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"I was telling someone else I love writing all the characters in all the stories, but I seem to gravitate to writing villains and I really love Mark P's work. So writing for him as he is trying to seduce his son, you know, get his son into the fold, I can't segregate one thing but I like working with Mark P a lot. I thought the last episode the struggle between him and Dean in the church was great. I thought it was shot really well and...I think I'm kinda biased in favor of Mark's villainy.
On the other hand I love [interjection from someone at the table: "He's good at it." Ross-Leming: "He's great at it."] and I also see, you know we have a division in our crew of â I see some kind of goodness inside Lucifer, some hope for redemption. Most people don't, they say 'no, no, he's bad.' But I just think he's misunderstood and so I always lean into those parts of the story that can show more of Lucifer.
On the other hand, I also love Cas. I love writing for Cas. You know, I like writing for everybody because it's pieces of the puzzle and they all come together in one good story. But the Lucifer stuff this year I thought was pretty exceptional."
â Interview with Supernatural EP Eugenie Ross-Leming: SDCC 2018 Press Room, The Winchester Family Business/TVFTROU https://youtu.be/zM1iW7V1VMk (4:23-5:58)
How do I write a convincing asexual character in a fic? Â Is there a way to address a characterâs sexuality outside the context of sex or coming out? Â Can a story feature a character's asexuality aside from exploring the negative aspects of the asexual experience? Â Itâs usually not too hard to find lists of what not to do when writing asexual characters, but much more difficult to find the opposite.
The asexual members of The Magnus Writers discord gathered to discuss their favorite ways to incorporate the day-to-day details of asexual peoplesâ experiences into fiction. Â We also discussed depictions that weâve enjoyed in the past, or would love to see more of. Â Note that this isnât an Asexuality 101 resource, so if you donât feel familiar with the basics, feel free to check out the resources we will link in the reblog of this post.
This conversation included a variety of ace-spectrum people from multiple countries, including both arospec and non-aro people, various genders, and varying relationships to sex and sexual content. Â Just like all asexual people are different, the things that we enjoy reading are far from universal. Â Some tropes/details brought up as favorites can vary widely--for example, âinnuendo completely flies over their headâ vs. âthey understand but are completely unfazed by innuendo.â Â Additionally, some aces love tropes that others would prefer to avoid: for instance some enjoy discussions of physical boundaries to be included in the fic, and some prefer that to be established as happening in the past. Â
The examples brought up in our discussion are also far from comprehensive, and can be seen as the beginning of an endless list of possible ways to write asexual characters. Â Some examples given are specific to the Magnus Archives, but can apply to any writing. Â Take these as inspiration and a way to broaden your understanding of who we are and what we like to see!
ASEXUALITY IN YOUR SETTING
When writing a story including asexual characters, one of your first considerations may be for how asexuality is contextualized within your setting: Â Is it fully normalized and accepted? Â Does it reflect real-world stigmas? Â How is asexuality treated by the narrative and the other characters? Â Contributors showed interest in a variety of approaches on this front, with no single approach being worth more than other:
Fics including negative real-world experiences
These would include fics in a realistic setting, where characters may struggle with internalized acephobia, stigma, social pressure, microaggressions, dysphoria, and so on. Â This isnât limited to just âissue fic,â where the focus of the fic is about examining and confronting a struggle, but rather encompasses anything that includes this consideration in its worldbuilding and characterization. Â While brighter settings can be refreshing, contributors described reasons why this kind of fic appeals to them:
Feeling seen: Reading about ace characters whose experiences reflect their own
Feeling validated: Â Being exposed to only stories where there are no issues on this front can feel like weâre the only one facing these struggles. Â It can be extremely cathartic to read something and think âI thought I was the only person who went through this.â
Exploring improvement/hope: Â From ace characters learning to accept themselves or other characters making mistakes and accepting correction, these can be validating and encouraging.
On top of ace readers finding worth in these fics, the act of writing the fic can also be very cathartic for many ace authors.
