see Cesar sitting on the couch looking down, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking from sobbing. Oscar doesn’t say anything and instead first puts the queso in the fridge and then goes to sit on the couch by Cesar, who is still sobbing. Oscar doesn’t know what to do for a good minute but then he pulls in Cesar for a hug, squeezing tightly. “I’m -I’m sorry.” Cesar whispers as Oscar shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But-the secret,” “was yours to tell, not hers. I was just more upset on the fact I didn’t think to check in on you, to try and figure out what went down when you were out, when I wasn’t there for you. I just thought everything was good and you were good. And that is all on me.” Oscar says as Cesar begins to cry again, “Ay maño, your gonna make yourself dehydrated.” Oscar whispers as he hugs Cesar tightly again. Cesar chuckles as he wipes his face. “Cesar, I don’t want to intrude. But she mentions scars.” Cesar stopped when Oscar mentioned that. “That bitch.” He mutters as he groans. “If you don’t wanna tell or show that’s fine. But I gotta know. How long?” Cesar stays silent, “Since that New Years.” “Shit.” Oscar mutters in response as Cesar sighs, “I’ll be right back.” He says before going up and heading into his room, leaving Oscar on the couch.
Five minutes later Cesar returns changed into a tank and shorts. He sits down by Oscar and just extends his arm out not even looking at Oscar. Oscar takes one look and is already cussing. In the crease, Cesar’s elbow is littered with cuts. “And the other one?” Cesar immediately recoiled when Oscar suggested the other arm. “C?” Oscar asked as Cesar sighed but slowly pulled his other arm to Oscar, revealing scars. And not just tiny scars, there were long thin white scars all around Cesar’s arm. “Shit.” Oscar whispered as Cesar felt himself crying again. Oscar released Cesar’s arms and just pulled Cesar into a tight hug, letting the tears he held for so long out. The two brothers just stay like that for a few minutes as Oscar calms down first and then Cesar. “Oscar, can I go to sleep?” Oscar smiles and nods. “Yeah maño.” The two get up and head to their respective rooms but not before Oscar checks the house. Before Oscar gets into his room, Cesar hugs him tightly again. “I love you mano.” Cesar says, “Love you too.” Oscar hugs Cesar back as Cesar let’s go and goes into his room, Oscar going to his. He changes into some sleep clothes and lays in bed for maybe an hour before digging and getting up. He goes to Cesar’s room and does a quiet chuckle to himself.
Cesar is sprawled out asleep on his bed, sketchbook and pencils out along with Cesar’s phone which is lighting up. Oscar sighs as he goes and puts Cesar’s phone on the charger, but not before catching a read or two on the texts, which were mostly from the group with the group chewing out Monse and then another text came in from just Ruby to Cesar, “You okay, Compa?” Oscar debated on replying since he didn’t want to invade Cesar’s privacy but he shrugged. He opened the text and did a quick reply, “It’s Oscar. Cesar is asleep.” And just for added proof, and to possibly torment his brother more, he sends a pic of Cesar sleeping to Ruby. Ruby replied with an “Okay thank you., and that is my new profile picture for him.” Oscar chuckled. He then grabbed the sketchbook and pencils and put them in their respective places. He noticed Cesar wasn’t covered so he grabbed the blanket and covered him. He turned the lamp off and made his way out quietly.
He laid in bed and quickly fell asleep again. He actually slept okay until he was woken up by the chatting of a certain group of teenagers. Surprised Cesar was still asleep, Oscar made his way to the living room to see Cesar’s friends (minus Monse), and Oso and Sad Eyes in the kitchen with Sad Eyes stopping Oso from eating the queso. “Save one for Cesar. He’d kill you if you touched both.” Oscar comes in the kitchen to already see the coffee pot on and brewing. He chuckled as he pulls out some eggs and vegetables to start making breakfast. “You kids already eat?” The three teens shake their head, “Ph so y’all knew I would feed you three?” He gets a nod in response. “Do me a favor and go wake him up.” The three get up from the couch and head to Cesar’s room, and then Oscar hears laughing and Cesar cussing in Spanish as he laughs himself. He catches Oso grabbing a chip to get some queso as he laughs. “Put that one away.” He points to the closed as Sad Eyes puts it away and Cesar comes to the kitchen, groggily. “And good morning to you.” Oscar teases as Cesar chuckles and leans his head on Oscar. “Want migas or tacos?” “Migas.” Oscar nods as he begins to cook and Cesar gets their coffee ready. Oscar kicks everyone out of the kitchen as the two Santos goes to sit down by the coach as they watch tv with the teens. He begins to cook as Ruby starts to complain about having to plan another party for the next weekend. Man, Oscar loved his newfound small, crazy, dysfunctional but lovable family.
