Never Everything

Andy hadn’t seen Sharon since their encounter in the morning. Either she had been too busy with her own squad or she had made a hell of a job at avoiding him. Andy had tried to call her twice. No answer. He had even considered writing a text to her but he gave up on that idea after he spent more than half an hour wondering what he could actually write to her. I’m here if you need to talk was his best option but did they really need to talk about something? He had no clue what was going on with her. Maybe it was just her way to make him understand that whatever there had been between them was over. Maybe she was just distancing herself from him.

Andy brushed aside his worries the moment he heard a knock on the door. He stood up from the couch and walked to the front door. When he opened it, he found himself face to face with Sharon. She looked up slowly, offered him a weak smile but said nothing.

“Please, come in.” Andy told her encouragingly as he motioned for her to enter.

Sharon stepped in and Andy closed the door. He still had his back to her when he started asking her, “Is everything alr-…”

Before Andy could finish his question, Sharon took him by surprise and grabbed him by the arm, turning him around to face her. She slid a hand in the back of his neck and urged him to lean down. When he did, she caught his lips with hers in a hungry kiss. The way Sharon was kissing him left no room for misinterpretation. Andy knew what she was up to and some other day he would have appreciated her bold attitude but today he couldn’t get his worries about her out of his mind.

They collided against the front door but it didn’t seem to stop Sharon. She left a trail of kisses in his neck as she started unbuttoning Andy’s shirt quickly. Before she managed unbuttoning half of it, Andy gently halted her by covering her hands with his. He tightened his hold on her tiny hands and whispered, “Hey Sharon, stop…”

Sharon slowly pulled back from his neck and met his gaze hesitantly. There it was again, a flash of vulnerability in her eyes. Andy stared back at her silently, studying her features carefully. “What’s going on?” He asked her softly.

“I don’t want to talk.” Sharon replied firmly before she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and crashed her lips against his. The kiss was harsh, bruising, almost painful. It was so unlike her. It was desperate. Sharon broke the kiss for air and she muttered against his swollen lips, “I need this.” She was breathless but she didn’t waste time catching her breath. Her lips went back to his neck as her hands worked unbuckling his belt.

Andy pulled her back delicately, his hands resting on her shoulders as he told her gently, “Sharon, no… not like this.”

“Not that it had bothered you before.” Sharon shot back harshly. She pushed one of his hands away and turned toward the door. She had her hand already on the door handle, ready to leave when Andy grabbed her by the wrist.

“Sharon, stop.” Andy held her tight and asked softly, his eyes giving away his concern, “Would you please tell me what’s going on?” Sharon stared at him defiantly, unwilling to speak. “Talk to me, this is so unlike you… I can tell that there is something tearing you apart.”

She hated the fact that he could read her so well. She hated him. Why on earth did she go to his house in the first place?! Sharon scoffed and tried to free herself from his grip. Andy tightened his hold on her. “Let me go!” Sharon shot back angrily. “You know nothing.”

“Then talk to me. I’m here to listen.” Andy offered gently. He wasn’t going to let her surly attitude push him away.

“I don’t want this, I don’t need this.” Sharon replied sharply. She tried to free herself once again but when she understood there was nothing she could do, she let out a heavy sigh. Andy could tell she was trying to keep her emotions under control. He could feel her ragged breath on his skin. “I need to forget.” Sharon told him in a trembling voice, “I need you.” Andy knew it took her a lot admitting it. “Please.” She begged him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Andy didn’t know what hit him first; if it was the pleading and broken tone of her voice or if it was the tears threatening to fall down her face. Sharon Raydor didn’t beg anyone. Sharon Raydor didn’t need anyone. She had made it clear the moment they had started knowing each other better, or let’s say differently. And now she was standing in front of him, begging him to take whatever pain she was feeling away. He had never seen her so broken and the thought that something bad had happened to her scared him more than what he was willing to admit.

Andy met her pleading gaze and he felt a lump form in his throat. He didn’t wait. He pulled Sharon to him gently and wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. He could feel her trembling in his arms and he tightened his embrace. Soon he felt his shirt getting wet. He looked down at the woman in his arms while his hand delicately brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He realized that there were tears streaming down her cheeks; she was crying against him silently. Andy rubbed her back soothingly, his chin resting on top of her head before he dropped a kiss to her hair.

After a while, Sharon looked up to meet his gaze, her usually beautiful green eyes now puffy, red-rimmed and still swimming with tears. They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence before Sharon claimed his lips again. It was a delicate kiss this time, tasting like her tears and begging for more. When Andy felt Sharon’s hands under his shirt, he knew that this time he couldn’t say no to her.

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Sharon wanted to leave but Andy held onto her, claiming she wasn’t going anywhere. She wanted to leave, especially after things didn’t go as she had planned. Actually things couldn’t have gone worse.

Sharon had been desperate to touch him, to feel him. She had been rough; her hands had nearly torn his clothes off at first and then had wandered his body hastily, her nails scratching his skin. She didn’t want to waste time; she needed him and she had wanted it to happen quickly. Andy had been the opposite, nothing but gentle. It was confusing; he had always been gentle with her but there was something different this time. He had halted each one of her harsh gestures. He had caressed her body delicately, he had kissed every inch of her skin. His intention had been clear; he wanted to take his time. His kisses had been soothing, healing and Sharon had progressively surrendered to his slow pace. Over the last month Sharon had realized that Andy had been slowly falling in love with her and if she had needed any more proof, tonight was another one.

Andy had handled her with care as if he was holding in his hands the most precious and fragile thing in the world… and Sharon had broken down. She had broken down in the worst moment possible. Sharon closed her eyes and sighed as she tried to get this moment out of her mind. Unsuccessfully.

Andy was inside her, moving slowly. One of his hands was in her hair and he was whispering in her ear how beautiful she was, kissing the spot behind her left ear. All of the sudden, the first tear escaped the corner of her left eye and rolled down to soak into her hair. Or at least that was what she thought. Sharon felt Andy pull back from the crook of her neck and soon his concerned eyes met hers.

“Sharon…” Andy whispered. Sharon spotted worry in his tone and she felt the lump in her throat get tighter. She couldn’t let him see how vulnerable she was.

Sharon closed her eyes when she felt Andy reach for her face and stroke her cheek delicately. A few tears managed to slide past her closed eyelids and the more she tried to hold them back, the more tears leaked out. “Go on.” Sharon begged him with a trembling voice, her eyes still closed.

Andy didn’t move. When she heard his voice calling to her for the second time, she opened her eyes and his genuinely worried gaze immediately met hers. She wanted him to screw her senselessly, to take her pain away and here he was, being sentimental. She hated him. Sharon shook her head abruptly to get rid of his hand on her cheek. “Keep going.” She repeated to him, forcing her voice to sound firm but failing miserably. With an impatient whine, she arched her back and pushed against him, desperate to feel alive again, even for one night.

“No, Sharon.” Andy told her, his tone firm but gentle. He planted a hand on her chest, between her breasts as he kept her pinned down on the bed. Andy wasn’t sure where and how he had found the strength to resist her when she knew exactly what could make him give in to her. Her unexpected self-destructive attitude was scaring him and he couldn’t understand what had pushed her over the edge. Andy couldn’t let her use him to numb her pain. He couldn’t let her walk away as if what they had between them was nothing more than an emotionless one-night stand. It was more than that, Sharon was more than that to Andy and he wished that she would realize that.

Sharon scratched the skin of his back and tried to thrust her hips more fully against him but before she even realized, Andy was out of her. She should have known that his concerned face was telling her that he wouldn’t have listened to her pleas. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively, her body shaking along with the tears that were streaming down her face. She suddenly felt overexposed, too vulnerable. A wave of shame washed over her as if she had realized only now what she was doing. She had fucked up terribly this time.

Sharon noticed that Andy had gotten out of bed only when she felt the mattress shift and he was next to her again. She didn’t dare to look at him; she couldn’t bring herself to look at him after the breakdown she had just had. How he hadn’t already kicked her out of his bed and of his house was a wonder to her. She needed to get out of here. Immediately.

Sharon tried to get out of bed but Andy grabbed her wrist before she could even move. “You’re not going anywhere, Sharon. Stay here, please.” He whispered to her and she was taken aback by his incredibly soft, almost pleading tone. She glanced at him furtively, too ashamed to even meet his eyes and she noticed that he was wearing his boxers and he was handing her his old LAPD shirt with his free hand. She stared at the shirt for a little while before she took it and put it on. It was just what she needed; to cover herself in time to find all her clothes and leave. She didn’t even have the time to carry out her plan because she felt Andy pull her against him, his arms locking around her waist. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks and Sharon made no effort to hold them back as she snuggled against his chest. He wasn’t kicking her out. Andy felt her tears on his skin and he stroked her hair with a hand soothingly. Slowly her soft sobs subdued and when Andy moved a strand of hair away from her face, he noticed Sharon had fallen asleep. He brushed a finger along her cheek delicately and tightened his hold on her before he closed his eyes as well.

