#rogueprincess

So what if the harsh white light made Leia’s eyes that much more striking, or that a single, fluttering strand of hair had escaped from her braids? Jyn was a professional. She was a rebel, and people were counting on her.

 Leia’s shoulders curled forward slightly as she pressed her hands against the table and leaned forward, easing the strain on her back, no doubt. She looked tired, dusky shadows beneath her eyes and a tightness to her bearing. For weeks, all Jyn wanted was to bring her hot tea, wrap her arms around her, and hold her until she fell asleep. But instead, she’d settled for bringing her caf or something from the mess before she left on a mission, and always checking on her when she returned, eve before reporting to Draven. 

Something sharp jabbed her in the ribs, and she turned sharply to scowl at Bodhi. He was grinning down at her in that soft way of his that somehow managed to be both impossibly sweet and worryingly sly. He opened his mouth, but she stepped on his foot before he could say anything.

“Not a word, Rook.” 

He made a sharp, muffled sound of surprise more than pain, and suddenly most of the eyes in the room were on them. Draven looked far from amused, though not at all surprised. Han winked at her, his arm around Luke. Luke seemed to be trying very, very hard not to laugh, if the way he was nearly biting through his bottom lip was any indication. Was she really that obvious? But then Leia was looking back at her, and everyone else faded away. 

“Do you have something to share, Jyn?” 

Leia’s voice was as calm and commanding as ever, but the corner of her lips twitched up, as if she wanted to smile. Jyn felt Bodhi squeeze her elbow reassuringly, but it was like it was happening to someone else. The sensation was not her own. Her world narrowed to Leia and her own pounding heart and the shallow breaths in her lungs. 

She thought of the first moment she had seen Leia Organa. It was just after the destruction of the Death Star, and her white dress was stained and torn, her hair falling from its buns, and she had seemed so fragile – even as she celebrated with the rest of the Rebellion. There was something about her that seemed stretched to the breaking point. It was only after, when she learned her name – Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan – that she understood. But there was also a kind of burning strength to her, visible even in that moment. She burned brighter than the hottest sun, and the Emperor was a fool to ever wound her so deeply. Because Jyn knew as surely as she knew her own name that Leia would bleed the Empire for what it had done to her, to every soul in the galaxy. And Jyn knew as she knew there were stars in the sky that she would stand beside Leia until the galaxy itself burned.

Jyn was so caught up in the memory, in Leia, that the words just sort of slipped out before she realized they’d moved from her heart to her lips.

 “I love you.” 

The room stilled, every voice suddenly cut off as every being stared at her. Bodhi’s grip on her elbow jerked sharply, and she suddenly came back to herself. She could feel the blood drain from her face, her eyes widening as the impact of what she had just done sank into her.

 Leia seemed to be frozen, staring back at her with wide dark eyes bright with surprise. Jyn’s mind raced, trying to find a way out, some means of salvaging their friendship…anything. It was almost as if every other being in the room was holding their breath. Then Leia blinked, and the rigid set to her muscles faded away. If Jyn wasn’t very much mistaken, she would have said there was something like relief and…joy in Leia’s eyes.

 “I love you, too.” 

Her lips had pulled into a small, warm smile. It was a smile that Jyn had seen her father give her mother when she was very small, when life was kinder and they were alive and together. It was the kind of smile that held more love and understanding and devotion than a hundred promises or a thousand sonnets.

 Slowly, like the sun breaking over the edge of the tree line on Yavin, Jyn began to smile back. And then it was a supernova, burning and fierce and nearly incandescent. She couldn’t remember the last time she had worn an expression quite like it. Maybe she never had. Maybe this was something that belonged only to Leia. 

And then Han wolf-whistled. 

Just like that, the room erupted with sound. Luke smacked Han on the back of the head and nearly everyone was clapping. Draven’s eyes were suspiciously wet, even as he schooled his expression into one of annoyance. Beside her, Bodhi whooped, and then muttered something about comming Cassian the instant he was off radio silence. 

After their disastrousdinner together, there were no more casual brushes of shoulders or whisperedwords or even nods from across the room. Jyn treated Leia with cold animosity,when she acknowledged her at all.  Theloss left Leia strangely bereft. She was used to pushing people away, it washer natural defense mechanism; but to be on the other side of it was awful. Andit, all of it, had been her fault. So, she decided firmly, it was up to her tomend it.

 Afterseveral days of being unable to catch Jyn in the mess hall – Leia was sure Jynwas intentionally avoiding her now – Leia knew it was time for grand gestures. Shewent to the mess hall, carefully filling two plates with food that was easilychewed and would be difficult to choke on. When she reached for utensils, herhand hovered uncertainly for only a moment before she snatched up an extrafork. Then, balancing a tray crammed with two plates, two cups, and a fewassorted extra dishes, she marched halfway across the base to Jyn’s quarters.

 When shearrived, she was careful to mimic the soft knock she had seen Bodhi use; knowingthat if she rapped on the door with her usual abrupt efficiency, Jyn would knowit was her and probably refuse to answer the door. Sure enough, hardly a fewseconds had passed before the door slid open.

