"Aww man give us more I miss it"
"Hi! I love your account! Could you write about Rob and Kristen walking the red Carpet at Cannes this year and everyone officially seeing/finding out about her baby bump!! Thanks in advance!!!"
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”It’s this film called Twilight. Kristen Stewart’s the lead actress. You should at least go to the audition.”
“Kristen Stewart? As in ‘Into the Wild Kristen Stewart’?”
“Hi, I’m Kristen Stewart.”
“Ni-nice to meet you. I’m Robert, but please call me Rob.”
“Okay kids, let’s do this. Get on the bed and kiss!”
“I got the part, Tom. I’ve never been more happy.”
“I understand, mate, and you’re a bloody brilliant actor so it’ll work out. Congratulations!”
“Oh yeah I’ve got a job now, hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Did I tell you about Kristen Stewart, the girl I did the audition with?”
“She’s amazing. Like seriously amazing. She’s so goddamn talented and so fucking beautiful- she’s got these big green eyes and they’re-“
“You’re falling in love, mate.”
“It wasn’t a question, Rob.”
“I better go. Michael is waiting for me.”
“Sure. Wait, who’s Michael?”
“He’s my, uhm, boyfriend.”
“Oh. You’ve got a boyfriend?”
“Yeah… Rob, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just, uhm… You should go, I don’t want your boyfriend to be worried-”
“Okay. My train leaves in five minutes, so I better run. Bye Rob!”
“I’m in love with you, Kristen. I just thought you should know that.”
“Wha-what? You’re in love w- Rob?”
“How lo- since the first time I watched Into the Wild, I guess.”
“What does it matter Kristen - you’ve already got a boyfriend.”
“I love you, Rob. Please say you love me too, ‘cause otherwise I-“
“I love you, Kristen. I’m-“
“Don’t say anything. Just kiss me.”
“We’re supposed to go over lines, you know?”
“I’m sorry, your shorts are just a little bit distracting.”
“Kristen, this is my parents, Richard and Clare,
Mum and Dad, this is Kristen, my girlfriend.”
“Rob, we’ve already met.”
“I know, I just like the sound of your name and ‘my girlfriend’ in the same sentence.”
“Are you sure about this? We don’t have to hurry, you know. I understand if you want to wait.”
“You should almost think you wanted to wait. You disappointing in bed, Pattinson?”
“I could show you and you could decide that yourself.”
“Ugh, Sis, go make out with your boyfriend somewhere else, please…
Now you’re just ignoring me…
Dude, you’re not grabbing my baby sister’s ass while I’m watching…
Gosh, you’re kissy as fuck, I’m outta here.”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Don’t apologise for that, Rob. I worry about Tay though…”
“I was thinking about something…”
“Okay, well I was just- you can say no, I was just, uhm, do you- do you want to move in with me?”
“We’re moving in together then? We’re gonna live together?”
“I guess, wait that means, “I’m gonna live under the same roof as RPatz, oh my God!””
“Mhmm, I think it was a pretty damn good imitation of your fans though.”
“Hey Baby. How are things going?”
“Great! Working with the animals is amazing. I miss you though.”
“I miss you too. Tom isn’t as good a cuddle buddy as you.”
“No shit, Sherlock. Anyway, how are things going over there?”
“Pretty amazing, actually.”
“Have you shot any sex scenes yet?”
“Yes. In fact, we just did that.”
“So you’re naked right now?”
“Garret, your co-star who isn’t in a relationship with you, just saw your sex face, and I, your co-star who is in a relationship with you, can’t even know if you’re wearing any clothes?”
“You’re ridiculous sometimes.”
“And you love me for it.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you but make sure your crotch isn’t visible to anybody who may be around you.”
“Why would I have to hide m-“
“I’m wearing a thong and a very small bra that barely covers my nipples. Oh break is over, babe. Skype tonight? Great. I love you. Bye.”
“Great, ‘cause I bought one.”
“Well adopted technically. His name is Bear.”
“I… can’t wait to see him.”
“Tom just called me. He sounded really happy.”
“Yes, of course I’m happy for him. It just got me thinking; do you think we’re gonna have kids, together, I mean?”
“Sure, not right now though. But the thought is there. Has been for a while now.”
“The thought of having your baby.”
“Cannes looks good on you, Kris.”
