#rtf 5

“Men are idiots,” I mumble to myself, pulling a wide tooth comb through my wet hair. My apartment seems foreign and maybe a little neglected. I’d spent most nights at Jay’s over the last few weeks and even when I didn’t, I was only home long enough to fall into bed. I can’t remember the last time I’d used my stove or even opened my fridge.

My phone rings from my bedroom. I pull the towel around my body tighter. Pulling the phone to my ear, I don’t bother checking who it is first.

“Hello?”

“You’re still mad at me,” my boyfriend’s voice sounds so tired, like he literal just woke up. It’s nearly eleven, he’s usually awake by now but granted we both had a late night.

“I’m not mad, I’m just a little disappointed,”

He groans into the phone. “Don’t say that, Y/n. That’s worse than you being mad at me,”

“I know. That’s why I said it. Listen I’m in the middle of sorting my hair out. Can I talk to you later?”

“Y/n,”

“Jay,” I shoot back at him.

“You left,” he says. “You said you would stay,”

“I never said I wouldn’t go home, Jay. It was late, so I stayed the night. And second, how do you think I felt when you left me ass naked on your couch? Or when you’d had your fill and decided I wasn’t worth even talking to,”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Y/n,”

“Oh trust me this isn’t a fight yet. We’ve had plenty so I’m surprised you can’t tell the difference,”

He’s quiet for a long time. I roll my eyes up at the ceiling waiting for him to come up with something else. He’s used to getting his way in all aspects of his life. He works harder than anyone I know to ensure that he’s always on top. What he says goes. Not this time. Not with me.

“I over-reacted, I know. But don’t give up on me-,”

I scoff interrupting him. “Stop being so fucking dramatic. I’m not giving up on anything. You can’t treat me like a toy, Jay. I’m not some girl who’s just itching to make you happy and do whatever you want,”

“I know, Y/n. I know. What do you want me to say?”

I sigh and pull the towel tighter around, getting cold as my body dries off.

“I don’t want you to say anything, Jay. I want to get some work done. I want you to go do whatever it is you usually do. And I want to sleep because I’m living on four hours of sleep right now,”

“So I can’t see you today,” he says softly.

“I don’t know. I’m still irked beyond belief. I’ll call you,”

He scoffs. “You’ll call me? Ok, Y/n. Let me know when you’re over your little-,”

“You’re the one who fucked up, Jay. Don’t act like I’m not justified in wanting to be away from your possessive ass. I said I’ll call you, so I’ll call you,”

I feel the tears prick behind my eyes again. I can’t do this. The tension, the angst. I don’t know how to function. I look up at the ceiling, willing the tears to pull back in. I don’t know why I can’t just keep it together.

“Are you crying?”

Instead of answering his question, I wipe my eyes. I fail at making my sniffle as quiet as possible.

“We’ll talk,” I whisper. “We’ll talk. Just let me have a few hours,”

I sit on the edge of my bed.

“Ok, baby,” he says quietly.

I flop back on my bed when we hang up. It’s a new relationship I keep reminding myself. You could think you know everything about a person. You could think you know how they’ll react in any given situation. And yet, this hostile Jay replays in my head dragging me away from the club, leaving me discarded after he’d fucked me, refusing to talk to me, and then expecting a few sweet words and kisses was the resolution.

We need space. We need to set some boundaries in this new relationship. And we need to come to an understanding that he’s done taking his frustrations out on me.

I get dressed and head to my studio to start sorting through whatever is left before Bora leaves me all alone for three days. I’m hit with how much I actually have to do. There are at least four groups who are on the schedule for consultations and fittings for several different events. I focus my attention entirely on the work in front of me. I’m so focused, I don’t have time to be stressed out about Jay or anything else for that matter.

When I’m done, I feel accomplished, my head seems a bit clearer, and I can admit to missing Jay just a little. Not enough to call him yet. Maybe that’s what we need, time to miss each other.

When he’d get these pockets of substantial time at home, we put pressure on ourselves to make time for each other, to stay involved despite our busy schedules. Now, it seems like it has become expected for us to see each every night. Don’t get me wrong, I much rather prefer going to bed and waking up next to him, but it’s starting to feel like maybe we’re moving a little quick.

I roll my eyes at myself. With the amount of time we’ve known each other, this shouldn’t feel like a new relationship. Still, we’re navigating, discovering, even more, layers about each other day by day. We’re finding things we don’t like and that’s a new concept for both of us.

Y/n: I’m going out to meet up with friends after work. I’ll see you after if you’re not busy

He texts back within seconds.

