#roach headcanon

damn i messed up, we gotta go bald

never posted Roach from the "im slowly forgetting your face" trend without his face covered. think this is as close to the way his face looks in my head as were gonna get tbh. please be nice to him, hes my meow meow. i love you roach, pls come home, we miss you.

boy why you so nose?

So I feel like all of them give off mama or papa vibes, and I think you guys can agree. This is my take cus I can:

John Price:

John is definitely a mama bear, especially when you’re feeling fussy. He’s always prepared for you, keeping spare pacifiers in his top drawer and coloring pages under piles of paperwork. He keeps a snack basket on his desk that nobody questions because he’s got a soft tummy and round arms that give them the impression they’re for him. But he’s always there when you’re slipping with crayons and cartoons on the dingy old tv he keeps by his grotesque couch. He’ll hold you when you drop and tell you how good you are, rubbing your back and rocking you until you fall asleep on his tummy. Bonus, he always sprinkles you with affirmations when no one else is watching. Can’t let the boys see how soft he is.

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

Simon, despite having a horrible father himself, is so gentle with you. Simon always makes time for you, and while most of it is cuddles and junk food, it’s yours and that’s enough. Whenever you play catch with him he’ll compliment your throws, even if you miss, you tried your best! Simon is your papa and will be there when you’re having a bad day. When you need to crash, he catches you. Food is always a struggle because he’s a terrible cook, but no one complains when he orders McDonald’s and puts on Blues Clues. He won’t let anyone know that he hums lullabies to you at bedtime. And so what if Soap sits outside the door listening to his singing? Simon doesn’t have to know.

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

On good days mama will hold you and twirl around with you, Raining Tacos playing on his phone. You’ll cavort while sunlight floods the common room. On good days mama will put on Bluey and give your belly raspberries. But on bad days mama has you sniveling under his covers, cuddling his arm because anything more will frazzle you. And he’ll quell your cries with a bedtime story, one of the grim brothers originals of course. Hearing of other’s misfortunes is oddly comforting. By the time he finishes the story you’re quietly snoozing.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

Kyle tries so hard to be a good father for you, teaching you the rules of baseball and which teams to root for. Showing you how to throw, and teaching you how to fix up a car. But he’s no father, he’s your mama. Mama always lulls you when you’re shaking with emotions you can’t express. Mama is always cooking you up your favorite meals and coloring with you. Kyle needs to nurture and protect you, it brings great satisfaction to him when you babble about how much you love him and about how mama is your superhero. Frankly, he doesn’t mind being mama if it means taking care of you.

Gary “Roach” Sanderson:

Dating Roach would include:

Cuddling with her in her stable at Corvo Bianco

You bake carrot cake for her. It’s her favourite.

She loves talking about life and gossip with you, especially about Geralt

She reveals many secrets to you, e.g. about her teleport skills

You love watching the stars together on roofs

You spent lots of time on roofs overall, because it’s Roach’s favourite place

When you ride her, she won’t throw you off, no matter how dangerous the situation is

She loves holding and cuddling you with her strong, shiny hoofs