“Hey, Bodhi,what-“ Jyn’s voice broke off abruptly when her eyes landed on Leia. Her facehardened, and Leia could practically see her walls shoot up. Leia promptlystuck her foot in front of the door sensor to keep it from closing.

 “Wait! Jyn,please listen to me.” Jyn crossed her arms over her chest and raised hereyebrows in a ‘go on then’ kind of way. Leia took a deep breath. Apologies werenot something she was good at.

“The way Ireacted when we ate together was unacceptable. I apologize, Jyn, for evermaking you feel inferior or…whatever it is my behavior made you feel. That wasnot my intention at all. Jyn…I’m sorry.” Jyn was still regarding her coolly,but the tense rigidity of her stance had ebbed away at Leia’s words. 

“Not all ofus were raised as royalty, Princess.” Her words were not biting this time, onlya statement with the barest hint of resentment. That, Leia could work with. Sheforged ahead, her heart racing with nerves and anticipation. 

What in thegalaxy was it about Jyn Erso that made this so important?

 “I knowthat. And I know that table manners and etiquette were next to useless to youwhen you were growing up. Survival was what mattered.” Jyn nodded, a sharp jerkof her head. Her childhood was not something she talked of often, Leia knew.She raised the tray in front of her like an offering.

“I broughtdinner.” Jyn regarded her, an odd expression on her face.

“That’senough for two people.”

“Veryobservant, Sargent Erso.”

“Are we…eatingtogether?” Leia just knew Jyn was thinking of the almost green look on her facethe last time they’d shared a meal.

“Yes. Weare,” she answered firmly.

 “Alrightthen.” Jyn ushered her inside and over to her bunk. Leia set the tray down andthey arranged themselves on the mattress, the tray between them. Silently, Leiadivided the food and utensils between them and hastily took a bite. She felt itwas important for her to start eating first. It was almost absurd the amount ofthought she’d put into this. Jyn frowned at the two forks beside her plate.

“Why do Ihave a second fork?” Leia just shrugged at her, pretending to be busy chewing.A soft, surprised smile pulled at the corners of Jyn’s lips. Her left armcurled around her plate, the extra fork held loosely in her hand. But themuscles in her arm were relaxed. Leia felt warm all over.

 Jyn ate justas quickly and sloppily as she had that first time but, this time, Leia didn’tbat a single royal eyelash. When she was done, Jyn talked to her while Leiafinished her own food. Just like that, it was like nothing had happened betweenthem. Jyn was free with her smiles and that loud, bubbling laugh that Leiafound herself craving.

 After that,sharing meals in Jyn’s room became a habit of theirs. And slowly, with gruffshyness at first, Jyn began to ask Leia questions.

 What was the proper way tohold a fork? 

Why was it considered rude to lean over your plate? 

Why in allseven hells were there more than one kind of spoon?

They atetogether in the mess hall as well, usually with the other members of Rogue Oneor Han and Luke and Chewie. Jyn’s manners improved gradually, although she wasstill taut as a drawn cable until her food was gone. Once, Han – being, well,Han – had leaned over and snatched something off her plate. Leia was the onlyone not surprised in the least when he received a fork through his hand. She hadeven snorted into her cup at the expression on his face. The poor man (he’ddeserved it, though) seemed more shocked than anything else. Though, he wasclearly in a considerable amount of pain. What wasn’t amusing at all was howwhite Jyn had gone, eyes wide and glazed. She’d shoved her chair back and leftbefore anyone could stop her. No one saw her again for hours.

 Leia spentnearly an hour after her shift was over searching the base for her. By the timeshe dragged herself back to her own quarters, she was exhausted and worriedhalf out of her mind about Jyn. The look on her face….Leia couldn’t shake theimage. Han wasn’t upset, not at all. If anyone could understand, it was him.But Jyn would never know that if no one could find her. 

Wearily,Leia swiped her hand over the sensor to activate the door and nearly collapsed insurprise. Jyn was sitting on Leia’s bunk, her knees pulled against her chest,staring at the wall. Slowly, she turned her head to Leia. Her eyes were dry, notrace of the tears Leia had halfway expected. But the blankness in them wasalmost worse. But her eyes weren’t quite blank, Leia realized as she crossedthe small space between them to ease onto the bed beside Jyn. They were lost.Like she was adrift in space without another soul for lightyears. Then sheleaned her head against Leia’s shoulder, her body sort of folding against Leia’s.

 “How’s hishand?” the question was soft, barely above a whisper.

“His hand isfine, Jyn. You know, I’ve wanted to stab him myself three times in the lastweek alone.” Jyn laughed, surprised and quick, but a laugh all the same. Leiasmiled at the wall and rested her cheek against Jyn’s hair. There was a certainscent that always clung to Jyn, in her hair, on her clothes; and Leia couldnever quite pin down what it was. It reminded her of space and the thrum of danger,of starships and the first embers of hope just on the edge of becoming flames.It reminded her of joy and warmth and loss. It reminded her of Alderaan.

“Bet he won’tever try to steal from me again,” Jyn remarked. The lost blankness was fadingaway, almost like it had never been there, and there was a wicked smirk curlingthe edges of her mouth. Leia grinned.

“Like he hasthat much sense.” Jyn snorted and nestled just a little closer into Leia’sside.