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Sharon opened her eyes slowly. She vaguely registered that her cheeks were stingy with dried tears and she now understood why her head was slightly throbbing. It happened every time she cried herself to sleep and she hated it. She felt even more confused when she realized her head was lying on Andy’s chest and that she had fallen asleep from exhaustion in his bed. She felt his chest rise slowly up and down, a clear indication that Andy was still sleeping. Her mind went back to what had happened during the night and she let out a sigh. She was even more embarrassed – if it was even possible – now that she had broken down in front of him. As if her self-destructive attitude hadn’t been enough, now she hadn’t even been able to keep her emotions at bay and she had cried in front of Andy. She hated feeling vulnerable and the fact that she had let this side of her out with Andy upset her even more. She had been pathetic. She could already picture the pity look he would give her and she didn’t want to witness such a moment. She had to leave before Andy woke up.

Sharon looked down at her waist and noticed that Andy had his arms locked around her. She slowly tried to free herself from his embrace but as soon as she moved an inch, she felt Andy tighten his hold on her. Good, he was awake. His fingers started stroking her side and Sharon closed her eyes briefly. There was something familiar and safe in this odd situation between them. Sharon convinced herself that she could relax for a little while more in the safety of his arms. His hand caressed her belly through the fabric of his old LAPD shirt she was wearing and she hummed softly.

Andy moved his hand to her hair and stroked it gently as he whispered to her, “Hey… better?” He offered Sharon a smile when she lifted her head from his chest and met his gaze.

“I’m sorry…” Sharon muttered, looking down, a curtain of long hair covering her face. “I don’t know what…”

“Ssh, it’s okay.” Andy cut her short soothingly, his hand brushing delicately a strand of hair away from her face. “I’m worried about you…” He told her sincerely as he studied her face. Dried tears had left traceable lines from her eyes down to her cheeks. Andy delicately wiped away these traces with his thumb.

Sharon closed her eyes at his soft touch. She nodded and whispered a faint “I know…” before resting her head on his stomach this time. She turned her head away from him, her hair sprawled on his chest. Andy couldn’t see her face now and he wondered if she had done it on purpose. Andy’s fingers started playing with the end of her hair and then curled around some locks. Sharon relaxed under his touch and silence filled the room again. She was glad he wasn’t pressuring her into talking but she knew she owed him an explanation. If only it wasn’t so hard to say it…

Sharon took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly. “My father died twelve days ago.” She blurted out and she felt Andy’s body tense under her. He wrapped her instinctively in a tighter embrace as tears prickled her eyes. “R-right before New Year…” She added in a trembling voice.

Now Andy understood her few evasive texts and why she had disappeared on him. A lot of her behavior made suddenly sense to him and he couldn’t believe how she managed to deal through all this pain on her own.

“We-we all b-believe it was a b-bad cold…” Sharon recalled with fresh tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “He-he seemed p-perfectly fine when I arrived in P-Park City… b-but he… he n-never woke up on the m-morning of the 30th of D-December…” Her voice trailed off and she swallowed down a sob. She wiped her eyes even before the tears escaped her eyelids. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry this time even if the pain was tearing her apart.

“Sharon, why…” Andy spoke softly after a moment of silence.

“Why what? Why didn’t I tell you?” Sharon exclaimed, interrupting him and lifting her head from his stomach. She turned to look at him and gestured with her hand as she added, “We were just…”

“We were just what?” Andy repeated, furrowing his brow as he sat in bed. “Screwing around?” He asked her in a disappointed tone, “That’s what you want yourself to believe? What you lull yourself into?” Andy wasn’t mad at her, he just felt defeated. He knew how hard it was for Sharon to let her guard down and to let people into her life but it didn’t hurt him less.

“Andy I didn’t know and I still don’t know where we stand…” Sharon tried to explain.

“You don’t know where we stand?” Andy repeated, shaking his head. “I know that my heart wouldn’t ache this way if you were just someone I fucked emotionlessly.” He blurted out and took a deep breath as he tried to keep his emotions under control. He was aware that the last thing Sharon needed right now was his frustration.

“Not now Andy…” Sharon whispered softly in an almost pleading voice. She couldn’t handle more than one complicated topic at once.

“Okay, not now…” Andy conceded. He couldn’t allow his bruised ego to cause more pain to her. She was already hurting way too much. He met her gaze and asked her gently, “But will you please let me be here for you? You don't have to go through this alone.” He added as he reached out for her cheek. He stroked it lovingly and told her, “Hell, even as a friend if you don’t want nothing more…”

“I never said that…” Sharon replied, her tone above a whisper, “I just can’t deal with it right now…”

“I know…” Andy nodded, his hand still caressing her face, “But in the meantime, I am here for you. What if you unload a little of the weight you’re carrying on your own, let out all these emotions you’re keeping bottled up?” He offered, his caring eyes studying her face. “You don’t have to be strong with me, Sharon.”

“Being strong is the only choice I’ve ever had, Andy…” Sharon answered tiredly. “It’s all I’ve ever known…”

“Not anymore…” Andy reassured her, his fingers brushing the side of her face. “Not anymore…” He repeated.

Sharon met his eyes hesitantly. They stared at each other for a while in silence as they sat face-to-face. Andy offered her an encouraging smile and she nodded quietly. She slowly leaned forward and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “Okay…” Sharon whispered while Andy put his arms around her and held her close. Minutes went by and they stayed in each other’s arms quietly. “I-I can’t believe that he-he is… gone…” Sharon sniffed softly. “And I can’t believe I missed my last Christmas with him because first Brenda fucking Leigh Johnson and then Pope messed things up.” Andy didn’t think he had ever heard Sharon curse and that alone was enough to make him understand how much pain she felt deep down. “She had her parents with her. Why would she give a damn if she ruined everyone else’s Christmas plans?”

A sob interrupted Sharon before she could go on and Andy rocked her in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. He felt fresh tears roll down his neck and he realized she had started crying. Andy dropped a kiss on the top of her head while Sharon whispered between sobs, “And my mother… oh my God, my mother… how is she supposed to go on without him?”

Andy stroked her hair lovingly. “It won’t be easy…” He told her softly, speaking from experience. He thought of his own mother who had to raise three small children on her own after the death of his father. It hadn’t been easy for sure. “But I’m not worried about her… I know her daughter and how strong she is…” He added with a wistful smile, “So if you took this strength after her, then it will be hard yes, but she will be just fine.”

Sharon sniffed quietly and Andy tightened his embrace around her as he lay back down with her in his arms. She snuggled closer, her body pressing against his side. She wrapped an arm around him and moved her head from the crook of his neck to his chest. Andy kissed her forehead and a faint smile graced Sharon’s lips.

“I’m sorry…” Sharon whispered after a few seconds, meeting his gaze.

“Stop apologizing, Sharon…” Andy replied reassuringly, “I’m serious, there is no reason to apologize.”

Sharon nodded and looked down. She ran her fingers through the light dusting of hair on his chest before she started drawing circles absent-mindedly. Silence fell between them again but she soon realized that it was a comfortable silence. There was no need for them to fill it with useless words; they just lay in bed listening to the soothing sound of their breathings and heartbeats.

“Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?” Sharon suddenly asked.

“Are you insulting me in a foreign language?” Andy wondered, arching an eyebrow at her.

Sharon laughed softly against him, patting his chest before she looked up to meet his gaze. “Thank you.” She told him sincerely. She noticed the confused expression on his face and a small chuckle escaped her lips. “For making me laugh.” She clarified. “I didn’t think it would have happened any time soon.”

“That’s because you forgot how good I am at making you laugh.” Andy replied with one of his renowned grins.

“True.” Sharon agreed, caressing his chest, her touch like feathers. She stayed silent for a while, thinking back on Andy’s words and realizing how lucky she was to have him by her side. She didn’t think she would have ever drawn such a conclusion but here she was. She was so damn lucky to have him.

“What about that Kinsushi?” Andy asked, bringing her back to the present.

“Kintsugi.” Sharon corrected him with a smile as she lifted her head from his chest and looked at him in the eyes. “It’s a Japanese art where broken things are put back together and repaired by filling every crack with gold… It’s about giving value to a broken thing, it’s about making cracks visible instead of hiding them, and celebrating imperfections…” She noticed Andy’s confused expression and her smile grew briefly wider before she went back serious, “And it’s funny but… that’s what you did tonight.”

“You’re not broken, Sharon.” Andy replied softly as his fingers brushed along her face.

Sharon scoffed. “I’ve been broken more times than you’ll ever know, Andy…” She admitted with a sad smile. “And every time I had to put back the pieces of my life together on my own… and sometimes, as much as I tried, some pieces didn’t stick together anymore… and it changed me; I became stronger, tougher, colder…” Sharon noticed Andy was ready to say something but she stopped him with a hand gesture. She smiled at him when she added, “But now I’ve realized what it feels like when someone helps you picking up the pieces… and when these pieces fell back into place perfectly.”

