pairing: rommulas x reader
tags/warnings: literally a situationship, angst I suppose, stupid dumb idiot author cant write stupid chud, super super short & VERY loosely based off the song i added i just love this song so very badly
In which... you & roman have been on and off for years, and by the time hes ready to be with you, youre ready to leave
authors note: ummm i cant write & i wrote this while super super tired and i read a fic earlier similar to this but like i wanted it to end differently so i made this 🪽🪽 if it's terrible u can kill me honestly i wont be offended thnx bai
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you were laying in bed, your phone had been blowing up for hours. you knew it was him, you knew it was roman. you had thought this was the end, your last text was sent & you were ready to leave all the years of uncertainty and pining behind you. you thought he wanted this too. you would glace and your phone every so often, not being able to sleep.
you couldnt lie to yourself & say his texts weren't tempting. they hurt. he knew what to say, he knew how to pull on your heart strings.
you could feel the tears well in your eyes, this happens everytime. its push and pull with him. you still remember when this all first started and you thought this would bloom into a happy regular relationship. you were so wrong.
before you know it youre sobbing, why couldnt he just be happy with just you? why couldn't he focus on two things at once? why couldn't you make him happy?
youre entire body is aching from the sobs that shook your entire body for hours. you lay there, not a singular muscle in works. you close your eyes, giving up on even feeling more for him, letting yourself sleep.
you wake up to the light coming in from your curtains, you look at your phone and you had only slept for 3 hours, you sigh before staring at the ceiling
you contemplate just checking the texts he had sent, but you had known it would only end badly on your part. you knew not to get on social media. you knew your feed would be filled with him on tour right now.
videos of him holding girls hands at barricades, him shirtless on stage, his beautiful hair moving with him.
you have no motivation to get up, you dont want to. memories of him everywhere, not even your room, your sanctuary, was safe. he was everywhere. he marked his territory on you and your life the second he walked in. and you have to pay the price knowing his spirit haunts the very walls you feel trapped between now.
memories of you guys sitting in the floor making his music when he just started, memories of him singing to you while you study, memories of you guys giggling over random videos at 3am. he was everywhere in everything.
you continue laying there. thinking about how differently things could be right now. mourning what could have been. wanting the old him. missing the sweet boy that would hold you while crying. in any other circumstance he would be running his fingers through your hair, wiping your tears, kissing your head.
hes the only person you want despite him being the reason you feel this way. you want to call him, hear his voice, let him console you, listen to his praise. he knew how to make everything better, so why has he made everything worse?
it had been days since u sent the last text, your phone has been dead for two days. he had sent more texts before but you hadnt even had the strength to strain your neck to look over. you had done absolutely nothing but think of him and the possibilities of what could have been.
you were determining time by the light that would come and go from your curtains. it was dark, and it had been for about an hour. you close your eyes and let sleep wash over you, knowing you would spend tomorrow the same you have for the previous days.
you wake up to a hand on your knee, you were laying on your side with ur kees barely hiked up, you barely opened your eyes to see him. you could hear him say something but you couldn't comprehend it. you stay still, tears welching in your eyes, bringing your knees to your chest and bringing ur forhead to touch your knees. you let out a sob, your entire body shaking.
you had done nothing but want him for the past week and a half, and now that hes here your body reacts before you can.
"hey hey hey shhh" he says climbing in your bed and rubbing your hair, what you wanted. he knew what you wanted in every sense. you cant speak, youre not sure how youre even breathing. nothing can surpass your throat but sobs. he continues holding you, his head on yours.
your voice is trembling and you cany get any words out. he knows, he always knows.
"its okay, you dont need to talk" he says softly and slowly, always so patient. after what felt like hours of him consoling you, you're breathing regularly. your body is still trembling.
"are you okay" you nod. he knows your not, nobody in the state he found you in is. he stares at you, he knows you like the back of his hand. you can feel his eyes glaring at you. you cant bring yourself to even look up. you know the moment you do he will be able to see that you think you made a mistake. its like he can tell the inner workings of your brain by just looking at you.
you hadnt moved from your original position, you're still knees to chest. "im sorry" you can he means it by the crack in his voice, but this relationship is beyond apologies. you just nod in response, not knowing what else to say or even do
"i am, sorry." he continues "for everything. for pulling back anytime something got serious, for the empty promises, for hurting you. im so sorry"
you cant bring yourself to look at him but you use every bit of energy you have to sit up.
"then why did you do it?" you say lowly, voice creaky from not speaking for days. "why are you apologizing now?" you didnt know why you were even speaking or how you were doing it. "why string me along when you knew you werent going to take me seriously one day?"
you looked up at him, tears in your eyes. he was biting his cheek "i never meant to. when we first met, I thought you were perfect, you still are. i wanted to be the person to deserve you, i did want to take you seriously and i still do."
you thin your lips hearing this, it means nothing now "okay."
"dont do that, please" "what?" "shut me out, i know I deserve it, but please" you don't respond "i want to be good for you, i want to make us work, i want this, i want us" shivers run down your spine, you stay still. you still don't respond, not even knowing how you would.
"fuck.. please" "please let me make this up to you" he says moving closer on the bed to you, taking your face into his hands "let me take care of you, please"
you want to say no, you really do. but you have wished for days he would be here to hold you, to tell you its okay. you nod. he nods in return "you can tell me to leave first thing in the morning, okay? whatever you want" you nod agian.
he stayed truthful, he always does. he cooked for you, he picked up around your house, even spoon fed you. you didnt really speak while he did, he knew better. he didnt want your forgiveness, he wanted to help you.
he put you to bed and slept on the couch on the other side of the room. you fell asleep watching him lay down.
you woke up in the exact position you fell asleep, you look over and see him still sleeping. all the times you two slept on the couch together, you frown.
without thinking you get out of bed with your cover still around your back, before kneeling down to were hes sleeping. you contemplate getting back into bed, you wonder what you're actually doing. you crawl onto the couch before you can even think too hard. like on instinct he moves his arm for you to lay on his chest. you put your head in his shoulder, just like you used to. you can feel his hand slowly creeping up your shoulder like he's uncertain. you dont move. you guys lay like this silently for awhile.
as you're drifting off agian, you hear his soft voice in your ear.