There is a lot of variety for how these fics can be written, such as:
Stories that focus on the negative experience
Stories where that experience is just part of the setting or characterization
The character(s) getting external support and validation
The character facing mixed dismissiveness, acceptance, prejudice, etc. from different people
The story resolving in a way where the situation is resolved: for instance, cutting off an acephobic relationship, or someone apologizing for a microaggression.
Stories where well-meaning characters are accidentally insensitive about asexuality, but learn better and change their behavior
The character confronting or overcoming an internal struggle
Stories where the issues arenât fully resolved by the end, such as an insecurity not fully going away.
Negative asexual experiences donât have to be the focus of a fic to be acknowledged. While âissue ficsâ that closely examine and explore these experiences are valuable, contributors also described enjoying stories that included them as simply an element of the worldbuilding or characterization. Â For instance, a story may reference Jon having bad past relationship experiences; facing assumptions that heâs having sex if heâs in a relationship; having moments of insecurities about his sexuality; etc.
Please note that writing negative ace experiences needs to be handled sensitively; fics of this type should definitely be tagged appropriately. Â For brief references, consider including authorâs note warnings on the appropriate chapter (e.g. âasexual character assumed to be having sexâ). Â Having an asexual sensitivity reader--particularly one of a type that corresponds with what youâre writing (i.e. sex-neutral, gray-ace, sex-repulsed, etc)--is very much encouraged.
Fics where asexuality is normalized
In contrast, there is just as much interest in stories that avoid all of these issues, and fully normalize asexuality. Â Contributors described how they enjoy stories where ace characters are allowed to just exist, without big important conversations or small othering details that depict asexual identities as less than fully accepted.
These can be included in any type of fic, but a few of the suggested details for how to normalize asexuality in a setting include:
A character being already out and accepted: Â For instance, Martin already knowing about Jonâs asexuality from early seasons.
Characters in the fic already knowing what asexuality is without needing it explained to them
Having more than one character be asexual: Â We arenât confined to writing only canon characters as ace! Â This not only goes the extra mile in normalizing asexuality, but it gives the chance to include more of the ace spectrum.
If youâre aiming for asexuality to be normalized, please consider whether it makes sense for your asexual character to be anxious about coming out or discussing boundaries. Â There is a world of difference between someone responding to an ace character coming out with âI fully support youâ and responding with âyouâre an idiot for thinking we wouldnât support you.â Â This is a common and easy pitfall to fall into, but the result is often less escapism and more a message of âyour struggles arenât real, and youâre stupid for thinking they are.â
Asexuality in Metaphor
Some contributors mentioned wanting to read settings where asexuality itself is normalized, but the issues facing aces could be explored on a metaphorical level. Â This falls somewhere in between the ideas of realistic or idealized settings as regards the ace experience, and could allow that exploration with a layer of distance. Â Ideas relating to this included fantasy settings with different kinds of magic.
PERSONALITY AND CHARACTERIZATION
The experience of being asexual isnât something just limited to a relationship with sex: it can be shown in many ways, such as how a character relates to themselves, other people, media, and society. Â Like any other queer identity, it affects many aspects of our lives and informs a great deal about us as people. Â These little details donât even need to be presented in a blunt âthis is because this character is asexualâ way--they can be little relatable notes for your ace readers, while not coming across in a âthis is how all ace people areâ way.
Weâve seen the question âhow do I write a character as asexual, if Iâm not planning on having someone ask them for sex or writing a coming-out scene?â many times. Â Our contributors were excited to share a wide variety of ideas for this from things theyâve read, written, or experienced:
Ace confusion
Not to be confused with the infantilizing âdoesnât know what sex isâ approach, this could involve things like:
Being confused over what sexual attraction is: difficulty defining what they donât experience.
Difficulty describing to others what lack of sexual attraction is: this is their default, and it can be difficult to contrast it to what they donât experience.