Jay: I’ll be over

I’m meeting Bora, Elise, and Chae-won at a coffee shop a few minutes away from my office. It’s been too long since I’ve seen Chae and I miss her terribly. Elise and the other hand I could honestly do without. She has always been intrigued by my relationship with Jay.

Very early she’d taken the platonic status of our relationship as an excuse to get closer to him. Back then I couldn’t really do anything about her inquiries.

The three of them are seated at a table in the back of the cafe. Bora is deep in conversation, talking animatedly about something with her purple hair swinging around her ears. Chae smiles and stands from her chair when she sees me. Her arms come around me tightly, my face pressed into her teased long dark hair.

“Girl, it’s been too long!” She tells me. Chae and I have always been close. She’s from New York, and we bonded over how much we miss home sometimes.

“I know, you got married and decided you didn’t need us anymore,” I laugh. Chae rolls her eyes at me but smiles wide taking her seat again. I sit between her and Bora, across from Elise.

“Hey, Y/n,” she says.

“How are you?” I ask her.

It’s always awkward but we try. Her long blonde hair is pulled into a tight severe ponytail. She’s a model, finding it easier to get work in Korea because she’s a foreigner. She fits the standards of beauty here, and good for her. I just always found her tactic a bit...manipulative.

We all fall into conversation, catching up on each other’s lives. The four of us together never go too deep into our lives. I’m sure Elise has a deep stimulating conversation with Chae-won or even Bora but when we’re together, we keep it as surface level as possible.

“Did you forget to give Jay my number again,” Elise’s crystal blue eyes narrow on me.

I’ve always made excuses; leaving early before she’d gotten a chance to hand her information off, or pretending it had gotten lost in the bottom of my purse. By now she has to know that it’s not going to happen.

“Actually, Elise, I don’t think I will,” I say taking a sip of the coffee Bora had gotten for me.

Elise’s smile drops, her eyebrows raising to her hairline.

“God, Y/n. You’re so protective,”

I laugh shrugging my shoulders. “It’s not like that. He’s just seeing someone,”

“Is it serious?” She asks me.

“A few weeks, I think, but-“

She interrupts me, her mega smile back in place. “So it’s not. I don’t mind competition. And you’ll be my foot in the door right?”

“No, I really won’t,” I laugh. “It’s me, Elise. We’re together. I’m not trying to be an asshole but he’s kind of my man now,”

Her light eyes narrow on me, her long fingernails tapping against her cup. “You’re kidding. Wait, that girl in the picture he posted a week ago? That’s you?”

I shrug shooting her a look that I hope looks apologetic rather than smug. I am a little, though. Being close to Jay has always made me feel a bit smug; like I was in on some secret that everyone wanted to know. He’s cool, he’s popular, he’s the elusive bad boy that no one can get to.

“You said you weren’t into him,”

“Come on, Elise. You can’t actually be mad. You told me you just wanted to sleep with him,” Chae-won chimes in.

“Yeah, but it was common knowledge that I called dibs,”

“Actually, Y/n had dibs on him for the last fifteen years,” Bora says nonchalantly.

“But you said you’d help me,” Elise pushes out her bottom lip.

“I lied,” I wince. “Listen I feel a little bad, but I’m not going to just let him go just because he’s missing out on one chance to get his dick wet again,”

“This is ridiculous, does everybody know about this?” She asks us incredulously.

Bora and I shrug. Chae looks like she’s bored of this conversation. “No, Elise, but it’s been pretty obvious they were going to get together, you noticed too,”

“Yes but, what happens to bros before hoes,”

“Oh hush, Elise, you know this doesn’t apply to Y/n and Jay,” Chae says.

Elise crosses her slender arms over her chest. “I feel cheated,”

“There are hundreds of other guys in the city trying to be Jay Park, pick one,” Bora tells her.

“So that’s it? It’s set in stone that she gets to just take the guy I like,”

“You sound like a child,” Bora laughs, pushing her short hair behind her ears.

“I’m leaving,” I announce. I’m wasting time. This whole conversation is a waste of time. I could be cuddled up to my boyfriend instead of explaining myself to someone who pretends to be a friend of mine.

I think she used to like getting under my skin about Jay. A Cheshire smile at the knowledge that if he had decided to link up with her, there wasn’t anything I could do. Now there’s plenty. It’ll be a cold day in hell when I pass anything from her on to my boyfriend, and even then it’d be a stretch.

“I’ll call you,” Chae says.

I hate that she seems to have to pick sides. I don’t want her too. There really isn’t any reason to. There’s no way that Elise is even playing the game to even get her own side, and if she is, she’s playing by herself.

I call Jay on my way home.

“Hey, I’m almost home. Are you coming over?”