“You only say that because you’re drunk.”
“Pfft, I’m not that drunk. I’m just in love.”
“Basically the same thing.”
“Looks who’s not getting lucky tonight.”
“Dude, you know you won’t be able to keep that promise, right?”
“Because I’ve still got that red dress I was wearing at your premiere.”
“Yep, that’s a pretty good summary of what’s gonna happen tonight.”
“Kristen, I- are you crying? What’s wrong baby?”
“They’re some bu-bunch of fuckhea-heads.”
“That’s pretty much what you think of all tabloids, yet you still haven’t cried over one till now. What’s different from this time than the others?”
“The-they said I chea-cheated on you. With Ru-Rupert Sanders.”
“The stupid part is that it’s so unrealistic, in our eyes at least. You’d never cheat on me.”
“You’re okay? It’s not often I see you cry like this.”
“I’m okay, I’m just tired of them, that they keep making those shitty fake stories up, and I’m even more tired of people believing them.”
“When we stand up against them together, we’re stronger than them.”
“Lots stronger than them.”
“There’re gonna be fuck loads of paparazzi, Rob!”
“I know baby, but it’s Coachella and it’s 2013. I really want to go.”
“Remember how we slept in the same room as the gang last year? Coachella isn’t the same without having sex all the time, so what about getting our own room this year?”
“She’s so cute! What should we call her?”
“Well we’ve already used B twice, so what about something with a C?”
“As in Amy Cole? Your character in Camp X-ray?”
“It’s a good thing we’re so good to agree with each other when it’s about names. I mean, that way it’ll be easier to name our kids.”
“Kids? You’re talking about having babies!?”
“No, I just felt like the pup got all your attention… Yes, that’s one beautiful middle finger you’ve got there, Rob.”
“But seriously, you’re thinking about trying, like, to get pregnant, I mean?”
“I’ve thought about it a lot lately, yeah. Last time we visited Tom and Sienna and you were playing with Marlowe; I guess that made me realise what I’ve been denying for the last few months, I’m ready to start a family with you, Robert.”
“We’re having a baby? My daughter’s in here?”
“With her mummy’s green eyes, yes please.”
“On what Baby thinks about the idea. Okay buddy, kick once if you think Mommy shouldn’t marry Daddy, and don’t kick at all if you think she should.
“You’d say yes even if Baby did kick?”
“So which outfit should I wear?”
“Definitely the red one.”
“There were no red dress.”
“I was talking about the underwear.”
“It’s the Met Gala, Rob, my underwear won’t be important.”
“It will when you get home.”
“How come you so horny all the time when I’m the pregnant one?”
“Maybe because you’re so fucking sexy when you’re pregnant.”
“I don’t know if it’s just because you’re carrying my child or because my love for you is much stronger than back in 2012, but Cannes looks even better on you than it did back then, Kris.”
“Thanks, baby. Know what? Though ‘King of Cannes 2014’ is a pretty awesome status you’ve got there, I adore ‘Kristen Stewart’s fiancé and baby daddy’ a lot more.”
“And you say I’m cheesy.”
“Whatever. Why don’t you come over here and kiss me and Baby goodnight?”
“Mmm, goodnight my babies. Kris, why are you laughing?”
“I’m sorry, you just sounded pretty much like a fangirl.”
“Isn’t it kinda unbelievable that though you can sometimes be this pain in the arse, I still love you more than anything?”
“No, I guess I kinda get it. I love you, Rob.”
“I love you, Kristen. Goodnight.”
“You may now kiss the bride.”
“… told you I’d marry you ‘someday’.”
“And the Oscar for best actress in a supporting role goes to... Kristen Stewart!”
“I love you, Kris. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Rob. For everything.”
“There’s no need to thank me. Now go thank your peeps.”
“She’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.”
“Well she’s got you for a mum.”
“Did you get her to sleep?”
“Yeah, finally. I just started singing ‘I Was Broken’ like you’d do when I was restless while pregnant with her. Then she slowly drifted to sleep.”
“Talking about you singing, wanna come watch Into the Wild with me? Your first appearance is coming up.”
“Why would that make me watch it?”
“Come on, Kris. It’s been years since the last time I watched it, and I’ve never watched it with you. Will you please watch Into the Wild with me, Kristen?”
“Until the very movie ends.”