Thinking that others describing sexual attraction or interest is just exaggeration
âWait, thatâs what you mean when you say âhotâ? Â I just thought it meant theyâre gorgeous.â
âYou mean meeting someone and being instantly sexually interested in them is a real thing, and not just a movie trope?â
The Absurdity of How Society Views Sex
The jarring dissonance between asexual experiences and the norms in society and media can cause a lot of alienation and dysphoria in aces, but often it hits a point of feeling like a joke is being played on you. Â Contributors offered ideas for how this could be illustrated through a character:
Reading âHow to Spice Up Your Love Lifeâ articles out of pure morbid curiosity
Taking the most ridiculous Cosmo sex life article as How Everyone Thinks (and being concerned)
Having an allo friend or partner they can ask about whether any of it is legitimate advice (this one was brought up by a lot of people as a common ace experience)
An ADHD/autistic character getting a special interest or hyperfixation on societal views on sex or sexual practices, and pursuing it as purely a matter of research with no interest in participating
âWhy do they keep bringing up ice cubes? Â Georgie, stop laughing, I am a researcher and a scholar.â
Needing to teleport out of the room if a sex scene comes up in a movie
Not minding the sex scenes, but needing to make fun of them or point out impracticalities
âOn the beach? Â But sand is everywhere? Â Wait, they think getting sand everywhere is hot??â
Being baffled at whatâs considered sexy: for example, Jon being baffled at âwet clothes are sexy,â having grown up by the beach and associating them with being terribly uncomfortable
Of course, asexual characters donât need to be framed like they constantly need to learn about things from allo people--sometimes the reverse can be a fun twist. Â One reversal, for example, could be an ace person helping their allo friend parse whether their attraction to someone is simply sexual or also romantic.
Aces vs. flirting
While not specifically connected to sexual attraction, how a character interacts with flirting can very much demonstrate the asexual experience. Â Contributors discussed a variety of their own experiences, and details theyâve enjoyed reading for ace characters:
Having difficulty distinguishing between different kinds of draws to people--is it romance? Â Friendship? Â
Having difficulty picking up on whether or not someone is interested in them
Failing to realize theyâre flirting or being flirted with
Enjoying flirting as just a fun thing to do without any particular goal (a popular suggestion for a Tim ace headcanon)
Casually flirting but then backing off if it becomes ârealâ
Several examples were given of scenarios these could be used for Jon:
Jonâs dry prickliness stemming from wanting to avoid people thinking heâs flirting or showing interest in them, not being sure where others judge the line between âflirtingâ or âbeing nice.â Â
Jon deciding he is going to make an effort to be more friendly to people, and awkwardly starts showering others with compliments; some of them interpret it as flirting and itâs very confusing.
Jon (or Martin) being overly dramatic or romantic when purposefully showing interest in someone, drawing from a basis of books or media rather than social experience.
Aces vs. hotness
We might use the word âhotâ excessively, but ace people often have their own understanding of the word (and are often surprised to learn what others mean by it). Â Contributors brought up the following ideas for this area:
Using âhotâ as an expression of âgorgeous to look at,â and being confused to learn that others use it as a sexual expression.
Engaging with âare they hotâ conversations based purely on aesthetics, or other impressions like âwould they give good hugs.â
Focusing on seemingly random physical details, like wrists or eyebrow shape, over more commonly sexualized ones.
Being confused over the criteria others use for hotness. Â Example: Â Jonâs reaction to âthe hot oneâ comment.
Finding fictional characters not represented by a real person âhotâ (e.g. from books, podcasts, video games with bad graphics, etc)
Using the words âhotâ and sexyâ for completely nonsexual things. Â Several contributors described being told they couldnât be ace if they called anything hot/sexy, and then doing it more out of spite.