“I care about you Sharon more than what you want to hear right now…” Andy confessed to her. As he spoke he realized that Sharon’s Kintsugi explanation was her way of telling him that she cared about him the same way he did about her, “But I guess, in our case, the whole gold thing of your Japanese art that holds the pieces together is something like love…”

Sharon resumed her position and Andy’s hand moved to her side, stroking it. He held her tight while she tried to focus her attention back on the movie but her mind had decided differently. Sharon sighed, louder than she intended and felt Andy’s hand stop. If she had any doubts he had heard her, he swept them all away when he turned off the television. Andy shifted lightly to take a better look at Sharon, his right arm still around her. His other hand moved a strand of hair away from her face and put it back behind her ear when he whispered to her, “What’s wrong, Sharon?”

Sharon shook her head and forced a smile but she realized it wasn’t a convincing one. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She answered too quickly and she was aware it was going to sound suspicious to Andy.

Andy shifted again, turning to face her, leaning against the couch with one shoulder. He was silently staring at her and Sharon could read concern in his eyes. He squeezed her knee gently and whispered in an incredibly soft tone, “You don’t look fine to me, Shar’…”

Sharon sighed and rested her head against the couch, her eyes never leaving Andy’s. She reached for his hand and slowly intertwined her fingers with his before she told him truthfully, “I’m happy.”

“And I’m confused, babe…” Andy replied, arching an eyebrow. “You don’t look happy…” He added, tilting his head as he studied her face carefully.

“It’s silly…” Sharon whispered, uneasiness in her voice as she looked down at their intertwined fingers.

Andy watched Sharon as she kept her eyes down and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. He could tell she was debating with herself whether she should keep talking or drop the subject. He had noticed the little frown on her face and he knew this one only showed up when there was something worrying her. Andy reached for her cheek delicately, caressing it before his hand moved down to her chin. Slowly, he lifted it with a finger and whispered to her, a soft reassuring smile on his face, “Talk to me, Sharon…”

Sharon met his eyes hesitantly and was a little taken aback by the amount of love she read in them. Their relationship still felt new to her. Despite everything they had been through already – Andy’s health scare and the fear of losing him – Sharon still had to get used to having someone care about her. There was genuine concern in Andy’s eyes but still he wasn’t pressuring her – something she loved about him – and was patiently waiting for her to tell him what was bothering her.

“Really… it’s silly…” Sharon mumbled, looking down, her voice above a whisper.

Andy shook his head and told her, “It’s not silly if it got you so worked up. I’m here, I’m listening…” He added with a small smile even if he was aware that Sharon wasn’t looking at him.

Sharon looked up slowly, meeting his gaze, and Andy offered her an encouraging smile. She smiled back slightly and looked again at their intertwined fingers before she asked, “Have you ever felt happy and sad at the same time?” Andy frowned and stared at Sharon as she kept stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. What was she trying to tell him? A wave of worry flashed through his mind at the thought that maybe he wasn’t doing enough to make her happy. Maybe he was simply not good enough for her. Andy opened his mouth to reply but he realized Sharon wasn’t really expecting an answer, as she went on, “I mean… Have you ever felt so incredibly good, happy, and comfortable in a situation that you just wish it would never end?”

Andy’s features broke into a warm smile as he reached for Sharon’s face and stroked her cheek. “I feel like this every time I am with you.” He told her truthfully. Sharon looked up at Andy with a surprised face. “I’m feeling like this right now. I just wish I could hold you in my arms like this forever…” He added when their eyes met. “You make me feel so good, Sharon…”Andy whispered as he ran his thumb up and down her cheek, “I love you so much.”

Sharon sighed softly and closed her eyes as she leaned into Andy’s hand. She turned her head and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I love you too, Andy…” Sharon murmured.

Andy smiled brightly and cupped her face with both hands, pulling her in. He caught her lips with his in a tender and lingering kiss. They slowly pulled away, Sharon offering Andy a sweet smile, her hand running through his hair gently. She scooted closer to him and leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Andy wrapped his arms around her and leaned his back against the couch again, pulling her with him. Sharon snuggled against Andy and his hand went back to her hair, caressing them soothingly.

“Jack broke me more than I’m willing to admit…” Sharon whispered hesitantly after a while, breaking the comfortable silence between them. Andy tensed a little at the mention of her ex-husband and the pain he had put her through but he stayed silent, giving her all the time she needed to open up to him. He held her hand with his free hand. “The thing is… I’m used to heartbreak, Andy…” She murmured against his chest, her thumb caressing the back of his hand. “I was ready to spend the rest of my life alone, to focus on my career and this was it… I never thought I would have a second chance at love and yet, here you are.” She said, a soft smile gracing her features. “You came in and you slowly broke down the high walls I’ve built around my heart, piece by piece. Patiently. Lovingly.” Sharon let go of his hand and caressed Andy’s chest. “I let you in and you make me so happy everyday. I love you so much, Andy…” Sharon paused and took a deep breath as she felt Andy run his hand through her hair soothingly, “But there are moments when I feel particularly happy, when I think I’ve got everything I need… moments like this one… and yet I have this sadness deep down because I know that this moment is going to end… and I just wish it wouldn’t.” She shook her head against him and gestured with her hand as she added, “And I know it’s silly because there are going to be other moments like this one but…” Sharon paused and bit her lower lip. “But sometimes I have this nagging thought that all this is going to end one day and I have to brace myself for the worst.”

“Sharon…” Andy whispered softly, moving a strand of hair away from her face. His heart broke at the thought that deep inside she still feared there would come a day when he would walk away from her. Andy realized that her old wounds were deeper than he thought and that they never truly healed, causing her to spiral from time to time into the world of unworthiness and inadequacy Jack had made her fall into decades ago.

“I’m not even sure I deserve to be happy…” Sharon mumbled, her voice above a whisper.

Andy shook his eyes and sighed. He pulled Sharon away from him slightly, his hands on her shoulders as he told her, “This is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard coming from you.” His tone was soft and gentle; there was no hint of reproach in it. “Sharon, you deserve to be happy. I never want you to think the opposite… You’re the most remarkable woman I know…” Sharon looked down. Andy tilted his head, trying to catch her gaze when he asked her softly, “Are you scared the same thing is going to happen with us?”

Andy didn’t need to add more. Sharon understood immediately what he meant and she snapped her head up as she exclaimed right away, “No, Andy no! It’s not you, Andy.” She said firmly but gently, her hands reaching up to cup his face. “I know you are nothing like Jack…” She sighed softly. “You’re amazing, Andy. You make me happy, you make me feel so loved. I had forgotten what it felt like… I can’t even remember the last time I felt this way…” She paused and shook her head. “Heartbreak is all I’ve ever known, Andy… and I am aware it’s an irrational thought, but sometimes I can’t help but think that some things are too good to be true…”

“I know this may sound sappy but if there is something I’ve fully realized as the nurses wheeled me away for my blood clot surgery is that…” Sharon met his gaze again as she heard him mention this tough moment in their lives. “… I can’t live without you, Sharon.” He let out in a trembling voice, “I was cursing myself back then for not telling you how much I loved you, for putting myself into this situation where I could die and cause you only pain…” Andy paused, allowing Sharon to process his words. He took a deep breath in an effort to control the trembling in his voice. “I’m not going anywhere, Sharon.” He reminded her softly, his hand reaching for her cheek, “I know these are only words to you but I’m going to prove it to you everyday.”

Sharon smiled warmly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You’re already doing it, Andy.” She replied as she leaned in, her forehead resting against his. Andy smiled back and covered her face with soft kisses, first her nose, then her cheeks before he met her lips in a tender kiss. They pulled away slightly and caught their breaths, foreheads pressed together, smiling widely to each other. Sharon leaned in again, pecking his lips in a lingering way before Andy kissed her again softly.

“Are you staying?” Sharon asked him after a while as Andy held her in his arms. She was snuggled against his chest and she looked up at him expectantly.

Andy caressed her face and offered her a bright smile as he replied, “You don’t even need to ask, babe. I’ll stay if that’s what you want.”

Andy arched an eyebrow and sighed. He stood from his stool and took her gently by the arm as he whispered, “Not tonight, Sharon.” She didn’t move at first and glared at him, but when he tugged at her arm firmly but gently, she slowly and reluctantly stood as well even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. She felt like she had no control over her body anymore. Maybe Andy was right after all, but she would never admit it out loud. “Come on, I’m driving you home.” He told her in a soft tone as he left money on the counter. He then turned his attention back to her and urged her to follow him. Sharon felt him tighten his grip on her arm as she took a few hesitant steps, his voice sounding like a distant whisper when he reassured her, “It’s okay, don’t worry. I got you.”

