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so rocketjumper's name isn't just a silly name because she's a BM-30 Smerch attached to a BM-9A52-2 launch vehicle that i have so fuckin stupidly deemed simply 'the Smerch' for SO LONG now
she can pull a soldier tf2 and rocket jump.
so like the way she does it is she can do two launches; either a standstill launch or a running launch. she arms her backpack with some more-or-less harmless warheads, points it downwards (crucial) and goes for a ride with the standstill launch, and the running launch is more or less the same (minus the running) but she also arms her forearm tubes to provide herself with more. burst energy. thrust.
dawg idk it's 1 am and i wanted to talk about rocketjumper and her funny movement tech
y'know what i think i might try modelling the wife. of course going off of Zero (!!) references and having Zilch (!!!) modelling experience is gonna hinder the.
everything about it actually. is gonna make it hard to do BUT
you guys gotta know what the hell is going on in my head before i die fr
full pic (yes bonecrusher looks like utter fuck here. i gave up)
the dress rocketjumper's wearing
also you may have noticed that rockie's hat has been switched out for a ushanka. in truth i suck at drawing the weird little... duck bill like thing on her usual hat. besides. gotta show off her allegiance somewhere, and ushankas are classic russian headwear if any of the stereotypes are anything to go off of
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rocketjumper wearing a shirt that has eyes over the nipples and the word ICU printed in massive bold lettering, as well as a faint "you're going to the" above, and "if you don't stop staring at my fucking tits like that" below the aforementioned massive bold lettering ICU. it is a double joke, the second being about titty eyes.
[bonecrusher is laying about in the kitchen again. probably daydreaming.]
[patchwork pops out of the hallway with a strange device in the palm of his hand.]
PW: bonecrusher, have you ever thought about how you might react to losing your wife?
BC: [he ceases daydreaming to process what patchwork just said.] what?
[patchwork chucks the device into bonecrusher's face.]
[the device transports bonecrusher across timelines, into the '{Not-so-}Merry Christmas' non-canon story (specifically a bit after it got finished up)... which by proxy makes this story non-canonical. half-canon? idfk.]
---
[bonecrusher climbs to his feet, now outside of a disheveled base. he rubs the impact point of the device - one of his eyebrows - with a claw.]
BC: ...huh. what the hell?
[he haphazardly wades through the multiple feet of snow, and takes a look inside the base. it's in ruins now, with a particularly intriguing sight in the kitchen.]
PitA!BC: [the statue looks up from its box of sparks.] ...?
BC: ...
[...a silent staredown.]
[bonecrusher, confused about what to do, slowly slinks closer to the other bonecrusher, eventually taking a seat next to him.]
[the statue kept its optics trained on the lookalike from another timeline, hoping they wouldn't look to do it harm.]
[bonecrusher takes his own optics off of the other bonecrusher, and focuses them onto his box of... sparks. all still beating. many gold plaques are present on the box, situated under the sparks they represent. the other bonecrusher seems to have carved a heart around one of the larger sparks, labeled 'rocketjumper'.]
[at first, bonecrusher assumes this emptier version of him carved his basemates' sparks out for safe keeping, but then a thought pops to his mind.]
BC: ...so. my nightmares do come true.
[the statue, without expressing such, seems a little confused at the lookalike's words.]
BC: your rocketjumper died in an execution you were powerless to stop, and the last interaction you had with her was pleading with her ghost in the rain. is that true?
[the statue's gaze gravitates to its lover's spark. a moistness runs down its face, and its maw creaks lower.]
BC: ...quite an awful life.
[bonecrusher pats the other bonecrusher's shoulder.]
BC: would you like to... 'be rehomed', so to speak?
PitA!BC: [the statue's gaze flashes back to the lookalike's optics, its mind running rampant with thoughts of its lover. it seems a little hopeful, attempting to speak.] r--o---? h--? [...unfortunately its voicebox has eroded over time.]
BC: i have a pal back at my base who likes to dabble in time travel stuff. if i can contact him, i could negotiate with him about bringing you with me to my er... timeline, i guess.
BC: i don't see why leaving you here would be a better alternative. [he whips out his phone, surprised at the lack of lost internet connection.] hmm. uh- hold on a moment. have to write a couple of texts.
[the statue sits patiently.]
[bonecrusher first writes to his wife...]
BC: yo
RJ: sup homeboney
BC: patch timewarped me and i found a depressed version of me starin at a box of sparks
BC: do you want Another bonecrusher to cuddle
RJ: 😳
RJ: PLEASE
BC: 10-4 <3
[...and next, to patchwork...]
BC: not very pleased about the fastball you rocked my eyebrow with, partner
PW: sorry, bonecrusher. how'd the timeline warp go?
BC: found a worn down version of me
PW: is he operational? can i look into his memories?