Being completely unfazed by innuendo or sex/nudity: Â For example, Jonâs calm response vs. Martin being flustered at Tim stripping
This is also an area where a story can establish the nature of their relationship with those around them: if a character is comfortably out as not being interested in sex, for instance, you can show that others around them support that by making their conversations more inclusive. For example, a âfuck, marry, killâ game with modified categories, or a âwho would you have sex withâ conversation changed to a âwho would you have dinner withâ one once the ace character enters. Â
Aces vs. sexual humor
Ace peopleâs reactions to sexual humor can vary as much as the reactions to flirting. Â Contributors described enjoying a broad range of these:
Aces who love sexual humor (not limited to sex-favorable aces)
Humor taking an angle of âsex is so strange, glad it isnât real.â
Aces who are bored with or exhausted by sexual humor
Not finding sexual humor funny unless itâs also clever. Â âYes I know thatâs a sexual reference...wait, it was meant to be funny? Â Because itâs connected to sex? Â ....I see. Â Anyway.â
Bonus points if the âis that supposed to be funny because itâs sexual?â ace and the filthy humor ace are friends
It can even vary for the same person from setting to setting: someone may find making dirty jokes with a group of ace friends might be fun (see the âAbsurdity of Sexâ section above), but be very uncomfortable with someone else trying to twist something they said into something sexual. Â Thereâs also the nature of the joke itself: a silly pun may be fine, but a joke implying the ace person is interested in sex or said something sexual without meaning to may be alienating.
For TMA, the general interpretation of Jon is that heâd be uncomfortable with sexual humor, which is relatable to a lot of asexual people, but contributors brought up other possibilities as well: for example, the idea of Jon liking clever wordplay so much that if it just so happens to include something sexual, it doesnât feel odd to him--why do the others look so shocked?
Note: Â A lot of asexual awareness posts insensitively treat the concept of aces who love filthy humor as more mature, more easygoing, less stereotypical, or otherwise superior to aces who are uncomfortable with sexual humor. Â This is a very harmful attitude that looks down on a lot of asexual people, and adds a pressure to push past comfort levels to fit in and âavoid being a stereotype.â Â Contributors loved reading stories that include flirty or filthy aces, but not when they take this tone. Â A favorite suggestion was to include more than one ace character to depict a variety, while treating them as equally valid.
Somewhat related to this is ace peopleâs relationship to sexual euphemisms. Â Contributors described their experiences or how they might write an ace character responding to these:
Being exhausted by how so many terms are considered euphemisms, or how any comment could be reframed as sexual.
Having a special annoyance when they accidentally stumble into or misunderstand a euphemism
Wanting to decouple euphemisms from their literal meaning: why does âspending the nightâ or âgoing home with someoneâ have to mean âhaving sexâ?
In the same line, being very blunt and straightforward about making sexual references, because why dance around it?
Characterization Considerations
One discussion that is particularly relevant to The Magnus Archives is the idea of the âuptight nerdâ ace persona. Â It may sound strange to say, but there is some legitimacy in this characterization, but for different reasons than is stereotyped. Â Many of us build up this persona while growing up--particularly in adolescence and early adulthood--to fend off uncomfortable social pressure, self-examination, or external criticism for why we relate to sex differently than our peers. Â This often involves playing up certain defenses for discomfort for sex or dating: Â âI donât have time for any of that, I only have time for books and knowledge!â Â Or, the adult version: Â âI donât have time for relationships, Iâm married to my job!â Â
Where this departs from the stereotype is that these are generally coping mechanisms or facades rather than the truth. Â Asexuality isnât âof course they donât have time for sex, theyâre obsessed with this or thatâ--but an asexual person who doesnât feel comfortable in their environment, such as around work, school, or family, may deflect judgment with similar excuses. Â Similar to this, some find it tempting to be antisocial or hostile on purpose to fend off interest in them or avoid sexual expectations.
This is, of course, far from the only way an ace character could be written. Â For instance, if you wanted to write a setting where asexuality is more accepted, you could write Jonâs antisocial and closed-off tendencies as a result of being bullied from a very young age, while he is confident and secure in his asexuality. Â Or for other characters: you could write Tim as someone who has enjoyed sexual relationships, but just thought everyone was exaggerating on the attraction side of things.