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His lips rested against her hair as she sat between his legs, leaning her back against his chest. She closed her eyes and hummed contentedly as he kept his arms wrapped around her, his thumbs stroking her belly gently. She covered his hands with hers and squeezed them before turning her head lightly and nuzzling into his neck. She took a moment to breathe in his cologne and then dropped a few kisses down his neck. He shivered under the soft touch of her lips and tightened his embrace on her, brushing the side of her face with his lips. He kissed her temple softly and she pulled away, looking up to meet his stare. She smiled at him and her smile only grew wider when she felt him cup her face with both hands and whisper to her, “God, Sharon, you’re beautiful.”

She looked away, blushing. The sincerity in his eyes and tone still caught her by surprise, even if it wasn’t the first time he had told her so. She felt his thumb gently lift her chin and her eyes slowly met his again. He offered her a soft smile and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I love you…” She told him, her voice above a whisper.

“I love you more, babe.” He replied with one of his renowned grins and she melted. She felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush and she couldn’t help but think that she was ridiculous. The thought crossed her mind only for a few seconds though as her smile grew wider and she leaned in to kiss him tenderly.

They resumed their previous position, as she leaned her back against his chest. They stayed silent for a little while, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms, rocked by the sound of the crashing waves and the evening summer breeze. She shivered lightly against him and he started running his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to keep her warm. She hummed softly and snuggled deeper against him. She shivered again, this time not because she was chilly, but because of his warm breath tickling her ear as he leaned in to whisper, “You’re cold, Sharon. Let’s go back to the car and go home…” He felt her stiffen against him and he rubbed her arms soothingly before adding in a reassuring tone, “Together. You’re coming home with me, babe.”

She relaxed in his arms again and he stood slowly. She instantly missed the warm of his body and shivered. He offered her his hand and helped her to her feet, his arms immediately pulling her close. She cuddled against his side as they walked back to the car. When she stumbled slightly in the sand he tightened his grip on her and whispered, “Don’t worry, I got you.”

---------------------

Sharon freed her arm from Andy’s grip with a scoff. “I can walk by myself.” She grumbled as she walked slowly to her car. She kept her eyes on her feet and tried to walk nonchalantly, as she felt his eyes on her, studying her every move. After a few seconds, Andy shook his head, sighed and followed her in silence.

Sharon reached her car and started rummaging in her purse. Andy leaned his back against her car, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched her dig through her purse, looking for her keys. He could feel her edginess, he could notice how tension stiffened her back. Sharon finally found her keys, but before she could even open her car, the keys glided out of her hand, hitting the ground with a loud clank.

“Dammit!” Sharon muttered through clenched teeth. She tried to bend down to pick them but stopped halfway, as dizziness flooded over her and forced her to lean against the car for support.

“Hey Sharon, easy!” Andy exclaimed and he took hold of her arm, holding her steady. Once he was sure the dizziness had passed, he let go of Sharon and picked the keys from the ground. “Come on, Sharon. I’m driving you home.” He informed her, opening the car door for her.

Sharon didn’t speak nor move. She merely glared at him, her arms crossed over her chest defiantly. Andy held her stare for a while, leaning against the open car door before he shrugged and sighed, “Fine, grab a taxi then, but there’s no way you’ll be driving home tonight.” He told her, jingling her keys in his hand.

Sharon threw him a death stare and scoffed before she neared him reluctantly. Andy didn’t move, his arms resting on top of the car door, as he studied her every move. She glanced at the passenger seat and was about to lower herself into it when she stopped. She stood between the seat and the car door and she hesitantly met his gaze.

Andy sensed her hesitation and he suddenly got a glimpse in her eyes of the vulnerability she had tried to hide all along. “Is he at home?” Andy asked softly. He didn’t need to say more, they both knew who he was talking about.

Sharon’s eyes hardened. She scoffed. “Do you think I would have ended up drinking my weight in alcohol if he were?” Sharon snapped, her tone a mixture of pain and anger. She didn’t move and kept staring at Andy as she barked, “He left, okay? He left for good a few weeks ago. So go ahead, tell me I told you so and leave me alone!”

Andy looked unfazed, his tone was still soft when he replied, “I’m not here to gloat…” He looked down and sighed before meeting her glaring eyes again, “I hate that he did this to you…” He paused and added with another sigh, “again…”

Sharon was a little taken aback by the sadness she could read in his eyes and hear in his tone. He seemed genuinely concerned, but before she could let her mind dwell on that thought, she shook her head and said coldly, “Well this must be what I deserve.”

“No, no, no.” Andy replied immediately, his hand instinctively reaching for her arm to comfort her. He refrained from touching her when he noticed Sharon taking a step back hastily. His hand hovered briefly in the air before he let his arm fall back to his side. “You don’t deserve it, Sharon…” He told her softly and she met his eyes again hesitantly. “You don’t deserve any of this.” He repeated. There was once again something in her eyes, some kind of vulnerability Sharon wasn’t able to fully hide, at least to him. Andy wasn’t sure Sharon believed his words, but he knew she needed to hear them. He knew she needed them to prevent her mind from spiraling into the world of unworthiness and inadequacy Jack had made her fall into. “But believe me, Sharon…” Andy spoke after a few minutes of silence and stares between them, “the drinking isn’t a solution here.”

There was no reproach in his voice. He wasn’t judging her; his tone was oddly… broken. Andy’s voice trembled lightly as he said those words, and he didn’t try to hide it. He hoped she would understand that he was hurting just as much as her, that seeing her like this was tearing him apart… that he felt helpless. Sharon stayed silent and kept staring at him, her usually mesmerizing green eyes now building up with tears. Her lower lip started to quiver and she drew in a few shaky breaths. Andy slowly walked around the open car door, but before he could reach her, Sharon blinked a few times. It all happened in a flash. Her tears were gone, the quivering of her lip stopped, her features hardened. She turned toward Andy and shot back, “Oh well, the Husband and Father of the Year has spoken. I should definitely take the advice.”

Andy shuddered but said nothing. The look in his eyes however spoke volumes. Sharon knew the moment her words left her mouth that she would hurt him deeply, but she couldn’t stop, just like she couldn’t stop her next words, “Not everybody is weak like you, Andy.” Sharon told him defiantly, “I am not an alcoholic. I know when to stop.”

“Oh really, you do, Sharon?” Andy shot back harshly, his patience growing thin. “Then tell me why you can hardly stand on your feet tonight?” He asked her mockingly, looking at her from head to toe.

“Fuck you.” Sharon spat, glaring at him.

“I used that answer a lot as well when I didn’t know how to reply anymore.” Andy merely told her and Sharon glared at him even more. “Come on, let’s get you home.” He added, as he took her by the arm and helped her lowering herself into the passenger seat, ignoring her protests and huffs.

Sharon reached for her seatbelt nervously and tried to fasten it, groaning as she struggled with it. Andy leaned in and reached for the seatbelt, buckling up Sharon in a blink of an eye. When he looked up, he immediately met her glaring eyes and realized her face was only a few inches from his. He could feel Sharon’s intoxicated breath tickling his skin when she muttered, emphasizing each word, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, well don’t worry…” Andy let out, pulling away, “I’ll drive you home and then I won’t bother you anymore.” He added in a defeated tone as he closed the passenger door.

---------------------

The quick, sharp sound of the knife chopping against the board resonated through the silent house. He put the knife down and arranged the freshly cut fruits on the plates before he stirred the pancake batter in the bowl. He grinned when he felt arms circle his waist and a warm body press against his. She rested her head against his back and tightened her embrace as her fingers brushed the skin of his belly gently. He shivered under her soft touch and whispered, “Hey there, you’re already up?” He turned around slowly, sliding an arm around her and pulling her closer against his chest. His grin grew wider when he noticed she was wearing his old t-shirt. “This is my t-shirt…” He pointed out teasingly.

She hummed softly and looked up to meet his gaze when she replied, “I woke up and you weren’t there… I was cold…”

“Sorry about that.” He answered, giving her a tender kiss. “I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed.” She kissed him back and hummed softly, her hand caressing his naked torso. When they pulled away, he looked at her from head to toe and told her with a bright smile, “Mmm, this looks better on you by the way.” He ran a hand over the fabric of his t-shirt and added, “You can keep it.” He stroked her back lovingly as he pulled her against him again.

She lifted her head from his chest and looked at the kitchen counter. Her face lit up when she asked, “Pancakes?”

“Yes, babe. I was about to make them.” He noticed she opened her mouth to say something, but before she could speak, he pecked her lips and added with a smirk, “Yeah, I know. One single pancake for you.” She rolled her eyes at him and patted his upper arm playfully before he caught her lips with his in a lingering kiss. Their lips were still brushing when he muttered, “Go back to bed, I’ll be there with the food shortly.”

She smiled happily and stole another kiss from him before she walked away with an exaggerated wiggle of her hips. He stared at her in awe until she disappeared in the bedroom and he then resumed preparing breakfast with a foolish grin on his face.

