#rot.updates

I want to address some of the things that have been brought up about me, especially regarding past behavior and misunderstandings.

About a year and a half ago I was involved in a situation within the self-ship community where I judged someone for how they portrayed or interpreted a shared F/O. I was possessive and territorial, and I made vague posts expressing my discomfort, though I never named anyone directly. At the time, I was navigating a lot of personal emotions and attachment to my F/Os, but that doesn't excuse the harm that vagueposting - or judgment in general - can cause others. I now understand that kind of behavior can create an environment where people feel unwelcome or policed in how they express their self-shipping. I've worked hard to move away from that mindset. Since then, I've stopped vagueposting entirely and I’ve made a conscious effort not to stir drama or involve myself in conflict.

Some of the things being said now seem to reference that same old situation and I want to be clear that I haven’t repeated that behavior. I haven’t sought out or harassed anyone since then. In fact, I created new blogs under different names because I genuinely wanted to move forward, stay out of people’s way, and quietly enjoy my interests without reigniting the past. I’d also like to address a few specific claims that I feel are misunderstandings or distortions:

Regarding Kenjaku from JJK - Yes, I self-ship with a villain character. I know that's not everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that. But I personally enjoy exploring complex characters, and having a villain F/O doesn’t mean I condone their actions or hold harmful beliefs. Why is liking Kenjaku worse than liking Philip, Harley or Zandik?

About Jimmy from Mouthwashing - I like this character. The fact that he’s not prominently featured on my blog isn’t anything secretive or suspicious, he’s just not a current focus. Keeping info in a spreadsheet is simply how I organize things. I’m not hiding him specifically. In fact, my close friends know about him, but I get it – not everyone’s cup of tea. Also, just because I F/O him doesn’t mean I’m not judging his actions. What he did WAS vile. But as a character he’s written very well.

"Joking about SA" - I need to clarify this clearly: I have never made jokes about SA. That’s something I take seriously. If something I said was misinterpreted that way, I deeply apologize. I would never intentionally make light of such a topic.

Mutuals mentioned - One of the people listed in the post is someone I’ve had personal conflict with in the past (cozylovers). That issue wasn’t with the entire community, but with that person specifically. As for the others, I genuinely don’t know what harm I’ve done to them. I don’t recall interacting with them in any meaningful way. If I hurt them unintentionally, I’m sorry, but I also wish I had the chance to talk it through instead of being publicly condemned again.

I also want to be honest about something else: I’m low empathy. That doesn’t mean I don’t care, because I do. But it means that I sometimes say things that come across as cold or insensitive, especially if I don’t immediately recognize the emotional context. It’s something I’m working hard to improve, and I continue to learn how to communicate more carefully and considerately.

Being called out again, a year and a half after the original situation, feels like reopening a wound I’ve tried to heal. It makes me feel like no matter how much I try to grow or stay out of trouble, the worst version of me is all anyone will ever see. I understand people may still be hurt, and if so, I truly am sorry. But I also believe that growth deserves space, not perpetual punishment. I’m not asking anyone to like me or forgive me. I just want the chance to exist peacefully in a fandom space that’s meant to be fun and creative, like everyone else.

If you read this, thank you for your time. If you choose to block me or distance yourself, I understand. But if you’re willing to see that people can change, I appreciate that deeply.

I’m aware that old drama has been resurfaced, and while I’ve addressed what I needed to with honesty and care, I won’t be engaging further. I’ve changed a lot since then and I’ll continue to grow, but I don’t believe I deserve to be harassed over things from more than a year ago that I’ve already taken accountability for.

To those who’ve shown kindness, patience and understanding: thank you. I see it and I deeply appreciate it.