#rodama

It took Bill another few seconds before he opened the hatch of his quarters again. It was silent inside. He slowly closed the hatch behind him and was about to walk back to where he had left Laura a couple of minutes ago when a muffled sob froze him to the spot. Bill listened carefully and heard another sob and a couple of small stutter breaths. He followed the sound of crying and found her, still sitting at the table, her shoulders slumped, her back to him. She was shaking uncontrollably, her fragile body racked by sobs. Bill's heart broke at the sight, aching for each stifled sob and shaky breath she let out. He felt sick knowing he had caused her so much additional pain, as if the one she was already carrying in her weakened body and soul wasn't enough.

Bill closed the distance between them and gently held her against him, her head resting against his stomach. He awkwardly hugged Laura, him standing, leaning slightly against her chair while she was sitting. Laura jumped under his touch and he reassuringly started stroking her hair. She didn't react at first. It took her a few second before she jolted and started struggling against him. Laura tried to break his embrace, as she muttered, "Don't touch me."

Bill knew she was angry. Laura had every right to be angry with him after the hurtful words he had blurted out to her, but he wasn't going to let her win this time. He wasn't going to let her push him away. Bill kept stroking her hair when he whispered, "I'm sorry, Laura. It was unfair and…"

"Don't touch me!" Laura yelled this time, trying to move away from him. His arms were strong around her and she went on, her voice raising with each time she repeated, "Don't touch me!" She tried to push him away, frantically struggling against him and looking on the verge of a panic attack.

"Laura, no. Please listen to me." Bill requested, his voice firm but gentle.

"Don't touch me…" Laura's voice trailed off as another sob escaped her lips, "Go away, Bill, please. Don't touch me."

Bill suddenly realized that Laura pushing him away wasn't only because of what he had told her. His soothing touch came to a stop when he felt strands of hair coming away. He stared at the locks in his hand and then noticed another few on the table. His heart twitched, as he understood why she was looking so distressed. Just as much as him, she had her own stubborn pride and she wouldn't allow him to see her that weak, that sick, that fragile. She was losing her femininity, she was starting to see the most obvious effect the treatment had on her. Bill looked down at Laura and was surprised when he found her staring at him, tears silently streaming down her face.

"It's okay…" Bill whispered reassuringly to her, his hand reaching for her cheek, wiping away her tears.

"It's not." Laura replied, her voice abnormally firm despite the tears. "It's starting all over again…" She moved away from his embrace this time and stood from the chair, "But don't worry, I'll go back to Colonial One. Last thing you need is to wake up in a bed full of my hair." She waved a hand in the air before drying her tears, "This way I'll stay not only out of your head, but also out of your quarters." She added coldly, echoing his previous words.

Bill closed his eyes and sighed. He caught her hand before she passed by him and stopped her. "No, you're not going anywhere, Laura. You're staying here, with me."

"I'm pretty sure it was the last thing you wanted about twenty minutes ago." She harshly replied.

"I was angry and you know that alcohol fraks with my mind." Bill admitted. "I'm sorry, I should have never said those things to you. I've been an asshole with you."

"I don't need your pity, Admiral." Laura replied, shaking her head at him.

"You won't have mine, Madam President. Now don't force me to kick your ass to convince you to stay." Bill offered her a faint smile before adding in a serious tone, "You don't have to face it on your own, not anymore. I'm here for you, Laura."

Laura hesitantly looked at him, new tears threatening to fall at any moment. Bill gave her hand a little tug and pulled her against him. She wrapped her arms around him and he secured her fragile body in his arms. His hand soothingly stroked her back and it was all it took for Laura to break down. She cried silently against him, her tears soaking his uniform, as he simply held her and left from time to time kisses on the top of her head.

Laura calmed down after a few minutes. She stroked his chest gently before whispering, "Bill?"

"Yes?" Bill asked, looking down at her.

"Can I ask you something?" Laura went on hesitantly.

"Anything, Laura." Bill replied with a soft smile.