He joined her in the bedroom after a couple of minutes, holding a tray with a proud smile on his face. She smiled back at him, her eyes shining with happiness. He reached the bed and sat down delicately, careful not to spill the coffee on the sheets. She helped him place the tray on the bed and when he settled against the headboard, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly.

“Thank you.” She whispered with a bright smile.

He returned the smile and stroked her face with a hand, “It’s just breakfast.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

She shook her head and looked away, her eyes now focused on the tray when she whispered, “It’s more than that…”

He wasn’t sure he understood what she meant, but he looked at the tray as well and moved lightly to reach for her plate. He handed it to her and told her jokingly, “Here, your lonely pancake.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled as she took the plate from his hands. She leaned her back against the headboard, her legs tucked under her as she watched him take the second plate and resume his position next to her. She looked up to meet his gaze, unable to stop smiling and he motioned for her to start eating. She cut the pancake and brought the fork to her mouth gracefully. She hummed softly as she chewed her first bite of pancake and he couldn’t help but smile at how endearing she was.

She could feel him staring at her and the corners of her lips turned up in an amused smile as she kept eating her breakfast. He seemed too lost in his contemplation to even notice she was looking up at him. She leaned in and dug her fork into a slice of peach on his plate before quickly bringing it to her mouth. It seemed to get his attention because he exclaimed, “Hey, no stealing Captain!”

She giggled as she kept chewing, mischief dancing in her eyes. “Sorry.” She added with a grin before she leaned in and pecked his lips. He rolled his eyes at her and they kept eating their breakfast in silence. Once they were done, he took the plate from her hands and placed it back next to their empty mugs on the tray.

“Mmmm… thank you, it was delicious.” She said as she lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a bright smile on her face.

“Anytime, babe…” He whispered as he lay on his right side and propped his head up on one hand. He gazed down at her, the fingers of his other hand playing with the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing. “It looks much better on you, it really does…”

She diverted her gaze from the ceiling and turned her head to meet his eyes. She smiled brightly, her cheeks tinged with a faint blush before she looked away and whispered, “I could get used to this…”

“You should, babe. I’m not going anywhere…” He replied softly, his hand stroking her thigh gently.

“Isn’t it what everybody says?” She whispered wistfully, her eyes focused on the ceiling.

“Mmm, I’m hurt.” He told her with a pout, faking offense, “You should know by now that I’m not like everybody else.” He added jokingly.

She giggled and his face lit up when he heard her laugh. She turned to face him, lying on her left side and reached for his face, stroking his cheek lovingly. “You sure aren’t.”

He closed the gap between them and kissed her tenderly. She kissed him back, running a hand through his hair, pulling him closer, as she pressed her body against his. When they pulled apart for air, she was nearly on top of him and he rested his forehead against hers, “I love you so much…” he murmured.

She hummed softly and pecked his lips quickly. “I love you too.” She cuddled against his side and rested her head on his chest, an arm wrapped loosely around him and their legs intertwined. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and tightened his embrace on her. She hummed contentedly and repeated against his chest, “I love you so much, Andy…”

------

She never thought she would make it home. Sharon stumbled at the front door, kicking off her high heels frantically and dropping her purse on the floor in a very uncharacteristic way. She walked hesitantly to the bathroom, her hand brushing the wall in case she would need some support. Andy’s eyes followed her silently, as he considered whether he should leave or stay to make sure she was okay. He heard the bathroom door bang a little too forcefully against the wall and he sighed. He closed the front door behind him and quickly made his way to the bathroom.

Sharon just wanted to get rid of her work clothes and splash some cold water on her face. That was the plan. Too bad she didn’t even make it to the sink. Without a warning, she felt dizzy again. A wave of nausea wrenched her stomach. Her whole body tensed as she realized what was going to happen. She quickly knelt down and leaned over the toilet, flipping up the toilet seat. She gasped and choked as she tried to hold back the first rush of vomit, but she couldn't contain it. Her fingers gripped the toilet hard, her knuckles turning white as she threw up. Just as a second, harder wave hit her, she felt Andy kneel beside her, pull her hair back with a hand and wrap his other arm around her. She wanted to push him away, but she didn’t have the strength to do so. She didn’t even have the strength to keep her eyes open. Why the fuck did she have to drink so much? She wasn’t twenty anymore. She would deal with this hangover for days.

“It’s okay…” Andy whispered soothingly in her ear. Sharon wondered how he could stay so close to her and not being disgusted by the smell, or by her. “Don’t worry, I got you.” He added, his chin brushing against her shoulder. Her body was trembling lightly against his as she was fighting the urge to vomit again. “Just don’t hold back, you’ll feel better after that…” Andy told her softly.

Sharon gagged and threw up again, more violently this time. She leaned back heavily against Andy, her head resting against his shoulder. A cold sweat dripped from her forehead as she muttered, out of breath, “Fuck…”

“Yeah, I know.” Andy whispered sympathetically, “This part always sucks.” He added, holding her against him.

Sharon closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath and to suppress another wave of nausea. “Your driving… s-still sucks.” She managed to say in a shaky tone before she gagged again and threw up for the third time.

Yeah, right… My driving... Andy held back from making a comment and rubbed her back soothingly as she leaned over the toilet, gagging and coughing. Sharon crashed her body hard against Andy’s, worn out by the strain of throwing up. She kept her eyes closed as silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Andy let go of her hair and slowly sat on the floor, his back leaning against the shower, pulling Sharon against him. She didn’t protest, not that she had any strength left to. He gently rubbed her arms as they sat silently on her bathroom floor. He stood after a few minutes and helped Sharon leaning against the shower wall for support as he walked to the sink and ran a washcloth under the cold water. He knelt down in front of Sharon again and put the washcloth on her forehead. She jumped slightly and opened her eyes, immediately meeting his. His touch was delicate as he moved the washcloth down her cheeks.

“How are you feeling?” Andy asked her softly, concern in his voice.

“Like shit…” Sharon whispered, her throat hoarse from throwing up.

“Understandable.” Andy merely replied, wiping her tears away with the washcloth. He then brushed it over her lips, rubbing the corners softly. “Do you think you can stand?”

Sharon nodded and Andy helped her to her feet. She was still a little unsteady and reached for the wall in support. Andy noticed it and held her by the arm gently. “I’ll prepare you something to drink to ease the nausea… Why don’t you freshen up and change in some more comfortable clothes in the meantime?” He suggested. “Do you think you can make it?”

“Of course, I can.” Sharon immediately replied, a hint of pride in her tone. Andy knew how much she hated depending on people and asking for help. She had made it clear to him a thousand times. It was a wonder she hadn’t kicked him out of her condo already.

Sharon sighed loudly, interrupting his train of thought. He looked at her and noticed she was fumbling with the buttons of her blazer. He halted her movement, covering her hands with his. She met his eyes and glared at him, but she didn’t move away. “Let me…” Andy murmured softly, unfazed.

Sharon sighed again and freed her hands from his grasp. He stared at her, waiting for her to say something, but she merely nodded. Andy started unbuttoning her blazer slowly, feeling her gaze on him. He then helped her out of it delicately, brushing his fingers on her bare arms, before he draped the blazer over his arm. “I can leave some fresh clothes for you on your bed…” Andy offered, hoping he didn’t overstep.

Sharon nodded. “Second drawer in the closet.” She merely said.

“Second drawer in the closet.” Andy repeated, nodding as well. “You’ll be okay?” He asked her, locking his eyes with hers.

“Yes.” Sharon replied firmly and Andy knew it was his cue to leave. He nodded and walked to the door. “Andy?” She called to him hesitantly as he was about to step out.

“Yes?” Andy asked, turning around to look at her.

“Thank you.” Sharon told softly, offering him a faint smile.

Andy smiled back and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He looked around her bedroom. The room was just as he remembered it, even if he hadn’t been in there in a long time. A loud sigh escaped his lips without him even noticing. He walked to her closet and opened her second drawer. He felt a little uncomfortable going through her stuff, so he quickly picked some black yoga pants and was about to grab a simple white t-shirt when something caught his eyes. He stared at the t-shirt for a few seconds, a soft smile crossing his features. His fingers reached for it hesitantly, caressing the fabric of the familiar clothing, memories coming back to his mind. He picked the old t-shirt, closed the drawer and placed the clothes on her bed before he left her bedroom.

-------------

“I’m glad you could make it…” Andy told her after he opened his front door, a bright smile on his face. He leaned down to kiss her, but Sharon pulled away as his lips were about to touch hers.

“I can’t stay, Andy.” Sharon told him firmly.

Andy arched an eyebrow, taken aback by her tone. “You got a call during the drive here? You have to go back to work?” He asked. “Come in, let me fill you a mug with some coffee if you’re going to have a long night.” He offered with a smile, taking her hand and tugging at it.

