Random deep cut... When I first fell into the fandom hole, I thought that being a “good” fan meant fitting in, agreeing with the broad narrative here, and knowing where Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny were, and what all their projects, likes and charities were and how I could interact with them at any given moment. The people I fell in with encouraged this way of thinking, this hyperfocus on the individuals, and joining in made me feel part of something.
Looking back now I can see that it was the opposite. Tying my fandom experience not to the creatives we are given to enjoy, but to the person was incredibly unhealthy for me. It encouraged the obsessive parts of my brain, it skewed how I looked at things, and even how I thought about myself. I was constantly forming weird segues in my life to validate or discriminate against things based not on what *I* thought, but on how it connected tangentially to the thing I was obsessing over.
It gave me a really messed up sense of purpose.
These days, the people I share my fandom time with don’t give a crap about those things, they recognise me as a person, share my real life trials and victories, and every now and then go down a rabbit hole of X-Files conspiracy with me. They don’t care who ate breakfast in which city, and it turns out I really don’t either. I don’t have to pretend to have an interest in Duchovny’s music, or Gillian’s fashion line, my fandom/value as a fandom friend isn’t measured by my ability or willingness to participate in every thing they do, my financial ability to fly to a convention or produce content.
Simply put, I learned that fandom doesn’t have to define you, it can be a lovely, well adjusted thing that forms part of your life, and that the key to getting there is the people you allow to share your experience with you. It’s not about extremity, or obsession, about hive-mind theories or the number of notes you get on a meta post, it’s very very simply about loving the thing you love, with other people who love it, but love you more.
So for anyone out there wondering if they’re doing it wrong, or feeling uncomfortable in what they’re being asked to do or who they feel they have to be to participate. Stop. Take a breath. Look a bit further. You don’t have to ride the crazy train to get to the station. Be yourself, talk to people, and keep things in perspective.
And if you ever need anyone to talk to who’s been there, I’m lurking over here, watching reruns, eating biscuits and not giving a damn about my former idols. Mulder and Scully live in my hard drive, that’s plenty.
This post is unofficially sponsored by all the people who keep me sane, many of whom are no longer here, but shout out @dangerscully, @startwreck @imasquint @kateyes224 @thiswontbebigondignity @jacobimpigeon @carrie11
@damselindistressmya @snowvitamins @stellagibsonisalifeforce @c0nversationinthehallway @thethirstisoutthere @feelingsrendered @sunflowerseedsandscience and so many more for living in my pocket, getting me through the bad times and having my back, in real life and in fandom. Yall are the real idols