"Cottle told me it's apparently better to shave my head when my hair starts to fall down. He said something about being less traumatic than waiting for all my hair to come away." Laura scoffed sadly, "Less traumatic, yeah let's say so." She paused and tilted her head a little so she could meet his eyes before asking, "Could you help me shave my head when I'm ready?"

"Anything for you, Laura." Bill agreed with a slightly shaking voice. He tried to ignore the lump in his throat, as he dropped a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be here for you."

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Laura was sitting on his rack in her nightgown, her robe wrapped tightly around her. She looked like she was ready to go to sleep and Bill was about to join her when she met his gaze and whispered, "I think it's time."

Only a couple of days went by after Laura asked for Bill's help. He didn't need any further explanation; he already knew what to do. He took her by the hand and gently led her to his bathroom. Laura silently took her robe off and stared at herself in the mirror. She sighed as she ran a hand through her fragile hair. Her hair. She had always been proud of how it looked. Her thick red mane, her soft curls. This would have been the last time she would see herself with hair. She knew it too well.

Laura noticed Bill handing her the hair clippers and she briefly closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "We don't have to do this tonight…" Bill whispered to her, sensing her hesitation.

"Yes, I have to." Laura firmly replied. "I can't bear the fact of new strands of hair falling every day, I can't watch my life slip away with each passing day. I want to be in control, I need to be in control, Bill. The hair must go."

Bill nodded and Laura covered the hair clippers with a hand. She met his gaze and told him, "I want you to do it."

"Laura, I…" Bill hesitantly started.

"I trust you with my life, Bill." Laura cut him short. "And beside, you should be used to that thing, I'm not and I would like to avoid cutting my scalp. Cottle won't be happy if I end up in sickbay before my next appointment." She added with a smirk.

Bill scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Fine, Madam President."

Bill turned on the hair clippers and looked at her reflection in the mirror. He could see she was trying her best not to break down and he waited patiently for her to give him a sign he could go on. Laura met his gaze and forced a faint smile as she nodded, "I'm ready."

Bill nodded and started shaving her head. When her first locks hit the floor, the tears that had pooled in Laura's eyes and threatened to fall during the whole time started escaping her eyelids. A sob racked her body and Bill stopped, worriedly glancing at her in the mirror.

"It's okay, Bill." Laura reassured him with a shaky voice. "Go ahead, please."

Bill soothingly stroked her bare shoulder before dropping a kiss on it. He then kept shaving her head. With every lock that fell to the ground, he left a gentle kiss on her shoulder. A brush of his lips on her skin to let her know that he was feeling her pain and that he wished he could take it all away. A brush of his lips on her skin to let her know that to him she was still the most beautiful woman in the entire universe. A brush of his lips on her skin to let all the love he still hadn't had the gut to confess to her show. A brush of his lips on her skin as a promise that he would always be there for her at the end of the day. No matter what.

Bill turned the hair clippers off and gently swiped away the remaining hair from her bare shoulders. Laura had closed her eyes at some point when the sight of her beautiful locks piling up on the floor had become unbearable. She hadn't seen the final result yet and Bill knew she would need some time on her own to process what had just happened. He delicately stroked her upper arm and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "I'm going to take your pills and your glass of water."

It was the only excuse Bill could come up with and he was fully aware it sounded ridiculous. In a different situation, Laura would have argued that she could do it on her own, but she had sensed he was giving her some time alone. She nodded, still not opening her eyes, nor trusting her voice. Bill dropped a kiss to her temple and it took all of Laura's strength not to break down, not to shatter in millions pieces under his gentle touch. She heard the bathroom door close and let out a shaky breath.

Laura slowly swiped a hand over her bald head, feeling the roughness of the hair that was still there, but shaved. She opened her eyes and noticed her locks of hair piled up on the floor. Tears gathered in her eyes, as she hesitantly lifted her head to look at herself in the mirror. When she saw her reflection, her stomach lurched and a sob escaped her lips. She covered her mouth to muffle it, as she closed her eyes again.

She was bald. This was the image of herself she would see every time she would look at herself in the mirror. This was going to be how she would look like until the day she died. Laura felt sick, nausea coming over her, and she was sure it wasn't one of the many effects of the treatment.