“Andy, no.” Sharon replied, freeing her hand from his and standing on the doorstep. “I’m not going back to work, I’m going home.”

Andy frowned, a confused expression on his face. “Sharon, what’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes studying her worriedly. She looked different. Tensed, stern, distant. He didn’t remember the last time he had seen her like this.

Sharon took a deep breath and shook her head, “We can’t keep going on, this has to stop.” She told him coldly. When she noticed Andy staring at her with a blank expression, she added sharply, “It’s over, Andy.”

“Over? W-what? Sharon, come on…” Andy fumbled, a look of panic on his face. This didn’t make any sense. They were happy, they were doing so good together… “W-where did I go wrong? W-what…” He sighed and took a deep breath before he tried to form a coherent sentence, “At least, can we talk about it?”

“There is nothing else to say, Andy.” Sharon answered coldly and he couldn’t understand what was wrong with her. He didn’t recognize her anymore. “It’s over.” She repeated blankly.

“Oh yeah?” Andy told her, irritation getting the upper hand, “You wake up one morning and decide with no reasons to call it quits? That’s it? That’s how Sharon Raydor does it? That’s how you throw away someone’s love?” He shouted back, his voice shaking lightly.

“Stop it!” Sharon shot back angrily, stepping inside and closing the gap between them. She jabbed his chest with a threatening finger, “You don’t get to talk to me this way, Andy! You have no idea what’s going on, okay?!”

“Then tell me!” Andy barked, slamming the front door shut. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down as he repeated in a softer tone, “Then tell me, talk to me Sharon. I am here, I am listening.” His tone was almost pleading. “Whatever it is, we can fix this, Sharon. Together.” He added encouragingly.

“No, we can’t Andy.” Sharon shook her head, taking a few steps back. She turned her back to him and repeated more firmly, “We can’t.” Sharon drew in a few shaky breaths and closed her eyes. She couldn’t allow the tears to fill her eyes, she couldn’t let him show how hard this was for her. She knew very well that he wouldn’t let her go so easily. He loved her too much to do that. She reopened her eyes and bit her lower lip, already hating herself for what she was going to do, but she had no other choice. She turned around and met his gaze. The half hurt, half worried look in his eyes almost made her give in. “Can’t you see it, Andy?! I needed a distraction, you were a distraction. Nothing more.” Her heart ached with every word she said to him, but the lump in her throat got tighter and she nearly choked on the words she was about to say next, “I don’t love you, Andy. Never did and never will.” She added sharply, looking away.

“Sharon, please, don’t do this to yourself…” Andy told her in a begging tone. “You know very well that this isn’t true. What we have, there is no pretending. It is real and you know it. I love you, Sharon and you love me, I know you do.” He went on, locking eyes with hers, “You told me so the nights I held you close after a tough day. You told me so during our breakfasts in bed, our lazy Saturday mornings when we cuddled in bed. You told me so every time I held you tight against my chest after we made love.” Sharon stared at him, the lump in her throat getting so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. Tears welled up in her eyes and she had a hard time at keeping them at bay. “You told me so that day at the beach. You told me so almost every day the last six months of the year we’ve been together. What we have…”

“What we have is nothing, Andy.” Sharon cut him short, forcing her voice to sound firm. “Nothing!” She repeated louder. “Can’t you understand? It was convenient, Andy. I was lonely, I needed someone around and you were here.” She looked away, unable to hold his gaze anymore as she added, “It was convenient, now it isn’t anymore. My husband is back and I need to be there for my family.”

“What family, Sharon?!” Andy exclaimed, dumbfounded. “You brought your kids up alone. You’ve been a hell of a mother, and a father figure to them as well. You three are a family, you don’t need him back in your life.”

Sharon met his eyes again and sighed. He was right and she knew it, but she couldn’t let him understand that. Her features hardened and she shot back, “If you would have fought harder for your family you would have understood how important it is for my children to have a father, regardless of how old they are.” She wanted to take her words back the moment they left her mouth and she read hurt in his eyes. She should have stopped there, but somehow the words kept coming out of her mouth and she was making no effort in stopping them, “But how could you even know? You gave up.”

Sharon didn’t think she could have reached such a lowest point. Andy was staring at her silently, taken aback at her painful words. When she noticed his eyes glistening with tears, she felt like her heart stopped beating. Pain shot through her chest, but she knew it was nothing compared to the pain she had caused to him. She felt so disgusted with herself. Andy deserved someone better than her.

Andy blinked the tears back quickly and clenched his jaw nervously. He glared at her and told her harshly, “Are you seriously going to sacrifice your happiness for a man who doesn’t give a fuck about you? A man who will leave you again as soon as he gets what he wants? A man who comes back to you because he doesn’t have any of his bitches to fuck at the moment? In the name of what are you doing this, Sharon?” He asked her angrily. “A family you will never be able to put back together. Never!”

Angry tears rolled down her face. She wiped them away hastily as she neared him quickly and slapped him across the face. Andy didn’t even react when she snapped at him, “You’re an asshole.” She took a few steps back, her teary eyes still focused on him as she added, “I have no intention to stand here and to listen to you offending me.”

Sharon turned her back to him and made her way back to the door when Andy grabbed her by the wrist, “Sharon, wait.” He said in a calm tone.

“Andy, please, let me go.” Sharon begged him in a shaky voice. They couldn’t keep going on and hurting each other so deeply. She couldn’t take it and she knew he couldn’t neither.

Sharon was already at the door when Andy halted her movement, covering her hand with his on the door handle. He gently turned her around so she could face him and kept his hands on her waist. Sharon tried to take a step back, but she realized she was trapped between the door and his body. Andy stared into her eyes intensely and Sharon was taken aback by the love she could read in them, even after all the pain she was causing to him. Sharon felt overwhelmed. She couldn’t hold his gaze any longer and lowered her head.

Andy cupped her face with both hands delicately, his thumbs drawing soothing patterns on her cheeks. Sharon closed her eyes briefly, her upper lip quivering lightly as she tried to hold back her tears. Andy lifted her head slowly towards him and leaned in until his lips nearly brushed hers. “Tell me again this relationship means nothing to you, tell me again I mean nothing to you...” Andy told her softly.

“Andy…” Sharon whimpered.

Andy kissed her with a gentleness that nearly had her broken down in his arms. His kiss left no doubt about how he felt about her, about how important she was to him. She held back from kissing him back and telling him that she loved him just as much as he did love her. She couldn’t. A tear escaped her right eye and rolled down her face until Andy wiped it away with this thumb gently. His hands went back to cup her face as he leaned down again and whispered to her, “Tell me you don’t love me…”

Another soft and lingering kiss. Another couple of tears streaming down her face. Sharon placed her hands on his upper arms when he murmured, “Tell me you aren’t happy with me…”

Andy was about to kiss her again but Sharon turned her head to the side. “This isn’t about me anymore, Andy.” Sharon replied in a soft broken tone as she met his eyes again. “I have to do what is right for my family.” She blinked back her tears and told him, her voice above a whisper, “If you’ve ever loved me, Andy…”

“I love you more than words can say, Sharon.” Andy answered right away, his voice breaking as he pronounced her name. Sharon would have normally teased him about how sappy he was. Now his line broke her heart even more.

“Then let me go.” Sharon told him in a choked voice as she freed herself from his embrace and turned to open the door.

“I can’t lose you.” Andy said in a broken whisper.  

“I was never yours to lose in the first place, Andy.” Sharon replied faintly. She didn’t look back and walked away from Andy as tears kept running down her face.

-----------

Sharon was sitting on the chaise lounge on her balcony, her knees pulled to her chest. She rested her left cheek on one knee and closed her eyes, as she felt dizzy again. She heard the glass door slide open and turned her head towards the sound. Sharon saw Andy step out on the balcony with a mug in his hands.

“Hey there…” Andy whispered softly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better…” Sharon murmured and thanked him softly as she accepted the mug he was handing her.

“Ginger tea.” Andy told her. “It helps with everything. Nausea, hangover… trust me, I know.” He added with a small smile.

“Of course you know.” Sharon replied and realized the implication in her words only once they had left her mouth. She sighed and looked down at the warm liquid in the mug as she whispered, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Andy reassured her, shrugging, “It’s true.” He added with a sad smile as he sat at the end of the chaise lounge, making sure there was enough distance between them and he wasn’t invading her personal space.

Sharon glanced at Andy over her mug, but said nothing. She couldn’t understand why he was still there after everything that had happened between them, but she was somehow glad he didn’t leave. She slowly and carefully sipped her ginger tea, closing her eyes as the warm liquid slid down her throat. She let out a satisfied sigh. This was just what she needed. Sharon took a deep breath, a spicy scent hitting her nostrils, and stared at the smoky liquid.