“Yes, baby, I’m still coming over,” we’re quiet for a second longer than normal. It’s awkward and I hate how it brings a lump to my throat. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion; dragging it out. I’m not sure, I just know that I want nothing more than to have his arms around me again.

“Listen, we’ll talk about this and then we’re done with it ok?”

“Whatever you want, Y/n,”

“I want us to be ok, Jay,”

“We are, baby. We’re fine. We just need to make sure we’re on the same page,” he tells me. “And we are, I think. We’re fine,” he repeats. I don’t know if it’s for his benefit or mine.

He promises to meet me outside of my place in a few. I tell him he doesn’t have to leave work just to spend the rest of the day with me. He calls me ridiculous before hanging up. My pace seems to pick up at the thought of seeing him. I don’t know if this is the love or infatuation part of our relationship, but either way, I’m almost jumping into his arms when I see him waiting for me right outside my place.

My arms wrap around his neck, my lips falling onto his cheek. He kisses my neck before pulling back to kiss my mouth quickly.

He looks too good to just be some guy meeting up with his girlfriend. A black T-shirt stretches across his chest, his ever-present cap hiding his face just a bit.

I lead him up to my apartment, my hand tangled in his. We’re silent, both trying to figure out what to say. I left. I think he’s a bit scared of what that meant.

“I got you something,” Jay whispers as his arms cage me between his body and the door. I lean into him as I unlock my door.

There are roses on every flat surface of my small apartment. Thick bundles with silky ribbons tying them together.

“You broke into my place,” I laugh.

Jay’s arms come around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder. His head tilts against mine. “Yeah well, you weren’t talking to me so I had to figure something out,”

I pick up a vase that sits on my coffee table. Jay moves with me, watching me bring the flowers to my face. I run my fingers over the silky petals.

“They’re so pretty, but you didn’t have to,” I tell him setting my vase down.

Jay pulls me tight against his body. I feel good here. It’s still weird that I know what he feels like, but it’s right. We aren’t meant to be anything other than what we are in this moment.

“I did, Y/n. I wanted to. I know that I hurt your feelings. I just want you to know that I hear you. I need to chill out, and I’m sorry,” he drops his arms but spins my body so that I’m facing him.

He leans in, his nose brushing against mine. He’s so close, his warm breath washes over my mouth. I’m dying to eliminate the space between us, but that’s not the adult thing to do. Ideally, we come to an agreement that he’ll no longer be an asshole, and I’ll continue to give him shit about everything. It’s how we work. It’s how it’s always been. He doesn’t get to change the rules just because I’ve given up my panties. Still, I miss his mouth enough to not care even for just a second. I lean in first, pressing my lips against his. His mouth opens immediately, welcoming my tongue against his bottom lip. He pulls back after only a few seconds, his lips hot pink and glistening.

“I’m a dickhead,” Jay says against my mouth. His lips drag against my skin as I pull my fingers through his hair.

“You’re right,” I sigh as his lips move to the corner of mine before peppering down to my neck. “You can make it up to me,”

I feel him smile against my skin. “What can I do? Whatever you want is yours,” he tells me.

I try to focus on one train of thought. One favor I can cash in, but there’s a fury of scenarios flashing through my head, giving me too many options. His head between my thighs, tattooed hands wrapped around them, his chest against mine, my legs wrapped around his waist.

I pull away from him, grabbing his hand I lead him toward my bedroom. His fingers intertwined with mine as he walks behind me.

I stop in the middle of my room. He watches me pull my clothes off slowly. His eyes roam every piece of skin that’s revealed. He lingers on my chest, my hips and right below. I climb onto my bed and cross my legs out in front of me.

“I want a striptease,” I smile at him.

His head drops down to his chest, his shoulders shaking with laughter. When he looks up, there’s that wide smile that I think about all day, gums and all. He really is beautiful. He’d kill me if he knew I think he’s beautiful above anything else. But he really is. He licks his lips before his face goes serious.

“We doing this no music?”

“Just you baby,” I say trying not to smile.

He nods at himself before shaking out his limbs like he’s gearing up for a fight. His hips start to move first, swiveling in a circle. He rolls his body, pulling off his T-shirt at the same time. I’m torn between swooning and laughing hysterically. His lips move like he’s mouthing a song that’s playing in his head, his brows wrinkling in concentration. Jay swings the shirt in the air before slinging it my way.

I can’t help the cackle that escapes my lips as it lands on my face. I move it aside to see he’s still concentrating on his dance. His hips shimmy out of his joggers and fall to the floor leaving him in his dark boxers.

“Ok, Ok,” I laugh as his thumb hooks into the waistline of the underwear.

