How many times had it been? You didn't know anymore. Within the last 3 weeks, you've watched the bright white and blue streaks and swirls of hyperspace more times than you can count, and usually you do a very good job of keeping track.
Maybe your loss of count was indicative of how stressful the last few weeks have been. Between running back and forth everywhere, bouncing between different battalions, companies, and corps, politics, and the war in general, your mental fortitude was starting to wear thin.
Then it happened. Umbara.
Umbara was a nightmare that you couldn't even begin to wrap your head around. Unthinkable. Disastrous. Devastating. When you heard about it, it made your head spin so much you collapsed to your knees; and you weren't even there.
You were supposed to be.
As a citizen soldier of the GAR, you were in a special position compared to the rest. Most end up stationed on a planet or two, but you had the skills and qualifications to go just about anywhere. You fought with a plethora of different legions and Jedi on numerous worlds, and sat in on many political meetings on Coruscant. Umbara was supposed to be no different.
Umbara looked to be another run of the mill fight for domination on a more than complicated front, and you were ready for it. You were prepped to be a supply runner. Then last minute you were pulled out and stationed somewhere else because they needed more hands on supply in a recovery effort.
"They will be fine," you thought.
Stars, were you wrong. So horrendously wrong.
Pong Krell gave many Jedi, clones, and citizen soldiers alike the ick with his harsh discipline and high casualty rates, but he won every front he fought on. Amongst all the death that followed him, his skill was there. It was enough to make the GAR overlook his casualty rates, and it disgusted you. Your trust in the 501st and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker held your comforts close, and laid many of the worries you had for Rex and your boys to rest.
What you didn't know was that General Skywalker got pulled away, and Rex was left alone with the lives of the 501st in his hands, all at the mercy of that vile scumbag.
Its been a few days since, and despite the tragedy Rex had to go through, he was back in action, off to the next planet to handle the next battle or conflict thrown his way.
The whoosh of a blast door opening broke you out of your spiraled thoughts.
"I was wondering where you were."
You turned and looked up to see Rex standing there, bucket under his arm and a faint smile on his face. He was tired, and you could see it plain as day. You wanted to take that away for him. You would take away any burden, or anything he asked you to to help him feel better.
"I just needed to think. Or not think. I don't know which right now," you replied softly.
He sat down on the floor next to you, passing you his helmet. You liked to look at it and trace the little scrapes and ridges. It put you at ease to hold the man of your affections helmet. It was a compliment you would cherish forever.
"Do you do this?" You asked.
He tilted his head in confusion.
"Do what?"
"Play with your helmet. Just look at it, trace the patterns and scrapes?"
"Ah," he shrugged. "A little, every now and then. I try to take care of it as best I can, so for me its more of an inspection thing."
You nodded.
"I get that. I do that to my own things," you replied. "Does it bother you when I mess with it?"
"No, not all."
His reassurance helped ease your heart and mind, despite already knowing it didn't make him upset.
"Rex?"
He hummed and looked back to you.
"I'm sorry," you trailed off.
Frown lines appeared on his face as he rose his eyebrows.
"What for?"
You looked out the window, eyes drinking in the swirl of color as you scrambled to put your feelings together.
"I-I don't know," you whispered. "You see so much, and after what happened a few days ago, I struggle to sleep. I struggle falling asleep at night thinking about the horror you went through, and I wasn't even there. And I feel guilty... so guilty."
Rex watched you fight the urge to cry as you fiddled with his helmet. He understood the guilt of being haunted by events you weren't even there for, a lot more than he would like to admit. And his heart was breaking for you.
"There's nothing to feel guilty for, cyar'ika. I... I understand."
It was your turn to look and raise your eyebrows in confusion at him.
Rex chuckled a bit.
"I have nightmares sometimes. Nightmares about things I wasn't there for. Cody, he was on an assignment with General Kenobi a few months ago, and it was a rough one. I had nightmares for about a week, and I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I wasn't there, yet my brother's were. What did I have to be plagued by?"
You turned towards him as he spoke, your own sorrows and worry taking a backseat to the need to comfort the man you loved so deeply it hurt.
"There's nothing to feel guilty about," Rex met your eyes.
His brown orbs were soft, caring, reassuring. They were more beautiful than any view the galaxy could provide, and you were beyond grateful to be one of the people who get to look into those eyes.
"I was supposed to be there. And I can't help but wonder it things would've been different, if I could've helped, or if he wouldn't have done those horrendous things to you because a civilian was there. Logically I know it probably wouldn't have made a difference, but fucking hell what if it did?" You rattled on.
"I hate to say it, but if you were there and he didn't commit those crimes, he would still be out there fighting on another front, murdering more clones," Rex said gently.
You dropped your eyes to the floor.
"I know," you whispered almost inaudible.
Rex reached for your hand and gave it squeeze, rubbing his thumb in circles.
"I j-just...".
Rex gave your hand another squeeze, urging you to continue.
Fear started to grab at your mind. You love this man. Its not a crush, or a fleeting feeling you get every once in a while. You fell hard for him. Any moment you get to be with him is one you cherish, working with him makes your heart flutter and skip a beat, and you would do absolutely anything for him.
But you didn't know if he felt the same for you. Sure, you and him share close and personal thoughts with each other, he seeks out your company just like you seek his, but does he feel the same as you, or does he regard you as a close friend?
Little did you know, him holding your hand made his pulse skyrocket, and damn stars was he enamored with you. It was taking everything he had to try and keep his racing thoughts at bay.
"I-I just... seeing you in pain, seeing you so tired, and hearing about the horrors you face all the time, it hurts. It hurts so fucking much, Rex," you sobbed. "It hurts so fucking much and all I want to do is taking it all from you and deal with it myself, and I can't. I can't stop thinking about you and the what ifs."
Rex froze, his breath catching in his throat.
"Rex, I love you and I just want to protect you," you cried.
He felt like he was floating. A blush creeped up his neck and to his cheeks, and his heart was racing faster than ever.
"Y-You love me?"
He mentally smacked himself.
"What kind of response was that, you di'kut?" He thought.
Your face flushed and you panicked.
"I-I... I do, I love you, Rex," you admitted quietly, sniffling and wiping your face with your free hand. "This was not how I wanted to tell you though if I must admit."
Rex let out a quiet yet happy laugh.
"I can imagine," he joked, raising an eyebrow at you playfully.
The two of you sat in silence for a moment. The air was thick with the weight of your feelings and admission.
"Do you feel the same?"
Rex sat there stunned. He honestly thought his feelings were obvious, and you just didn't feel the same, but now it was clear: you were both oblivious as hell.
"I do, I really do."
Your wide eyes snapped up and locked with his.
"If I'm honest I thought it was obvious. I had just guessed you didn't feel the same," he admitted.
You let out an amused and shocked gasp.
"See, I thought my feelings were obvious and you didn't feel the same," you replied.
Rex shook his head.
"I guess were both pretty dense, huh?"
You sniffled again and as you nodded, a soft smile on your face.
"Yeah, I guess so."
You moved closer to him and your head made its way onto his shoulder.
"Mesh'la?"
"Hm?"
"I appreciate you caring about me and wanting to protect me. It means more than you know," Rex spoke.
With a soft hum you nuzzled into him, giving his hand a squeeze.
"Hey Rex?"
"Yes?"
"When everything is over, I want to fly as far as we can. I want to fly far away, and we can find ourselves somewhere peaceful. No chaos, no worries, just peace and comfort."
Rex smiled.
"We can fly to the edge of space, to the end of the galaxy and those that come after it," he whispered, moving to wrap an arm around you.
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