Sharon could feel Andy’s eyes on her. She glanced over her mug again and noticed he was studying her cautiously. Andy looked away immediately, a little flustered that she had caught him staring. When he met her gaze shyly again, Sharon offered him a faint smile. He smiled back at her as she kept sipping her tea. They stayed in silence for a while. No words were exchanged, but both were oddly comfortable in that silent situation.

Once the mug was empty, Sharon put it back on the small table next to her chair. She hugged her knees to her chest, resuming her previous position when she whispered softly, meeting his eyes hesitantly, “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.” Sharon sighed. “That Sharon is long gone, Andy…”

Andy studied her silently. He shook his head, a soft smile appearing on his face before he went back serious and replied, “You’re going through a rough time.” Sharon swallowed hard and looked down when Andy added, “You’re hurting.” She wished he had lost his ability to read her like a book, but here he was, forcing her to face the turmoil of emotions she had tried to keep at bay lately. Unsuccessfully. Andy shook his head and looked down. A soft sigh escaped his lips when he said, his voice above a whisper, “But you are still the person I love the most in this world and nothing can change that.”

Sharon drew in a shaky breath upon hearing his confession. How could he still love her after everything she had done? After all the pain she had caused to him? She felt tears well up in her eyes, pressing against her eyelids when she tried to blink them away. “I sent you away.” Sharon whispered, forcing her voice to sound firm despite the lump in her throat.

Andy met her eyes and smiled sadly, “I know, but I also know you thought you were doing the right thing.” He placed his hand on the chaise lounge, closer to Sharon. There was hesitation in his eyes whether she would welcome a physical contact from him. He looked down at his hand as he brushed the chaise lounge’s material with his thumb. “You always want to do the right thing, Sharon and when you do so, you hardly think about yourself.” Andy added, slowly locking eyes with hers.

Sharon swallowed painfully. He knew her too well. She looked away, focusing her gaze on the empty cup on the small table. “I had to try, I couldn’t tear Jack from my children’s lives.” She said quietly. “They needed their father.”

“You see Sharon…” Andy told her gently, “This is not by staying with Jack that he’s going to be a father to your kids. Sadly, you can’t make this decision for him.” He added, shaking his head slightly. “Sandra and I are divorced. We barely talk to each other, we know nothing of each other’s lives now, but I’m still a father to my kids.” He explained quietly, “I’m trying, I’ve found a way to be there for them even if Sandra wished I was long gone.” He sighed, briefly looking down before locking his eyes with Sharon’s again. “She has no intention of helping me in rebuilding a relationship with my kids, but I can’t blame her. I’ve destroyed our marriage, I’ve hurt her more than words can say…” He whispered, regret in his voice, “And some days my kids don’t want to see me, but it’s fine. I keep being there for them, I keep trying. I’m not giving up on them any time soon.” Andy paused and ran a hand through his hair. He placed his hand back on the chaise lounge and stared at it for a few seconds before he looked back at Sharon and went on, “I’m not telling you this to hear you say what an amazing father I am. I am not.” He sensed Sharon was about to interrupt him and he raised his hand to stop her. Andy shook his head and added, “A good father wouldn’t have screwed up in the first place.” He let out another heavy sigh. “But I am here and I’m trying to fix my mistakes. I’ve found a way, but this way doesn’t include Sandra sacrificing her happiness to stay with me.” Andy studied Sharon, looking for a reaction but she kept her features neutral. He went on hesitantly, “I know it’s hard to hear, Sharon… you can even be the perfect wife to Jack, but he’ll never be a father to your kids if he is not ready or if he doesn’t want to…” Andy let the words sink in and noticed Sharon was about to say something, but he cut her short, “And before you say it, you can’t make him change. You can’t guide him in that direction… it’s his choice, as wrong as it may be.”

He was an amazing man instead, maybe she should have just told him that, but Sharon kept staring at him, the words dying in her throat every time she tried to speak. She was trying her best to blink away the tears that started to build up in her eyes. “This is complicated, Andy…” Sharon finally whispered, her voice shaking a little.

“You know, my mother used to say: life is simple, we are the ones who insist on making it complicated.” Andy replied gently, a soft smile gracing his features.

Sharon sighed. She ran a hand through her hair; her head was throbbing. Why on earth did she think that drinking that much was a good idea?

“I know why you stay with him.” Andy told her quietly. Sharon looked up to meet his gaze and frowned. “You think you deserve the pain. You want it.” Sharon frowned even more and Andy added before she could interrupt him, “And he’s all too happy to give it.” He didn’t need to say more, they both knew who he was talking about. “But this isn’t healthy. Why are you punishing yourself like that, Sharon?” Andy asked, sadness in his voice. “How can you believe you deserve this?” He wondered, not expecting an answer from her. “Maybe he made you believe this, but it is not on you if he’s a drunk, it is not on you if he has a gambling addiction. This is what addicts do; they put the blame on someone else. I was like this as well…” Andy admitted embarrassed, his voice above a whisper, “I was too weak to even acknowledge I was destroying everything.” Andy sighed and slowly met Sharon’s gaze again. “Sharon, it is not on you if he has chosen not to be there for his kids. They have grown up to be amazing young adults and this is all because they have an incredible mother.” Sharon’s breath hitched in her throat upon hearing Andy’s words. She swallowed painfully, holding back her tears. “You should take pride of a job well done, you should be proud of the strong woman you are, Sharon, because hell, I am. I am proud of you, of your dedication, of your strength, of your sacrifice…” Sharon stared at him with teary eyes, unable to say a word. She wasn’t sure she had heard anyone speak of her like that. “But now it is time to think about yourself, Sharon. Life isn’t over. You deserve to live, you deserve to be happy.” Andy told her with a gentle tone.

Sharon looked down and shook her head. “I don’t know if I can…” She whispered, her voice shaking lightly as she hugged her knees to her chest tighter.

“Of course you can.” Andy reassured her with a soft smile. “You just need a little more time, but you’ll get there. You need to learn to trust again, you have to believe that good things can happen for you as well… because they can, Sharon.”

Sharon rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes. She hugged her knees even tighter as her lower lip started to quiver. Andy hesitantly reached out, caressing Sharon’s leg delicately. She opened her eyes again and whispered in a trembling voice, “I’ve made a mess, Andy… I-I… that night…”

“We both said things to hurt each other that night.” Andy interrupted her gently, “But tell me something, Sharon…” He went on hesitantly. “Were you happy with me?”

“Of course, Andy…” Sharon quickly let out in a choked up tone. “I-I… The time we spent together…” She drew in a few shaky breaths before she added, “These moments together were some of the happiest moments of my life… The things I’ve said to you that night… I didn’t…” Her voice trailed off before she could even finish her sentence.

“I know…” Andy told her softly.

Sharon looked up, trying to blink away the tears. “I was so close to give in…” She murmured, her voice above a whisper.

“I wish you did…” Andy replied, sadness in his tone.

“I wish I did too…” Sharon agreed, sniffing softly. She looked away, unable to hold his gaze anymore. Her eyes were filling with tears and she didn’t feel like she could hold them back anymore. Her lower lip trembled, but she couldn’t bring herself to cry in front of him.

Andy noticed her struggling and he whispered soothingly, “Hey Sharon… Come here…” He scooted closer to her on the chaise lounge and opened his arms for her.

Sharon stared at him for a few seconds. Andy could sense her hesitation and he was ready for her to push him away. He was surprised when Sharon slid slowly toward him, closing the gap between them. Andy wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight as he felt her cling to him. Sharon buried her face in the crook of his neck and he stroked her hair soothingly. This was all it took for Sharon to break down, a soft and steady stream of tears trickling down his collar. Andy shivered slightly and tightened his embrace on her, his hand stroking her hair and then rubbing her back soothingly.

“I’ve made a mess…” Sharon whispered again once her tears stopped, her face still buried in his neck. Her breath tickled his skin and Andy’s hand went back to her hair, caressing it gently.

“It’s nothing that we can’t fix…” Andy reassured her. “It’s okay, Sharon…”

Sharon pulled away slightly, enough to look at him in the eyes, her own eyes still glistening with tears. “I don’t deserve this, Andy…” She murmured and looked away.

“I know.” Andy merely replied and Sharon felt her heart sink. “You deserve way better than me.” He added sadly.

Sharon snapped her head up and answered immediately, “No, Andy, no…” She cupped his face with both hands and told him in a pained tone, “You deserve way better than me. I hurt you so bad, Andy. You’ve been nothing but amazing with me and I pushed you away…” She drew in a shaky breath and went on, “And after all I’ve done… y-you’re still here…”

“I will always be here for you, Sharon…” Andy whispered, his voice slightly trailing off.

A sob racked her body and Sharon looked away, her hands still cupping his face. “What I said that night…” She paused and shook her head, a few tears escaping her eyelids. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Andy…”

Andy’s hand reached her cheek and he turned her head delicately, so she could face him again. “Good thing…” Andy told her with a small smile, “Because I’ve never stopped loving you as well.” He added truthfully.

