#role1

He knew that Nova was there for Ben. Always. They were so close, they were always having each other’s backs. However, life wasn’t kind to them in any way, as the two were torn apart in tho different paths. The truth was, Kylo thought no one could have been there for him. He thought he was unlovable. His mind was part of the problem. Too traumatized, he had been building wall after wall, trap after trap, in order to keep himself same from the utter invasion that Snoke committed every single day in the mind of his apprentice. Kylo’s sense of abandonment left him sore to the core, splitting his soul in half in the moment of han Solo’s murder. Kylo was born from pain and lived in it, unable to break free from the endless cycle of violence that his life had become. «are you sure about it, Kylo? When you will not need me, you’ll kill me? Is this your way of dealing with things?» He wanted to turn away, to leave. Nysa was only stating the truth - it was Kylo’s insane reasoning was motivated by Snoke’s manipulation, and he was too afraid to see it. To see that a master once again failed him, to see that he was a prey to someone who only kept him alive for his powers. I could kill you now. I’m not doing it. He simply stated, but there was so much more behind his words: he meant to say that he always needed her, and even if this wasn’t the case, he could never kill her. She was the only person he genuinely loved - although it was difficult to admit it to himself now. After a long night of dreamless sleep, Kylo woke up feeling Nysa’s soft touch on his face. Surprised at first, he closed his eyelids, enjoying a loving gesture - one that he hadn’t received in years. «much better. And you, master?» her voice is soft - softer than anything he’s ever heard. I’m good. He answered, and his lips slightly parted in surprise, as he saw the bare skin of Nysa’s back. His first instinct was not to look at her from obvious embarrassment. He’d never seen her this bare, and it made his heart flutter uncomfortably. However, he kept his gaze on her, examining her bruised skin. «we should… go train, right?» She asked, and Kylo nodded, standing up as well, trying not to look too much at his apprentice. Yes, we’ll work on the force today. He declared, adjusting his clothes before walking to the door. He was ready to spare Nysa some pain by starting the physical training the next day.  Was he being too good to her? I’ll see you at the training post in half an hour.

Kylo knew it. He was sure that Nova wasn’t there for the dark side. He knew her too well. He hoped that the lack of knowledge that the Supreme Leader had in regards to her was enough to keep her safe. Nonetheless, he kept telling himself lies in order to protect her. No, she doesn’t love you. Maybe, he was also trying to protect himself from pain. If he allowed himself to feel love again, it would have endangered the both of them and he couldn’t make it happen. Kylo sensed Nova scanning him, but he didn’t protest. Maybe, he really wanted to let her in, to let her see and feel what he was going through. He closed his eyes, but he wasn’t sleeping; Kylo laid down beside Nysa, wrapping one arm around her as he told her what to do. When he felt her gaze upon him, he opened his eyes, encountering hers in an intimate connection. He slightly flinched, as her fingers approached his skin - unused to being loved. «can I try?» Nysa asked, referring to her healing powers with the force. She was sensitive, and very powerful. She could heal what Ben could destroy. Kylo didn’t know anything about them, that was why he kept silent, waiting to see what she could do. Alas, she entered his mind, clearing it from pain and nightmares. It was impressive, as Kylo looked at her in slight disbelief. Her eyes grew sad. «did you killed your father?» Nysa finally asked, and Kylo didn’t need to respond; she knew what he was going to say. I didn’t hate him. He confessed, shutting his mouth the moment right after. The Supreme Leader asked him to do it, telling him that he would have been stronger in the force. But I didn’t need him. He concluded, trying to tell himself that it wasn’t a mistake, that what he did - he did for the best. However, he learned soon enough that his patricide did not bring him further down the dark side, it was useless; it only stressed the conflict in him. Now comforted by her strokes, Kylo gladly accepted her touch, tightening ever so slightly the grip on her hips. Her mind was soothing to his, in which a newfound peace arrived. It was so unexpected, so wanted. «don’t worry, master. I’m here». Thank you. He said in a whisper that sounded loving and grateful; it was barely audible. Kylo closed his eyes, finally managing to drift into deep sleep with the only person he would ever want by his side. Savoring every second of that night, Kylo had a hard time waking up. Nysa was the first. The only thing that made him slowly move out of sleep was the little peck he felt on his nose. «Master… Wake up» He quietly groaned, stirring a little before fluttering his eyelids open. Kylo’s eyes roamed on Nysa’s figure, trying to understand if she was feeling better. How do you feel? He finally asked, his voice raw from sleep. The day ahead was going to be challenging and intense. Nysa’s first training day.

Was being with Kylo what Nova really wanted? Was embracing the dark side what she desired? He wasn’t sure. Maybe she wasn’t either. He was in the process of discovering himself - however he had already made a decision on his allegiance. She could still escape. The more times passed, the more he was skeptic about Snoke’s practices. He tried satisfying him, but the truth was, Kylo kept on failing. His conflict was growing and growing, especially after having killed his father. He was tremendously powerful, but he didn’t plunge in the dark side as he hoped - on the contrary, patricide caused a deeper wound in his soul, now split in two. Nonetheless, things were different once again: Nova was there with him. Maybe she was an opportunity, a fresh start. It was complex, but nothing in his life up to now had ever been. Kylo bowed his head the instant the Supreme Leader smashed Nova’s body to the ground, having her land at his feet. He felt her pain, but he couldn’t do anything for her; not now at least. “She is weak. Destroy all of her feelings, especially her love for you.” He slightly nodded, pain devouring him from the inside. He didn’t want to do that, deep down he knew he needed her love as much as she needed him, but he could not lie. Not before Snoke’s eyes. That was why he seemingly handled Nova’s torture cold as ice. That suffering was so powerful in him, that Snoke would have sensed it nonetheless. Please, master. I’m so sorry to disturb you, but it’s unbearable. Those very words finally encouraged Kylo to step out of his quarters, to enter his apprentice’s. It was only when he touched her that he noticed the amount of wounds she had. His words seemed cold, careless. however, he lived with nothing other than pain and violence in those years, he didn’t know how to express love. He didn’t think he was lovable anymore. He didn’t think he was a human even: he was a monster - Snoke’s monster. He could sense her tears welling up in her eyes, although he couldn’t see them. «don’t worry, master. I feel better, now.» Slowly, she turned her back to him, curling herself under her dark blanket as she kept crying silently. «no problem for me, master. I bear all of these.» well, you don’t care. So, it’s not a problem. Really. Kylo clenched his jaw. Her pain was too strong, and he cared too much. None of that is true. Keep your mind clear. He ordered - his voice low, as he slowly shuffled on the mattress, laying beside her; he wrapped an arm around her hips, lightly, as they used to do when they slept together at the Academy - without Luke knowing. If she managed not to think of anything, Snoke wouldn’t be able to detect anything, and they would have been free - for one night. @knight-ov-ren