BC: yes; no
PW: aww, why not? what other use would a rusty form of you have other than memory mining?
BC: more cuddles for my wife. duh
PW: fair point. coming over to warp you back.
[...and finally, to katyusha.]
BC: wheyyo
A!RJ: Wheyyo!
BC: how do you feel about having a worn down version of me as a husband
A!RJ: ...huh.
A!RJ: I technically still have a husband. Might be better off handing him over to Cake?
BC: counterpoint: blackberry would be better off being shaky pals with you, i think
A!RJ: ...yeah, you're probably right. :(
A!RJ: I guess I'm down.
BC: cool. hopping back to base soon
BC: before i forget tho
A!RJ: ?
BC: rockie might wanna cuddle with him too. shared custody situation. thoughts?
A!RJ: That sounds like fun!
BC: perfect. alright brb
[bonecrusher pockets his phone, as patchwork pops in outside.]
[patchwork peeks into the broken down base, disturbed by how grody it all is. his gaze then falls upon the two bonecrushers and the box of sparks.]
PW: ooh! cool box you have there!
BC: uh. have a little respect. it's sacred to him.
PW: why? [he wanders around to where he can see the sparks inside.] ...ah. my fault. respectfully speaking, cool box.
PW: you got it. bonecrusher, help me carry his box of sparks.
[bonecrusher gets off of the disgusting seat he was in, cramming his fingers under the box. the two able-bodied bots lift the box outside, to a small telepad stationed in front of the kitchen window.]
[the statue worries a bit, being unable to move.]
[bonecrusher sees the other bonecrusher's panic, having patchwork carry the box and heading back in to pick up the other bonecrusher. he hauls him outside.]
PW: we ready to go?
PitA!BC: [the statue thinks for a moment.] ...--.
BC: you want to wish the base goodbye?
PitA!BC: -- - ---.
[the statue points to the set of graves outside the base. bonecrusher obliges and carries him over to the big one in the center.]
[the statue kisses the grave.]
PitA!BC: -------, -'- g--- -- --.
[bonecrusher carries the other bonecrusher back onto the telepad.]
[all three of the bots get warped back to base.]
[...there's an eerie silence in the ruins now. as if ghosts were dissolving.]
---
BC: home sweet home.
PW: so, first thing's first! we have a protocol for telling the different bonecrushers apart. i see that you're a little worse for wear, and so is your home base. how would you like to be called 'stonehenge'?
PitA!BC: [the statue stonehenge likes that idea, responding with a thumbs up.]
PW: wonderful! bonecrusher, follow me a bit more. [he opens his office door, leading bonecrusher and stonehenge to a kitchen in much better shape.] i'm gonna leave this box of sparks with stonehenge for now, see if we can't find somewhere better to put it in the meantime. that is, if stonehenge wants to be left in the kitchen.
PitA!BC: -'m ---- --th th--.
BC: alrighty. [he places stonehenge in roughly his original position, while patchwork places the box in front of stonehenge.]
PW: do you want your servoes repaired or are you okay?
[bonecrusher returns! with the milfwife and murderwife!]
BC: so here's the... [he counts on his claws.] fifth form of me! stonehenge!
A!RJ: Hello, Stonehenge.
RJ: hiya, buddy!
[stonehenge looks up to the three bots, his mind fully at ease. he meekly raises his arms.]
[Katyusha picks Stonehenge up, carrying him in one arm.]
A!RJ: Look'it this, huh? Rusty old bucket of bolts, still kicking after losing your old gang. I'm proud you stuck it out for so long, man. [She smooches one of Stonehenge's eyebrows.]
RJ: [she simply gazes at stonehenge. she's worried she might hurt him if she tries to touch him, due to how worn he is.]
BC: you like your new home, stonehenge?
PitA!BC: ----i--c--- --gr---. [he (mostly inaudibly) chuckles to itself.]
RJ: so who gets first dibs on cuddling with him?
A!RJ: Rock paper scissors?
RJ: hah. you're on.
[rock.]
[paper.]
[scissors. katyusha wins with a rock.]
RJ: ...best two out of three?
A!RJ: How about we hot potato it every night? You get Stonehenge tomorrow night, then I get him the night after, then we loop for the foreseeable future.
RJ: hmm. okie. have a nice night, you two.
[stonehenge gives a quick wave to boney and rockie.]
BC: g'night, stonehenge.
[Katyusha gives Rocketjumper a peck on the cheek, wandering down the hall with Stonehenge in her arms.]
RJ: ...wonderful night for a quickie, eh?
BC: wh... now?
RJ: sorry, i've just been really pent up recently, and figured this would be a good time. can we do it outside?
BC: ...i... okay. sure.
RJ: yippee! [she picks up boney by the lovehandles, carrying him outside.]
...
[...for some reason, it feels like the statue brought company.]
#project hail mary