Sharon smiled at him wanly, her eyes still shining with unshed tears. She wrapped her arms around him again and Andy hugged her back tight. They stayed in silence in each other’s arms for a while, enjoying the feeling of their newfound closeness.

Sharon rested her head on his shoulder, stroking his chest with a hand when she whispered against him, “Where do we go from here, Andy?”

Andy looked down at the woman in his arms. Their eyes met and he smiled softly at her, “How about we take it slow? We’ll figure this out one step at a time…” He proposed gently. “Together.” He added, his hand caressing her hair delicately.

“I was upset, I was pissed off…” Andy tried to explain, “I felt betrayed by someone who is a part of my team, a guy who is supposed to have my back. I didn’t see it coming… I would have never expected it…” He paused and glanced at Sharon. He knew what he was going to say would upset her but he couldn’t hold his tongue. He was upset as well. Gabriel wasn’t the only one who had betrayed him. “A little heads-up would have been appreciated.” Andy finally let out.

Sharon couldn’t believe Andy had brought this up again. She wanted to scream or to hit him, or maybe both. “Andy, we won’t go through that conversation again.” She replied firmly. “How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t share these details with you?! I can’t talk with you about my job and you know that, just like you can’t talk about yours with me.” Sharon sighed. She lifted her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose. She could feel the start of a headache. She adjusted her glasses on her nose again and went on, “Do you have any idea what I am risking…” She corrected herself, “…what we’re both risking with this relationship? I was investigating your team, I was looking for the leak while being in a relationship with someone involved in this investigation.”

They stared at each other in silence as they let her words soak in. Andy scoffed and shook his head before he locked eyes with hers again. “Did you ever doubt me?” He merely asked.

“Are you seriously asking me that, Andy?” Sharon shot back baffled. How could he ask her that? How could he doubt her so much? “Do you think I would have gotten invested in this relationship if I had had any doubt about you?” She asked him in a high-pitched tone.

“Well, who knows?” Andy answered with a shrug, “Maybe it was your goal… you wanted to trick me, so you could get what you needed just like Ann did with Gabriel.”

Andy knew the moment the words had left his mouth that he had gone too far. Sharon closed the gap between them furiously as she raised her hand to slap him. Andy grabbed her wrist and stopped her, her hand hovering an inch away from his face. Andy tightened his hold on her while Sharon muttered between clenched teeth, “How dare you?!”

“So what?” Andy barked, “You can doubt me but I can’t?” He asked her, glaring at her.

“I never doubt you, Andy!” Sharon shot back, freeing herself from his grip.

“But you didn’t trust me enough to let me know what was going on.” Andy went on, not wanting to let go of the topic. “Provenza texted me that you left Electronics with a look that said you were up to something and that you asked to talk with Gabriel. I wanted to know what was going on…” He paused and cleared his voice, trying to contain his anger, “I texted you I would be waiting for you on the roof, and when I got there…” Andy sighed, “You weren’t there… why weren’t you there?” He asked her, frustration etched in his voice.

“Oh you know Andy, I was busy with a meeting with Pope and Taylor first, and then with Chief Johnson.” Sharon informed him irritably, gesturing with her right hand as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I should have told them that my boyfriend Lieutenant Flynn was waiting for me for a secret encounter on the roof, I am sure they would have been thrilled.” She added sarcastically.

“Sharon…” Andy said her name in a frustrated and defeated tone.

“Don’t Sharon me, Andy.” Sharon replied, shaking her head at him. “You know the rules. We both agreed when we started this relationship that we would leave work at work. At home we’re just Sharon and Andy trying to make this relationship work… and I would have expected you to support me, not to vent all your frustrations on me.” She added, her voice slightly shaking. She took a deep breath to recompose herself before going on, “Do you think it was easy for me to investigate your team? Do you have any idea what it feels like to work in a hostile environment where people hate you?” Sharon locked eyes with his before telling him, “You all call me names… Wicked Witch, Darth Raydor, Ice Queen as if I am some heartless monster, but this job is tough for me as well.” Sharon noticed Andy opening his mouth to say something, but she stopped him with a hand gesture, “But you know what is tougher, Andy? Coming back home, spending time with you and feeling that you think I am the enemy… It is feeling your anger toward me, it is having to deal with your bad mood because you think that I’m responsible for all the problems your team is having…”

“Sharon, I don’t…” Andy started.

“You don’t what, Andy?” Sharon asked him with teary eyes. “Didn’t you snap at me the night after I requested to your Chief to talk to each one of you for my investigation? Didn’t you make up an excuse not to stop by at the condo after I announced there was a leak in your team? Didn’t you…”

“Okay, since you want to rehash the past…” Andy interrupted her, “How about my stabbing case?” He shot back, trying to keep his anger under control, “You went behind my back and investigated me when I was the victim… You treated me like a criminal, like a dirty cop when…” He paused as his voice trembled, giving away his emotions. He clenched his fists in an attempt to calm himself as he went on, “I needed you! I needed you, my girlfriend…” Moisture filled his eyes, but  Andy blinked it away quickly before letting it out in a frustrated tone, “Not the fucking FID Captain!”

“I did what I had to do, Andy… I’m not sorry for doing my job.” Sharon replied in a surprisingly calm tone, “I never thought you could be a dirty cop, Andy, but I had to investigate you to clear you. Don’t you understand it?” She asked him in a defeated tone. Maybe he would never understand. “Don’t you think I was terrified when you called me? Don’t you think I was worried sick when I saw you hurt… when you collapsed on me at the crime scene?!” She went on, raising her voice slightly as she felt again the fear that had run through her that day. “We couldn’t risk everything because you needed comfort at work, Andy.” She told him softly. “Don’t you think I wanted to hold you close and tell you how much I loved you and how glad I was you were fine?” She went on in a soft tone as she looked down and remembered how relieved she felt when she saw him in a hospital bed and realized he was fine. “You knew you would have had my support at home and I was there for you that night, Andy…” Sharon reminded him with a faint smile before turning serious again, “Work is off-limits, you know that, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hate everything about that day… I hated that I couldn’t be by your side at the hospital and most of all, I hated that I had to investigate you… but I am glad it was me, because maybe someone else would have labeled you as a dirty cop and wouldn’t have fought to find out the truth…”

Silence followed her words as Andy regarded her thoughtfully. Sharon looked away after awhile and turned her back to him as she walked to the couch and let herself fall on it unceremoniously. Sharon let out a heavy sigh before she spoke again, “Andy, I don’t want to fight anymore…” The sadness in her tone broke Andy’s heart and he immediately felt a total jerk. He carefully walked to the couch as Sharon added quietly, “I’m very tired, so if you want to leave, just leave… it’s okay.”

“No.” Andy whispered softly as he sat on the couch’s armrest. Sharon looked up to meet his gaze and Andy reached out for her face, stroking her cheek gently. “I don’t want to leave.” He told her in a serious tone. “I…” He paused, trying to find the strength to say it. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He finally let out. Apologizing didn’t come easy to him. “I’m sorry, Sharon…” Andy repeated, “I overreacted… I let my anger get the better of me, but I’ve never been angry with you. Deep down, I’ve always known you wanted to help Chief, I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner what a prick I’ve been with you…”

Sharon nodded but stayed quiet. She looked down as Andy kept stroking her cheek delicately. “I love you…” He whispered to her softly.

Sharon looked up to meet his gaze again and replied, her voice above a whisper, “I know…”

Andy leaned down to kiss her forehead as Sharon wrapped her arms around him. He moved from the armrest and sat on the couch next to her before pulling her to him. Sharon snuggled against him and Andy rested his cheek on the top of her head, his hand rubbing her back reassuringly. “I’m sorry…” Andy whispered once again before he nuzzled into her hair and dropped a few kisses on the top of her head.

They stayed in each other’s arms for awhile, listening to their heartbeat progressively slowing down after their argument. Andy’s hand caressed Sharon’s back comfortingly and he smirked when he felt her stomach growl. He looked down at her and Sharon blushed lightly.

“So, you wanna eat?” Andy asked her with a grin. “I’m hungry as well…”

“You know that I should probably throw whatever you brought in your face.” Sharon replied with a smirk.

“If it makes you feel better…” Andy shrugged with a small smile, his fingers brushing her face delicately.

Sharon arched an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face but a chuckle escaped her lips and she started to laugh softly. She snuggled against Andy and he chuckled as well. He stroked her hair tenderly before he whispered to her ear, “You know what they say…”

Sharon looked up to him with a questioning gaze. A grin appeared on Andy’s face as he added, “Make up sex is the best sex.”

“I thought you were hungry.” Sharon replied, arching an eyebrow again, a teasing smile forming on her lips.

“Well, the food is already cold. We can still reheat it later…” Andy offered with a cheeky grin. He leaned in and caught her lips with his in a passionate and promising kiss, “Whatcha say, Captain?” He asked her in a husky tone when they pulled away, their lips still brushing.