Tear Apart The Family (short story)
âIâm sorryââ Rooklight began.
âDonât!â Brindleshade snapped. Her claws worked in and out of the ground, and her bodyâlaying in her nestâshook. Rooklight couldnât tell if it was from rage or sorrow. He wasnât sure which he preferred.
âI donât mean to hurt you,â he tried.
Brindleshade hissed, biting her lip hard. âI donât care what you meant!â The kits, who had been sleeping next to her belly, began to wail. Rooklight reached down, instinctively trying to soothe them. But Brindleshade batted his paws away. âDonât touch them, and donât touch me!â
âI wasnât going toââ
âJust stop!â Brindleshade shut her eyes tightly. âI need to think.â
Rooklight obeyed, and they stayed in awkward silence for what felt like an eternity. In that time, the kits calmed down and began to suckle. Brindleshade watched them with a scornful eye. But it wasnât them she was disgusted with, it was their father.Â
âYou told me you wanted to be a father.â
âThat was true!â Rooklight insisted.
âYou told me you love me. Was that true too?â
âBut you were never in love with me,â Brindleshade cut off harshly. Her words were whispered, quiet as to not scare the kits again, but her tone was ice and her eyes burned with enough fire that screaming was simply not needed, though Rooklight was sure she was struggling to hold back. âYou let me live a lie. You told me you wanted kits, and now that we have them, you tell me that you want to leave?â
Rooklight shook his head vigorously. âI never said that. And I never lied, I swear! I thought that I was in love with you, I really did! If I was lying, then I was lying to myself, or maybe Iâm just an idiot who couldnât realize how I really felt until the âperfect lifeâ was here.â He sighed, wanting to knock his head against a rock. âI donât know how to describe it.â
âDonât give me that maggot-dirt!â Brindleshade barred her fangs. âI donât care that you prefer toms, and I wouldnât have cared if you had just told me earlier. I might have been upset for a day or two, sure, but I would've lived.â She rose to her pawsâthe kits had stopped suckling now and continued to sleepâand stared Rooklight down like a predator watching prey. âBut it was you who told me we should have kits. Yes, I agreed, but then you decided to tell me that you donât love me, that you never could love me, when I had your kits after two moons of carrying. Do you think Iâm not going to question your motives? Your feelings? Skies, my reality?â
Rooklight resisted the incredibly strong urge to drag his claws across his own pelt. He would deserve the pain. It was bad enough seeing how hurt his mateâex-mate, was because of him. But he couldnât even find a way to explain things to her in a way that would make sense. How could he, when they didnât even make sense to him?
âIt was never a lie,â he said again. âI did love you, and I still do as much as I can without being in love. AndâŚI guessâI thought that that feeling was romantic love. There was always something off, but I never thought that it was you or how I feel about you. It...it wasâitâs likeâit was like something was missing, so I thought that we should have kits, because surely that was the missing piece. In those two moons, I realized how I felt, about toms, about youâŚ.I tried to keep it away, to just be your mate and their father, but IâŚI couldnât do it anymore. I couldnât keep living a lie, not now that I know what I need.â
Brindleshade paused, then sneered. âOf course I would get caught up in the middle of this mess. Why couldnât I have gotten with a mate that truly loved me?â
âI donât want to leave,â Rooklight assured her. âYouâre right. The kits were my idea, and I wonât just leave you with them now that theyâre here. Iâll keep getting minnows for you, I will make up your nest every day, I'll tell them stories and teach them how to fight when youâre too tired. Iâll help you raise them, whether weâre together or not.â
âNot,â Brindleshade grunted. âYou will keep bringing us minnows. As much as I hate you right now, I canât forbid you from seeing your kits, and I canât keep them from knowing their father. But when you meet them, it will be on my terms, got that? From now on, we are no longer mates. We are not friends, either. You are just the father of my kits, and thatâs all youâll ever be to me.â
Rooklight nodded, fighting against the lump that was growing in his throat. He took a few long breaths, trying to calm himself enough so that he could speak without a sob choking his words. âI understand. Thank you, and Iâm sorry for everythingâŚ.Can I..Can I say good-bye?â
Brindleshade hesitated, then gave him a curt nod.
BreatheâŚJust breathe..Rooklight told himself, but it was hard to hide the fact that he was tearing his own family apart. He crouched low, belly touching the ground, and pressed his muzzle against every kit, drinking in their sweet, milky scent. âIâm so sorry, little ones. I promise, I will always be here to look after you, even when you canât see me. Be good to each other, and to your mother.âÂ
He stayed like that for several long heart-beats that felt far too short, before rising numbly and blinking farewell to Brindleshade. Then he padded away, fighting not to turn back and wondering if confessing was worth it.
===========================
--Both of them are partially in the right!
Rooklight genuinely didn't realize that he was gay until his mate was pregnant. He tried to keep it away and to himself, but it was tearing him apart, and he had to tell Brindleshade the truth.
...but in doing so, he basically told Brindle RIGHT AFTER SHE HAD THEIR KITS that he actually wasn't in love with her and never could be. Of course she's going to be upset, especially since she loved him romantically.
--Rooklight is a JackdawXFern kit. He has cerebral palsy!
--Feel free to design and create Brindle's story, since I don't know.
--Also feel free to suggest names for the kits + how much you think there should be.