Intersection of Asexuality with Other Identities
Another characterization consideration is how asexuality intersects with other identities and experiences included in the fic. Â Below are a few examples of many:
Asexuality and masculinity:  Social expectations of masculinity place a high emphasis on sexuality, particularly heterosexuality, treating sexual activity as a commodity or prize.  One possible reading of The Magnus Archives is Jonâs tendency to have closer and more numerous friendships with women connects to this.  Â
Asexuality and trans identities:Â Â There is a significant overlap between aspec and trans identities, particularly nonbinary identities. Â Based on an October 2020 study by the Trevor Project (see link in reblog), ace respondents were roughly 50% more likely to be trans (including nonbinary) than allo respondents. Â Contributors described how theyâve felt things like âis this dysphoria Iâm feeling a gender thing or an asexuality thing,â or how figuring out their asexuality helped them explore their gender.
Asexuality and race:Â Â In combination with LGBTQ+ spaces often being white-dominated, people of color often face stereotypes that hypersexualize or desexualize them. Â This can have a strong impact on people of colorâs experience and self-perception as asexual. Â For instance, if you are writing Jon as Indian, you could consider how this may have impacted his experiences in LGBTQ spaces in university. Â As there is no âone size fits allâ experience for aces of color, we strongly recommend researching for the particular background you have in mind. Â We will be adding resource links to our main page shortly, but in the meantime check out the links in the reblog of this post!
INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIPS
One of the topics addressed in our discussion was how a characterâs asexuality may impact their experiences with intimacy and romantic relationships. Contributors discussed ways to portray this in fic, whether or not it includes sex or even mentions it.
Physical Intimacy
Intimacy, sensuality, and sex are separate things that may or may not overlap depending on the individual. Â Contributors discussed how, for people across the ace spectrum, the relationship between these three tends to differ from common societal frameworks or depictions of intimacy in fiction.
Enjoying physical intimacy without the expectation that it will become sexual: massages, falling asleep on top of each other, bathing together, etc.
This includes acts that would often be expected to âlead somewhereâ but donât, such as lots of touching or nude cuddling.
Craving closeness/touch completely outside of sexual drive
One scenario suggested for this topic is an asexual character discovering that without the worry that an act of intimacy will âlead somewhere,â they enjoy something they used to get anxious about, such as sharing a bed or showering together.
Boundaries & Communication
Stories with an asexual character in a relationship often address physical boundaries within that relationship. Â The below are some of the scenarios contributors have enjoyed:
People communicating over their sexual boundaries, rather than assuming what these are as soon as they hear the word âasexual.â
The boundaries discussion being framed as something that any couple in a fictional relationship should have, not just because one is asexual.
In relationships between allo and ace characters, the allo character having boundaries of their own, rather than just the ace character.
Normalizing boundaries discussions for allo couples as well.
Note: Â If a boundaries discussion involves a sex-favorable ace character, take caution at the risk of having them sound offended or derisive that the discussion is happening (e.g. âWhat, Iâm not a childâ or âNot all aces are like that.â). Â Enforcing the idea that people should assume their partner is sex-interested is extremely harmful to sex-disinterested aces.
Some contributors noted that they prefer fics where the boundaries discussion is something that has taken place in the past, rather than run through at the beginning of each fic they read. Â In these cases, this past discussion could be illustrated in the interaction itself: a characterâs awareness of what lines not to cross, the otherâs confidence and trust that those boundaries will be respected, and so on.
Issues of Intimacy Outside of Sex
While aversion to sex is the most well-known dimension of asexuality, there are other aversions and boundaries that could apply to either ace or allo characters:
Ace characters that are kiss-averse and/or touch-averse: Â This also works against the âThey wonât have sex, but theyâll make up for that with kissing even more!â trope that implies asexual people have to compensate for a nonsexual relationship.
