i may have said this on twitter already but i don't think on here so i'll say it now. one of the main reasons why i fight against the agenda that mella is ross' saving grace is halfway because of the misogynistic implications. yes ross and liz together made mistakes, liz was pressured not only by her suffocating mother but also society, so while blame her less harshly, she still made the decision.
ross was too heartbroken over everything because of the implications at the time that if liz called off the engagement it would have destroyed francis' reputation who was already such a fragile person in the first place.
so why is it that liz stays so miserable she is literally killed for her decision whereas ross gets to frolic off in peace, wiping his brow and saying "Whew, dodged that bullet"????? um no ross poldark, get your sorry hide over here and stay in the cloud of misery the BOTH of you created. the idea that the half of the relationship (the woman ofc) is left quite literally for dead and the man gets to have everything isn't something i'm gonna stand for.
and like i said this is one of the reasons. yeah i believe ross and liz are a far better match, they understand each other better, they are a natural state of love (which was implied in the show) etc etc but i'm not referring to that right now. and i guess one could argue "Well Ross isn't living in perfection, his wife cheated on him and he always has to keep fighting keeping the marriage alive" well to that i say yes fighting to keep a relationship alive whereas liz is actually NOT alive. women aren't your chess pieces to "evolve" or "realize" something and are left to rot (again, quite literally in liz' case) whereas you're "developing". i would even argue that's why they straight up lied that the ross and liz scene would be consensual, because if it actually was plainly what everyone expected it to be then there would be even less chance for people to justify romelza as the whirlwind heart-stopping romance. even with what we were given, even now the fanbase is utterly OBSESSED with the scene we were given even though they have the canon time stopping love of all time, and this is in the books AND show fandom. the response isn't "Yeah it's a messy moment for Ross, but some good comes out of it", no most everyone is perpetually frozen in the actual ACT ITSELF of what ross and liz did because of the undeniable (and unrepeatable) confirmation of a 10+yr passionate love that was strong as an iron rod no matter what was thrown at it. that's why you still get questions to this day "Did you think Ross intended to sleep with her" and "What are your thoughts on the very bad thing" even though YEARS AND YEARS later it's pretty much irrelevant.
so if the fandom is obsessed because they know it's not only impossible for ross to do the same for mella but for ANYONE ELSE in the entire series, how am i supposed to let liz get dropped off the edge of a cliff and cheer for ross skipping off in the roses? his character (at least in the show) is being tied to his past, tied to his family, tied to his environment that raised him into the man he is but magically that doesn't apply when it comes to who he loves?
i want to make it clear that i'm not saying ross doesn't love his wife, i'm saying that his wife isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card on the other woman he loves. she is the other half to why their lives are split but always connected. the point of ross is that in areas of his life, he DOES take a foot forward (selling the mine, becoming a politician, marrying) but is smacked four footsteps back by his past (and we can't forget the familial bloodline curse that says the poldarks are not privvy to letting go). yes ross can sell the mine but it will forever be haunted by his cousin's death. he can become a politician but desire to just stay in his trenwith home. so i refuse to be gaslit in regards to his and liz' shared love and most importantly i refuse to let the male get off scot free. he deserves to suffer on his end too.
