#rotbb angst

    When did everything go so wrong?

  He knew that there would be losses in this fight— it was against the heavenly demon, after all. He was ready to watch his companions die before him, watch the way they take the last of their breaths and watch them lose their life fighting. He knew that that might be his own fate as well, but he knew he had to keep fighting.

  He just never expected your death to be one of the firsts.

  Your death was so stupid as well, to save someone else instead of your own life? Were you dumb? They could've saved themselves. He knew they were strong enough. You knew they were strong enough. You were strong enough to win.

  So why did you just go ahead and die? What made you give up on your own spirit and hesitate in a moment of war, even when you're the one who took this opponent for yourself? He couldn’t understand the train of your thoughts, and even after all those years spent trying, he never seemed to be able to.

  He wished he did, though.

  He watched the way your eyes widened briefly at the strike, your blood rushing out of your body with a splatter and draining your face of its color. The grip on your weapon loosened, but you still held onto it like it was your lifeline. You gritted your teeth, ignoring the way blood dripped down your own skin like it was sweat and rushed forward, swinging your weapon towards everyone but the person who struck you first. 

  It was a cinematic beauty. The dark skies and heavy atmosphere, your strong and undefeatable spirit, a light against dark situation. The way your eyes shone with so much determination, even if the same light was slowly disappearing with each passing moment. Your sword, once smooth and powerful, struck with force that seemed to be filled with pain and regret.

  He wonders, centuries later— was it your wounds that made you this way? Or was it the scars in your heart that had reopened the moment you saw your opponent, causing you to falter? 

  He sighs. He’ll never know.

  The words you mouthed to him at the last moment as well, the desperation and guilt over taking you as you still tried to reassure him in your final moments from afar. Stupid senior.

You’re the one hurt, not him.

You’re the one who’s surrounded with enemies, your strength depleting quickly, not him. 

  You’re the one dying, not him. 

So, so foolish. So, so reckless. So, so arrogant.

So, so foolish. So, so reckless. So, so arrogant.

 (He ignores the reminder of who he was truly describing at that moment.)

  Chung Myung blinks, his vision blurring despite the tears that welled up in his eyes. No, it’s just the rain. He doesn’t cry, he’s not weak enough to cry over matters like this. After all, he had just decapitated the heavenly demon, the one who took away his comrades, his Mount Hua, his senior.

  He huffed, the adrenaline rushing out of his system as the regret began to flood in. Ah, he really should’ve trained harder. He really should’ve listened. He wondered, what will become of Mount Hua after this? What will happen to everyone else? He worries, worries so much, but there wasn’t enough time to think.

  His eyes began to fail him, his body falling to the ground. It felt soft, despite the hardships the people below him had carried. At that moment, he thought he saw his senior, crawling over to him with tears in their eyes, weakly calling out to him. He thought he could feel their familiar warmth, hugging his slowly freezing body that was sticky with blood. 

  “Chung-myung…Don’t go, Chung Myung.”

  He hears, desperate and anguished. 

  He felt like laughing. Did his mind go crazy during the fight? His senses were all wrong now. How could he hear the voice of someone dead? They’re gone. Now, even his senior who always caught him in his mischief, couldn’t catch him anymore. He laughed—or rather, he tried— but failed, his voice stopping at his lungs that had begun to disappoint him as well.

  Maybe, just maybe—he’ll see his seniors in heaven.

  Even if he wouldn’t, he could always just fight gods to make sure he could meet them again.

  Unfortunately, it was just a hopeless wish. How foolish of him, to even think it would come true. Perhaps this is karma for being the way he was when they were all still here.