Allo characters with their own aversions or specific boundaries: suggestions included how this can apply to trans characters.
Fluctuations in levels of aversion (note: it is important to not treat increased aversion as âprogressâ or decreased aversion as âregressionâ)
In cases of fluctuating aversion, characters developing ways to communicate these levels, and responding appropriately. Â For example, âKissing is not on the table right now, letâs move on to something more comfortable.â
Contributors were excited to discuss how this area could particularly be used for the allo partner of an ace character, such as an allo Martin having difficulties with touch post-Lonely, or discovering that he doesnât enjoy kissing.
Relationships to Sex (or Lack Thereof)
Asexuality âsubtypesâ are terms many aces describe their personal relationship with sex and/or sexual content. Â These are simplified self-descriptors rather than rigid categories or mini-sexualities, and the terms rarely encompass the full detail of that relationship. Â Please note that the below discussion assumes a general familiarity with ace subtypes.
Needless to say, aces across the spectrum and of every subtype want to see their identities represented in fic. Â The discussion focused on ways to illustrate those experiences, and details contributors would enjoy seeing:
Non-averse aces trying sex and deciding they have no interest in it: pushing back against the âif youâre not repulsed youâll like and want sexâ idea.
No expectation that âsex-favorableâ means always interested in sex.
The pressure an ace person may face to oversimplify their relationship to sex or sexual content out of fear theyâll appear inconsistent or exaggerating: Â âIf Iâm okay with this now, what if Iâm not later? Â Will I seem picky if Iâm only comfortable with something in an extremely specific scenario?â
âSex repulsionâ and âsex aversionâ generally are used to describe asexual people who donât want sex, but are simplified terms for what can be immensely varied experiences. Â Someone could be repulsed by physical involvement in sex, repulsed by personally engaging in anything sexual, repulsed by sexual content, repulsed by just the idea of sex--or any variation or combination of these. Â There are even repulsions that could be part of more sex-interested subtypes: an ace who enjoys sex but is repulsed by nudity, or an ace who enjoys sexual activities with a partner but not being touched during them, etc.
Contributors discussed how much they enjoy reading simple âI just donât want sexâ approaches to aversion/repulsion, but also look forward to reading explorations such as:
Enjoying one specific type of engagement with sexual content or activity, but having an aversion to others.
Regularly varying levels of repulsion: Days of âplease donât remind me sex existsâ to days of mild curiosity, for instance.
Aces with a relationship to sex that doesnât involve another person, including if theyâre in a relationship.
Fluidity between ace subtypes can fluctuate between sex-interested and sex-disinterested in both directions: it can be both âI said I wasnât interested in this before, but letâs carefully revisitâ and âI know weâve been doing this, but Iâm no longer comfortable with it.â Â Contributors mentioned never having seen fic with the latter, and expressed an interest in reading stories exploring this.
On this note, it is common for stories of fluidity between subtypes to be only moving in a more sex-interested direction. Â Many asexual people, particularly sex-averse aces, face immense pressure to âlearn how to like sex,â or have their sexuality erased by saying theyâre a âlate bloomerâ who will learn to like it later. Â Depicting this direction should be done with great care and nuance, and we strongly recommend getting feedback from a sex-disinterested sensitivity reader for stories of this type. Â Itâs possible that an ace reader who isnât sex-disinterested would miss or not be affected by something that is quite painful to sex-disinterested aces.
CONCLUSION
If youâve stuck with us for this long, well done! We understand that such a long resource can be a bit overwhelming, but we hope it can show you the depth of variety and enthusiasm ace readers have for more ace content and inspire you further. Â One thing we all had in common during our discussion was how excited we were to have a canonically asexual protagonist, and how thrilled we were to see content that explored his asexuality. Â In putting together this resource, we hope that you are encouraged to write about characters whose asexuality impacts their experiences and the story in unique, thoughtful, and creative ways. Â We canât wait to see what you come up with!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming