#rubycolour

sorry if that seemed a little personal or like unasked for advice

you'll get to where you want to be eventually, youre probably stagnating at the moment but thats ok. even if you feel like youre not getting enough done, just use this time to figure yourself out, things always get better eventually, and suddenly. like when you're not expecting them to. you dont have to always be productive to be a good person

the problem is, the way i “work” doesnt give me any confidence about “getting there” eventually. it’s hard for me to get things done. it’s hard for me to not do the easiest thing (doing nothing) than putting effort in anything. the thing i’m the most afraid of is never really doing anything else than staying in my bed all day in front of my laptop, and never do anything else. i can’t put into words how hard it is to just do things. ONLY because i barely have any willpower to do anything.

so it panics me because if i dont really really really trying forcing myself to do things, i’ll never get anything done. i wish i could relax my mind knowing that i’ll do things and i’ll get where i want eventually, but i have no reason to believe that. not when i know myself so well. things havent got better since i can remember (although i always hear about how things will get better! and all that), and im really far from getting where i want. because im here doing nothing and i cant convince myself to do anything. as far as i know if i dont force myself to do things things will NEVER happenn. it’s not only bc of not being productive. it’s about how i’m probably never accomplish things i want just bc i cant convince me to do anything. it sounds silly, but it’s probably the worst thing about me i can think of.