Laura shivered. She put her robe on again and wrapped it tightly around her, but it didn't seem to help. Her head was cold. She realized how sensitive her scalp was. She had spent all her life with long hair and now that she didn't have any left, she was feeling cold. She was feeling as if something important was missing. You bet, Laura, you've lost your hair, she told herself.

Laura had to get used to that new image of her. She felt a familiar feeling take over her. Grief. She scoffed at how ridiculous it sounded. She couldn't possibly feel grief for her hair loss, not when she did have a pretty good taste in her life at how devastating grief was. That feeling had been a life companion for a countless years now. She had lost her mother to cancer. Her father, her sisters, her unborn niece or nephew – she hadn't had the gut to ask the medical examiner about this detail – had been killed by a drunk driver. Elosha had stepped on a mine and died while she was going along with Laura on her prophetic trip on Kobol. Billy had been gunned down after he had been held hostage in a bar. Laura had mourned every person of the fleet they had lost after the attack on Caprica. So yes, Laura knew grief all too well. That was why she couldn't allow herself – she found it utterly ridiculous – to feel grief for something as meaningless as hair.

Tears silently streamed down her face as she stared at her reflection. And yet, she did feel grief. It felt to her that a part of her had died with her hair loss, it felt to her that she was just getting a step closer to her own death. It felt to her as if it was the beginning of the end. Laura took a deep breath in an attempt to stop her tears, but failed. Another sob racked her body and she supported herself against the sink.

"Now, Laura, get a grip for the Gods' sake." She muttered to herself before splashing water over her face. She took the towel to dry her face and looked at herself in the mirror again.

Laura heard the bathroom door open again and she knew Bill had come back. She expected him to come closer to her, but he didn't. He must have been standing on the threshold, silently wondering about what to do next. Laura didn't turn to face him. She wasn't sure she was ready to see him again. She wasn't sure she was ready for him to see her that way. She had lost her femininity, she was nothing more than a worn-out body and she doubted he would ever looked at her the same way. She was different now, her bald head being a constant reminder of her precarious condition. How could he look at her now and not think every damn second that she might slip away at any time? How could he bear looking at her sick body? How could he even still like such a repulsive sight?

"Will it be?" Laura asked, her voice numb and hoarse from the crying. She kept staring at her reflection in the mirror as she specified, "Meaningless, I mean…" She finally slowly turned to face Bill and her sorrowful and reddened eyes met his, "Will it be meaningless, Bill?"

His blood instantly froze in his veins. Bill thought she had understood when he had apologized to her that he didn't mean any of the words he had blurted out to her face. He couldn't believe that she had been keeping this question in her mind for days. He couldn't believe that she was even considering he might have said the truth.

Bill didn't waste another second and crossed the room to stand behind her. He slid his arms around her tiny waist and hugged her from behind. His serious gaze met hers in the mirror as he replied, emphasizing every word, "No. Never." He dropped a kiss to her shoulder, as he added, "Not to me. Not to this fleet." He paused, his thumb delicately stroking the skin of her arm, "If it hadn't been for you, we would have been all dead when the Cylons attacked. You convinced me to leave the Colonies. You gave to all of us the most precious gift in the universe. Life, Laura, you've saved us that day. We will always be grateful to you for that, I will always be grateful to you for that gift."

Laura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A tear escaped her right eyelid, rolled silently down her cheek and died in the crook of her neck.

"You look great." Bill whispered to her after a few seconds of silence, a faint smile appearing on his face.

Laura scoffed and rolled her eyes before replying, "For someone who's dying."

"No one's dying, Laura." Bill firmly stated, shaking his head.

"Bill…" Laura let out an exhausted sigh. She didn't know for how long he would keep denying the obvious, but she knew for sure that she didn't want to have that conversation again. She didn't want to go there again, memories of their discussion of a few days ago coming to her mind again. She was too tired – both emotionally and physically – to fight with him about this.

Bill ignored her annoyed tone and repeated to her reassuringly, "You are beautiful."