“Did I do good?” He smiles at me.

“Yeah, you did good. Come,” I beckon him to climb on my bed. I’ve come to like him in my bed better than his. We seem average here in my apartment, and I prefer that more than anything else. Here in the comfort of my worn in springs and curtains that blocked any semblance of light just how I like it, he’s irrevocably mine. My bed’s smaller, my air a little drier, there’s a hump in my mattress, still, it’s home with Jay.

I watch him climb the short distance, his muscles flexing. He holds his body above mine, his face so close I can see the faint hairs on his upper lip that he’ll shave in the morning. His forehead drops to my shoulder.

“I missed you,” he says. I’ve seen him this morning and every night beforehand but I understand him. There’s a contented comfortability we’d developed a long time ago. He’s not always here, but I feel him like he is. I know that he is a phone call away and that’s enough.  Today felt like eggshells constantly chipping away more and more every time I thought about texting him.

I trace my fingers over his high cheekbones. The way he’s looking at me, I can’t help but want to fall in love with him all over again from start to finish. The way I feel about him, the way we feel about each other, it’s expansive, making my chest feel so wide. I think about all the things we’ve done together, all the times we’d skipped classes back home just so we could go to his tournaments. We have always been a little bit together with the way we are, testing the fragile boundaries of our relationship.

“Thanks for the roses,”I say, kissing his cheek. He turns his head, taking my mouth. His tongue moves against mine so softly that I melt against him. He pulls away leaning his forehead against mine.

“No more fighting,” he tells me.

“We weren’t fighting,” I lie.

Jay shakes his head smiling at me.

“We’re going to always get into it, Jay. We just need to know where it stops,”

He raises an eyebrow at me. I already know what he’s going to say. “This morning, you didn’t want to see me, understandably. What changed,”

“Someone asked me to pass on her number to you today. I might have gotten jealous,”

“You? Jealous? After all the shit you gave me,”

“It wasn’t drag you out the club jealous, Jay. It was, you’re mine and I’m a hundred and ten percent sure she’d still try to fuck you if given the chance,”

“And that made you not mad at me anymore?” He guesses.

“No, it made me understand that the dynamic of our relationship is not the same anymore. There are boundaries and rules people abide by in relationships. And just because we’ve known each other forever doesn’t mean we’re exempt from these expectations,”

I watch Jay’s eyes flick to my lips before he decides to actually kiss me. He’s so soft and sweet, a side of him I’m not quite used to. Of course, he ruins it a second later.

“Sometimes, y/n, you just talk so much and I have no idea what you’re talking about,”

I roll my eyes and fall onto my pillow. He’s close, using his arms to hover over my body.

“You are such an asshole,” I laugh at him. “You’re an asshole and you don’t give a shit either,”

Jay laughs too before dipping his head and kissing the corner of my mouth. “I’m kidding. I get it, and you’re right. The way I acted, it won’t happen again,”

“Ok, cool. Now that that’s out the way, I want one more thing tonight,”

He raises an eyebrow. “What,”

I lean in close to him. “I want you to fuck me like you did last night,”

He drops his head against my shoulder. “You really are my fucking dream come true,” he laughs slightly.

I feel his words deep in my bones. I want to be his dream come true. I want to be everything he wants. I hope I am, because I know for sure he’s the one I’m supposed to be with. His mouth moving on my shoulder brings goosebumps to my bare skin.

When he pulls back, he looks deathly serious. His eyes darken, the set of his jaw harden. He’s so fucking hot, I want to burn this image of him in my head. I know for a fact I’ve never been more attracted to another person in my life.

“Lay on your stomach, Y/n. Put that ass in the air,”

I do as I’m told. We separate so I can lie with my chest pressed into my mattress, my knees drawn up so that my bare behind sticks up in the cool air. I can feel his eyes on me. I feel exposed. Like he’s seeing too much of me. His hand smooths over my back, up so that his fingers curl around my neck. His hips press against me. The only thing separating us is the thin cloth of his boxers.

I move my hips, grinding against the bulge that presses exactly where I need him to be. I feel him start to harden against me. I’m pulsing, salivating, every nerve in my body is lit up ready for whatever he’s going to give to me. He feels perfect and he’s not even inside me yet.

“Don’t wait,” I say, the side of my face pressed into my pillow. “I want you now,”

The fingers on my neck reach round teasing my lips.

“Open,” he instructs.

He sets two fingers against my tongue. When he draws I close my lips around them, my tongue swirling. He releases a sigh, pulling them free.

He pushes the two fingers against my entrance, before pulling back and entering me again. His fingers move against me so slowly that I can feel him everywhere. He’s insanely good at what he does, pulling sound from my lips in deep moans.

He bends over me, his lips coming against my shoulder. His fingers continue to work, his free arm comes around me to hold me up. My knees start to give out but he has me, pulling me tight against his chest.

“Come on baby,” he says against my skin. I don’t want to cum yet; not without him inside me.

“Not without you,” I say, my voice shaky.

His hand moves against me faster. He’s not giving me a choice. His knuckles touch my clit with each flick of his wrist and I’m falling fast. My breath comes out rough as my knees finally decide they can’t take it anymore. I collapse onto my stomach, shuddering around him.

“Jay, please,”

“What do you want, Y/n,”

“You,” I beg. I feel him move behind me. He reaches beside me to pull out a foil Square from my night table.

Without warning, he falls into me, quick and hard. His hips move against mine so roughly that I’m moving up my mattress. He steadies me with hands gripping my ass, kneading my flesh with his hands. Without warning, his hand comes down hard against my skin. The sound is followed by my moans into the pillow.

“You feel so fucking good, baby,” he says through clenched teeth.

He doesn’t feel close enough. I reach back, searching for his hand. I pull it so that his body covers mine. Our skin is slippery, flushed like we’re running miles. He feels so good I don’t think I can last any longer than the next few seconds.

“Oh fuck,” I say as I feel myself start to cum again. I shake around him. He continues to move his hips roughly against me. The arm I’ve pulled around me holds my chest like he’s holding himself down to earth with me.

He squeezes at my flesh, his fingertips hard against my skin. His mouth touches my shoulder and neck every few seconds. He makes rough grunts like he’s lost somewhere. I’m spent, ready to drop down on to my bed but he holds me still.

“Shit,” he calls out. He falls on me, his chest moving rapidly against my back.

We lay still for minutes, catching our breaths. Jay’s fingers smooth my hair out of my face. He reaches for my hand, intertwining our fingers while we lay together.

He gets up too soon. He disposes of the condom and brings another hot cloth to clean me up. He climbs into bed beside me again.

My phone lights up on my table. It’s Bora. She’s sent me a screenshot of some gossip blog post.

“Shit,” I curse.

“You ok? What’s wrong?” His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me against his body. He sounds exhausted, his face pressed into my back.

I look at my phone one more time before handing it back to him. I can’t read the article but it’s easy to pick my name out in among the symbols. Right below it, a blurry photo of Jay and I outside of the club pressed tightly together. No one can see my face, but it’s obvious Jay had his tongue down someone’s throat, and I’m guessing it’s finally confirmed to be me.

“Jay Park’s new girlfriend Y/n, sources say the two have only been seeing each other for a few weeks but are already in a serious relationship. The couple were first seen at Henz nightclub this past weekend,”

Jay sits up and hands the phone back to me.

“I mean, I’m not surprised,” I sigh looking up at my ceiling.

“This can be from anybody. We haven’t kept it from any of our friends,”

“No, no this was too quick. I know who this came from. I met with Elise earlier today, she has friends on all of these online blogs,”

“I thought you guys were friends,”

I shrug. “Not really. She likes you. Or rather she wants to fuck you. Regardless, I told her it’s not going to happen,”

“And she leaked information because she’s mad?” He asks. “What is she, fifteen?”

I roll my eyes and pull him to lay again. His arms come around me, pulling me against his chest. I’m not worried. I refuse to let anything she does affect me and my life. So what if people know I’m dating Jay. We’ve been seen more than once together at parties, though even then some people assumed. Even if it’s confirmed, it doesn’t affect anything. We won’t let it.

“She’ll get over it,” I say.

“If you don’t have a problem, then neither do I,” Jay tells me. “But you’ll let me know if it becomes an issue, ok baby?”

I kiss his neck and nod in agreement. I’m not too worried. I’m annoyed but there’s hardly any damage done.

“Let’s order food,” he suggests.

“You read my mind. You go ahead and wake me when it gets here,”

“All you do is sleep,” he scoffs. I watch him stand and stretch. He’s so lean, and muscular, and pretty. And mine. I smile at myself. If I wanted to I know I could have him back inside me within seconds. At some point, I have to draw a line no matter how difficult it is to force myself to live outside of fucking my hot man every minute.

“I’m worn out. Blame yourself,” I say wrapping my arms around his abandoned pillow.

He pulls his boxers on. “Oh, you thought we was done? You not getting any more sleep for the night. Rest up, baby,”

Anticipating rolls in my stomach but I roll my eyes at him pretending that I’m not eager to have him on top of me.

“Feed me first,” I tell him.

His lips pull into a devastating smirk, his eyebrow raises. “I’ll definitely feed you something,”