"And you're a liar, Bill." Laura calmly replied, her eyes glued to her reflection. She didn't seem to be able to divert her gaze from her head. Beautiful, she smirked sadly. This was the last word that came to her mind to describe herself right now.

"Now you listen to me, Roslin." Bill ordered her, in a tone half serious, half teasing, as he gently turned her so she could face him. His voice softened as he added, "You are still the beautiful woman I met right after the Cylons' attack. You've lost your hair, yes, but you are way more than your hair, Laura. You're brilliant, smart… you're unbelievably strong…" He paused and a smile crossed his face, as he reached for her cheek and told her, "and you've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." He stroked her cheek and Laura smiled shyly, looking down. "If you think I would think less of you because of all this, you're so damn wrong, Madam President. You're a frakkin fighter and you have all my admiration and respect."

Laura slowly raised her head. When she met Bill's gaze, she read in his eyes nothing else but admiration and respect, and even love – if she dared to think that way. "What did I do to deserve you?" She asked, her voice above a whisper.

"You went through hell and you survived. I'm not sure I did that much to deserve someone as extraordinary as you."

The sincerity in his voice took her by surprise. Once again. Laura shook her head and replied, "This is not a contest about who had the shittiest life, Bill. You deserve to be happy just as much as me. We just have to give happiness a shot before…" Her voice trailed off and she cleared her throat before adding, "…before it is too late."

Bill nodded and offered her a faint smile, his hand still on her cheek. They silently stared at each other for a few seconds before he leaned in. His lips were nearly brushing hers when Laura arched an eyebrow and whispered, "What are you doing?"

Bill smirked and muttered to her, "I'm giving it a shot."

Before Laura had the chance to say something, Bill caught her lips in a gentle, but lingering kiss. When he broke the kiss off, he stared at her and offered her a soft smile. Laura opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. She smiled at him instead.

"Come with me, I have something for you." Bill told her before she had the chance to find something to say. He took her by the hand, his fingers naturally interlacing with hers, as he walked her out of the bathroom. He gently made her settle in on his rack before sitting next to her. He turned around and grabbed a paper bag from the floor. He handed it to Laura who was staring at him with curiosity. She took the bag and arched an eyebrow at Bill. He nodded to her, encouraging her to take a look inside.

"I know it's not as beautiful as your hair, but…" Bill started, looking down at his fidgeting hands.

"Bill…" Laura whispered, her voice filled with emotion.

"I had Tory looking for it in the fleet and she found a woman who had a shop on Picon and she is still making wigs now." He explained to her.

Laura felt pressure build against her eyelids as she choked back a sob. She held the wig in her hands, delicately running a hand through it and stayed silent.

"I figured…" Bill paused and rectified, "we figured you would be more at ease if you use this in your public appearances… and when you want to feel more comfortable – the woman told Tory it could get a little itchy – well, this could work too." He added with a bright smile as he handed her a neatly folded green silk scarf.

Laura stared at Bill and said nothing. She was at loss for words and felt a lump in her throat. She put the wig down on her knees. Her eyes were filling up with fresh tears as she extended a trembling hand and took the scarf from Bill's hand. She opened it and gazed at it with a smile. She then rubbed her face against the soft fabric, humming contentedly.

"As soon as I saw it, I thought of you. It matches your eyes." Bill told her softly.

This time she wasn't able to hold back a sob. "Oh Bill…" Laura whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks. It took her a few seconds to find her voice back and tell him, "Thank you." She waved a hand in the air and looked up, hoping this would help to blink back the tears. "Thank you so much for all this." She repeated, this time in a more confident and firmer tone. "I can't find the words to tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done and you're doing for me."

"You're welcome, Laura." Bill simply replied, a warm smile on his lips.

Laura stared at the wig on her knees for a while longer and chuckled. When she looked up and found Bill looking at her with an arched eyebrow, she smirked and told him, "It's not blond."

Bill let out a small laugh before replying, "Told you, I couldn't see you as a blonde…" His smile grew wider when he heard her giggle even more. "Moreover I wouldn't risk the President being confused with a Cylon."